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New Beginnings
User Topic: Why do I torture myself?
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Concerned  Posted: 7:10 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

So... my XWH and MOW both decided to start running and racing (like me) during my separation and after my divorce. I run into them all the time. Well...she took it a couple of steps further since she can't actually beat me in a race, and they now put on a yearly race together for breast cancer awareness mixing the fire department in the theme. (he's a fireman). Its for a good cause. But, I refuse to run it. It would be filled with all of the people who turned their backs on me when our marriage went down the toilet.

But, I still find myself going to their event site and looking at their pictures. The ones of her in the firetruck grinning and laughing. The ones of him and her together smiling like they won an Emmy Award or something.....

Someone I know in the running community commented on a picture of them together saying "You look so happy" and she said she was. And, it bothered me.

I don't want her to be happy. I don't want him to be happy. I want them to be miserable after what they did to me. But, it looks like they are living this fairytale happy life and I'm a struggling lonely single mom.

Life is not fair. I know that. But, it still sucks.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
k94ever
Member
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Shelly,

There's a great big "IF" in the middle of Life. And nobody promised us it would be fair, just that it would be.

I know it's hard, but you've got to stop looking at the X's stuff and focus on you and Piper. They are in your past, let them go. They will get all the happiness they deserve.

You have your whole life ahead of you. You will make it. You've got that adorable little munchkin to hold and love and these hard times WILL end and life will be good.

You must decide for yourself to stop torturing yourself.

{{{{hugs}}}

Good times are ahead for you.

k9


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6580 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

((Shelly)). Stop looking. You'll thank yourself for it.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7765 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

I'm just jealous. Not that they have each other. I think they deserve each other. I'm jealous that I'm alone. Yes, I have my daughter....and I love her with all my heart. But, I've been single a year and a half now....with no end in sight. And, its extremely depressing.


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Random thoughts
Member
Member # 2959
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Maybe it just me but if I was stupid enough and went off with one of the cheaters I cheated with and I was happy, the last thing I would do is involve myself in my bf's ex sports activities.

Both of them your ex and his still married gf must not have anything going in their lives to invest so much of their relationship into your life.

It seems that you're the only one that moved on.

They're still stuck in the us against the wife phase when you are not even in the giving them a thought but as to why they are still hanging onto you.

I look at my pass as a ow with a great deal of shame and loathing, and the fact that yrs later they are still trying to get what ever they need from you says that what ever your doing keep doing it.

While you're running and winning those marathons they are still running in place. Leave them there.


Those three words are said too much and not enough.
Chasing Cars-Snow Patrol.
FWW

Posts: 1604 | Registered: Dec 2003 | From: Some where in New Jersey
foreverempty
Member
Member # 34426
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Shelly, I'm gonna join the others and say don't look, don't torture yourself....

Unfortunately once again we seem to be doing the same type of things.

I'm looking at X's Facebook far too often again, she's on holiday updating profile pictures of her having a laugh with the girls and everyone telling her how wonderful she is, she even changed it to one of our wedding photos of her a few weeks ago and latest boyfriend along with so many other people were commenting on how beautiful she looks and it makes me sick

There's me on Facebook asking if maybe one person fancies the cinema and I get nothing.

The dirty skank posts anything she fancies and everyone is like going on about how wonderful and happy she is. Bitch!

When you find a way past it let me know. In the mean time good luck refocusing!!!


Me BS: 35
Her WW: 34
D Day 5th December 2011
Current status: Filled for divorce 23rd Jan 2012. Response from WW was not to beg for forgiveness, but deleting me from Facebook.

Posts: 623 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: United Kingdom
Pass
Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

What Random said. They have found something to admire in what you have become.

Know why?

Because you're fucking awesome! That's why!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2089 | Registered: Jan 2013
She11ybeanz
Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, September 18th (Wednesday)

Both of them your ex and his still married gf must not have anything going in their lives to invest so much of their relationship into your life.

My therapist said this. She said the fact that they spend so much time stalking my every move and getting involved in what I do and keeping track of what I do as well as becoming friends with Piper's sperm donor out of spite shows how they are basically obsessed with me. She said that people who have moved on are indifferent. Like I don't really care what they do anymore but its kinda "thrust" in my face all the time at races and commercials and at my gym! I have to hear about their stupid race or I run into them at races or training runs. Its extremely annoying.

I will stop looking. Its hard. But, I will work on it.

Because you're fucking awesome! That's why!

This made me smile! Thank you!


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
Topic Posts: 8