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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: To be a bitch or not, that is the question...
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 17th (Tuesday)

Get a text from POS today, first in a month of complete NC since I filed our uncontested papers:

Hi, please send me your key to the PO Box, I will be using that box. When is the payment due on the box? Thanks.

So here is the background. I don't get residential mail delivery, only thru the box. I set up my own box right after POS ran away because our current one is in his name and I have been changing addresses on everything as it has been coming. I would box his mail and send to him about once a month. I was only being nice to get him to sign the D papers. Once I had those signed papers and filed them, I sent one last box of his mail (along with the official court service for the filing) and advised it would be the last box as he had months to change his address and going forward everything would be returned to sender until the box renewal was up at which time it would be closed.

He is 4,000 miles away, and told me he was never coming back. For the last month I have been returning his mail and throwing away junk mail. He would have to have someone pick up his mail, and since current twatwaffle has supposedly moved out of state, it would have to be someone else (he has friends, but uses them until they get tired of it and ditch him). He is not forwarding his mail because he has debt collectors after him (I've seen the mail and received phone calls). He is using his elderly mother's address, which is where I send things, but I didn't want to drag her into this unnecessarily which is why I return his mail to sender rather than forward to her address. So I am guessing he wants to keep it to keep up the pretense with the debt collectors (he owes tens of thousands).

But this is where there is a twist that I could exploit, if so inclined. The post office here is very strict about requiring that you physically live in the district because they have a shortage of boxes. However, once you have one, such as in this case, they don't go after anyone to prove continued residency. As long as the rental fee is paid on time they are content. He could do that online or mail a check, if he wanted to.

But it gets better. He worked for this post office branch last winter as a seasonal employee. He got in a pissing contest and was let go. He then filed for unemployment, and the Postmaster fought the claim because he was pissed at POS for trying to create problems due to a "hostile work environment." The USPS won. POS appealed and lost again. Had to pay back unemployment compensation with interest (made me quietly chuckle). So the Postmaster has a real hard on for POS.

My current thoughts: Crickets to text. If he wants a replacement key he would have to come in person and show ID. Wait until after D hearing on 10/19 and have a brief convo with Postmaster (I see him almost everyday when I go get my own mail) to advise that POS is no longer a resident here and I have formal court documents showing his current mailing address out of state to prove it. Then sit back and let the Postmaster shut him down and let the debt collectors continue their feeding frenzy thru other means.

What do I have to lose? Nothing. I was going to let the box lapse anyway. What do I have to gain? Watching a little karma play out because the Postmaster hates him, plus it will just muck up his life a little more, which is well deserved.

Oh, and his question about when it renews? Typical since I always kept track of everything. Crickets to that. He can contact them himself if he wants to know as I am not his fucking bookkeeper anymore!

Thoughts anyone?

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:15 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)]


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
ArkLaMiss
Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 12:11 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Crickets!


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jun 2007
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I don't understand how he thinks he has the right to demand a key to YOUR PO box! What am I missing? Is he just that entitled?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:20 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Yeah, NG, he feels that entitled because it is in his name. I knew he would feel that way which is why I got my own months ago as a preemptive action...


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

So there are two PO boxes?

Eh, whatever. He doesn't live there anymore, he isn't paying for it, so f 'em. Crickets.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9823 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

If you've already switched all of your mail to a different PO box, then just give him the key and let him worry about it....

Although *I* would probably be inclined to let the postmaster know that the guy that's using Box #x lives 4000 miles away....just sayin'.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8075 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
LAFA
Member
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I would give the key to the postmaster.


When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 3:59 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Trust me on this - Karma feels a whole lot better when you have no hand in it.

Send the key wherever you are sending the rest of his mail.

No more calls, no more picking up his mail, no more RTS - nothing. Cut this last grubby tentacle off yourself.

I don't know how you can even stand seeing his name on the envelopes.

Your best revenge is living well and being happy - by that time you won't care if/when karma hits.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
macakipa
Member
Member # 33735
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

My first reaction was "CRICKETS", but...

Trust me on this - Karma feels a whole lot better when you have no hand in it.
Send the key wherever you are sending the rest of his mail.

No more calls, no more picking up his mail, no more RTS - nothing. Cut this last grubby tentacle off yourself.

^^...I think this makes for a better choice.


M -25 years, T - 31 years, 4 children
Dday October 8, 2011 - Multiple PAs and ONs
Divorced 1-8-13
"When you give a lot of importance to someone in your life, you lose your importance in their life."

Posts: 952 | Registered: Oct 2011
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 18th (Wednesday)

You need to send him one last text before you start NC:

I've left the key with the Postmaster. You can pick it up anytime.


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2086 | Registered: Jan 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 1052 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

honestly...i think you should just send the key to him, registered mail so that you know he got it, and then let it go.

1. He's going to then have to send it to someone in town to get the box open.

2. He's going to be paying for it, so what do you care what he does with it.

3. You can always use the fact that he doesn't live in the area as future knowlege if needed.

4. That key is just another hold he has on you. Sending it out gets ride of the last bit right? wouldn't you be thrilled to do it?

I would not tell him when the payment is due though - he has a phone, he can call.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2012
Sad in AZ
Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 12:23 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Don't push the karma issue; either send him the key with crickets to everything else, or if you are responsible in any way for that box, just return the key to the postmaster and let him know that.

You are still giving him too much space in your head.


I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
alphakitte
Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Have you checked regarding policy and regulation regarding Post Office property in your possession?

I'd do whatever you are required to do. If you are supposed to return the property (key) to the Post Office, then I would do so. If not, then I would send it to him, without further explanation.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
Phoenix1
Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I have actually been checking "his" box regularly not because I want to give him space in my head but, dare I say it, because of USPS incompetency! My DD has put in TWO forwarding orders but some of her mail is still landing in that box. I am just trying to catch all the misdirected mail before the box was going to close. And a few of my pieces have slipped thru as well.


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1189 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

" I will be using that box"

Uh, no you won't.

Just don't respond.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
gypsybird87
Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

You need to send him one last text before you start NC:

I've left the key with the Postmaster. You can pick it up anytime.

I like this idea. I understand about checking to make sure your mail and DD's mail is taken care of. But that's solved now, yes? You were also going out of your way to very nicely forward his mail until the filing was completed. That too is now taken care of.

So what's left?

A PO Box in his name only. Sounds to me like any questions about renewing etc are HIS problem, not yours. So crickets on that.

And a key that's officially the property of the USPS. It goes to a box that you no longer have anything to do with. Give it to the postmaster. And.... if you happen to mention that POS is no longer living locally, well, OOPS!!

Really though.... do whatever is going to give you the most peace, not whatever is going to give him the most trouble. Your feelings are far more important than his.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 914 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Topic Posts: 17