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User Topic: If you won the lottery would you stay?
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I've got two bucks in on Powerball and I was thinking this tonight. What if I win the megamillions??? It would suddenly be so easy to divorce. Those things that kept me from divorce in the first place ( the need to pay off the credit card, fix the house up for sale, keep the kids in private school) wouldn't be an issue anymore.

I think I'd like to stay, maybe it would be easier to stay, knowing you could leave and be independent any time you wanted.


Posts: 607 | Registered: Sep 2012
PinkJeepLady
Member
Member # 37575
Default  Posted: 2:18 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I love this question, I think about it all the time! I think I would do things differently maybe? What would we do if money was not a concern?
One thing I would certainly do is donate a big chunk of change to SI as well as my favorite charities. I would maybe spring for a live in MC?! But I think the final decision to go or stay would not involve $ or no $.
I am wishing you good luck with the powerball!


Me: BW-54. Him-FWH 54. DDay June 1st 2012 cheating with prostitutes overseas
R-ing
"Not everything that counts is counted. Not everything that is counted counts." Albert Einstein

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Out West
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

If we won the lottery I would definitely do a trial separation. We need to be away from eachother. We don't communicate well. I would like to hope we could work on things and reunite at some point, but right now it's so toxic in our home, but we can't afford for one of us to leave. He left for 4 days last week and it was the most peaceful time I've had in over 3 months. We can't keep paying a motel though.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

actually, I think someone did a study and most people - including those not influenced by infidelity - would leave their marriage.
can't remember where I read that though.
Sad.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4511 | Registered: Dec 2010
Kelany
Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would stay. We both love each other very much, we are both working hard to rebuild our marriage. Money is not a reason for me staying in our marriage.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I don't believe winning the lotto would make a difference. We have plenty of members who a financially well off and they haven't gone anywhere. In my opinion, if somebody wants to leave, they will...no matter what their circumstances may be.


I'm sorry if you don't like my Honesty, but to be fair I don't like your lies.

Sometimes it's better to push someone away...not because you stopped loving them but because you can't take the pain anymore.


Posts: 13647 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

For a year or two, but then I'd leave. We have a bit of family emotional turmoil going on and I wouldn't want to add to it. Money can't stop people's emotions.

[This message edited by Skye at 8:47 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Posts: 5610 | Registered: Jul 2002
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Omgosh I would SO put this M out of its misery. I have fantasized so many times how it would go down. I would call a moving truck and send his shit to an apt that I rented, then drive to his work and toss him his new keys. Oh yes, this is my biggest hurdle , $$$$. Dammit now I'm wanting to go by lotto tickets!!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4728 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
mixedintherut
Member
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would hire the best lawyer and file for divorce. If filing didn't wake his ass up, I am afraid nothing will. WH is still very much so talking to his AP, and at this point, as a stay at home mom, money is a big factor.


DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
BelleStar
Member
Member # 13515
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would be sooo gone in a NY minute! I want out so bad I can taste it.

Posts: 1127 | Registered: Feb 2007
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Ahhhh. The lottery fantasy. Yes we all have that. Jokingly I am waving from the deck of a cruise ship. Reality though if it really happen, would carry immense responsibility to do the right thing for my family. Community too, I wouldn't want my spouse to only be interested in me for the money so that would be complicated. I have to have trust first money or no money.
Maybe the cruise ship and a wave. Bye bye. Lol


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 600 | Registered: Jul 2012
FightingBack
Member
Member # 34770
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

It is so funny that so many of us consider this.

That would be me, standing next to Gr8lLady on the deck of the cruise ship!!


Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!

Posts: 721 | Registered: Feb 2012
imagoodwitch
Member
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

No, I would give him half and say goodbye.

'Cause that's how I roll.


I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.


Posts: 5234 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Honestly, I would think about leaving only out of fear. Fear that after all that he did to me for so long, that it would be an easy fix to the worry that he'd do it again. But even though it would be a passing thought, no. I would stay. Because I want to stay. I've always wanted to stay. I've always wanted us. And we are finally getting back to us. I love him with all my heart. I just hate his actions and what they did to me. Though that doesn't mean I'm not pissed the fudge off at him sometimes!


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

I'm getting out of here.


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

No, I would give him half and say goodbye.
'Cause that's how I roll.

Ditto!


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1020 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would stay...for the same reason I would go to work the next day. I have to see things through and my work isn't done yet.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 51
4 kiddos in lower 20's

“Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward. You are afraid you might forget, but you never will. You will forgive and remember."


