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Reconciliation
User Topic: OM was "sweet"...
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 8:22 AM, September 20th (Friday)

So its been a year, and WW and I were talking. I was calmly venting how I didn't understand why she choose him over me and the pain she clearly saw it causing. I asked her why. She said, "Because he was sweet."

I was stunned. A whole year later and she still thinks he was "sweet". I pushed back my rage and calmly asked her what made him "sweet". She said she didn't know. I asked her for an example. "I don't remember."

I was furious. I told her I was upset and I took a walk. I tried to broach the subject again hours later. Again she said he was sweet. I told her how hurt that made me to hear her still speak so affectionately of him a while year later, and how "I don't know" feels dishonest. She backtracks and says it was how she felt "at the time". I called it bullshit. She accused me of self pity.

Another long night on the coach. Still hurt and angry. I feel she will never be able to let go of him.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, September 20th (Friday)

She accused me of self pity.

I think that is a clear indication of why she still thinks he's sweet. She doesn't give a shit about you.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Yak - right after my affair, still foggy, my BH asked what I saw in the OM - I said I liked his personality. If i had said this a year later I would expect to be thrown out.
There is nothing sweet about a man who cheats with a married woman. period.
she's still in the fog and apparently needs a wake up call, or not, if you can live with it. but I'd be furious too.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5286 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
RockyMtn
Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, September 20th (Friday)

I'm sure he was sweet. OPs have a way of laying it on thick in their fog and when they want to get something. Too bad she can't see this.

By the way, make her sleep on the couch.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, September 20th (Friday)

(((Yakamishi)))

Completely agree with above posters.
By a year later, WS should be seeing things differently.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Dec 2012
bionicgal
Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Was she saying what she thought then, or what she thinks now? There is a big difference, IMHO. Sometimes my H will answer as he thought then, and I have to stop him.

But also, doing any kind of direct comparison is dangerous in my opinion. Many waywards do not feel like they are choosing one person over another during the affair, although that is how it feels to us, obviously. Just an alcoholic doesn't feel like they are choosing booze over people, the waywards often are choosing "high of AP or no high" rather than between you and them.


me - BS (40s)
DDay - June 2013, A was 2+ months, EA then PA
In MC & Reconciling
An affair is a personal crisis, not a relationship.

I edit, therefore I am.


Posts: 2065 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
5454real
Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, September 20th (Friday)

Yak, just a quick question. is she still drinking?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2995 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Sadwife222
Member
Member # 40050
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, September 20th (Friday)

My WH has said, "she was nice to me" and "she's a good person."

Oh, yea? How many "good" people have sex with someone's husband on their wife's bed? How hard is it to be "nice" to someone when you don't live with them, discuss bills, broken appliances, IRS audits, chores, step-children, jobs, etc.?
The waywards have the mind of a child.


Me BW, Him WH
DD 4/12/13
TT until 9/18/14

Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013
seenow
Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 11:55 AM, September 20th (Friday)

The "I don't know" and "I don't remember" statements drive me bat shit crazy.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Edit:.double post

[This message edited by Yakamishi at 12:09 PM, September 20th (Friday)]


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 20th (Friday)

@ sadwife, you are spot on!

@5454, admittedly she's done some amazing work in this area. She drinks 1 or 2 nights a week, and when she does its 3-4 bets, or 2-3 glasses of wine. While its not total sobriety, is a major step as her head is alot clearer.

That said, this notion of any remaining positive feelings for OM in the least kills me. She says she "despises" him. Id rather she was ambivalent. One would think if she harbors that kind of emotion, it must be built on some sort of attachment or fondness. And that perhaps she resents the loss of the AP.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Rebreather
Member
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Well. She did say "was" not "is". Is this at ALL a communication issue?

I agree 100% that any lingering feelings of fondness a year our is not ok. At all. I will say though that once my husband got to hating her, he was pretty good at it. It may have taken him longer than a year to get to indifference. Dunno. Can't remember. Terribly helpful, yes? Sorry. I just am not sure the 1 year on that is a hard line.


Me BS
Him WH
2 ddays in '07
Recovering.
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Yakamishi... whatever "sweetness" she was seeing in him was like saccharine. Fake, synthetic, and intended to deceive.

I'm sorry you had to hear something like that from her, being this far out. That just sucks.

[This message edited by LosferWords at 12:33 PM, September 20th (Friday)]


Posts: 7562 | Registered: Dec 2010
Simple
Member
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Of course they are "sweet". My FWH was "sweet" to all his multiple OW... and they are to him.

If she says "I don't know" and saying "what I felt at the time" then she's purely relying on emotions still and I think Rockymtn is right and there's still fog.

We don't necessarily want our FWS to "hate" the AP. We want them to be indifferent to them. It doesn't seem like she is. The only correct answer to that question is along the lines of "because I was broken", "because I wasn't thinking at all", etc. A truly remorseful spouse says these things and MEANS them. But saying as the reason why they pretty much cheated is because the other person was sweet... puts the blame on the other person instead of owning up to their screw-up.

I hope it made sense.

We're here for you.


Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.


Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Idk is she still in the fog? I think sometimes they describe how the OM made them feel at the time. He was "sweet". Maybe she felt something diff which is normal. However she should feel very different about him NOW. I don't like how my FWW hates OM. I would much rather indifference. But she has hated him because she realizes he took advantage of her brokenness and could have been a REAL friend.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I agree that her answer suggests that she hasn't fully "gotten it".

My FWH doesn't bad mouth the OW per se, beyond saying she was as fucked up as he was and made herself available, went over the top with the adulation. But he has NO good memories of her or the A. He says that he can't understand how he could have made such a horrible choice and has not one nice thing to say about her. Wishes he had never met her.

