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User Topic: OW catchphrases?
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Thinking back to some of the many phrases OW liked to use (while talking to me before I knew what was going on and also said to WH), and wondering if they're common to the OW mentality. Please chime in!

"If it feels good I just go for it."
"I have no regrets in my life."
"You deserve this."
"You don't deserve that."
"We deserve this."

So is that what it all breaks down to? This incredible sense of entitlement and complete lack or responsibility for ones actions? I just wonder now, if all the times I've heard people use these statements if they're OWs?! Also, do OM's typically have that same kind of mentality? Any other popular OW's catchphrases?


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
niaveone
Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, September 13th (Friday)

"You need a change" said by MOW to WS when he was complaining to her about us not getting along.

Of course he needed a change. He needed to leave his dedicated wife, the home of his children, so he can have *you*. The woman that would sleep with a sack if it gave her attention.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 16 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 206 | Registered: Aug 2013
musiclovingmom
Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Her absolute favorite: 'If you're not taking care of your man at home, someone else will'.

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Jan 2013
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, September 13th (Friday)

She got this from her IC:

"Find your happy."


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11130 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I just wonder now, if all the times I've heard people use these statements if they're OWs?!

Not everyone who uses those phrases are OW or have "entitlement" issues.

It really depends on the conversations that people are having at the time when the phrases you listed are used.

I could say "You deserve it" to a friend who had just told me that she worked crazy hours for two weeks and made herself an appointment for four hour spa session. That's not entitlement to me.

But that's just one example. There are plenty of times where I can see those phrases being used and considered "entitlement." It really depends on the people and the current convesations/situation.

I hope some of this helps.


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
roses303
Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 13th (Friday)

OW used to have a pinterest board all full of lovely catchphrases about never regretting, and doing what makes you happy, living with passion, focusing on your needs, not judging others unless you yourself are perfect etc. So self centered and with no remorse what so ever.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
simplydevastated
Member
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Just saw this.

"You need a change" said by MOW to WS when he was complaining to her about us not getting along.

Besides being completely wrong on so many levels. She shouldn't be allowed to speak to other human beings when all that will come out of her mouth is shit.

[This message edited by simplydevastated at 2:01 PM, September 13th (Friday)]


Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, September 13th (Friday)

She posted this on her FB wall:

Good girls are just bad girls that never get caught.

And then she commented on her own posting and said, "And the smartest"

I would love to punch that bitch in the face.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
roses303
Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I'm still trying to figure this one out. A few days after D-day and NC, she put up a new cover picture on her facebook account (the only public part that I can still see). It said "What Susie says about Sally says more about Susie than about Sally"

Was she implying that by calling her a bitch and a whore for sleeping with my husband and ruining a 25 year friendship I was somehow the whore. I accept the bitch title however, and if I ever come in contact with her again, she will see the extent of my bitchiness.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, September 13th (Friday)

OW used to have a pinterest board all full of lovely catchphrases about never regretting, and doing what makes you happy, living with passion, focusing on your needs, not judging others unless you yourself are perfect etc. So self centered and with no remorse what so ever.

OW's BF that was also an OW had exact same sh*t on her pinterest page.

OW was also way into new agey "the universe is talking to me" BS. She used it to justify EVERYTHING she did. She even started seeing a therapist but wouldn't go to one unless he/she believed in "twin flames" (some ultra new age soul mate garbage) so that this "therapist" could tell her everything she wanted to hear - that she should doggedly pursue WH because they were one soul that was meant to be together.


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
LivingALie
Member
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I don't know if this is considered a "catchphrase" or not - but one thing that OW said - which really just infuriated me was "they had a different level of love"

I'm with you OldCow - I want to punch her in the face every time I think about it.


Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Nov 2007
roses303
Member
Member # 40161
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 13th (Friday)

WH erased all the texts and emails before I ever got to read them except for a couple OW sent on D-day after WH told her "she found out" She said similar things about our love being true and pure and how he needed to get out of that prison he was living in and be free (mind you, she is married with 3 kids).

Punching her in the mouth would have been too good for her. I do get a bit of joy out of the fact that WH has been in NC since that day and he has no interest in ever contacting her again. He shut her down so her "true and pure love" really was just a fuck-buddy relationship on WHs side.


Me: BW - 46
Him: WH - 49
MOW: my BFF from college and good friend for 25 yrs
Married 14 years, 2 Tweens
DD: 5/20/13 2 year long EA/PAs (one 7 yrs ago and one this past year)
Status: day by day, in MC, working on R

Posts: 141 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: roses303
momwith2boys
New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Yes they both deserve happiness. Funny, I thought he was happy with me.
Oh and the whole u are my soul mate crap.


Me BW 34
husband 34
Married 9 years, together 12 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (6 & 2)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 34 | Registered: Nov 2012
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, September 13th (Friday)

"Your marriage was damaged before I entered the picture."

"It's simple two people wanted it to happen."

"If your husband really loved you he would never have done this to you."

"You are a miserable and worthless person."

"I do not regret any of my actions."

"All you do is obsess about me all day long."

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 2:34 PM, September 13th (Friday)]


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, September 13th (Friday)

"I never made any promises (meaning wedding vows) to your wife."

"If you love something/one, set it free. If it comes back it's yours."

"God grant me the serenity to accept things."

All from FWS's last FB who "loved" him.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6513 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 13th (Friday)

"I don't want to be a homewrecker"

"We can still be friends, we'll just stop the other stuff"


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6359 | Registered: Jan 2011
heartbroken2012
Member
Member # 38089
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, September 13th (Friday)

The slut OW texted my husband once (while he was still in fog/hiding things) -

"its ridiculous that we cant talk to each other, you know your wife is going to be checking the phone logs"

i would also like to punch the bitch in the face...course she would be just as ugly.



BS(Me) - 32
WS(HUbbie) - 40
OW - 44 (a ugly, old, white trash horse faced Coworker)
Affair was 2 months long
3 kids - 5yr old, and twins 8 months
Dday - 12/25/12 (lots of signs before I should have seen)

Posts: 549 | Registered: Jan 2013
DecimatedHeart
Member
Member # 37657
Default  Posted: 4:41 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I could go on for DAYS about this one. But my favorite was probably "It is what it is but it'll become what you make it." She used that one a lot when she was trying to talk him into leaving me and abandoning his family. The 'it is what it is' part really chaffed my ass, because it implied they had absolutely no responsibility in making it that way in the first place.


