User Topic: He's shocked that I want a divorce!
New Member
Member # 39151
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I've been trying to get my ducks in a row, so I hadn't told him that I've decided to divorce him, but I've been honest about the fact that I was strongly considering it. He either wasn't listening, or didn't believe I'd actually do it. He cornered me with questioning last night, (he was watching our son last night, he's been out of the house since June) and I couldn't lead him on thinking that there was any chance of R left. I didn't tell him that I already have a lawyer, and that we're getting the paperwork ready to file, and will serve him soon.

He is delusional. He asked me why I would divorce him. He seemed genuinely shocked. I had to spell it out to him that the multiple affairs and lying had completely destroyed my trust. He told me that he is going to fight for me (now?! You couldn't fight for me the 7 years we were married!) and that he won't sign anything until a judge forces him to. And he said that even after we are divorced that he still is going to try and get me back.

UGH! Any advice from those that have dealt with crazy STBX's?

BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

It just baffles me how, when they say half of all marriages end in D, someone who cheated and has been "out of the house since June" is shocked when his wife files for a D. I am more shocked that some DON'T file under these circumstances!

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 21634
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I bet he is in shock. They never think you will actually stand up for yourself. Forgive and forget....right??!

Listen, my STBXH lied and cheated with the same OW for 5 years!!!! I finally found the courage to end it and he couldn't believe that I would do it either. He vowed to win me back even if we were divorced. He moved out on January 6. Within TWO WEEKS.....he was taking the OW out for lunch!!!! Really? This is how he was going to win me back??!

Action! Not words. Words are easy to say. Action takes a lot of work. My STBXH didn't have it in him for that!

My advice, don't believe a word of his crazy talk. Wait and watch his actions!

BS - ME 43
WH 44
Married 20 years
DDay #1 12/28/07
DDay #2 9/18/08
DDay #3 12/28/08
Dday #4 11/18/10 (same OW)
Dday #5 8/22/12 (same OW)
2 beautiful daughters
"Love grows where it is nurtured and dies where it is not!"

Posts: 841 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: NJ
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Mine was stunned. Couldn't believe it. At one point during the custody evaluation he was asked what he thought would happen due to all the things he'd been up to. He said he never gave it any thought. So he was asked if he thought I'd never have a reaction to any of the things he did. He said no, he didn't think I'd react.

Nice to know they think we're such idiots, right?

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

It wasn’t until my attorney called the OW and told her she would be subpoenaed (at her office by deputies) that ex finally agreed to the divorce. He kicked and screamed the entire time. Always saying that we were meant to be married forever. Hell, he told a bunch of golfing buddies after the divorce he was going to win me back.

It is all laughable because not one single time did he do anything to rebuild my trust – nothing to fix the destruction he brought to our family.

I think their response is typical! Cause really – who wouldn’t want to be married to us !?!?! We SI folk rock!

BW 53 WXH 56 & still bewildered
D-Day 9-15-11
Divorce 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe

Posts: 506 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
Member # 40393
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

I had the same experience. After my WH porn addiction, finding his profile on AshleyMadison, then discovering EA- probably PA and years of financial infidelity....I filed for divorce. He was shocked! He said "Apparently that is what you want." I didn't stay in a marriage for 32 years and have 7 children with a man just to be able to divorce him. I didn't leave him - he left me! I don't know if a WS ever gets it.

Oh wait, he was "just being a guy", it was "just a joke", they are "just friends". I've heard it all and have been expected to brush it under the carpet while he eats cake. No more - so done!

Me: 50
WH: 50 pro cake-eater, NPD, SA
Married 33 years
D-Days 3-4-12, 8-19-12 (EA, probably PA)porn,ashleymadison, etc, etc
4 sons, 3 daughters
8 grandkids
Divorcing - finally

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Utah
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

My ex accused me of 'throwing her out' after the would not stop her affair.

She wanted it all at the same time.

"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11

Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
New Member
Member # 39151
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

WH "Why can't you forgive me?!"

Me "I can forgive you. But that doesn't mean I have to stay married to you."

Y'all are right. Us SIers are wonderful people, and they don't want to let go. Too bad, so sad.

BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 8