SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: WH had OW in my house!
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Sad  Posted: 10:01 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

A couple of weeks ago my WH was stranded during the day-when most people who have jobs are working? Well he decided to call OW for a ride home.

OW text me a few weeks ago with this information. I was sure she was making it up. She was trying to get me angry because we called her and told her to leave us alone and we were working on our marriage.

Then decided to show her OUR house! She sat down and played the piano. He showed her my pets, his other pets in different parts of the house.

Then down to the basement to watch a movie and do the deed to bless this house!

I can't walk down to the basement anymore. Our movie theatre area. I can't look at the piano. I told him to sell it. I can hardly be in the house. I feel so violated. The house used to be my safe place. I am so very sad I just don't know how to deal with this.

How can I stop the movies and take back what is mine? I am so afraid of what I will find out next.


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

I SO get your pain. My once "dream house" has been reduced to the "whore house"
Simply disgusting.


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 611 | Registered: Jul 2012
soverybetrayed
Member
Member # 32948
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

I am so sorry for your pain and his idiocy....

Keep the Piano...Sell HIM!!


Me-53
DDay 10/16/2010 DDay2 5/22/2011
Divorced 8/23/2012
I will get stronger and better but no matter where he goes, there he is....

Posts: 1207 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Texas
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Mocha, this has been going on for the better part of a decade. I read your profile, and it doesn't sound like he has ever stopped or even come clean.

You even went to an attorney.

What's stopping you from getting your own house/space/life? We're all scared of going the D route, but given the length of everything I'm wondering what's keeping you there at this point - especially since you have caught wind of a time when an OW was in your house.

These are all honest questions - I feel like maybe I'm missing something and I want to help.

(((Mochagurl)))


I bow to those who keep their hearts open when it is most difficult, those who refuse to keep their armor on any longer than they have to, those who recognize the courage at the heart of vulnerability. - Jeff Brown

Posts: 17307 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Yep, me, too. They were in my home while I was out of state taking care of my mother and many times when I was at work.

I kicked him out, I changed the locks. If I did not have children who need to stay here, I would get the hell out of this place.

Painting the walls has helped and I'm getting new furniture as I can because who knows what all they did in my home.

I could not have reconciled with this man, he's too sick and my children and I deserve peace.

In the D I got the house and all the equity. When youngest grads HS, I'll take the equity and move to a coastal area. I am just biding my time.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2118 | Registered: Jan 2012
FaithFool
Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

Same story here. I got the house in the divorce and unloaded it asap. Couldn't stand to stay.

In hindsight I suppose I could have insisted we move and keep trying to repair the damage, but he was such a good liar I decided I could never trust another word out of his mouth.

Who does this shit to people they love??!

(((Mochagurl)))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

The reason nothing is happening at the moment is his current job situation. He will be losing his job in about a month. We have been together since high school. I have helped him through undergrad, med school, residences, and difficult times with previous jobs. I feel very invested in getting him back on his feet one more time.

I also have had a self esteem problem that keeps me from going ahead with anything. This has gotten better since I got my job about 5 years ago.

I am working with a counselor and during our first appointment I told her the reason for me coming to her was to help me follow through with the divorce.

My husband can be very controlling and it would be better if we could keep the divorce friendly.

Being wife and mother has been what I always wanted to do in life. It is hard to let go of that dream. I like having my children and family together for holidays.

[This message edited by Mochagurl at 11:25 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

My husband can be very controlling and it would be better if we could keep the divorce friendly.

That's an oxymoron.....


eta: there is no such thing as an 'amicable' divorce with a controlling WS.....

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:33 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8003 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
Crushed1
Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

((((Mocha)))) I'm sorry what was once sacred to you has now been violated in such an awful way! I don't know if this will help you but have you heard of doing a 'cleansing' on everything she may have touched? That and maybe bleaching the keys on the piano...I can't imagine going into a married person's house and doing the nasty where their family lives!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9713 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

I have cleaned the piano keys. And of course it is a grand piano. No one really plays so I told him to sell it for a quarter..

The basement, I plan on not going down there. I joined a health club this weekend and I will go there to workout and I can watch tv in my bedroom..

I am trying to pretend things are ok since we have to be in the house together while he looks for a new job but not sure i can do this.