Me, BS 41
Him WH 42 - LTA, EA/PA
Together 24 years
DD13 - the love of my life
DDay#1 11/10/2012
DDay#4 4/5/2013 (NC broken AGAIN)
A supposedly over 6/14/2013

All my posts are edited - I hate typos. :)


Posts: 129 | Registered: Nov 2012
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, September 13th (Friday)

I DON'T ASK FOR NOTIN FROM NO ONE AND NEVER HAVE. I HAVE GIVEN,GIVEN ,GIVEN AND NEVER ASKED YOU FOR A F'N THING OTHER THEN TO BE A FRIEND. A SHOULDER TO CRY ON (RARELY) IF THAT'S ASKING TOO MUCH THEN YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL AND OBVIOUSLY AREN'T PERSON I WANT IN MY LIFE. SO, TO SAY IT AIN'T BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU IS PUTTING IT MIDLEY!

This is a direct quote from OW's FB page. Caps and spelling all its! The catch phrase in this is: I HAVE GIVEN,GIVEN ,GIVEN

Yes, the AP's are always so magnanimous.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9539 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 5:47 PM, September 13th (Friday)

"Listen to your inner voice, it will not lead you astray"

"I wouldn't let someone put out my fire"

"Its a case of unmet needs."

"Spelljean doesn't appreciate your core being."


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Simple
Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Oh and the whole u are my soul mate crap.

Have you seen my signature?


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Angel177
Member
Member # 37274
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, September 13th (Friday)

During the affair ow had a Facebook status something to the effect of

I'm your dirty little secret...not even your friends know

I read it and felt sick because I knew she was talking about MY husband...I just didn't know how dirty their secret really was at that time...I wish there was a word awful enough to describe her but I haven't found one yet.


Me:BS
Him:WH
D-Day Sept. 14/12...R started Dec. 3/12
Together-10 years Married-5 years
Daughter-3
Son-13 months (died July 2, 2014)
Baby #3 due Feb. 2015
4 month EA and 4 month EA/PA in 2012 with my "friend"

Posts: 234 | Registered: Oct 2012
Faithsurviver
Member
Member # 30860
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, September 13th (Friday)

Her absolute favorite: 'If you're not taking care of your man at home, someone else will'.

Grrrr!!! When I hear that one, it makes my blood boil!!!


BW (me) 51
XWH 53, but acts like a 15 y/o
M 18 yrs
DS 16, DD 14 (on D-day)
EA,PA with OW, 30 yrs his jr.
DDay 11/30/09 (DS's B-day), WH moved out 4 days later.
I filed for D-1/29/10,
DIVORCED 10/22/10
You can't reason with an NPD!!!

Posts: 335 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Midwest
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, September 13th (Friday)

This is an actual quote from OW, during the A:

I really hate hiding and secretes. In my experience it is always best to be open and as straightforward as possible.

[This message edited by sailorgirl at 9:50 PM, September 13th (Friday)]


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, September 13th (Friday)

My favourites...

" I don't need any advice from you" when I told her to find a nice single man if she was lonely.

"If you didn't take what you have for granted he wouldn't be spending time with me". I laughed my ass off, my WH was so far from being taken for granted he couldn't even define the phrase if you asked him! He sure knows what it means since I went 180!


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 370 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, September 13th (Friday)

When I read the title I thought it was about something else but a diff spin on a catchphrase....on DD I texted ow
and she sent back, oh.I didn't know you would be upset about our friendship, "my bad" now at the time, I had never heard that, guess it came from a movie and became really over used later. I actually thought she made a typo. A few months later after ws swore he was still NC, he sent me a text using that phrase. I went ballistic. My kids at the time didn't say it, I'd never heard him say it, and I knew he'd be talking to.her..AGAIN. It's not allowed in my home, everyone knows not to say it around me. Another one he got from her was when he's being a smartass, he types..uuhmmm before he makes his point. That's another one she used on me. Uhmmm, I have a boyfriend. That's when I told her yea I know his name is Mr ostrich.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4917 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
dameia
Member
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 12:42 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

The stupid-ass howorker pinned this one to pinterest:

"You are always responsible for how you act, no matter how you feel. Remember that."

Of course, when I confronted her all she could do was tell me how bad she felt at the time, how insecure she was, and all she was trying to do was to feel better about herself.


Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though ... betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. ~Steven Deitz


Posts: 1116 | Registered: Jul 2012
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:00 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

OW to XH to me: I don't want to be a home-wrecker.

OW to XH: can I come over when V is at work so we can fuck in your bed?

See first statement.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 738 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:03 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

@sailorgirl...ow said something similar to.me. when I asked her if it wasn't an A, why was ws keeping their R a secret, she said. I don't know why men lie because it just makes them look guilty, the truth would be do much better...ya think???


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4917 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
struggling16
Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

About the AP's sexual expectations: "I'm a taker, not a giver."

When my WH didn't let the AP use my YMCA pass to exercise: "Oh well, they'll know I'm not an old woman". The 25 year old AP said this to the 70 year old "f---buddy" sitting across the table from her. Unbelievable.

[This message edited by struggling16 at 2:29 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]


Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2011
Chefj9
Member
Member # 38604
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

OW's FB post
"I used to be all innocent, then shut happened"

In an email to me
"I have no excuse to offer other than I was weak"


ME - BS 49, Him - WS 46 trying to "R"
4 DD's - blended 25, 15, 15 and 12
Multi DDays the grand finale 5/13/2013
From here on out, I am only interested in what is real. Real people, real feelings, that's it, that's all I'm intere

Posts: 470 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Texas
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

Not sure if it's a catchphrase. But I heard all of these at least 1000 times.
You will never love him like I do.
No matter whatwe will always be together.

