User Topic: he won't retain a lawyer
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, September 13th (Friday)

So STBX has decided not to go ahead and agree with the terms we had decided on 3 months ago.
He had a list of stipulations for me this morning, I say no way!!
So he tells me he will not get a lawyer, he will drag this on forever.
I am scheduled to move out in a couple of weeks.
If he won't get a lawyer, am I doomed to having to agree to his terms to get this divorce finalized?

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 5:44 AM, September 13th (Friday)

No. You now get a lawyer and proceed with the D. Your H may THINK he is all powerful, but he is not. He doesn't get to simply choose to "drag it out forever".

YOU choose to get a good lawyer.
YOU choose to proceed.
YOU choose to the let legal process follow it's natural course, which BTW, is not "forever".
YOU choose to NOT communicate any of this to your STBXWH.

You can do it. Good luck.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 5
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 953 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, September 13th (Friday)

^^^^What nomistakeaboutit said!

You go get a lawyer, WITHOUT, telling your WH and get the process going yourself. Good luck, you will get through this.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1912 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, September 13th (Friday)

Yes you need to get a good lawyer to represent you ASAP.

My STBX refused to get an attorney. He refused all our settlement offers. Tomorrow I will be separated for TWO YEARS and there is no end in sight to my divorce. We can't mediate or settle with him, so we're in the court system.

I'm living a nightmare. The biggest problem is that there is no voice of reason on his side. If he had an attorney, we could work with that person. But not with him. He's proven over and over again that he's impossible.

So your divorce may be more difficult than others if your STBX doesn't hire someone to represent him. Find the best attorney you can for yourself - you'll probably need it. Good luck, and I hope you hear happier stories here than mine!!!

Posts: 1702 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 21851
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, September 13th (Friday)

Okay, go forward with divorce.

"Pain is weakness leaving the body"

Reformed BS 39 xWW 34
Two kids 5 and 2

Posts: 952 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: NW
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, September 13th (Friday)

As others have said, get yourself a lawyer. If he wants to be pro se, he can have at it. Whatever. It won't last forever, but be prepared for the process to be subject to more delays and missteps than usual, and for it to potentially (if not likely) end in trial. Also give your lawyer a heads up about the pro se/delay thing so s/he knows what they're dealing with.

[This message edited by roughroadahead at 8:23 AM, September 13th (Friday)]

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 739 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, September 13th (Friday)

He does not need a L for you to get a D. It may take longer and be more difficult, but it is not required.

Get a L, file for D, and have YOUR L present his ass with a settlement agreement. Sometimes a stbx has no issue trying to bully their former partner but get scared by a L. In may case, my X did not get a L and had no issue lying to me. But every time my L contacted him he got right in line. Of course it cost $ to get my L to prod him along, but to me it was the best money I have ever spent.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17684 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 32265
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, September 13th (Friday)

I do have a lawyer. I retained him. It was suppose to be an amicable divorce. He signed the papers. What a farce!! He did an about face. If he won't agree to the settlement, the money paid to the lawyer goes down the drain.
Going to see my oawyer next week and hopefully get rid of this gigantic tumor soon.
Thanks for the support and replies.

Divorced 1/3/14

Posts: 627 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 13th (Friday)

SVW - Which papers did he sign?

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25725 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 13th (Friday)

SVW - I don't know if this will help you now, but when I got my post nup signed and WH chose to represent himself, I had it videotaped by a court reporting agency with notary present. I strongly suggest anyone having any sort of "amicable" agreement signed do this because that's always one of the first bag of tricks - to say they signed the doc under duress.

BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1484 | Registered: Jun 2011
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I would file and get temporary orders. This way, you are protected, he has obligations and you can then let him drag it out as long as he likes. I did this with my ex and h finally capitulated once TwatWaffle put the hurt on him to get things done.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29662 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 11