SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Wayward Side
User Topic: I/C
Remone
New Member
Member # 40260
Stop  Posted: 12:52 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

So I had an I/C session today and we discussed some things that I am not ready to discuss with my poor BW. She asked me what we discussed and I told her some of the topics we covered, but when she asked what else, I said I wanted to keep it to myself for now. I understand how this makes her feel, like I am keeping secrets and perhaps choosing for her what she is ready and able to hear. But I feel like there are just some ideas and conversations that I would like to explore with my I/C that I should be allowed and able to without having to share immediately. Am I way off track on this?

Posts: 38 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Canada
authenticnow
Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:03 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

I think you should be able to work through things with your IC privately.

I do understand, though. My BH always used to ask me about my IC sessions. I'd tell him what I felt comfortable telling him and that I was working on the rest and I'd share when I felt comfortable. He wasn't always happy with that. After so many secrets, who could blame him? I'd just try to explain that as I worked on things I needed to process and I'd talk about it when I was ready.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38060 | Registered: Sep 2007
UnexpectedSong
Member
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

I think IC and journals are private.


WW(SA)
"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6101 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
20WrongsVs1
Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, September 12th (Thursday)

I understand how this makes her feel

Do you? Not judging, just asking...did BW *say* she's afraid you're keeping secrets in an effort to protect her? Or, are you assuming that's what she thinks?


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1236 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

So are you keeping secrets, or just working through some really difficult shit?

If you aren't keeping any secrets, I think you should have that safe place to go to, in order to work through whatever it is you are working through. At the same time, perhaps you can assure your wife that you aren't holding back secrets, but just working through some really difficult and painful issues.

Do you think these issues that you are working through are something that you will eventually be able to share with your wife?

[This message edited by LosferWords at 6:23 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]


Posts: 7547 | Registered: Dec 2010
jrr111800
New Member
Member # 39919
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Remone-I am right there with you…After my IC sessions my BS asks me what we talked about and for the most part I will tell her. Partially because I feel like she will be mad that I am keeping secrets..Again…I have a hard time at this point in just telling her I want to keep it to myself right and I think I make it worse when I am vague. I guess we should feel totally comfortable in telling the one we love more than anything, everything but it is so hard to speak of our downfalls and failures to them. I don’t know but I am with you.
AN- I like your outlook on IC and how to speak to our BS about it. Thank you.


Me-WH-38
BS-40
Married 13yrs
DD July 13,2013
6 month EA 2-ONS


Posts: 23 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Phx
Topic Posts: 6