Posts: 4511 | Registered: Dec 2010
TrulySad
Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I'd protect the money. But I'd stay, no question about it.

I didn't fall in love with him because of money. If we are going to make it, it's going to be because of hard work and love. If we separate, it will be because its what's best.

Rich or poor...


Me: Done with his bullshit and getting stronger day by day

Posts: 423 | Registered: Jun 2013
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I'd totally stay together. He'd quit that seconds, I'd work awhile longer and then we'd just play, play, play.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6306 | Registered: Jan 2011
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would only leave faster and debt free!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2165 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
WoundedOpus
Member
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

It wouldn't change our outcome, we need to divorce, but it would make it so much simpler! I'd hand him his half, wait out our required year, and then we'd go our separate ways.


Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
Notmetoo2011
Member
Member # 32912
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Aah, yes, one of my favorite fantasies! I would give him half and be gone.


Me-BW 49
SAWH 51
Married 27 years.
4 children
D-Day 26/07/11
Multiple PAs, ONS, Porn
In limbo land

Posts: 267 | Registered: Jul 2011
tearingaway
Member
Member # 28618
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would give her half and then D her.

Posts: 272 | Registered: May 2010
heartbroken7110
Member
Member # 36818
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Room for 1 more on that cruise?...


Me:30 Him:34
Married 8 yrs (together 16years)2 Kids
Dday 4/08 (TT until 9/11)
Slowlyyyy paving the road to R...most days.

Posts: 87 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: NJ
hobbeskat
Member
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I would stay.

Posts: 306 | Registered: Mar 2013
AlwaysBeenStrong
Member
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I am already separated...so I'd hide the cash...get a fast D and find me an island, my toes in the sand and a very sexy cabana boy serving me all day!


BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 119 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

My friend told me this joke today: "Honey! I won the lottery! Pack your bags!"

spouse, "Should I pack for the mountains or for the beach?"

lotto winner, " Who cares? Just get the hell out!"


Posts: 607 | Registered: Sep 2012
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I find myself daydreaming about being on a cruise WITH him (maybe a Danube barge cruise) so I guess I'm staying. I didn't win though so I can't test out this theory YET.

Posts: 607 | Registered: Sep 2012
TimeToManUp
Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Let me preface this post by saying that I imagine many of the posters who said they would split (especially the ones that would split with glee!) do not have WSes that visit SI and are not viewed favorably by their BS.

That being said, if winning the lottery would lead you to leave your M, and you mean it, then just go now. No, I don't know everyone's situations. In some cases it may be difficult. Money makes the world go 'round. But if life is that bad in your M, no WS wants their BS to stick around because they can't afford to leave, at least not the healthy ones. Find a way out. Money shouldn't be the driving factor. I'd rather live on Ramen noodles in a one bedroom than have my BW stay because she felt she HAD to.

I'm sure I'll take a beating for saying that, but honestly, I just had to.


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:56 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Money is a factor, I would give him half and I don't mind eating top ramen but don't want my kids to.. its hard to.split zero or I would be gone.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4728 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 5:59 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'd be gone by this evening, & I would NOT give him half, since he has been so controlling about money all these years


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
wanttofeelwhole
Member
Member # 31830
Default  Posted: 6:08 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm with trulysad, protect the money and stay. Sadly, that's how my lottery fantasy goes. Its been almost three years and at this point if we divorced it wouldn't be about money or even the affair, it would be about two people who just couldn't make it work.


Sorry I don't edit the typos
Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...but trusting them not to.-Unknown
For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.-Bo Bennett
Memory is a complicated thing, a rel

Posts: 786 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Sliding down the backside of the rainbow
WoundedOpus
Member
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, September 20th (Friday)

TTMU, I can't leave. I cannot legally pack up my kids and move them to a new home (not that I have a dime to do that with even if it was legally possible), nor can I kick my husband out of his home. There are requirements you must meet to even file, none of which I meet at the moment.

Cheating would have worked, but because he led me to believe true R was possible, we've had sex since discovery, so in the eyes of the law, I've 'forgiven' him and 'condoned' the behavior and can no longer use that. While I say he's abusive (and they now allow mental/emotional abuse to count as abuse, it's beyond difficult to prove and actually use as grounds to file, much less kick them out. We don't have legal separation here, just Limited Divorce and the requirements for that are even more stringent. To file for even that, I have to have been separated for 1 year, but I can't leave and take my kids, so I'm forced to live our 1 year of separation in the same home.

