New Beginnings
User Topic: What to do
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, September 20th (Friday)

So I am trying to find who I am after being a mom and a wife, and now not a wife and one of the kids has moved out and the other one wants nothing to do with me.

I was married to a hermit, who was a couch potato (any sport on, he was watching it), video game junkie and just didn't do anything with me, never really had the funds to do anything.

So I, in turn, found hobbies that required me staying at home. Knitting, crafty stuff, crocheting, stupid FB games (damn candy crush) and stuff to just be at home and no funds required.

Now, I find myself literally going crazy and don't know how to "find a new me", to move forward. I have no funds, because if that was the case I would have things that I want to try out.

Can anyone give me ideas to keep my wandering mind being left in this lonely house with only bad memories and loneliness????

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, September 20th (Friday)

If you are a person of faith, many churches and places of worship have programs and things that can engage you.

If you like animals, there are often volunteer opportunities with animal shelters and rescue groups.

Adult continuing education is also another avenue. What about taking a course that interests you, like photography or water colors?

If you enjoy politics and government activities, volunteer for a political campaign.

None of these cost much (most cost nothing) and will do much to occupy your time and expand your social circle.


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29662 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Same here!

I read, go to the gym, and spend a lot of time with my dogs - walking them, throwing a ball, etc.

I have a friend that is also single - he is always up for a trip to IKEA, food, movies, etc.

I still spend a lot of time alone, but I do keep busy. My mantra is: exhaustion is your friend.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7763 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I have been spending a lot of time with my furbabies.

I am in school atm, but seem to be having a lot of spare time on the weekends. I am not religious nor political.

I just want to go out and meet new friends, all my friends are miles away and none are single. Kind of feel like the odd ball out.

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Member # 7767
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Volunteering is a great way to spend your "down" time. You will feel so much better when you stop thinking of yourself and help others. The best thing is that it doesn't cost anything but time.

You could also meet some new people.

Sending strength and peace.


Even if you can't control the world around you, you are still the master of your own soul.

Posts: 7739 | Registered: Aug 2005
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Have you tried looking for meetups in your area that may interest you? Try that website.

Take your dogs to a park for a walk, if you live in a decent sized city check the city website they often tell when local events are happening. The majority of them are free. Check out museums, it's getting a little cool now but during the spring and summer there are many outdoor concerts and events in most areas. Many are free or don't cost that much. Take a day trip to another town and go site seeing.

Another big one is volunteering. It costs you nothing, you give back to your community, and there are always great new people to meet. Best of luck!

D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1910 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Member # 36784
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Have you tried MeetUp activities? Most are free. You can also look up volunteer MeetUp groups or contact a local food bank, they're always looking for help.

What do you have a passion for?
If you really don't know, you can google personality test and see which type personality you are. Usually at the end of the test, they tell you which careers you would be strongest in...maybe you can volunteer at one of those organizations that peeks your interest?

Divorced Jan 2013

"Don't look back, the road is long."
- Needtobreathe

Posts: 209 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: IL
Member # 26367
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I went through a lot of this, too, and posted a number of times on here about what to do, feeling lonely and adrift, few friends, no real idea of how to get moving again, bored and tired of sitting around an empty house.

In the end, IC was a huge help, plus I finally decided to volunteer at the local shelter where I'd adopted my cats. I tried joining meetup groups but the one that sounded interesting (just getting together for dinners or movies) turned into more of a singles dating thing, and I wasn't ready for anything like that. I also did a lot of knitting and stupid fb games for quite awhile.

What finally got me going was to adopt a puppy. That adorable little piece of poop keeps me hopping, sometimes way more than I want to be (I *really* miss being bored at times). Because of him, I've met a lot of new people. I realize that taking on a pet isn't the right move for everyone, but it can help if you have the time, setting, and motivation

Keep posting here - it helps!

Me: BW (55)
Him: WH (62)
7/14/11 - Divorced

Posts: 1873 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: another world
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 20th (Friday)

If there's nothing on meetup maybe ask around at the yarn store. Seems like everyone I know who knits is in a knitting group. It doesn't cost much to meet up at a coffee shop and hang out with other knitters.

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 39888
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Thanks everyone! They are great ideas and will try them out!

BW: 41 (me)
Divorced soon.
Moving forward.
Pre Nursing Student
Getting a Do over at 42

Posts: 125 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Lonelyville
Member # 35695
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, September 20th (Friday)

In my area there are a few cafes that run book clubs, they pick a book,you have a month to read it then meet for coffee and just chat about it. Great way to get out and I love that it pushes me to read things I might never have noticed.

Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown

Posts: 471 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
Topic Posts: 11