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User Topic: I used to like Jeff Bridges...
Tred
Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Bummer. This should go into the just shut the fuck up bucket. From his upcoming article in a national mag:

In an interview with GQ published in their October issue, Oscar-winner Jeff Bridges weighs in on a touchy topic: infidelity. And considering he's been married to the same woman for 36 years and has never divorced, his take may surprise you.

When asked about what a man in a relationship should do if he has the desire to stray from his partner, Bridges took a surprisingly lax approach.

"Well, live and learn. Go ahead and do it, and we'll see how that goes," he said.

He then suggested that denying that desire can have detrimental effects on a relationship -- just as much as cheating can.

"Suppression can kind of get you into trouble, too," he said. "I was reading an interesting thing -- this kind of goes with the meditation and the spiritual side of things that I'm interested in. The difference between suppression and refraining. When you touch something hot, you don't have to repress the desire to touch it again."

Is Bridges' changing his tune about infidelity? In 2010, Bridges said he would never consider having an affair with a costar.

"No matter how much womanizing you do as a single guy, you always think there's more to be done. You don't want to get sexually involved with the other actor," he said. "It spells trouble. My family was and is too precious to me. I know sex can lose you everything."

Bridges married wife Susan in 1977, three years after they met. The pair has three daughters.

[This message edited by Tred at 11:40 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4005 | Registered: Dec 2011
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, September 19th (Thursday)

Yeah, that sucks. Not really even taken out of context. He compares it to touching a hot stove when it comes to a learning process. Don't see how that could really mean anything else.

Really liked that guy. Gonna be hard to watch his movies now without thinking about that.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 11:10 AM, September 19th (Thursday)]


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Wonder how he would feel if it was his wife touching a hot stove.

We often say ignorant things until we're the ones who have gotten burned.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
thisissogross
Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Double, sorry!

[This message edited by thisissogross at 4:18 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
thisissogross
Member
Member # 30294
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Wow, I am not getting what you all have from those statements. Or the person who quoted him in the original piece.

If I were asked to paraphrase the first quoted passage it would be something along the lines of, 'oh, yeah everybody knows how well that always works, (insert eye rolling emoticon here) have at it and let us know how it goes.'

And the second passage reads even more clearly to me as having to do with the different motivations we can have for our decisions and a need to fully own all, even the 'right' ones. As in, a spouse walks away from a chance at a ons, BUT, does so with an attitude of sanctimony and superiority that impacts them and their relationship poorly.

As in, that from which we choose to refrain empowers us. While that which we repress tends to manifest negatively in one way or another.

Whatever, I think I live in bizarro world sometimes. Another pov for what that's worth anyway.


"A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love." -Friedrich Nietzsche

i edit frequently because i have to


Posts: 241 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: southern us
asurvivor
Member
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Whatever, I think I live in bizarro world sometimes. Another pov for what that's worth anyway.

Well so must I because I read it the same way as you.


I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.



Posts: 576 | Registered: Jun 2011
OldCow18
Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I'm actually reading it like Thisisgross said.

"Go ahead and do it and we'll see how that goes" to me is sarcastic...like sure, go ahead and do something very stupid and let's see what results you get, kind of thing. The live and learn part kind of confirms that. Idk.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Wait wait wait...

All I want to know is if I can still post Jeff Bridges Gifs on my threads.....


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
jjsr
Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I guess I am bizarre too, because I am not reading it the same way you are.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

The Dude abides!

p.s. wonderboy, pleez a Jeff Bridges gif on this thread!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Holly-Isis
Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Suppression can kind of get you into trouble, too," he said. "I was reading an interesting thing -- this kind of goes with the meditation and the spiritual side of things that I'm interested in. The difference between suppression and refraining. When you touch something hot, you don't have to repress the desire to touch it again."

I can see reading it from a sarcasm POV, but the above is the red flag for me. It's as though he's saying repression can cause issues worse than just trying it, getting burnt and then having the desire go away for ever.

The issue here is cheating isn't like touching a hot stove. One is a mistake or curiosity. The other is a damaged person either trying to self medicate emotional issues away or embracing entitlement to the point the people they claim to love get hurt. It is absolutely not something you learn to avoid because of your pain. Why not. Because in the end while some WS might feel pain, the majority of the pain is felt by someone else.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
SuperDuperWonderboy
Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, September 19th (Thursday)


that's just like, your opinion man.


ETA that head shaking is not directed at anyone's opinion, it's just Jeff man.

[This message edited by wonderboy at 4:35 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1296 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

His comments seemed a little cryptic to me. Based on that I think he could be a WH, a BH, a MH, or a faithful guy in a faithful marriage trying to sound Hollywood-ish and open-minded.

36 years in Hollywood-marriage time is 252 years in normal persons-marriage time, so I'll give him credit for that.


Me (BS)-45, WW-43
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1458 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I agree with everything you said, Sal.

Thanks for "the Dude", wonderboy. Love it!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I followed the link to the GQ article. Here is the cogent part:


We finish our microorganisms (it's sweet!), and I posit something on behalf of confused married people everywhere. Isn't the problem that this bigger love is fundamentally different from the romantic love that gets you married in the first place? Different from the hot-sex-all-the-time love you think at first that marriage is about?

"I don't know, it's kind of both, man! It's pretty sexy, too, when you get into that stuff. When you pop that? Some good lovemaking comes out of that stuff, don't you think? You have a fight, and you come out of that, and you say, Jeez, I don't understand you, but you're turning me on!"

When Bridges gets to describing a technique he and his wife use to communicate better—it's about just letting the other person talk, uninterrupted, as long as they want without responding to or arguing with what they say—he's interrupted by the approach of the straw-coiffed co-owner dude. He wants to shoot the shit a little more with Bridges.

"Not now, man!" Bridges says enthusiastically, motioning toward the tape recorder, which at this point only contains half of his marriage-communication method. "I'm doing a thing!" It's the most genuine, least mean way a famous person can blow off a fan. What I'm doing right now is super important to me, so gimme a minute.

When the co-owner is gone, the conversation turns to fidelity. It's something that Bridges, having been both married and an actor on remote sets with beautiful women for a long time, has done some thinking about. He suggests that the key here isn't necessarily simple restraint. Take a man who becomes consumed by a desire to stray:

"Well, live and learn. Go ahead and do it, and we'll see how that goes."

Seriously? Just do it?

"Suppression can kind of get you into trouble, too," he says. "I was reading an interesting thing—this kind of goes with the meditation and the spiritual side of things that I'm interested in. The difference between suppression and refraining. When you touch something hot, you don't have to repress the desire to touch it again."

So you think you have to touch it first?

"Sometimes you do. It's like that old thing about addiction, I guess. About people hitting their bottom."

What was your bottom?

"Ahh. I don't even want to talk about it. I don't want to make that a public thing. But I hit bottom."

I don't think he abruptly switched rails from spaced out to penetratingly sarcastic.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

I, too, read it as thisisgross did.

ETA: and reading further, I have no idea whether he's pontificating, or is a forgiving BS, remorseful WS, or none or all.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:30 PM, September 19th (Thursday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8857 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
brkn_heartd
Member
Member # 30396
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Yeah...I have heard the touch a hot stove analogy so much I could puke...I recognized it immediately!


Me-51 BS
Him 58-WS
Married 31 yrs, together 34
Affair Aug-Dec 09
official D-12/14/09
broke NC 1/31/10
second D 3/19/10

Posts: 1654 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Northwesten US
Chicky
Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Wow, I am not getting what you all have from those statements. Or the person who quoted him in the original piece.

Ditto this.^^^


There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 559 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Topic Posts: 18