For that (LD) I have 2 options:
1) Tell him my intentions (Openly state, preferably in writing, that I have moved out of the marital bed, no more sex, minimal interaction, no cooking for him, or buying his groceries or driving together to soccer, for the express purpose of filing for divorce after two years/Limited Divorce after one year.). Awesome right? I'm sure my emotionally/mentally PA abusive husband who blames all of life's problems on me will take that well, not to mention, OMG my poor little boys living this hell for one year?!
2) NOT openly tell him my intentions for doing all of that for one year and then file for a LD. Unlike him, I'm not a very good liar so this would never happen, I could not play that mind f*ck game for a whole year. And if I did, it could hurt me TERRIBLY when it comes to spousal support. The don't give a hoot who did what as far as the divorce, but they DO take infidelity, abuse and desertion into account when determining SS. IF I had had a clue (God why didn't I see an attorney years ago?!?) I would have known not to have sex with him, and I would have made out better in SS because he cheated! Flip side? Constructive Desertion: Willful refusal of sex, without just cause and nonperformance of other marital duties as to practically destroy the home life. The denial of sex alone does not constitute desertion. The spouse also has to stop carrying out the mutual responsibilities of the marital relationship. if I don't inform him of exactly why I'm 'willfully refusing sex' (which thanks to condoning the infidelity I no longer have just cause) and have 'stopped carrying out the mutual responsibilities of the marital relationship, he can counter that I am guilty of Constructive Desertion, which can SCREW me on SS!

Basically, this damn state has me between a rock and a hard place, choosing between 4 evils. I can leave without my kids, stay and suck it up, inform him and be abused, lie and get screwed.

Look, I'd love to live in fantasy land where money doesn't matter a bit, but the reality is I'm only 37 years old and I need to take care of myself and 4 little boys for a very long time. I was a single mother with my oldest (now 19 and moved out), I KNOW the realities. That was hard, but it was one child, I had a job, no debt, was young and hard working and motivate as hell, we didn't have a charmed life, but we made due, weren't abused, and basically happy. Now? I haven't worked in almost 9 years and have ZERO chance of scoring a job that would cover even child care. I HAVE to get enough from the divorce in the form of SS to cover monthly bills AND help cover child care while I either rebuild my resume with a job/jobs and/or put me through school so I can provide for all of us when the SS stops. We are buried in debt and under water in our house, so we'll walk away filing B; SS is all I have to work with, I can't risk messing that up.

We could of course draw up a SA, go our separate ways for 1 year and file, this is what I want to do, but he doesn't agree! Unfortunately, not all WS/FWS agree with this statement:

But if life is that bad in your M, no WS wants their BS to stick around because they can't afford to leave

It's like you said, that quote applies to the healthy ones...but if I was married to a healthy one, I wouldn't want to leave

The laws make this already horrific situation almost impossible to overcome.

Didn't mean to t/j, jeez I can be long winded, lol.

I don't think $ factors too much in whether someone chooses D over M, but it can play a huge part in when and how someone chooses to leave. For me, it might mean I could take my kids and move out. It would allow me to do so in such a way that it would make it very difficult for my H to claim desertion or come after me in a custody hearing for 'interfering with his relationship with them'/child kidnapping. How messed up that we're forced to deal with this sordid crap because they can't own their sh*t and won't let us move on!

Thinking I need to start buying some Powerballs, winning wouldn't solve my problems but it sure wouldn't hurt either


Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
WoundedOpus
Member
Member # 39521
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm sure I'll take a beating for saying that, but honestly, I just had to.

TTMU, I wanted to add, no beating from me! Being one of the 'healthy' ones is no reason for anyone to attack you. Your logic is spot on, just doesn't apply to the Illogical Ones that too many of us are dealing with.


Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Six years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman


Posts: 178 | Registered: Jun 2013
selkiescot
Member
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 7:27 AM, September 20th (Friday)

NO!


The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1374 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'd rather live on Ramen noodles in a one bedroom than have my BW stay because she felt she HAD to.

And that's your perogative. But I'd rather have health insurance, which I wouldn't have had if I left. I'd rather not become a burden on my children as I age. Those things are much more important to me than than my husband, the cheater. Now, he could walk out tomorrow and those things would happen, but for me to make those choices? I don't think so.

We all have different priorities.

ETA: And your BW should take into consideration your feelings if you were the cheater. Give me a break.

[This message edited by Skye at 8:19 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


Posts: 5610 | Registered: Jul 2002
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, September 20th (Friday)

if winning the lottery would lead you to leave your M, and you mean it, then just go now.