If you really loved him you would let him have friends
:


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
whatamidoing
Member
Member # 37152
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

"by you telling your husband you love him you hold him back from moving on" what ?
"I have never felt so loved by anyone"
weird cause he was Lying and saying he loved me and ?
"your wife and kids will get over it, my family did"
" if your husband says it is what he wants I will back off and you will never hear from me again" ha ha ha that lasted hours
"you promised ..
"you told me you loved me...
all sorts of things holding my STBXWH to his word to her when everything was against the words he said to me like her feelings and her trust were more important than mine
"no regrets " gross
with my pain in the ass OW it was more the pictures and the talking trash about how I should move on and why do I put up with WH and how he didn't love me etc
like she knows anything about me or my family


A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself
_________________________________
BS Me 43
WH 42
DD June 2nd '12
LTA (2+ yrs)
False R Many times from July '12 till now forced D
OW: acting like she is the wife

Posts: 182 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Guelph
Painfuljourney
Member
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

She told my husband, "Your wife doesn't appreciate you."


BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
areyoukidding
Member
Member # 30528
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, September 14th (Saturday)

I have never actually had the "pleasure" of meeting or talking to OW, and STBX was absolutely diligent about deleting text/email history between them (the only diligent thing he ever did in our M) but I did find a love letter that she authored in STBX's jacket pocket during the days when I was in deep detective mode. The skank wrote a 5-point manifesto stating her lurve for the doosh and encouraging him to leave me. Here are some excerpts as I remember them:

1. "I've never been so compatible with anyone!You are amazing and my true soul mate!!" (She put hearts at the bottom of the exclamation marks)
2. "If you leave her now or if you leave her next year, you're still going to hurt her." (Thanks Mother Teresa)
3. "Come to the haven I've created for us" (small run-down,low-income housing unit in a bad part of town with her 3 kids, 2 dogs).
4. "I've made a move to start my new life...it's time you did the same." (She left her H for mine).
5. "You deserve to be happy" (of course that meant he could only be happy with her).

She signed her full name including a middle initial and dated it. It was not signed "with love" or "yours forever" just her name and date.

I recently found out that STBX has declared bankruptcy. I guess happiness with his soul mate at the haven is expensive!


BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!


Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.


Posts: 605 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada
courageouscat
Member
Member # 34298
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

OW didn't really have any "catch phrases" as much as she had themes in her emails. The ongoing theme was that she was supportive of our marriage and mentioned me several times in her declarations of support.

"You do not need to fear that I will ever pose a threat to your devotion to Courageouscat. I will celebrate and protect that in partnership with you"

"...the joy of a bond with you that feels uniquely pure. And I believe I will be able to give it to you in such a way that it enhances your life... and Courageouscat's."

"Please try to let my feelings for you be only a blessing that offers warmth and comfort and the joy of being known. It is all I ask."

"Whatever feelings I have for you should never be a burden to you... I can enjoy loving... it is a positive emotion. This was NOT supposed to cause a problem, but if it has, please let me know... I will learn... I never want to make you uncomfortable!"

"...there is a limbic resonance that makes me desire an intimacy (emotional, intellectual, and physical) with you that is completely inappropriate and off-limits. I want you to be assured that I completely and entirely respect your marriage, your family, and your relationship with Courageouscat. I will do nothing to jeopardize that."

This post was probably a t/j but it felt good to put it out there. I'll still wrestle with thinking I overreacted to WH's EA.


ME - 50 something
WH - 50 something
Kids - 3 boys, Adult, Teen, Teen
Married - 26 years
Together - 29 years
EA 10/11 -12/11; 100% NC 1/18/11

Posts: 113 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Out in the big wide open
HoneyMe
Member
Member # 40613
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

She actually posted this on her FB:

"The sweetest thought is to know that those who might not like you now will have no other choice but to love you when (if) they get to heaven. So it's all good. :)"

Our recovery is going well. Husband is loving, remorseful, helpful, transparent. She is still delusional.

Of course she posts all the posts about soulmates and no regrets. Another favorite to repeatedly post is “It matters not who you love, where you love, why you love, when you love or how you love, it matters only that you love” It justifies everything for her. I guess it applies to adultery and child-molestation, so long as they are done with "love."

These are repeatedly posted in hundreds of religious quotes. Her version of Christianity is a big Get Out of Jail Free Card.


3 A's
Blinded-sided DD 9/2011
Again 11/2011 and then more truth the next day. Separated 4 months. 2012, the year of truth and reconciliation.

Posts: 64 | Registered: Sep 2013
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

areyoukidding's #3 reminded me of something similar Shrek said to my fWH in an email to which I replied because I intercepted it: "You are welcome here anytime. There is more than enough room for you in my home, heart, and life". I replied, "Amazing that you're proud of that hovel you live in but be forewarned, IF he were stupid enough to take you up on your offer, he'd go stir crazy before he unpacked his bags given the fact that your whole shack would fit in OUR master bedroom with room to spare".

In another email missive that I again intercepted, she stated, "Chicky could never begin to comprehend what we share". I responded to that with three words: "F*cking delusional bitch."


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
BeyondBreaking
Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

DD's dad had an OW that had a few gems:

"I don't want to get in the middle of your relationship." -And yet, look what your fat whore ass did?

"Your problems have nothing to do with me." -Really, because YOUR continued presence is causing the biggest problem

"He never loved you like he did me." -I find this to be funny because when DD's dad dated her (they dated for 4 years and then broke up 2years before he and I met), he didn't take her out, didnt bring her to his family's house, and when she wanted a baby, he refused. He had me meet his family right off the bat, and got me pregnant pretty quick too. He took me out all the time, and he said I love you first. Took him a year and a half to say it to that piece of trash when they were dating. And...he cheated on her too.

"I know how to make him happy." -If this is true, do you mind explaining why he dumped you as a girlfriend, ignored you for two years, and only called you when he was stressed out about money? If this is so true, why is it that he was fucking multiple OW's on the side AND begging for sex every night from me as well?


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Tired05
Member
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

The last OW actually posted on FB on DDay "Homewrecking is fun"....and all of her family and friends liked it...then got angry and asked OW if she needed help "kicking those Virginian's asses" when my mom and sister responded on her status...

