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User Topic: What's up with the gender-based generalizations lately?
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

It's starting to bum me out. A cheating husband doesn't mean all men are dirty lying horny dogs. A cheating wife doesn't mean that all women are conniving slutty spoiled princesses. Your WS is not a representative example of everyone of a particular gender.

I'm going to post and run because I have an appointment. I don't mean to start a nuclear war. This is intended to be a can't we all get along and support each other regardless of whether we sit down or stand up to pee?


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6671 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
uncertainone
Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

There are studies that show most opinions are developed with the holder's experience and perception. As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.

You used to have a tougher time doing that but things are so polarized now it's easy to find support for your view if you google it so sometimes you don't have to plod through all those messy facts that just get soooooo in the way.

If someone actually tells you what they are, they're idiots anyway, obviously. Considering another possible reality, for some, would require surgery.

[This message edited by uncertainone at 10:55 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
Deeply Scared
Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

jana...

If you see something then get a mods attention because we may have missed it.

I know of two threads right now, one in D/S and one on General that have some generalizations...one of them isn't mod-worthy the other one we're already taking about in the Mod forum.


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 197316 | Registered: May 2002
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Lots of new, raw folks is my guess.

These types of posts are cyclical. We were just due.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Lots of new, raw folks is my guess

I think you're right about that, and it's absolutely awful.

I feel like we need a collective group hug for the whole site and a kumba-ya or something.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6671 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Stillkicking
Member
Member # 38246
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

I have been seeing them pop up all over the place as well, some of them very subtle, others not so much.

Either way I try to avoid them and stay out of the middle of defending either way. Male or female everyone makes their own choice and I think I you look closer (and not very hard) you would find a lot of similarities between both genders, how ever I think that a lot of people are deep in their pain and cannot see that at this point in their healing, and I don't blame them, this shit sucks.
I also see a lot of people saying fuck that guy or that girl you should just leave them, an that saddens me as well.

[This message edited by Stillkicking at 11:22 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


You'll never learn to fly
until your standing at the cliff

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.
I make mistakes and I am humbled every step of the way.


Posts: 128 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Canada
DeadMumWalking
Member
Member # 25341
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.

Yeah, don't confuse me with the facts, my mind's already made up.

can't we all get along and support each other regardless of whether we sit down or stand up to pee?

All 3 of my boys pee sitting down, the only one who pees standing up is WH. Or is that tmi??

JanaGreen, I'm with you on the being bummed out about it, but as ajsmom says: we were due.

And mods: thanks for taking charge where it's warranted, you are all GREAT!!


Me (BS), Him (WH): early 50's
3 DS: teens!!! :)
M: 24 (19 1/2 at Dday), Together 29
Dday: Dec 2008
re-separated (in-house), for good (??) <-- should really remove these, shouldn't I...

Posts: 2545 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: EU
Kierst13
Member
Member # 39197
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

It's starting to bum me out. A cheating husband doesn't mean all men are dirty lying horny dogs. A cheating wife doesn't mean that all women are conniving slutty spoiled princesses. Your WS is not a representative example of everyone of a particular gender.

Yes, and I would expand this to include not all OM/OW are as labeled. We have several WS here that are also OM/OW to someone and have bettered themselves.


Story in my profile
He lied, I gave the gift of R
He became the model remorseful WS...all while lying and seeing her
Am I done? Yes I am!

Posts: 347 | Registered: May 2013
Jennifer99
Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I wonder if it is a symptom of SI?

I never judged or generalized ANYONE. Struggles with H pre-A for years I kept hearing "this is how guys are" like I am stupid for expecting something different. I started to believe it.

Then the A and I felt like I wanted to hate all men, not sure why.

Because of my poor coping skills around A I went to IC. It was in IC via my therapists questions that I began to realize I had allowed my beliefs to be colored by what H said was normal not what I knew - that everyone is different.

I still find myself suspicious of menz tho. I don't like that.


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Simple
Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Sometimes we all forget, whether we're men or women or waywards or betrayed, we're all people. Each one with their own demons to face.

I think if you come from that POV, it changes a lot of things. In my case, helped me see my FWH in a different light. I was lucky in such that I know good men and women and therefore never felt I should lump them with the "bad" ones. Heck even the "bad" ones has good quality in them. I just have to remind myself I can't fix them.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
MissesJai
Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

There are studies that show most opinions are developed with the holder's experience and perception. As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.
IMO, this is the driver and it's not just SI, either. Sad, but true.


FWW - 41
I'm big on personal responsibility. Own your shit. ALL OF IT.

Posts: 5846 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

There are studies that show most opinions are developed with the holder's experience and perception. As facts come along that shake that view they're not just dismissed but not acknowledged at all.

There's a term for this - is it perception bias? Something like that. I have a family member like this, but it's regarding a topic that will get me booted off SI so I won't elaborate.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6671 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I feel like we need a collective group hug for the whole site and a kumba-ya or something.
Trouble is, today's group hug misses tomorrows new member (and possibly even yesterdays as they try to post their own story through the tears). Within a little over a week we have a hundred new members who didn't get that hug, and need to hear all the same things we have been repeating for what seems like forever. I don't think you are supposed to know how to deal with this shit.

I have noticed over the years that the conventional wisdom dispensed to common issues has evolved and become much better. I don't see people suggesting the 180 over how the toilet paper hangs anymore (exaggeration), and when a thread about domestic violence against a WH comes up we have lost the "you go girl" chorus.

It's all a work in progress that none of us will live long enough to finish.


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
soconfusednow
Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I also see a lot of people saying fuck that guy or that girl you should just leave them, an that saddens me as well.

I also am turned off be this. I want to find a way to save my marriage not end it. I wish there was a "positive response only forum" that people could post/go to for encouragement. But then again, sometimes I feel like I'm pulling the wool over my eyes. If no negative responses were allowed it could prevent someone from telling me something I really need to hear.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

If no negative responses were allowed it could prevent someone from telling me something I really need to hear.

I've heard a lot of things on SI that I didn't want to hear, but I really needed to.

((HUGS))


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6671 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Missymomma
Member
Member # 36988
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Weird, I have been noticing this too. Both in single threads and by individual posters. Men are all just _______ or women are all just _______. Sad that some people totally ignore any alternate input.


DDay - 6/15/11
R started - 7/1/11
False Discl- 9/27/12
Real Discl - 2/12/13
Poly - 3/1/13 Pass!
Me - BS (46)
WH - 52 (SA, NA, WA)
Kids: 2 littles and 1 grown
The road to recovery is long and hard. Some days I am up for it and others not!

Posts: 1084 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Texas
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:34 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I wonder if there could be an introduction for the newbies. One that lets them know in time xyz will happen...why not paint everyone the same color etc.. something that will give tbe newbie (bs, ws, ap) the knowledge that things do get better or easier or whatever and they have choices in life.

Maybe someone can better explain what im poorly trying to say.


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8214 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 17