This is my philosophy and I did D my first H when I had no money, and three young kids to care for. I was going to college and had to work to make ends meet, when I had been mostly a SAHM during our 13 year marriage. My youngest was only three when we split.

There is no way winning the lottery would change my mind. In my current M, just reading another thread going on here has made me appreciate my H more than ever. His A was 7 years ago and he is extremely remorseful and I do believe he learned his lesson. I am not one who wants to be alone and single, and I believe my chances of getting cheated on again in this life are much lower with my current H than they would be if I started out with somebody new and got remarried somewhere down the road. The thing is even when my H did cheat, it was because he fell for the ego stroking and escape from some of the bad things happening in our lives at that time. He learned from it and it won't happen again, no matter what the circumstances.

But the other thread I am referring to is one where men are asked if it is normal for them to think about every attractive woman they see as a potential sex partner, even if they don't "act on it." Well some of those men "believe" it is normal and in fact will say that a man is either "lying or dead" if he says otherwise. I don't care whether those men believe "all" men are the way they are themselves, but the fact that quite a few men seem to admit to being this way themselves, and even if they are the BS and did not "act on" these impulses, well that is not the kind of man I want when I KNOW there is at least one man out there who is not like that. My H is extremely into me. At age 57, he can't keep his hands off me, tells me I'm gorgeous and sexy every single day, and I've been with him 18 years. I know what it is like to be with a man who views women as sexual conquest (my XH) and one who is not like that, and he would not be able to hide this or successfully lie about it without me seeing through the lies, for 18 years. I I will stick with what I have. I feel I am a very lucky woman, but would be even luckier if we won the lottery and could quit our jobs and have even more fun together every day than we already do.


Posts: 5682 | Registered: Apr 2006
Josephine01
Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 20th (Friday)

It sure would help me to sort out my feelings. Sometimes I don't know if I am here because I want to be or out of necessity.


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Stillkicking
Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I am with manup.

I am kinda offended by some of the posts on (not to start anything just my perspective) here, a lot of you say you cannot leave because of money issues, and what that would do to your kids??? What about living in a fake loveless fucking marriage??? What kind of example are you showing your children here??? How in holy fuck is that healthy for them??? Children learn from their parents, and as much as it sucks they grow up to be almost mirror images of their parents. You are showing them that money is more important than a healthy loving caring relationship and that it is alright for them to get walked all over or be the shitty other half if the relationship??? I am sorry but FUCK THAT NOISE!!!

I don't stay with my wife because I am afraid of the end game, I stay because I whole heartedly LOVE my wife, and yes, she broke my heart and it hurt worse than anything I have ever experienced before in my life, but I still love her. If I didn't, I wouldn't stick around and live a miserable existence and show my kids it's is ok to just roll over and die. There are ways to make everything work, and money should never ever be a driving factor in your choice to stay or go. In my mind that is false R!!!

Once again just my thoughts.

[This message edited by Stillkicking at 8:44 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
TimeToManUp
Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, September 20th (Friday)

ETA: And your BW should take into consideration your feelings if you were the cheater. Give me a break.

I don't recall saying that.

Money is a factor, I would give him half and I don't mind eating top ramen but don't want my kids to.. its hard to.split zero or I would be gone.

This is why I avoided a generalization, as well as stating that I know everyone's situation is different. And really, as a WS, my implication was that I would live on Ramen noodles so my BS and children wouldn't have to.

All that being said, money doesn't solve everything, but for us it would clear up our biggest challenges; eliminate our debt, escape from COW, new house away from from our crappy neighbors (we live in a semi-detached, so they're even closer than most)... We have a lot to work out, but it would be a lot nicer to do it in comfort!


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
scared&stronger
Member
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I would probably divorce.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3955 | Registered: Aug 2007
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, September 20th (Friday)

It sounds to me like you don't want your wife staying because she believes she has to. Perhaps you didn't mean it.

I'd rather live on Ramen noodles in a one bedroom than have my BW stay because she felt she HAD to.

Posts: 5610 | Registered: Jul 2002
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Uh, Kinda had this situation.

Not the lottery, but I knew that I was going to get a bonus and severance from my job. It was a really lucrative deal.

When I found out about the bonus, I filed immediately because I didn't want him to get any of it.

I used the bonus to pay off all of the joint debts, and shoved his lazy ass right out the door.

