User Topic: at a crossroads
New Member
Member # 40709
Frustrated  Posted: 4:39 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I am new here. I caught my husband bringing the OW home after spending the weekend together. I knew her and where she lived so I staked out her house when I knew he would be returning.
That was July 14, 2013.
He treated me like horseshit for the following week, being extremely cold and downright nasty, as if I were the cheater. I spent the week emailing resumes, looking at houses online, and consulting attorneys. By the following Saturday the first letter from my lawyer was in his hand.
Monday he breaks down and seems to return to the man I married instead of the asshole alien he had been. I swear it was my higher power working through me because I agreed to try and work on things. Now I am second guessing my decision, as our marriage has been unhappy for a long time. I am very confused and don't know which end is up. is it normal to go back and forth so much?

Dday:July 14, 2013 Currently working on R

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Yes! The "roller coaster" is very normal.

Most people suggest not to make any big decisions the first 6 months.

Honestly there are so many stages and phases. If you look to the left in the upper corner is a yellow box, look for the healing library and read up! There is so much information.

Sorry you are here. This is a very supportive board, keep posting!

DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
New Member
Member # 40709
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Thanks for replying. In my better moments of clarity I see how he had been gaslighting me for a long time, but I don't know if this is still his MO. He apologized once but shows very little remorse.
I might be wasting my time.

Dday:July 14, 2013 Currently working on R

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 5:02 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Yes! It is normal.
Again, you do not need to make any decisions just yet.
I've heard give it 6 months but I say longer - at least a year.

Within this year you figure out what YOU want/need.
If you have a remorseful WH it will be easier and you will know if R is possible.

Make sure the A is in fact over. A lot of times, after dday the A will go underground. Be vigilant.

Take care of YOU.
Hugs. It does get easier - whatever the outcome.

ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
New Member
Member # 40709
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I know I am not supposed to make any major decisions right now, but I was called in for a job interview at a place I applied at when I was staring down the barrel at single parenthood--full time, benefits, etc. It is a perfect job if we part, but my current position gives me the ability to spend more time with my kids. I know if we split I won't have a choice about how much I work, so I hate to turn it down in case I need it. Honestly it's just one more thing to add to the "confused" pile.

Dday:July 14, 2013 Currently working on R

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 5