She and my WH were fond of the "I didn't want to one day regret not making my feelings for you clear or leaving words left unsaid."


Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 2:36 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

"We all have needs."

From WH to random FB "friend" he had no business being friends with.

Meanwhile, he ignored my needs for years.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
StruckNumb
Member
Member # 38973
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

I just learned this in a MC session when I asked WH what his skank ever said about me....said to my WH while they were on a date:

"you know, your wife is very lucky to have you as a husband."

Yeah, I'm very "lucky" to have wedded a cheater! Yeah, more like "unlucky"


me-BW-51
f?WH - 49
m27 yrs, T 28, no kids
OW-WH's former CW, friends + 20yr
DDay-11/16/12, LT EA, 4y? PA, manymany
EA with FFriends over the years
Attempting R
Is there an end to blindness in sight?

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: N.California
sudra
Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

OW used to have a pinterest board all full of lovely catchphrases about never regretting, and doing what makes you happy, living with passion, focusing on your needs, not judging others unless you yourself are perfect etc. So self centered and with no remorse what so ever.

Sounds exactly like our OW's facebook page.

Life isn’t about worrying.
That’s a waste of time. And
Life isn’t about being perfect.
It will never happen.
Life is about finding yourself
And finding people who accept that person.


“A conscience is what hurt when all your other parts feel so good.” - Couldn't believe she actually posted this one.

“To be your friend was all I ever wanted, to be your love… is all I ever dreamed.”

“Life is short, break rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.”** The asterisks she always put on posts related to my WH.

“A soulmate is someone who has the locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks… with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes our life come to life.” Richard Bach*

“Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise.* Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.”

“A special friend changes your life by being a part of it, makes you laugh until you can’t stop, convinces you an unlocked door is waiting for you to open. Your forever friend gets you through hard times, sad times, and confused times. If you walk away, they will follow you, guide you, cheer you on, hold your hand and say everything is okay. You feel happy and complete. You have a forever friend, and forever had no end.***

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.”

Your forever friend is one who messages you and says, “I’m thinking about you,” calls you and says, “let’s get together,” hugs you and says, “It’s all okay,” says NOTHING and you know they are always there even though you haven’t spoken to or seen them in days – you know they were there and always have been. You never miss a beat and you never lose a forever friend.*

“With courage in your heart and with God by your side take a stand. Begin to design the life you want to live as best you can. In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed, not for the answers to my prayers but for my God to help me find strength, confidence, and courage to persevere and do what I must do.”

And this one, just as he was set to leave me:

“It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be alone with yourself and truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

Thanks for this thread. I had no idea they all did this!

And of course she told him that he wouldn't be cheating if he been "happy" with me.

[This message edited by sudra at 8:09 AM, September 15th (Sunday)]


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1455 | Registered: Nov 2010
Ascendant
Member
Member # 38303
Default  Posted: 8:13 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

I don''t have anything new to add, except...

Why do they all say the same stuff, even OM?


"The thing that always seems to be shocking to wayward wives is the simple fact that the man you choose to reconcile with is not the same man you cheated on." - a friend.

Posts: 2026 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Illinois
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

I don't personally know the OW in my case but I do know that she said:

"I don't want to be a home wrecker."

"I don't want to hear anything about your wife or home life."

"You are lesser because you are married and live in the suburbs." (to my husband...she would say this. He said she looked down on him for this...LOL what idiots)

"We should probably take a break." (when I finally figured out what was going on...NO I'm sorry...the jig is up! You should END IT!!!!)

"I can't believe I wasted 2.5 years on you." (when SAWH finally broke it off)


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

"He told me you were having marriage problems"

"you've been married for so long, it's okay you don't need a condom"


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Markay81
New Member
Member # 39387
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

I shook my head the whole time reading this. I mean what the f@#& do they all get together have coffee and think this shit up. Is there a book they all read?
My OW said " My H cheats on me and hits me. Im looking for a real man for my kids and I".


Ugh! Sometimes reality sucks.
BS (me) 31
WH (him) 33
OW - married Bar Whore Rig Rat
Married 14 years
3 amazing kids
DDay-3/03/2013 TT.The whole truth came out(hopefully) 06/09/2013
Currently on the roller coaster of R.

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2013
lostintally5581
Member
Member # 37908
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

The ow like to say that to wh "you my pussy is better than your wifes" and it funny cause he couldn't stay hard for her....guess it really want better. And likes to post about me on fb about how i must think I'm something special....how the universes does not revolve around me.....how i should let her keep him since she stole him.....Bitch please....if he was stolen than how come he is still here with me 9 months after d day?


There better not be a "next time"

Posts: 88 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: a mere speck in a much bigger picture
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Oh and how can I forget the one that makes me wish firing squads were still in vogue and I led one:

"Kids are so resilient."
(On why WH should be destroying his home life to be f*cking her and eventually abandon his children.)

WH told me this line with tears in his eyes.


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
Amber13
Member
Member # 40505
Default  Posted: 3:29 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

OW used to call me paranoid. Grrrrr.

Posts: 63 | Registered: Aug 2013
herongirl
New Member
Member # 40398
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

OW's answer when I sent FB message confronting her, "It's like if you don't take care of your cat, he'll go to the neighbor's house to get better food & care, I was just making him happy". She then promptly msg'd him, "herongirl is angry at me"...You think?? His response to her? "Fuck off". She also posted lots of religious statuses (she's muslim). Maybe she was hoping to be his second wife....(not legal but tolerated in their country, although WS isn't even muslim)


Me- BS
D-day 1/21/13
Trying to reconcile

I can't make you happy, unless I am (Ziggy Marley-True to Myself)


Posts: 30 | Registered: Aug 2013
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Git 'er done.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1454 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

After coming in to my 17 year marriage, the OW had the nerve to say to me:
"I just want my life back."
Oh, I'm sorry you will never get those 3 months back.
What about my 17 years?
CRAZY ASS B!TCH!!