God was really looking out for me at that time in my life. He never knew what hit him.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7428 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, September 20th (Friday)

This thread is why I do not believe it is wise to be financially dependent on anyone. While I love the idea of SAHM/D, or part time M/D, I just don't think it is very wise in this day and age. That being said I do see a trend going toward more people reverting back to one person at home while the other works.
If I was in debt, financially dependent, out of work for years, with small kids and a cheating husband, it is probably easier (for everyone) to stay put.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 9:31 AM, September 20th (Friday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1176 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
TimeToManUp
Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, September 20th (Friday)

It sounds to me like you don't want your wife staying because she believes she has to. Perhaps you didn't mean it.

I did mean it. I wouldn't want her to stay just for that. But I never said I would expect her to take my wayward feelings into consideration. I clearly didn't take hers into consideration when I cheated.


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
philly172
Member
Member # 19024
Default  Posted: 9:53 AM, September 20th (Friday)

You know I always say, If I won the lottery, if I had$$, IF IF IF but honestly I would probably stay. I stay now because it's convenient & comfortable.. I have a companion who 99% of the time treats me well, has not cheated since the A.. that wouldn't change

BUT the lottery money would give me a better feeling of security.. knowing I could leave.. It would give me a cushion. I would be smart & sock it away somewhere/somehow but I do think I would probably stay.


"Sorry" works when a mistake is made, but not when trust is broken. So in life, make mistakes, but never break trust. Because forgiving is easy, but forgetting & trusting again is sometimes impossible

Posts: 4767 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Not in Philly.. it's just a screen name :-)
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Dark Inertia, you're so right. Unfortunately 3/4 of my life was gone when my spouse cheated. When I got married, wives staying at home was the norm. How I wish I could go back. I would have gotten an education and never married this man. But you do what you have to with the cards you're dealt. I know staying for his income, retirment, health benefits is much better for me and my children.

Posts: 5610 | Registered: Jul 2002
Williesmom
Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 12:05 PM, September 20th (Friday)

When I was a teenager, my mom kept saying that my sister and I needed to be sure that we had a way to support ourselves and not be financially dependant on any man.

Luckily, we both took that advice to heart and are both very gainfully employed.

I later found out that my dad had cheated on me when we were kids. I'm so glad that my mom passed on her hear-earned wisdom.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7428 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, September 20th (Friday)

When I was a teenager, my mom kept saying that my sister and I needed to be sure that we had a way to support ourselves and not be financially dependant on any man.

My mother never really said anything about that topic but I watched how she lived her life. My mother was a dear person but I vowed from an early age, I would not live like she did, being treated so poorly, not driving a car and having to depend on him for everything. I don't know for sure if he cheated on her but most likely he did. He didn't respect her at all. I never in my life saw him show her any affection.

He was mean and told us all we were lazy, fat, worthless and would never amount to anything. Oh, and it was our mother's fault we turned out that way.

But still, I was poor and my father told me he'd never give me even a nickel to help with college (his exact words). I didn't realize I would have been able to get financial aid to go. Nobody told me that even though I was fourth in my graduating class.

Anyway, I got married at age 19 to a truck driver. At the time, he seemed a whole lot nicer than my father, and I hate to make this comparison because he was actually a terrible husband, but did not put me down or call me stupid, fat, lazy, or worthless on a daily basis, and for the most part I felt we were friends and partners in our marriage. We had three kids together.

But I sure as hell would not have married him if I had known he was a sex addict addicted to prostitutes! I was naive and really barely knew such sleazy people existed, let alone come to the grips of my H going to those types of women while married to me.

I could seriously write a book about it all if I wanted to but so far I'm not motivated to do it. In some ways it might appear that I was dependent on him. I was mostly a SAHM and we had three kids and I had no income of my own.

But when I came to grips of how he was really just as terrible as my own father but perhaps in a different way, it didn't matter about money or anything else, I was going to find a way out and I did.
I am not financially dependent on my current H and I have my own car.

Though I took my first college class after having three children, just a bit before my 30th birthday, now I have a Ph.D. and a good career.

It is ironic because as I already said, we are together for the long haul and would remain so even if I won a big lottery pot. Still, remnants of my childhood remain. I overheard my h telling someone that when we retire, we are going to down to one vehicle.

While this would make sense and I am usually the frugal one, I interrupted his conversation and said "Like hell!" As long as there is any possible way I can afford it, this girl is having her own car and a measure of independence that comes with being able to drive it whenever and wherever I want to!