Money is tight with 3 children in college.

We have been together so long I have never really been on my own.


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

And the OW keeps telling me she is really a nice person. And Christian too!

And my WH says the bible says it is ok. I don't know but the bible I read has 10 commandments and I think one is thou shalt not commit adultery..

I don't think that is the bible he is reading though. LOL

[This message edited by Mochagurl at 10:54 PM, September 15th (Sunday)]


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
k9lover1
Member
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 11:01 PM, September 15th (Sunday)

This continues as long as you let it. Period.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8098 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I have tried to let it go. But I feel so disgusted with the thought of her in our house. Looking, touching my pets. Watching movies and the rest.

He also brought to back to our hometown in WI to meet his mother and sisters. Who does this stuff?!

I haven't had many friends in my lifetime. Some that are on committes with me. But not that I do stuff with outside of the meetings. Maybe that is why I struggle with my future.

Nothing can be done until a job is secured for him and that may take a while since he has had issues at work in the past.

I feel so very defeated and just sick to my stomach.


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 7:34 AM, September 16th (Monday)

My ex-wife moved OM into our home for 4 days while I took our kids on a much needed vacation that she 'just couldn't find the time for'.

But she picked the time when I had PI's following her. After all, who doesn't go on a family vacation?

Who are these people?


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
StepAside
Member
Member # 29826
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, September 16th (Monday)

((Mochagurl))

I feel your pain, and I can relate. fWH had pig in our house a few times (while I was at work and kids at school), and I have the extra special souvenir pictures of her sucking him off on our couch, and her posing 'pretty' for the auspicious occasion.

It took quite some time to get rid of the mind movies and to 'reclaim' MY house. I don't know when I got there, or how, but I CHOSE to own those triggers. This is MY house and MY furniture and MY pet (that I'm sure slunt probably made a big fuss over, raging psycho that she is, to show MrStepAside just what an awesome picture it would be with her inserted into our life) I woke up one day and decided that f*ck it, that filthy slore and my f*cked up husband would not-WOULD NOT- dictate to me, through their garbage relationship, how I would feel or react in my house. My sanctuary. And that was the beginning of my power over those stupid mind movies. Once I decided that, it took a relatively short time to become immune...and then to really savour the fact that I am stronger than the mind movies/thoughts.

I wish you peace, I hope you find your strength sooner than I did.


Me 48yrs, king of douchebagastan- 50yrs STD infected bankrupt NPD sociopathic drunk thief
countless A's, he is a predator that targets losers like himself
Last Dday 04/12/2010-Divorcing if/when his cumdumpsters lend him some $ or balls to file

Posts: 1517 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Ingersoll Ontario
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, September 16th (Monday)


He also brought to back to our hometown in WI to meet his mother and sisters. Who does this stuff?!

People we've trained can use us over and over. We've asked for less than we deserve and that's exactly what they give us. We accept emotionally abusive treatment so that's what they do.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, September 16th (Monday)

Step-thank you so much. You will be my inspiration!

I can do this! I will reclaim MY house!

And my life!


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, September 16th (Monday)

And my WH says the bible says it is ok. I don't know but the bible I read has 10 commandments and I think one is thou shalt not commit adultery..

Many people will claim that since Abraham used Hagar to father a child and David committed adultery with Bathsheba (as well as many other issues like this in the Old Testament) that the Bible allows for multiple partners.

They don't read closely enough. These men may have been patriarchs and near to God's heart, but like all of us they were sinners and made bad choices. Not everything they did was perfect and to be emulated. I can't think of a single verse that gives approval for adultery but many that not only condem it, but also equate worhsipping other gods to adultery. Look at the entire book of Hosea. Yes, it represents a God who loves and pursues his wandering people. It also shows that adultery is wrong and painful. At no time does God tell Hosea that Gomer whoring herself out is the right thing to do.

There is a reason that adultery is one of the only reasons Jesus gives for D in the New Testament. It's not only wrong, but it damages to the core of the M, the heart of the BS and even who the WS is while cheating.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11186 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I know what you mean about the WS bringing the AP into your home. My WH#2 had OW living in my home during the week while I was working out of state. He would take her home on his way to pick me up at the airport and then pick her back up after he took me back. I had no idea it was happening and she got a little too possesive and outed him thinking I would leave him and it would all be hers.

