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User Topic: Going to arbitration - any tips?
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 16th (Monday)

My divorce was completely handled between XH's and my lawyers. We are now at an impasse regarding a minor medical issue with our DD. He is in favor of a minor medical procedure while I am not. So we are going to arbitration.

I suppose I could roll over and give my permission to perform the procedure (it is so minor that it can be done in the doc's office). But I feel like if I give up without a fight then I am doomed to allow XH to bully me forever.

I have no experience with arbitration. Do any of you have any tips or advice to give? I would also appreciate any thoughts on whether I should just relent and allow the procedure.

[This message edited by FirstLoveGone at 7:29 PM, September 16th (Monday)]


Posts: 1262 | Registered: Oct 2009
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:40 PM, September 16th (Monday)

What is your reasoning with regards to objecting to the procedure?

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29541 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Cat - to me, it's unnecessary. Docs do recommend it, but it is absolutely medically unnecessary for her well being. It's a preventative measure that I don't feel is worth performing.


Posts: 1262 | Registered: Oct 2009
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, September 16th (Monday)

I feel like if I give up without a fight then I am doomed to allow XH to bully me forever.

Not necessarily. Pick and choose your battles carefully, there will always be more. Ask yourself, "Is this a hill I am willing to die on?" Or, can you save your energy for a bigger, more meaningful battle in the future (and there WILL be future battles).


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 22,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 978 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Phoenix - that's just the thing. I don't know how big this battle is going to be. I also feel like, what have I got to loose (aside from money spent in this!)?

I am constantly putting up with his crap and I know he's doing this to intimidate me.

Ugh. This is so overwhelming.


Posts: 1262 | Registered: Oct 2009
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Docs do recommend it, but it is absolutely medically unnecessary for her well being. It''s a preventative measure that I don''t feel is worth performing.

Full disclosure, I don''t have children.

If you make this your hill to die on, and he wins, or worse, if the doctor''s recommendations end up being correct, what will this do to the next time that you have a conflict, when it might be *really* important? Will you have shot your good-will wad? Will you have set yourself up for a pointed question about your competence to make this decision? Or, will this establish yourself as the reasonable parent? Or would giving in at this point mean that you have set a precedent of giving in to a NPD parent?

I''m afraid that these are questions that only you can answer, but do please think on them.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4586 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, September 16th (Monday)

Skan - those are some great Qs. I'll have to give them some thought.

Thank you all for the great feedback.

I still don't think I've made up my mind, but your posts have been really helpful in processing the situation.


Posts: 1262 | Registered: Oct 2009
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, September 16th (Monday)

If anyone has any more thoughts I'd be happy to hear them. I don't really have anyone IRL to discuss this with, so having your opinions means a lot to me.

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Oct 2009
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:45 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I would tread very carefully here. If this is a medically recommended procedure and commonly done and minimally disruptive, you may run the risk of looking difficult. Then, next time, this is all a matter of court record and the other side can bring it up to prove thir point.

I save my energy for what is really important. It sounds like this is merely a preference on your part, vs. believing she might be at physical or emotional risk.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29541 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Thanks Cat. Good point.

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Oct 2009
Topic Posts: 10