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 12:40 PM, September 20th (Friday)]


Posts: 5682 | Registered: Apr 2006
Andthencraigslis
New Member
Member # 40246
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I wouldn't be too quick to judge those that say they would divorce... First off this is fantasy ... And I'm sure we have all at least thought about leaving, but secondly my first husband walked out when my daughters were 3 and not yet 1. I worked multiple jobs, lots of freelancing from home at night so I wouldn't have to pay for childcare. The power was shut off, the water , I got foreclosure notices. I did everything I could, but there were plenty of days I didn't eat because I was worried if I could feed my girls the next day. Ramen is great when you are in college, but the third night of feeding it to your 3 year old because you have nothing else in the pantry is scary.I don't yet know what I want, but if I chose divorce I certainly will wait until a point in which I know my kids will be ok, at least financially. And for now I am amused by both the fantasy of winning the lottery and kicking my wh to the curb and the one where we enjoy the riches together , depending on the day

Posts: 43 | Registered: Aug 2013
thenon-goddess
Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Funny you ask this because I have thought about this! I would give the ticket to a family member and push through a divorce. Once the divorce was final I'd let the family member who I had given the ticket to give me some of "their" winnings so that my ex wouldn't be able to get his grubby little hands on ANY of it.

ETA: btw, we are seperated, but were we not, I'm not sure that I'd feel much guilt over deciding to leave. My husband didn't think to tell me when he decided our M was over so it would be okay for him to start porking his co-worker, so afaic, if I forget to tell him, until I've won the lottery, that I'm done, then we're even.

[This message edited by thenon-goddess at 3:20 PM, September 20th (Friday)]


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
PositiveAttitude
Member
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I would stay. It wouldn't even enter my mind to leave.

Posts: 170 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
ctdean2004
New Member
Member # 39637
What?  Posted: 7:24 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I guess my honest reaction is hell no. I'd be able to go get me what I need and want -- some massages, nails done, retail therapy and a few dinner nights.

The real question is around my kids. If I didn't have 3 kids with him, I think it would have been easier to say goodbye.

But money - I'm gone. That's f*cked up of me


Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.
Rec

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Connecticut
ctdean2004
New Member
Member # 39637
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Someone mentioned this is why you shouldn't be financially dependent on your spouse. Unfortunately, I was thinking about all that when we both came into the marriage with debts and commitments (his child support). Now WH is a stay at home dad and I make the money. A divorce lawyer actually told me me that in my state, because I make a decent amount of money, that even though my WH would go back to work and make decent money, he wouldn't have to pay much in alimony nor child support. We chose to keep me working because his job was a major trigger before DDay and he needed to clear out. So I'm kind of stuck. I am not going to leave him and get stuck taking care of his a**.


Me: BS, 31
Him: WH/SA, 31
Together 8 years
Married 7 years
DS1, DD2, DSontheway 10/10/13
Official DDAY: October 2012
'09 some things came out, he went to SA, stopped doing it and he went to town! Always been caught and never confessed.
Rec

Posts: 23 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Connecticut
SoOver96
Member
Member # 40169
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, September 20th (Friday)

For me it wouldn't matter. But if you won congrats

Posts: 171 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Illinois
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I would give the ticket to a family member and push through a divorce. Once the divorce was final I'd let the family member who I had given the ticket to give me some of "their" winnings

No, no, no! You get an attorney, set up a blind trust, file for divorce, THEN collect/claim once the divorce is final.

Family can't be funny acting and don't let a substantial amount of money into the equation. Those you THINK you can trust will turn on you before you can blink an eye. Once they sign the back of that ticket and collect it in their name IT IS THEIRS! And good luck taking them to court. Your money grubbing ex just might get a portion once the courts get involved.

[This message edited by Chicky at 9:09 PM, September 20th (Friday)]


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Oops! Didn't answer the question - I would stay. We have worked through it all and are very happily reconciled.


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
thenon-goddess
Member
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, September 20th (Friday)

No, no, no! You get an attorney, set up a blind trust, file for divorce, THEN collect/claim once the divorce is final.

Thanks, Chicky!! This is good to know!

So with a blind trust he can't go back and sue me afterwards for hiding marital assets? I have no idea how must of this legal stuff works, as I currently reside in limbo-land.


Status: divorcing
Typing on an iPhone - please excuse the typos!

Posts: 1238 | Registered: Feb 2011
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I think it would depend on the state you are in and I didn't consider that when I was dishing out advice!

But the way I am, if I were to win multi-millions, and I went that route, he wouldn't be able to find me even if he had the FBI and the CIA looking for me!!

eta: and then he'd have to FIND the money! Kinda like suing someone that has nothing - just b/c you get a judgment, that in no way means you'll ever collect anything.

[This message edited by Chicky at 9:32 PM, September 20th (Friday)]


Half of the truth is a WHOLE lie.

