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User Topic: Things are looking up but that scares me
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

The husband lost his job 3 weeks ago but landed a temp job with some potential. It already pays more than the old job.

I am happy but the hours are second shift. I'm afraid that he's going to have an A again. When he was in the A he was working mostly nights going in early and staying late. Now the new job should be mostly men however what if they ask h to go out after or something?

Tonight we were invited to a party that we can't attend because skankface will be there. I know he's sad he can't go.
He's actually been talking about the A and how I'm dealing with it now. He still sees the pain in my eyes.

I'm afraid he's going to slip. Things have been good for awhile and then we fight. I automatically think he's going back to call her when we fight. He hasn't but scared.


I feel like we are getting ready to actually move into the r state but I have thought that before. I am back to feeling so lost.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

((((cuppa)))) Keep breathing, honey. There's an awful lot of "what if" and "he might" in there. What are his actions telling you?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25777 | Registered: Aug 2011
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

His actions are showing me he loves me but he's not always the most eloquent talker so things come out wrong.

I already had low self esteem before the A. He was loving it up with a thinner and younger version of me.

What if he finds another one?


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
1devastedmom
Member
Member # 38399
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, September 14th (Saturday)

I understand how you feel. Things seem to be going well and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.


Me BS: 42
WH: 44
DDay- April 17, 2013
Married 22 years
3 children: 18, 15 & 9
Reconcilling

Posts: 140 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: 1devastedmom
Markay81
New Member
Member # 39387
Default  Posted: 8:40 AM, September 15th (Sunday)

I totally understand. My WH has been doing really good giving me everything I need to heal. But I cant help but think "How long is this going to last". I do recognize the good he is doing but it all is just so bitter sweet.


Ugh! Sometimes reality sucks.
BS (me) 31
WH (him) 33
OW - married Bar Whore Rig Rat
Married 14 years
3 amazing kids
DDay-3/03/2013 TT.The whole truth came out(hopefully) 06/09/2013
Currently on the roller coaster of R.

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2013
sisoon
Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

cuppa,

Above all, for now, base your self-esteem on what you read in responses to your posts on SI - you're loving, you're lovable, you're capable, you're terrific.

Then, realize you're under tremendous stress, so you're predisposed to feel lousy. The A followed by job loss is a heavy, heavy load. The best anti-dote is loving self-talk.

Second, keep your eye on the prize - a good M. A guy who does nothing more than no cheat isn't much of a catch. You deserve a lot more than that.

Third, have you talked with your H about how to handle drinks after work? It may help him turn this from temp to permanent, but you can probably work something out to make it safe.

(((cuppacoffee))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Topic Posts: 6