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:54 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

facepunched - they say that because of their egos. They are so selfish...they think everyone around them has them on a pedestal...they are soooo special you know. They have to believe this, well, you know...because they are cheaters and liars and taking part in evil deeds. They all have screws loose.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013
PositiveAttitude
Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Oooh . . . I'll play. OW posted on her Facebook -

Be the kind of person you'd be proud to have your children emulate.

Seriously can't make that up!


Posts: 173 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
SeeThingsNow1
Member
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

when he ended the talkfest of looooove - Well, its her fault, she ignored you!
no matter than I , myself was ignored lol and was his fault as well...nope, was aaaaaaaaaall me....

Posts: 109 | Registered: Jan 2013
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, September 16th (Monday)

My H's OW used to say that it's ok because everyone does it.

The other line was, " what's wrong with you? Don't you just want to have a little fun, like a fun blow job?" ( that's how you talk to your CEO?)

And after H's gas lighting , she said dont worry about Crestfallen, she has no idea and you're paranoid! Ps....I was sooo not paranoid, I was on it!


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I didn't add xOw1, my friend, and I really should've. Hers are classic OW attitudes:

"I want the fairy tale. The happily ever after."

She didn't believe me when I told her M was work with peaks and valleys.

"I want what you have."

I didn't take her literally, I should've. I just tried to get her to understand that my tall, dark, handsome husband wasn't always the prince she thought she was.

My life would've been easier if I had let myself see the truth of him (and her) clearer too.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 10:31 AM, September 16th (Monday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11130 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
ILINIA
Member
Member # 39836
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, September 16th (Monday)

From their google chats:

"Just so you know, you aren't the only one effing up your home life. I started dating a guy a month ago."

Hmm, 1 month verses 9 years and two kids.....


Entering R slowly and cautiously...

Posts: 448 | Registered: Jul 2013
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Not necessarility an OW quote. But the next time she or WH says "I don't know why I/we did it" I'm gonna haul off an slap 'em. Then I'll say "I don't know why I did that."


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1647 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
AmberDust
Member
Member # 38904
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, October 18th (Friday)

(Our OW is holding out hope to get back with my H and has no remorse whatsoever.)

-Cause she won't love you like I love you.
-It's ok to start a new family. Your kids won't mind !
- I regret nothing I have done.
-Pure love has no regret and must not be denied.
(ed. for anonimity)

[This message edited by AmberDust at 7:04 AM, November 14th (Thursday)]


Posts: 723 | Registered: Apr 2013
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, October 18th (Friday)

This last Feb, after almost 6 yrs of whoring, this is her response to me calling her a ho:

"I'm not a whore" and "I believe everything (wh name) says".

Both comments make me laugh as they are completely ridiculous and make her appear just that.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 5:33 PM, October 18th (Friday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8212 | Registered: Sep 2007
MissMovingOn
Member
Member # 30720
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, October 18th (Friday)

OW used to have a pinterest board all full of lovely catchphrases about never regretting, and doing what makes you happy, living with passion, focusing on your needs, not judging others unless you yourself are perfect etc. So self centered and with no remorse what so ever.

The latest OW has this too.


Me: BS, 34
Him: (SA/NPD)WH, 31
Multiple ddays since 2010 (Latest January 15th 2013) - not counting anymore!

Posts: 370 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: West Coast Canada
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, October 18th (Friday)

Yes! I never talked to the bitch but all over her FB and Google + is and was that type of stuff. Very selfish, entitled and bitter stuff. Also, "I am a bitch and I know it." or "I'm fat and beautiful so kiss my ass.."

It's all a cover up for what a sad and pathetic person she really knows she is. I can't stand her but at the same time I look at her with pity from what a pathetic person she is.

I never realized others had a similar experience to mine with the OW.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, October 18th (Friday)

(Our OW is holding out hope to get back with my H and has no remorse whatsoever.)
-Cause she won't love you like I love you.
-It's ok to start a new family. Your kids won't mind !
-Fortunately I regret nothing I have done.
-Our enemy is not one person or country or belief system. It is our unwillingness to feel the sorrow of others.
-Pure love has no regret.
-With love, there are no rules. The heart decides and what it decides is all that really matters.
-True love must not be denied.
-I would not die without having something with you...
-I prefer a life with mistakes to a heart with doubt.
-If you want someone to trust you, be honest.
-You owe it to yourself to love again.

Yep! Similar crap in my situation!


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, October 18th (Friday)

Oooh . . . I'll play. OW posted on her Facebook -
Be the kind of person you'd be proud to have your children emulate.

Seriously can't make that up!

LOL! What a shithead! The OW says that shit too in my case!


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
sunshine226
Member
Member # 38851
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, October 18th (Friday)

great thread

how about:

"Im a christian"
"WH has never given me any reason not to trust him"
"I dont want to be known as a homewrecker"

I could go on and on and on, lol


Me-BS (44)
Him-WS (47)
DDay 1/1/2012, common law for 22 1/2 years when he began A in September 2011
Status: moving on without him

Posts: 234 | Registered: Mar 2013
tryin2havefaith
Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, October 18th (Friday)

"She had you for X years, and now it is my turn."

"I'm so much better for you."

"I completely understand you and she doesn't"

"We are so much alike"

I could go on and on with the manipulative psychopathic dribble OW spewed at FWH. I got to read alk the email and texts. Thank goodness the fog cleared and he sees it for what it was


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
struggling16
Member
Member # 33202
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, October 18th (Friday)

"I'm a taker, not a giver."

Posts: 711 | Registered: Aug 2011
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, October 18th (Friday)

"We can end this anytime either of us wants out"....yeah right. Then he stalks her


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 174 | Registered: Feb 2012
Runninggirl
Member
Member # 9973
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, October 18th (Friday)

Can I get a:

I feel like I have finally MET MY.....
*******SOULMATE*********


Shock has worn off. Now the 'fun' begins.
After several years of solid R, (F)MOW
CHECKS IN in to say Hi~ H CHECKS OUT briefly and "forgets to tell me" because IT HADN'T gotten
physical this time. 4 months out again same MOW

Posts: 2852 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Valley
surviving1963
Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, October 18th (Friday)

"I live in the present"
"I am not some kind of home-wrecker."
"When I met (WH)it was like....I finally found you."
"You didn't provide him with a safe and comfortable home."
"I have LOTS of guy friends."
"What if you were to forgive and just move on."
"You don't know him."
"I love and appreciate him... he is a good person."
"The only way I will stop seeing (WH) is if he requests it."
"I see and hear dead people."