Posts: 521 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 20th (Friday)

No question in my mind: I'd absolutely stay.

I work PT right now, but could absolutely support myself and our children if I was forced to return to the workforce FT.

No amount of money in the world would make the pain go away. The Lotto wouldn't fill the ache of losing my best friend -- or the soothe the anguish of how he has hurt me so deeply.

That said, Lotto or no Lotto, I'will pack up my pain, and leave if I ever find myself facing his infidelity again. I can't do this again. Ever.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Money would solve my problems. My M is over. I could then afford my own health insurance and keep my DD in college. It's a waiting game, not permanent. Lottery would just speed it up. As much as I detest what my ws has,done, I don't feel he should be
be living in squalor after supporting his family all these years. So I will wait until we can split and both have a decent place to live. I never pictured myself being financially dependant on anyone as my father always told me to make sure I could make it on my own if it were to come to this. I had an excellent job but was knocked on my ass by RA..sucks. I will keep hoping for the lottery and I will share.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 4728 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Skye
Member
Member # 325
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Like Ostrich, my marriage is over. The money would make my life easy, which is all I want. I would, however, definitely give him money from the lottery. I just need enough.

As others have said, money won't erase the pain of the betrayal, but there are lots of reasons for pain, and I won't choose any for myself. Leaving without financial security or the hope of it would just be too painful for me.


Posts: 5610 | Registered: Jul 2002
joeboo
Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

If you won the lottery would you stay?
I think I would be willing to give it a try, but as well as I know my fww, the euphoria of the money would cloud her ability to step outside of fantasy land. I am afraid it wouldn't have a happy ending for the M.



Posts: 1208 | Registered: Feb 2011
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Wow. Im a little suprised by some of the comments here.

First of all..yes..I would consider leaving if I won the lottery. Would I? Probably not. I love my husband..I want this marriage to last.

But it would make me consider it. Yes..I have kids. Sorry,but they need to be cared for. I do not have the earning potential WH has. That is a fact of MY life. My marriage is not loveless..we are not setting a bad example for our kids. My house is not a war zone. What we ARE is a couple trying to R after a devastating betrayal. It's hard. Some day it would be easier to leave. Sorry if that offends you. Im trying to R with a husband who sucked another man's dick. walk a mile in my shoes before you tell me *I* am in false R. Being tempted to leave if I won the lottery does not equate to false ER..it means if I knew I could make it without my husband's paycheck,..and we all know it is very unwise to count on child support..then maybe I would try to start over. Being a SAHM sometimes feels like a doormat when your WH has cheated on you..TT..lies..you know..the usual,typical WS bullshit. When you are a SAHM, your options are limited. If a SAHm suddenly came into a lot of money,I wonder how many unremorseful WS's would suddenly come out of their fog and stop treating their BS like crap..because they know they can..because they have nowhere else to go?

Oh..Im taking classes. I am working towards a degree so I can support myself,and the kids,if we are unable to R.

Oh..and TTMU...really? you would rather eat Ramen in a one bedroom apartment that have TCD stay because of your paycheck..really? yet..when she was begging you to leave your job because OW works 3 doors down the hall..and told you if you didn't she couldn't stay in the marriage..you refused. You weren't willing to eat Ramen then. I just found your comment a little...odd.


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7139 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
SoVerySadNow
Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

I have heard that sometimes therapists ask the question, "If money wasn't an issue, what decisions would you make concerning your marriage/relationship."

After reading these answers, I think it's valid thing to ask oneself.

JMO, but I also think the answer can change from time to time. But if it is always an "I'd leave in a heartbeat and never look back" answer, then looking into some way to disengage from the relationship may be indicated.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

My heart hurts for that that feel stuck for money reasons or other reasons. I feel very lucky I am able to leave and know my children and I will be all right emotionally and financially.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Im trying to R with a husband who sucked another man's dick.
I don't judge anybody for his/her decisions. But just like I D'd my first H who went repeatedly to prostitutes, when I had no money or resources, there is no way I would stay married to a man doing that to a man, either, money or not.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 11:00 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Posts: 5682 | Registered: Apr 2006
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

-t/j

@ Bobbi_sue..who said Im over it?

Im not "over it" any more than any other BW who has been cheated on by their husband. I don't understand how anyone can R with a WH who had a LTA. Or multiple A's. Im sure it's horribly painful and difficult.


My situation sucks(pun intended..gotta find humor where I can). But I am trying. I love him. And he loves me. And while I have not gotten over it..I am learning to live with the fact that it happened. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.


