New Beginnings
User Topic: SIngle Mom Blues
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Prepare for a bit of a pity party. I am having a rough week.

Tonight is ciriculum night (7-9) and at the same time is basketball evaluations (7:30-9). I can't do both, but I have to do both. It is his first year of high school, I want to be there to meet his teachers and see what the game plan is. But his asthma is a bit wonky due to a bad cold so I need to be at the evaluations in case of emergency.

For the first time in two years I just want to sit down and cry. I feel like I am so alone today and while it is a small issue it feels huge. I see all my friends with their husbands going to basktball while they do the school meeting and it so easy. Why do even the simpliest things become difficult.

What really cheeses me off is that my sister keeps saying I am not really a single parent because I have an ex who pays his child support. Except he is only home one week a month, and he only sees DS for a few days out of that week.

I am truly and 100% alone raising this child. Yes I get CS, but I don't get parental support. It makes me angry and sad.

I am just so sad today
and feeling like a bit of a failure.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)


It sounds like you are doing an amazing job.

Can you get a friend to go to the curriculum night for you if you explain that you can't make both?

Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I am at odds. I really need to be at circulum night but dont' want him alone at basketball. I know a bunch of the parents going to basketball but they have pulled away quite a bit since my ex and I split so I am not as comfortable asking them to take him to basketball. But I may have to suck it up and ask.

I hope none of the guys come in to the office right now because I am sitting at my desk crying like an idiot. something I never do. I guess I got overwhelmed today.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)


Reach out to your friends. Many people pull away thinking that you want space or they don't know what to say.

As for your sister's comment, she's wrong. You are a single parent. You are the one the has to do it all. Deep breaths right now.


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52570 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
New Member
Member # 37090
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)


Reach out to your friends, I would bet that they would be more than happy to help you out.

ME-BH (52)
HER-WW (52)
Married 16 years,
together 20years
One beautiful daughter.
DDay #1 - 06 Apr 2011 EA
DDay #2 - 01 Feb 2012 PA

Posts: 31 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 29183
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Your sister has no idea. I have one like that, too. Some people will truly never get it. Can you contact his teachers and find another time/ way to get the curriculum info? Most teachers would be pretty accommodating.

(((Hugs))) I feel your pain. I'm forever trying to split myself 3 ways and its only getting harder as the kids get older.

3 amazing kidlets
To WXH "Now you're just somebody that I used to know."
D-day and separation - June, 2009
Divorced - December, 2011

Posts: 2524 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: A better place
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

You know Big Brothers has mentoring programs, perhaps you could look into that for the next couple of years.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17488 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Can you contact his teachers and find another time/ way to get the curriculum info? Most teachers would be pretty accommodating.
^^^This. Most teachers are very acocomodating, especially to parents that actually show an interest in their childrens education. I am sure he/she would be willing to meet with you at another time to go over things.

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Well at least it is only an introduction tonight and not an actual meeting about DS. Worse comes to worse I can get a friend to bring me back notes.

So far no luck with the friends, all the other kids are currently in another time slot.

I am less depressed, probably because I have just topped up on caffine and I am just starting to be amused by the craziness of my life.

THe good news is I have a BF who is very involved in DS' life, but he is at school all day and working tonight, so he is out of hte picutre, otherwise he would help out

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Speaking of BF, he just messaged me while on his break adn said he would see if his father will take DS to basketball. THere is hope yet. lol

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 27457
Helpless  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)


You are most definitely NOT alone sweetie! My daughter's sperm donor doesn't see her AT ALL! The last time he saw her...she was 4 months old.... she turns 14 months old on October 3rd! I DO get child support through social services but since he is unemployed its only $65 a month. That barely helps with diapers...much less food, clothes, etc!!! I feel alone all the time....but we are making it. Its not easy and I get jealous of my married friends all the time. I would kill to have someone who could watch my daughter when I'm sick so I could rest..... or someone to watch her so I can clean.....or HELL...just take a shower.. or just so I can do ANYTHING basically without her! But, it is what it is. I have my sister and my friend who watch her so I can work full-time to support us, run, and occasionally get to do a couple of other things. This Saturday will be the 1st time I will be overnight without her... and she is 13 and a half months old! I'm excited.... but it would be nice to have more opportunities like that.

Just keep faith that it will get better.....that's all we have.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:49 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

How dare your sister try to say you are not truly a single parent! You are single parent in every since of the word!

Maybe you are one of the lucky ones who has an ex that actually pays his child support. Because, you know it's something he owes your child! That by no means makes you any less of a single parent.

Your sister apparently has no clue!

DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I want to thump your sister in the forehead.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9815 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I totally know how you feel.

If there are school things for both of my kids on the same night, I always end up racing around.

I also suggest talking to his teachers. Most of the time, they will make every effort to meet with you at another time. (I work in schools, and have done this myself.)

what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced

Posts: 1043 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
Member # 7685
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I'm with Nature Girl.. I want to thump your sister. My ex paid child support, but I raised a 3 year old and a newborn ALL BY MYSELF. He didn't even really see them. You are a single mom, without a doubt.
I remember so vividly when my youngest had just turned 3 and suffered a horrible injury at home and I had to figure out how to do everything with her and my then 5 year old. It was a mess and I relied on friends to get me through.
(((HUGE HUGS))) sweetie. You are doing an amazing job.

Red Headed Imps 10 & 8
DDay 1/05
Divorce final 6/21/06
My new life is GRAND.
Married my new beginning 6/09

Posts: 2290 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Greater Seattle Area
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Yeah I love my sister, but sometimes she has opinions on things she knows nothing about.

I do have financial support and I am lucky in that he always pays for extras as well. But he is not here, he does not do anything day to day. He sees him a few days a month at best and even then only for a couple of hours at a time. I am on my own here.

Just last week when EXH was home he took DS to a basketball camp and came home and told me that DS needs to take his inhaler next time. DS has not used an inhaler for years because he has cough variant athsma and inhalers only make it worse. That tells you how much he knows about his own child.

Ugh. I am blessed to be able to be there pretty much every day of my son's life. And yes I would love a day off, and yes somedays can be very very overwhelming. I am glad I have people who understand to turn to to talk about it.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 12:08 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

You aren't whining in the least, ninebark (BTW, I love your username and it always makes me smile ). I'm another single mama, 24/7. It's hard!

You aren't a failure. You're a success! You're making this work. Sure, there are bumps in the road, good days and bad - there always are - but you're making it happen. And that is freaking amazing.

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15412 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I've had other people say that crap to me too "I'm not a single parent because we are not divorced yet". Huh? He sees his kids 4 days a month--who do you think is raising them the other 26?

And how much of a parent can you be with that little amount of input? You are definitely a single parent. And yes, it's a juggle, but you are doing a great job!

S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 512 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 18