....and many, many more mind-numbingly stupid comments to me - his wife!


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
surviving1963
Member
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, October 18th (Friday)

One more that I forgot:

"Isn't if wonderful that he can love more than one."

What?????!!!!!


Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
BeautifulEmpty
Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

I can't remember specifics but last OW was a 'practicing Buddhist' who was all about love, truth, peace...full of 'living with no regrets', universal love, crunchy green mother type notions but nothing that really goes with any of that.
She met me...quintessential green mother by nature and by nurture. I also live with very little material goods....hard, hard work, lots of study and experimentation.
She wanted my life so she tried to very literally take it but it was all a lie.
She was constantly pontificating on her own peace and love virtues but intentionally sabotaging my life and my kids life...not by default as usually happens but directly lying to them and trying to cause splitting.
I'm in quite the mood tonight and can't shut up. It's been a hard week.
I just had a conversation with my daughter about the concept of "living with no regrets".
I told her that it sounds good on the surface but in truth, the only time it's really acceptable is once you are an old lady who has done her absolute best with all that life has thrown at her. You've made mistakes and learned from them and not repeated them...especially the ones that involve other people. THEN, you can finish your life with no regrets. Perhaps also anyone who has always striven to be real, caring, truthful, open human beings who actually honor others instead of false namaste at every corner.
Anyone else, well...it just means you can do awful things to others without remorse and that is wrong.
OW was also so fond of using the word "valid" in such a way that it showed she had no idea what the word means...constantly saying that her or someone else's feelings were "valid"... It sounds good but it really isn't because she constantly used it to justify her heinous behavior. My husband picked up using it and I hate it now. Every feeling we have is not valid. Valid means true.
Anyhow...OW are delusional train wrecks. This certainly appears to be a valid statement without need for further validation.
They are selfish, hurting and needy usually but it's interesting how all they ever focus on is their hurts and their needs...never how fucking selfish they are.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 252 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 4:04 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Main OW


we can be secret friends!

be the change you want to be in the world

eta: I am NOT A SLUT!
I'm a good person!

She forgave you 'wh' so she needs to forgive me too!

I am a nice person

I don't understand why people hate me?


I am a strong independent woman who _____

I am a feminist!

OW 1

Women are underrated

I am so ugly look here's a picture (insert ugly picture here which she thinks makes her look actually attractive)

I am a feminist!

I think I will succeed where other women haven't

I am so dumb!

I wish I was _____

DO you think I can?

This person doesn't like me!

common themes between the two evidently

[This message edited by lauren123 at 4:05 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
SecondHelping
Member
Member # 36796
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

I didn't see all the emails, but his FB page has "Life is Good" posted on it.

Fucker!


D-Day 1: Feb 1990 (2 yrs into M, kissing and a hickey)
D-Day 2: 3 Sep 2012 (3 month EA/3 week PA)
BS 49- Me, fWW 43- Her (Amibroken)
OP- Deputy Chief of Police from the town next to us! (Age 37)
Married 25 Years, Together 28
3 Kids (17, 14, 11)

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Delmarva
Reality
Member
Member # 39077
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, October 19th (Saturday)

Once the OW(s) knew the situation, they cut off WH. No bunny boilers, no fighting to stay in his life, and for the most part completely on my side when they learned that, no, WH was indeed NOT a well off single guy.

But during revealing it all to them initially and they weren't sure who was pulling their chain - me or WH - and I asked them to stop returning contact when he approached them (which I knew would still happen), I got a re-mix from the three of:

"WH is our friend. If he's unhappy, we'll continue to be friends to him!"

"WH can come off as creepy, but he can be a lot of fun to hang out with. I don't want to cut him off based on some strange miscommunication he has with you."

"Sometimes people just have to blow off steam, you know?"

"Are you sure we're talking about the same guy? He's with us all the time! There's no way he has time for a wife and kids."

It boggled me. It took three days to get them to understand the whole true story. If I was talking to someone and found out that person was married, had kids, and was a big manipulative liar, I'd never stick around to debate it for three days. In the end, they lectured WH and maintained complete NC, but seriously?!

[This message edited by Reality at 9:25 AM, October 19th (Saturday)]


Posts: 292 | Registered: Apr 2013
niaveone
Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, October 19th (Saturday)


Around the time they were getting hot and heavy in the texting, but hadn't had a full blown PA yet...she started posting this crap:

"If you don't chase your dreams, you'll never have it. If you don't step forward, you'll always be in the same place"

"Sometimes the girl that was always there for everyone else needs someone to be there for her"


Then while having the affair she would post stupid shit like this:

"You're in my inappropriate thoughts"

"I'm dreaming of you"

"Love doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be true"

"Trust is like a piece of paper, once it's crumpled, it can never be perfect"


"If you could use one word to describe yourself, what would it be?" And my WS actually answered "Grateful" ?? Seriously? You are SO acting grateful for all you have!


And then when the word got out that they were having an affair and her marriage broke up she started posting crap like:

"People are always going to talk about you, might as well give them something to talk about"

"watching the movie Gossip on TV. It's true. If something isn't juicy enough, people just add lies to it"

"Lord, I know you wouldn't give me more than I can handle, but can you please stop now?" (Like the Lord had anything to do with her extra-marital games she played)

Then she'd post this stuff when they got back together and the affair went underground:

"Don't tell me who I am. Because unless I write it all down and give it to you, you have no idea" (What?)

"A lot of the problems in the world would disappear if we all talked to each other instead of about each other"

"rumors are spread by haters and believed by idiots"

"Santa, I've been good for the last week or so. Let's focus on that"

"I'm sweet, cute, dedicated, and a good girl. Aw, quit laughing!"

Then after DDay#2, all those stupid posts stopped.

