I'm so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I hated that period of time, when we still had to communicate to get things figured out and finalized. I would feel relatively okay, and all it took was a text message from him to send me into an emotional tailspin. All I can say is it does get better as time passes. (bet you're sick of hearing that, right? annoying... but at least it's true.)
During that time, I got some great advice from my father. I was so angry, so blindsided, just so fucking hurt that I wanted to confront him about everything. My dad reminded me that this divorce WAS happening, even though I didn't want it, and the sooner it was over the sooner I'd be able to start healing. Fighting with XWH about every little detail was not going to alleviate any of my pain, it was only going to prolong it. My dad told me to keep my eye on the goal of getting it (the divorced) done. "Grease the path," he said. "Don't throw up roadblocks." This helped me choose my battles a lot better. Some things regarding the divorce details were worth fighting about, others were not and were really just roadblocks preventing me from arriving at the unwanted (but necessary) goal of being divorced from him.
I'm not explaining it as well as my dad did, but I hope it helps a little. For me, once I felt more in control of the interaction, more pro-active and less re-active, then I was less affected (depressed) afterward. It still hurt, but I was able to rebound a little quicker, KWIM?
As far as them owning up to what they have done, you need to let that expectation go. Owning up to their actions would require courage, honesty, and a moral compass, as you said. Neither one of them possess those things. They can't call upon traits they don't have any more than they can fly without wings.
You know the truth, and deep down inside them, so do they.
(((mof2))) More hugs to you.
Me: BS, 45 Him: XWH, 45
Hang in there.
Five stepkids, all his
Two furbabies, all MINE!
Together 8 yrs, married for 5
DDay 04.10.13 Divorced 05.14.13
Right now is harder than it looks. ~ Van Halen