Not happening. This was my land before she ever stepped her slimy ass on it and I designed the home and had it built to my specifications. She wasn't getting it. It took me awhile to get over the fact that she lived in my home, went through my clothes, cooked in my kitchen, petted my dog (who didn't like her at all), etc.. I cleaned every inch of my house and made WH buy a new bed with all new bed clothes. I burned the old ones. Hopefully none of her DNA is left in my home.

It is hard to get over that type of betrayal, but you can do it. As far as your WH goes, it sounds like you need to get rid of him and keep the house. Hopefully my WH has seen the consequences that an A can cause and won't be stupid enough to try it again, but your WH appears to not give a damn about consequences or what he is putting you through. As the others said, it stops when you make it stop. (((HUGS)))


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, September 16th (Monday)

I'm in the same house. Either the 'ghosts' don't mean all that much or I am kidding myself.

I keep it as a refuge for our kids. They need something familiar and stable in their lives.

Besides, I love the place.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, September 16th (Monday)

I'm pretty sure ow was in my house. My DD13 (at the time)she told me about a dream she had while I was out of town. She said she walked into
our bedroom when she woke up. Said she grabbed my foot like she always did to wake me, but it wasn't me, it was a woman. The woman's mouth fell open and she pulled the blanket up to.her neck. Her daddy was asleep. DD said it scared her so she ran and jumped in bed with her sister. She seemed so confused when she talked about and kept saying it seemed so real. My ws got mad and screamed, it was a dream, wht are you even.talking about it. His reaction and my DD confused expressions pretty much said to me, it wasn't a dream. Our bedroom door lock use tostick where u could just push the door open. I know that bitch was in my BED!! I have a streak of hatred for ws for not only doing what he did, but for his reaction to our DD. That's one that will always stick with me.
Having the enemy in your home is just evil in my book. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5037 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
whensitover
Member
Member # 31207
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 16th (Monday)

"He also brought to back to our hometown in WI to meet his mother and sisters. Who does this stuff?!"


People that feel they can. I read your reason for not leaving or throwing him out, but this has been going on since 1987. I am sure he has had a job during that time somewhere. He is never going to change because he doesn't have to change. Like my grandfather use to say "When you get tired of being shit on, get out from under the cow's tail!" I pray you find the strength to stand up for yourself and stop letting him do this to you!!

[This message edited by whensitover at 2:23 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 449 | Registered: Feb 2011
Mochagurl
Member
Member # 14660
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, September 16th (Monday)

He has been employed, since around 1989. He has had issues with 3 of his jobs. He will have to work hard to get a new job.

This is a new OW. She came in the scene 12/2012. The OW from 1987 is out if the picture. We totally reconciled from that situation.

Another OW came into the picture about 7 years ago and she is out of the picture now too.

Yes, I need to leave. With current job situation attorney wants me to wait so spousal support will work out in my favor. No minor children in the picture anymore.

I am not making excuses for me or him, but we were married young. I worked for a bit at the beginning of the marriage during under grad and med school. Then I stayed home with the children. So up until recently I felt unable to support myself.

This job situation came at a bad time. Otherwise I would have filed.

[This message edited by Mochagurl at 11:26 AM, September 26th (Thursday)]


Me: BS-55
Him: WS-55
Married: 35 years
DD 36, DD 25, DS 22, DD 19
You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Ohio
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, September 16th (Monday)

(((Mochagurl)))
I totally understand the need to wait.
Maybe by the time he gets the new job the housing market will be better for you to sell.
That way you can buy something suitable for your new life!
I wish you luck.
Very sorry you are here but after 3 times he should be OUT!

Good luck!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
ctdean2004
New Member
Member # 39637
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Ugh I know your pain with this one. Our nanny was in my house and they did the deed in our family room right in front of our huge wedding picture and children's pictures on my brand new couches I busted my tail to purchase. I was so angry when I found out that I wanted to get rid of the couches but as someone else said, I reclaimed my house. My house - not hers. She should be ashamed of herself. I blessed these couches with my WH way before she did anyways...


Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.
Rec

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 25