Some of the stuff she said to WS during affair after she left her husband and WS was still with me:

"Sounds like you need a change"

"when you leave her, we can finally be together for real"

"I don't blame niaveone for getting an STD test"

"My family will love you" (I'm sure they will love the guy you brought into the marriage and killed the kids' family)

The kicker was when I caught them red handed and she looked at me and said "You guys obviously have problems!"

No shit. Really?


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 16 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 206 | Registered: Aug 2013
meplusfour
Member
Member # 38958
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, October 19th (Saturday)

"I'm a good person"
"I'm a devout Catholic. God's word is important to me."
"Why did you tell meplusfour the entire truth? I would have lied for you (WH) and we could still text each other."


BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."

Posts: 357 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
sudra
Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, November 1st (Friday)

This thread is just too good to let it die yet.

OW2 posted this on February 14, 2010:
Women are apples on trees; the best ones near the top. Men don’t want to reach for the good ones; they are afraid of falling and don’t want hurt. Instead, they get apples from the ground that aren’t good but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong, when in reality they are amazing. They must wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality.

This was the day that my husband drove 350 miles to have sex with her in a Hampton Inn. She was married and had to tell her husband she was going to Walmart. It was the first Valentine's day in 20 years I had not spent with my husband and the first time he did not get me a gift. And I'm guessing she fancied that she was the apple at the top of the tree. She apparently does not understand the concept of irony.


Me (BW) (54), Him(SAWH) (57)
Married 21 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1455 | Registered: Nov 2010
painfulpast
Member
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, November 1st (Friday)

LMAO! Some of these are priceless!!

My OW said these gems:

(to my WH on a FB chat) Every single guy I've ever been with has cheated on me.

(to me after I told her BS what she and my WH were up to) I just wish (OBS) didn't have to get hurt like that.

(On FB) So, what is love to you? (followed by a lot of things my H told me he did to her (annoyed her, hung up, etc) saying these were not love)

(on FB) constantly saying how 'God is Good' and posting Christian phrases.

And my favorite:

(to me) seems like I'm always doing for others, and no one is doing for me. Gee, wonder why???

BTW, after my H, she had two other As, and then her BS threw her out. She was living with him, with her two daughters (not his) and not working, or doing anything other than cheating on him when he wasn't around. Right, but no one does for you. Uh-huh.


It's so easy to believe someone when they're telling you exactly what you want to hear.....

Posts: 1879 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, November 1st (Friday)

seems like I'm always doing for others

And

after my H, she had two other As

Are you sure she didn't post "I'm always doing others"?


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11130 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Dyinghere
Member
Member # 41313
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, November 18th (Monday)

She said to my husband: I work really hard at being happy. I can help you be happy too.




Posts: 132 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: the inside of my head
Offhispedestal
Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, November 18th (Monday)

The absolute worst thing MOW said to my H.
" God has failed us!!"
She texted him that when he moved back home and went NC.


HOW crazy does a person have to be to blame God because their affair ended??!

Also a few others:


"I always get what I want"

" we are soul mates, this is fate"


ME-44
WH-45
Married 24


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 631 | Registered: Jun 2011
Drowninginitall
Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Let's see...
"I will win. Not immediately, but definately" (before DD)
"Caring about someone else's happiness is true love" (during DD)
"Unless it's true passionate everlasting love it's not worth it. There are too many mediocre things in life and love shouldn't be one of them" (after DD I think)
"It all looks good to the rest of the world.. You don't want to hear the truth, because you don't want your illusions to be destroyed." (After DD and the day after our anniversary). Her mom made a comment about don't worry, the truth always comes out. Bitch, you had your chance to tell the truth and you took the cowardly way.
You tell me...WTF do these things mean and who are they about if not my H. She has no boyfriend. She used to post a lot about God etc....my how the years and her "love" for my H have changed her.


Posts: 104 | Registered: Oct 2013
Drowninginitall
Member
Member # 40968
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I have to add that after one night when she drove to H work and I caught her leaving (he was starting NC and she still called and came by and he met her) she gave him the name of a song to listen to. D(umbass)H looked it up and the lyrics on YouTube. It was called 'Stay' by Miley Cyrus. I saw that he looked it up on his google history and confronted him. He tried to lie at first and then tried to explain why he would ever even look it up after he told her NC etc. here are some of the lovely words...
Well, it's good to hear your voice
I hope you're doing fine
And if you ever wonder,
I'm lonely here at night
I'm lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish
I'd have you by my side

Oh, oh I miss you
Oh, oh I need you

And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay

Well, I try to live without you
The tears fall from my eyes
I'm alone and I feel empty
God, I'm torn apart inside

I look up at the stars
Hoping you're doing the same
And somehow I feel closer and I can hear you say

Oh, oh I miss you
Oh, oh I need you

I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay
Always stay

I never wanna lose you
And if I had to I would choose you
So stay, please always stay
You're the one that I hold onto
'Cause my heart would stop without you


Posts: 104 | Registered: Oct 2013
ninebark
Member
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

My personal fav, which STBEX said she would often say

"If you think that you can make things work with your wife, then you should try."

Yes you are the best person to give marriage counselling.....did you say that before or after you had sex with him and broke up the marriage.


BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

"We didn't mean to" (Still trying to figure out how a penis makes its way into a vagina by ACCIDENT - lol)

And my personal favorite idiocy:

"Remember, Mr.Hfm LOVES you!"

Omg.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
OnAnIsland
Member
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I don't know much about it but I dig it.


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1478 | Registered: Dec 2011
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I'm somehow comforted to realize, from reading all of these, that people in affairs really are in their own world, thinking of only themselves. They are just caught up in the fantasy they have created.

Something else that OW said: When I recently asked my SAWH why he lost so many wedding rings (I only noticed one time during the 2 + year affair but now I know it was several thousands of dollars worth of wedding rings) which he said he took off to "lift weights."

His response was that OW thought "it was a sign of disrespect that he wears his wedding ring while out with her. She did not want to be seen in public with a married man." Well, here's a hint: don't date a married man and you won't have that problem.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 864 | Registered: Jun 2013
plainpain
Member
Member # 40139
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

His response was that OW thought "it was a sign of disrespect that he wears his wedding ring while out with her. She did not want to be seen in public with a married man." Well, here's a hint: don't date a married man and you won't have that problem.

