User Topic: So should no counseling be a deal breaker?
Member # 16958
Sad  Posted: 1:00 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

I am here about to go into a counseling session alone. WH travels frequently for work and is often gone M-F so I was stoked to find a guy doing intensive couple''s counseling on Saturdays. However it took forever to reach him (phone tag) and it''s been months since we had one employee health counseling session. Well I finally reached him and snatched the appointment for today but WH is talking about how he''s too busy etc and gets mad that I scheduled before asking him. At first he hinted he might go but at the last minute refused and then when I said I was going alone he said he''d never go! I am devastated ! I told him our marriage was over then but now I''m afraid I''ll have to follow through!

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

I am fighting the same question in my head...,I insisted on MC as part of our agreement to R. He has been to a few IC sessions and neither of us was ready to start MC yet. As of Monday he will start a job that is 90 days straight 10 hr days with a 40 min drive on either end. Prior to that he was working M-F 8 hr shifts, due to his trade he moves jobs and sites frequently a and they all have different hours.. He will barely have time to sleep and eat, and for that 90days he wont go out at all in the evenings. He has worked this job previously and by the 3rd week he is in no fit shape for meaningfull communication.

I know I made MC a condition of R but have decided to see what life is like after the job is done. If he still won't open up to me then I will bring up MC again at that time. If at any time he starts going out in the evening, I will tell him that if he has time for beers with friends he has time for MC.
Talk the whole thing out with the C since you are going alone and see what he says. Good luck!

1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 373 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

Considering his history of cheating on you..and all the lying..and the fact that he was raping you in the middle of the night a few months therapy should be a dealbreaker.

He wasn't to busy to cheat...he's not too busy for IC.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7696 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 20334
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

I mean this gently, he should have been in MC in 2007 when you joined SI.

Yes, it should most definitely be a deal breaker. Get your things in order, especially finances, and 180 him - hard.

When people show you who they are, believe them. He has shown you who he is.


You can do this. You deserve better.

[This message edited by travels at 2:59 PM, September 14th (Saturday)]

When one door closes, another door opens. It's the journey through the hallway that sucks.

Posts: 3777 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: PA
Member # 16958
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

You ladies are right I''m on the wrong forum. Just feel so sorry for my son but I can''t rug sweep with him anymore

Me (BS, 35); The Snake (WS, 36) 13yrs together; 1 baby boy (DOB 7/12)
Serial cheater-Multiple OWs, Multiple D-Days
D by default 5/3/14!
In house 8 mos, moved out 7/1!!!

Posts: 942 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Northern California
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

I''m afraid that this would have been the straw that broke this camel''s back. It''s time to show him what the other side of the door looks like.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

My ex would not seek counseling as it's all a bunch of bs. We can do this on our own.

Let me say this, I have been in IC and realize that no MC is what finally killed us. Our communication was limited to begin with and after the affair, all communication was just fighting and always led to him doing what he had done. Which was basically daily.

If he doesn't put as much effort into your marriage as you are, there is nothing to reconcile for.

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Topic Posts: 7