SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: She Asks What's Going On
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

So I get a text last night from her asking why Son(14) won't do anything with her, and "Is there something going on that she should know about?" Hahaahha, yer kidding! She had the Facebook fantasy affair and is still "in-love" with the idiot, about 4 months now. Lives out of our house but not with him full-time yet. And she can't figure out why her son isn't interested in her? I say nothing about her to him at all, AND, he doesn't even know about her sick fling yet either. She brought 100% of all this on herself, and I have handled it all sanely, and she's so down cuz her son and her aren't pals lately. Unreal.

Maybe, when she was at home yet, and the affair (EA/PA) was in full-tilt, you could have bonded with your son more instead of spending every waking hour on-line or texting with the idiot! So she pulls out after I revealed I knew, and 5 wks later, she states that "I am his Mother and want to be in his life". Well,,,how about not cheating and committing adultery, and instead, loving the best husband a woman could ask for (me), and staying true to your real family! Jesus, I just don't get any of this.

I was pretty much over her and letting go (cuz I'd never take her back ever, and she prob wouldnt come back anyway), but she throws this in my face?!? Like "I" have something to do with why son "doesn't seem interested" in her. WTF do people think reactions will be like. Not just from family, but friends, co-workers, etc.?? But idiot and his kid just love her to death so all is still good in her world anyway. Cheaters, liars, betrayers, manipulators, deceivers, hypocrites, narcissistic. YET, they are so hurt cuz, where did all the love go? Anyway, Good Riddance!


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

They are all the same. Because it must be YOUR fault right?

She can't accept responsibility. Some of them may even say they accept it, but they don't really think that. Of course, you are bitter and vindictive- that must be it, right? I know I certainly have been called that.

They all look for some reason that you deserve it, that you are a shitty person too, anything, anything that will make them feel a little bit better and justified.

I stopped talking to my douche except for divorce therapy- about the kids- one hour per week. Every third day email. That is it. I can't stand listening to his delusional bullshit. It makes me too crazy...

Hang in there Jackfish....


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

thank you sleepless.

"They all look for some reason that you deserve it, that you are a shitty person too, anything, anything that will make them feel a little bit better and justified. " Absolutely perfect quote!

I have had Limited contact since Separ, just trivial things like our son's activites, mail, sports/school schedules, etc. I have been, can't really find an adjective here...gracious? I don't bother her, in fact I have been so moving forward in my life, and this just IRKED me. Through marriage and now separation, she just cannot take responsibility! Thank god I'm relieving myself of this crap.

I was doing sooooo good, so is this just a blip in the radar? Keep soldiering on I guess.

I felt like telling her, You want drama, go to the movies. Jesus. What the hell am I suppose to do different? Maybe her idiot is feeding her bullshit ideas too? ""Oh Fabio, my son doesn't love me, sob sob," OH, that's ok babydoll, I think you're the most perfect human in the Universe and show nothing but pure love and attention to him...must be that evil husband of yours". Ya ya, I'm imagining but wouldn't doubt it.

[This message edited by jackfish at 11:41 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
SeanFLA
Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Did she ever come to the conclusion that your son is old enough to be aware of what is going on? Maybe it hasn't hit her yet but the boy probably feels somewhat abandoned by her. And many kids blame themselves for their parent's poor behavior and choices. I'm like you and don't talk much to exWW except for my son's scheduling, etc. If it wren't for him I would NEVER converse with her for the way she treated me.

I think you need to have a father/son talk with him about it. Unfortunately in your situation you're going to have to be the bigger man (or parent) here and suck it up for his sake. Don't talk bad about his mother and see if he's missing her because she is gone. Sucks because kids are always the collateral damage in all this.

My son is now 14 and also what happens is they gravitate from child to teen and want to spend more "man time" with their father because it's who they relate to and look up to. My son is the same way about play time like fishing. He knows I will take him or be the one to throw the football around with. Moms not so much anymore. He's growing up.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 11:45 AM, September 17th (Tuesday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Hi Sean
Exactly. I have had a couple of talks with him about this mom. Just listened mainly and pointed out kindly that she IS his mother forever and I , as his dad, will always respect that. This delusional thinking is all from her. I politely texted her back that I say NOTHING bad ever to him about her, and that this is between you two. She did respectfully understand this a few texts later. It was the initial "WTH is going on" attitude that pissed me off.

