NAS, we have very similar stories.
I am 48 and i never really set strong boundaries and let him get away with so much deceit etc etc etc......
He so emotionally abusive to me and then started physical abuse because i was pushing him for the truth and in his words "need to get over it"
I like you had so much hope and thought things would change as i had always thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. We have 1 DS also 18 who also now does not want anything to do with his father after what he has put me through and done to me, to us both.
I too was full of fear. Fear of being alone and how was i going to manage financially. My son has autism.
Found condoms. Money being spent on god knows what, cialis prescription disappeared out of the cabinet.........My WH is so fucked up i just couldnt do it anymore.
He sucked me dry emotionally and i knew deep in my heart 2 things....
After 24 years of marriage, no remorse, false R and his super inflated ego, that i could not change him.
I was doing my bit but he was not.....
The 2 things are, i could NEVER trust him again and NEVER forgive him.
His lies went so deep. Dark dirty secrets and i didnt want to live like that anymore......the detective work, the bullshit, all the continuing crap....no more.
I kicked him out. Packed up his shit in garbage bags and put it in the driveway. It was incredibly hard but i was going to go insane and deserved to be treated with respect.
He is dancing on your nose, like i allowed mine too. YOU DESERVE PEACE RESPECT AND HAPPINESS.
You will not be alone. I sold the house and 1 week after i booted his filthy arse out he looked up the pond scum sucking whore and is hanging out with her cause thats all he's got.
I am nearly 3 months separated. My son and i moved 3 weeks ago. House settles in 2 more weeks. He doesnt know that we have moved and wont ever know where we r. Each day gets so much better. I borrowed the money from family and get government financial support.
But you know what.....even if we eat toast for a while i have a roof over our heads, my sanity and my lovely little rented house is mine. Full of good energy. My time is mine to do as i please. I have NC. My wounds r healing faster this way. He did text me a month after he left. Wanted to talk. I was strong and didnt respond.
They just suck u back in with their manipulating lies......they get very good at it as the time rolls on.
I cook and clean happily for me and my son not a fucktard who only cares about him self his ego and his penis....
Boot him from your life......you will not regret it...you will be ok in fact u will be great...life will slowly become wonderful again.
What i laugh about now is how ridiculous they sound when they tell u if u didnt snoop you wouldnt find these things........they do whatbthey want when they want. Your WH wont stop.....he has issues, serious issues.
Let them become someone elses problem, you r too special to be treated this way.
Take back your life......you CAN do it, he thinks you cant and wont. You r in your gorgeous 40's. Dont get to your 50' or 60's. There is a gorgeous man just waiting for you and your son will support you through this. You r not alone.
Shock the pants if him and have the last laugh.
((((Huge hugs to you))))))