I don't feel like I am any different than any other spouse on here trying to R. The people may have been different,but the betrayal is the same.

You say you wouldn't judge..but I feel judged by your comment.

end t/j

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:07 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7139 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Sadwife222
Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

No.


Me BW, Him WH
DD #1, caught 4/12/13
DD #2, tells me the whole truth, 5/21/13
DD #3, TT until 8/9/13 then full disclosure w/timeline
DD #4, 8/26/13, OW texts me more info, he tells me the whole truth
DD # 5, 9/11/13, he tells me the whole truth??

Posts: 130 | Registered: Jul 2013
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Oh..and TTMU...really? you would rather eat Ramen in a one bedroom apartment that have TCD stay because of your paycheck..really? yet..when she was begging you to leave your job because OW works 3 doors down the hall..and told you if you didn't she couldn't stay in the marriage..you refused. You weren't willing to eat Ramen then

Um, she was begging him to find a new job, and not one where they would be living on top ramen. I don't quite understand your questioning his statement. How many BS's are clear they don't want to be their spouse's second choice? Like maybe most?

Not wanting your spouse to stay with you for just a paycheck is not only understandable it's healthy. Very. That's not a marriage. It's a sentence. If some find it worth it for whatever reason that's certainly their right. If someone else doesn't that is also very much theirs.

ETA: "You say you wouldn't judge..but I feel judged by your comment."

You seem to be doing a fair amount of that yourself.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 11:20 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Confused,
I will try to reword that as I did not mean to judge but can see it might come out that way.

I actually understood your initial comment that you were not "over" it but that you were trying to R with him.

I am only saying that I understand other people want to R for whatever reasons, whether it was LTA, gay sex, OC situations, and sometimes financial security and issues come into play for part of the reason they try to R (as well evidenced in this entire thread).

My main point, and it does not make my way any better or more right than anyone else's point, is that for any of those situations (prostitutes, gay sex, OC, LTA, and many other possible circumstances, there would be no trying to R for me, even if I was dirt poor, which I was in my first M).

In my current M, based on what my H did, and his level of remorse, I did decide to R with him, and it was worth it. Again, money is not a factor for me. I could now afford to be on my own, but would most definitely still stay with my H even if we won the lottery. I am only stating a rather long winded answer to the question "If you won the lottery, would you stay?" And in my current M, the answer is yes.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 11:17 AM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Posts: 5682 | Registered: Apr 2006
TimeToManUp
Member
Member # 37538
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

Confused- I very much appreciate your input and place a lot of stock in your insights. I discussed this with TCD just now, and I would like to further clarify my position. I have always maintained that I would gladly live as a pauper so that my wife and kids would not have to. Leaving my job would have exposed my wife and children to the possibility of all of us living that way. If she left me after DDay, I would have taken my medicine and lived a poor man's lifestyle.

Not every situation is the same. They have common threads. Not all WSes give two shits about what happens to their BS. I do. I have a lot of flaws to fix, but I would never have allowed them to go without.

I apologize to anyone I may have offended. My opinion was just that: mine. I didn't judge. I didn't scold.


I know we're worth it.
WH (Me-33)
BW (tattoodchinadoll-31)
D-Day: 12/22/11
Together 15 years, married for 10.
Three daughters, 8, 4 and 2.

Posts: 227 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: New Jersey
Deanna
Member
Member # 26854
Wink  Posted: 4:44 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

I would stay married. If you asked me at a few months from d-day I'm not sure what I would have said!


DDay - 11/4/09
BS-49 DDay
fWS-46 DDay
EA/PA with childhood sweetheart/ kissed
R - 11/25/09
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Posts: 1390 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Northeast
hitbyatruck
Member
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

Money is a consideration. It is a consideration in most things I do that cost something. If I were to have hit the lottery shorty after dday I would have happily split the money and divorced. I would have to really think about it now that we have been in R for almost 3 years. But it would be great to have the option of leaving without thinking about money.


Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3279 | Registered: Apr 2009
tryinginmi
Member
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 5:04 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Very good question, and I am sad to say I cannot answer.


Me - BW 38
Him - FWH 38
Her - MOW 46 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA


Posts: 974 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 5:53 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Very good question, and I am sad to say I cannot answer.

At first I thought, I would definitely stay. I'm not too sure now.

I may leave him to chase his dreams, go off and chase mine and see what happens


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
Zayda1
Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 6:45 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I would stay.

We would however buy a new house with all new furniture.

I would also hire a PI to ensure that he really is truly not cheating.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 458 | Registered: Apr 2012
Topic Posts: 76