You are so right about the transition from boy to teen. He has HIS world (friends, sports, girls, etc). And him and I have always had a bond. He knows and told me he can't understand why mom would leave me cuz I was so good to her. (he doesn't know about her cheating/adultery...yet).

I just treat and raise my son with love, and provide what he needs. No differently than I ever have. She frickin knows that too.


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Seriously, I think they have a handbook.
Shrekfucker did the same thing. Now he just insists that the boys are perfectly fine and nothing he did has affected them.
And that is why they have gone NC on both of us.
Really?


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Dagny07
Member
Member # 16928
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

She needs to learn the hard lesson that you teach people how to treat you.


Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 29 years, together 36 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic

Posts: 835 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Midwest
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 5:06 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Still, almost 21 hours later, and I'm still fuming about this. What other bullshit am I gonna have to encounter in the future? I was gonna just let things happen , get the D, and sail off into the sunset. NOPE, Miss Narcisist has to start throwing curveballs in there. I have a feeling this is just the beginning, BUT, and God help me, I have to maintain my integrity and at the same time, grab my balls and stand up to this shit. I know people have bigger problems in the world and in their relationships, but I HATE when people ....ah shit, i give up typing my sob story. Just STUNNED yet that this person I once knew and loved is so fucked up! Pardon the language.

What did I do?!? arrrrggghhhh


Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

As my marriage and family exploded, a wise person told me that 'divorce is forever'. I had no idea how true that turned out to be.

As they say, I hope that 'your experience may vary'. But don't hold your breath.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
stronger08
Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Bro, you have to try your best and ignore. Her little fantasy life is starting to have real world problems. And naturally your going to be the target of blame for all of it. These WW think that they can juggle an A, destroy the family unit, belittle the BS in front of the kids and still think the children will not be affected. And what's worse is that they so desperately their children approval of the OP they usually shove the prick down the poor kids throats. But when they child speaks his/her mind about their dislike of the situation it has to be you who is instigating all of it. Its fucking insane to say the least. My XWW went on a MM bender after our S/D. She must have been with at least 5 taken guys in a 3 year period. Each and everyone of these assholes were involved with my child's life as she needed him to be put right in the middle of her shit. Luckily most of them were pretty nice to my son. She would interact with her MM like it was a normal relationship. That included doing things with my son. My son grew attached to some of these men. And as they were just getting some side ass they never stuck around very long. This made the kid sad to the point he confided in me about it. Try having a conversation with your child and consoling him about guys your WW has been screwing ? It not an easy thing to do. But I tried to not demean his mother or trash talk her in front of him. I told him he needed to speak to her about this. And when he did guess who was accused of interfering with her life ? You cant win and its best to keep out of it as best you can.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5732 | Registered: Nov 2007
shiloe
Member
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Her little fantasy life is starting to have real world problems

My WH lied to my son’s face, telling him there was no OW and that I was CRAZY. My son later found out the truth. My son told me “Mom, he lied to me too.” He was so hurt. WH is still hiding his MOW, she is like a rat hiding in the shadows, but we all know she is there.
In my son’s football program the senior players answer some questions like favorite food, player, etc.
Under Person you Admire the Most, my son wrote: “My Mom, who has always been there and always will”. No mention of his Dad anywhere.
Consequences. Kids know the score.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 615 | Registered: Mar 2003
jackfish
Member
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Thanks stronger.
Latest i know:
Shes been trying to convince son to spend time with her, and asked him via text, why wont he. He sticks up for himself and gives her mature reasons. She tells him I know you may be angry with me but i wanna spend time with you. I am still your mother."
Now, i get how she feels and what shes saying, but now the kid's opinion is not being respected. I WILL stay outta this, for the most part, but this is so easy for her while the rest of us have felt 100s times more pain.
Why not tell him the whole thing (adultery). Why leave him so confused? Guess time will tell how this plays out.
For those of u reading this, its not being with his mom thats bothering me, its how it hurts her and how dare us!

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 12