^^ That is unbelievable.

I think the general sense of entitlement, going after what you want, having no regrets.. that's a big one. NO REGRETS. I JUST AM WHO I AM. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, TOO BAD. WHEN YOU'RE PERFECT YOU CAN JUDGE ME.

Also, 'If you were truly happy and in love with your wife, you would never have been tempted by another woman.' No, that's correct. Not even if you were in the middle of the darkest time of your life, and she came around day after day after day, throwing her bare bum at you.. no, you would nevvvver be tempted at all. It's all because THE WIFE did not do HER JOB. Umm hmmm.

They are completely delusional.


Me: Believer; 40s
Him: Liar; 40s
Married 19 years
1 year EA/2 month PA/incidental infidelities I can't begin to process
OC born 2014
OW:21
In successful R, but still in just plain pain.

Posts: 805 | Registered: Jul 2013
HeartInADustpan
Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I'll never forget this one...

"I didn't encourage him to cheat. I encouraged him to find true love."

And after that jewel, she went on to say she encourages me to do the same.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
TheThreeYearFool
Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

"I don't just do the safe thing." Presumably arguing that WH not leaving me for her was the "safe thing" for him to do.

Well, no duh you don't do the safe thing. Nothing's safe about having another man sleeping over at your house when your BH is out of town. (That's how OBH found out -- a neighbor spotted my unmistakable WH and his unmistakable car there overnight and told him.)

Also clearly not the safe thing: having sex with a married man with no condom and no birth control. Particularly when that man makes no secret of the fact that he hates kids.

So not safe: vandalizing the BW's car.

Least safe: "Falling in love" with a proven liar.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 163 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Ambergray
Member
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Only you can make you happy.

Meaning divorce your wife for me and you'll be happy.


Me-38
WH-38
Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 87 | Registered: Sep 2013
Spelljean
Member
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Yes, the OW and OP catchphrases are comical. Suddenly they all become philosophers, self-help gurus, inspirationalists, or Ghandi...follow your inner voice. It is what you make it. Unless its passionate its not worth it, only you can make you happy...

The one thing these thoughts all have in common is they are silly rationalizations, require zero logic or common sense and are open to a hundred different interpretations. Manipulation tools!


WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
LA44
Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

I just want closure.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2228 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
IrishLass518
Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

True quotes from the OWifetress.

"We didn't mean to fall in love." They apparently only meant to sleep around behind their spouses backs.

"What she calls an affair is actually a committed relationship." hmmm

"The truth won't set you free, forgiveness does." Meaning, you don't have to tell the truth you just have to seek forgiveness.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1722 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
cl131716
Member
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

Well since only "sexting" occurred I got "you need to lighten up", "it was nothing", and "you must be insecure".


Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
jadedheart
Member
Member # 32046
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

two weeks before DDay they met up to argue about the state of their "relationship"...

Troll, "You slept with her didn't you." her=me who didn't have a damn clue yet

FWH, "Yes I did. She's my wife!"

Troll, "You are cheating on me with her!! How could you?" WTF???

Even FWH was speechless after that one.


Me 45
FWH 47
DS11, DD18, DS21(they know nothing about A)
Married 23 years together 25
Dday 09/24/2010
"You can't control how others behave, you can only control your reaction."

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Indiana
BW2639
Member
Member # 34875
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, November 19th (Tuesday)

My fWW and the OM always said to themselves , ( as if to justify their actions)..." Either one of us can stop and walk away at any time". I suppose if one of them would have only done it, the A wouldn't have lasted 3.5 years.


married 21 yr
Reconciling

Posts: 174 | Registered: Feb 2012
Flourgirl
Member
Member # 40937
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

From OW's FB wall its easier to ask forgiveness than ask permission. Ugh I hate this bithch! She also was into you take care of your family you work hard you deserve this. Thanks Bitch and thanks for the herpes!


BS me 39
WH him 40
Dd 7/1/13. TT 7/22/13
SAHM with 4 wonderful kids

Posts: 183 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Kansas City
LoveActually
Member
Member # 31030
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

On her facebook wall she posted one of those quote things--"Honesty is an expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people."

Hmmm. I guess she forgot about the expensive gift of honesty during her affair with my husband. Although, I bet her husband would actually agree with the quote.


BS (Me)
WS (Him)
D-Day 5/29/09
Married 11 yrs, together 16 yrs

Posts: 768 | Registered: Jan 2011
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

He started using the phrase "FML" which we all know stands for F$&k my life".
Found out she was like his counseler wher he got to vent about all things "me". Great.

He used it once after D Day and I nearly came unglued.



Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
myperfectlife
Member
Member # 39801
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)

"It doesn't matter what I say to you, you will never divorce him!" (as if he couldn't just divorce ME?-oh, and I did divorce him, and he STILL doesn't want you!)

and "People get divorced ALL the time." (oh, so since you've been divorced twice that means it's not a big deal to wreck my 17 year marriage.

WOWZERS!


I cannot be responsible for another's personal growth.
DDay#1 of a "cheatillion" 4/1/13
Divorce final 11/04/13

Posts: 452 | Registered: Jul 2013
UKgirl
Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:59 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

Got some prize ones here! Here are mine.....

He was her “Life Long Love”
Apparently she was his too.

“best friend”
You are my best friend, can’t we still be best friends, my best friend wouldn’t treat me like this, I will always be your friend, blah, blah, boo-hoo.

She said a lot about dying too. She reminded fWH he was dying inside because he couldn’t be with her, now she was dying inside. She texted about suicide and not wanting to live. How her life was meaningless and she couldn’t go on (sob). She’s still around though, so obviously wasn’t that upset.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3443 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
TheThreeYearFool
Member
Member # 41218
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, November 21st (Thursday)

"I'm going to win this."

WH tells me that OW said that to him regarding the A.

Nobody wins in this mess.


Me - BW 36
Him - WH 41
Together 12 years, married 7
3 year LTA with former coworker
DDay 10/29/13
He says he wants to R... can I live with what he's done?

Posts: 163 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 106