SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: False Reconciliation - another lightbulb
erzulie
Member
Member # 3293
Frustrated  Posted: 4:55 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Another thing just dawned on me.

Since this isn't my first time down the "infidelity road" ... and since the first episode occurred before we married ... before the "hard work" he did for over 8 months in counseling to "repair himself" (that I fell for) ... I think it just hit me. My entire marriage was a false reconciliation.

A tough one to swallow for me.

I almost wish I could get an annulment.


A saying for my SI Family: "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all".

Fooled twice - almost exactly 10 years apart.


Posts: 3377 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: California
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:58 PM, September 19th (Thursday)

Oh Honey, I wish I could just hug you & tuck you in on your couch with some pillows & a blanket. Your mind has been opened, and as a result the puzzle pieces are falling into place. This is a really hard time when the truth of your life is revealed. Take good care of yourself, okay? If you have a friend you can call, see if they can come over & support you.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9672 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
sammie
Member
Member # 7785
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Fucking RAT BASTARD!!!

I will come over to NG's and bring lemony snickets and Twinnings tea. And we can burn his clothes. Huge hugs.

That stupid fucker. MOre hugs.


If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you.
Never give more of yourself than you are getting back.

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." ~Ernest Hemingway


Posts: 5818 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Australia
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I can relate--I spent 13 years in a false R marriage. Now I look for actions, not words. Always.

Hang in there--it DOES get better. I promise.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29611 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
ChoosingHope
Member
Member # 33606
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm sorry Erzulie. I've recently come to the conclusion that I spent my entire marriage - 16 years - in a false reconciliation.

My NPD is such a cunning, manipulative, skilled liar. I'm surprised he even got caught at the end. In fact, the only reason he got caught is because he's also a SA, and his behavior spiraled so out of control that even HE couldn't lie his way out of it.

I'm going to get an annulment in the Catholic Church - is that what you're referring to?

(((HUGS))) You will get through this. Please keep posting. You'll find lots of support here. Also, if you're on FB, look at the page "After Narcissistic Abuse." I think you'll be able to relate and get some clarity and strength from that community too. I just lurk there, but I can relate to nearly every post.


Posts: 1697 | Registered: Oct 2011
Nature_Girl
Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm going to get an annulment in the Catholic Church - is that what you're referring to?

t/j - Wow. I'm happy for you and horrified for you at the same time. And I'm envious of you. Only not really, since I have my own hell to deal with and yours isn't any better. (((HUGS)))

end t/j


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9672 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6