User Topic: another clue maybe??
Member # 24622
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 13th (Friday)

I've been wondering about this co-worker of his, he's actually her boss, I think he's bordering on yet another emotional affair. There have been other texts, one deleted a while back he said was just LOL but I didn't believe that. Am I overreacting or is this out of bounds for a boss/co-worker who has again called out. I just feel he should not be speaking that way to any woman, is it me?

Sucks your not here.. But seems I can get along without you... Tongue out Sent
Yeah if I give you all the answers.....jk!

Posts: 149 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Virginia
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, September 13th (Friday)


It sounds like an inappropriate text. He needs to work on his boundaries. Have you talked to him about this?

Posts: 35868 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Why is he texting his subordinate in the first place? He's her boss, in my opinion the only form of acceptable communication is by phone (office phone, not home or cells) and work e-mails. It should be on strict business-only topics. Again, that's just my opinion.

The texts you posted sound inappropriate to me.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I told my husband to stop using smiley faces and stop making jokes when texting female employees (his EA was with a girl that works for him). I said he has to keep it strictly business.

Posts: 710 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, September 13th (Friday)

It is ok to tell your WH that you are not comfortable with these messages.

What would his reaction be if you said this to him?

Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.

Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Posts: 3483 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, September 13th (Friday)


for example I know I would of been fired in my previous profession if I had done that. (However after I graduated I hated it so never really pursued it). When I went into office work, would not of been a big deal, however I was very quiet and did not take part in the culture.

HOWEVER in WH's profession it is seen as: well if anything positive (he's the boss, his immediate boss, his big boss etc). You know... nurturing... creative economy... * wanky * etc. I have the boundary of no girls unless I've met them. Luckily all of his bosses are men

I'm wondering what profession it is?

eta: just got all tingly... maybe he's hiding something. I asked if he swung that way straight after dday. He got the shock of his life! No, I really think it's dependent on the profession and inside of the profession what the workplace culture is

[This message edited by lauren123 at 5:18 PM, September 13th (Friday)]

OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 24622
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

well here's the kicker, when he got home I checked his phone and he had deleted those messages but left all the others. First denied, then got really angry (just like when caught before. Told me he was over my paranoia and didn't speak to me the rest of the night. duh, again. I need to come up with a plan, like 4 years ago.

Posts: 149 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Virginia
Member # 16482
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

Yep, sounds like it is time to go into sleuth mode.

Watch for other signs, like does he mention her? I found my now ex couldn't resist bringing her up once in awhile. He even introduced her to me when I dropped into work one day. Also he bought a magazine subscription for me - from her son!

Do they ever go to lunch or does the "office gang" go out for a beer after work? Keep your eyes open.

There's a long list of signs he's cheating like new clothes, shaving, getting fit, less sex, critical of you about things he never mentioned before and the list goes on. The most common one is being joined at the hip literally with his phone and not talking on it in front of you.

My dumbass saved her emails on our computer. All I had to do was search her name and there they were! Also check his history - very telling.

[This message edited by Pippy at 4:34 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]

I divorced him because I didn't like his girlfriend.
M 30 yrs.

Posts: 9588 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: East of the Rockies
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

I have a male boss who will occasionally text me about something work related. It's always very professional, but even that makes me a little uncomfortable. I believe that an email will work just as well as a text message since I get all my emails on my phone anyway. Personally, I think it is a red flag that he texts the girl like that.

30 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1205 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

If this goes south, or the female co-worker takes umbrage, or if he crosses the line, she could give him a world of hurt in terms of sexual harassment in the workplace, especially if she kept or photographed or archived all his texts.

He (or his company) would be on the hook for losing his job and paying a lot of money!

Whatever he is texting to her that's done in an unprofessional manner and not related to work, it's inappropriate and can land him in hot water.

Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Member # 24622
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

holy cow guys you won't believe what happened today? We had some terse discussions regarding this woman this weekend then today while at work he butt calls me. I listened to 18 minutes of him berating me to her, all bold talking and saying how miserable he is and how terrible I am, on and on, it was like listening to a different person, you know, the liar one. I could barely hear her but she did say you shouldn't have to live like that, blah, blah. So I sent him an email and said look at your phone. Fireworks! He's either pissed or crying, whichever. I am seeing a lawyer tomorrow and HIS mother is going with me! This was a gift, unreal and hurts like hell but whoa. I'm almost as amazed at the butt call as I am at his stupidity. I don't even care anymore, seriously.

Posts: 149 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Virginia
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I'm sorry dlock

you're right though-it hurt but it freed you in a way. He doesn't deserve you

Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Inappropriate, totally. I hate those stupid tongue faces.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Getting to Happy
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, September 23rd (Monday)


I listened to 18 minutes of him berating me to her, all bold talking and saying how miserable he is and how terrible I am, on and on, it was like listening to a different person, you know, the liar one. I could barely hear her but she did say you shouldn't have to live like that, blah, blah.

Yes we unfortunately all know...The LIAR.

Get mad honey and use that anger to propel you.

F. T. G.

WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.

Posts: 1140 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Stay strong and keep that determination to get yourself to a lawyer. His mother is going with you?

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9798 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 24622
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

yes MIL said she would go with me, guess I'll see but I think she will. He is now begging, yelling, blaming, whatever. Truly done, I heard this, period.

Posts: 149 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Virginia
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

18 min?? Omgosh, that must have been hard to hear but you called it a painful gift....I agree. Now you know, no more guessing, wondering..but damn thats gotta sting. I'm so sorry.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 40298
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I am so sorry you had to listen to that, but I am glad that his lies are revealed. Everyone says you should go with your gut...that is so true. It is a gift, and you will be so thankful for it one day, even though it is so painful now.

Sending you strength through all of this, and I hope the lawyer appt went well -- and I also hope your MIL went with you!!


Marriage isn't a test, so why cheat?

Posts: 379 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 18