Don't know how I would handle anything else!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, September 20th (Friday)

This is a process....I kinda think she should be past this type of reasoning...but I have grown to recognize any statment from me that contains the word "should" needs to be deeply examined. Most of the time they are based in unhealthy expectations.

I believe most WS say things like this regarding their AP for two main reasons.

First, the fog and high from the A lingers past the NC date...and real emotions are still in play. These emotions are based on lies and false facts...but the emotions are real. Make sense?

Second, once that reason passes I believe the human mind continues this mode of operation to protect itself...afterall, if they actually see the AP in the light it truly belongs in...it hurts like hell! "I did this?!?!? For that?!?!? Who the hell am I anyway?!?!?" sort of thing must go through their mind.

So it is a process...just like what BS go through. It is painful and can be really slow....

Back to the year out thing....

What we all experience is NOT unique....but how we react and process through it occurs in its "unique" timeline. It sounds as if your wife has alcohol issues....probably contributes to the delay in "getting it"

In other cases, trickle truthing adds considerable time to "getting it".

I see posts on here where BS spouses don't get trickle truthed, don't have WS with other handicapps...and those folks time line moves faster.


ALSO....check up what she is answering. She MAY be hearing the question "Why did you choose him over me AT THAT TIME?" instead of the question "Why did you choose him over me?".

I have made false assumptions...thinking my wife was answering one question, all the while she answered a very different question.

Regardless...I feel your pain. I hate this too.

Hang in there.

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4037 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
unfound
Member
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, September 20th (Friday)

OM was "sweet"...

So is antifreeze, but I don't drink it.

Lots of people are sweet. She needs to dig deeper, deeper to the ugly part where she realizes and can admit to not just you, but to herself that she made a choice to have an affair due to her own fuckedupness, and the reason she chose him (as well as why he chose her) is because he validated, supported, shared in and encouraged that choice. Not because he was sweet.


ka-mai
*******************
From time to time, I do consider that I might be mad. Like any self-respecting lunatic, however, I am always quick to dismiss any doubts about my sanity. DK

Posts: 14861 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
RippedSoul
Member
Member # 40055
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, September 20th (Friday)

A couple different thoughts to share from the ones that prevail on this thread. In no way do I sympathize with the OM. My husband is currently on a 10-day business trip with his OW from a year ago and if I could pull every hair from her head, one by one, it'd make me a lot happier. Still, sometimes it helps to look at things from a different angle. At least, it's proven helpful for me. So here goes.

When my WH says similar things about his OW, it pierces my heart. In my mind, there is nothing positive to say about the OW. Ever. But then that leads me to thinking about my own, personal wayward. He was WAY messed up. But I still love him. The fact that he made such a HUGE error doesn't change the fact that he's brilliant or funny or charming. If his OW told her BH that my husband was the smartest man she'd ever met, it would be true. In OM's mind, my husband would still be a jerk and a philanderer. But the fact remains that he's a genius.

My view of OW is similarly one-dimensional. All I can think of to call her are derogatory names that wouldn't be allowed in this forum. What I'm trying to say is that, however misguided and unremorseful and selfish the OM might be, "sweet" might still be an accurate description of him. Not only that, but what kind of an answer were you expecting? What answer would be acceptable?

Another thought. I read a marriage book (all I've done for the past year) that used the phrase "love bank." The OM deposited tokens into your wife's love bank on a regular basis. He may have withdrawn, too, but that's unlikely. He probably never refused to take out the garbage, never disciplined her children different from how she'd want it, never sat and watched TV all night. They had their own little fantasy going on. The book's author contends that when an A ends--especially if there's NC established--everything ugly that happens is within the M itself. Your being hurt drains your love bank. Her being upset drains your love bank. But the OM is frozen. Static. He may not be depositing into the love bank any more, but he's not withdrawing, either. It's not real and it won't last, but it is a good analogy to describe what your wife is talking about when she calls the OM sweet.

My WH is NEVER going to hate his OW like I do. The glow is off, though. She is no longer on a pedestal. She finally has flaws. But he'll never see her as the _______ and __________ and _________ that I see her as. Does that make sense? He chose her over me because he was vulnerable, because we weren't caring for each other the way we should have, because (mostly) he's a sex addict, because she spoke "math" with him, because he was weak, because she stroked his self-esteem. She took advantage of that because she, too, was in a bad spot in her marriage. And it spiraled out of control from there.

If he, as the OM, isn't allowed to be "sweet" because he's an adulterer, then she also is not allowed to be "sweet" or "pretty" or "generous" because she was unfaithful, too. She can't desecrate his character without destroying her own. There was a demon inside her that has to be exorcised, but if she herself is the demon, then why try?


BW: 49; SLAWH: 46; M: 23 yrs
DD#1--11/30/12 (prostitute #1)
DD#2--1/29/13 (AP, escorts #1 & #2)
DD#3--9/13 (trolling MILF site)
DD#4--10/8/13 (EA with AP cont'd)
DD: 20; DD: 18; DS: 16; DS: 14
PS: I've NEVER NOT edited my posts

Posts: 461 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Clarrissa
Member
Member # 21886
Default  Posted: 7:24 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

RippedSoul, I think your last paragraph explains why some WS either can't or won't get it. They're protecting their image of themselves, not necessarily the APs.

I, too, thought my OM was "sweet" at one time. Why? Because he paid attention to a no-account loser like me. My view of myself was such that a bit more tarnish or graffiti wasn't going to make much of a difference in that view so I could further deface it with little hesitation. Yes, I was majorly screwed up. Yes, I had all these issues. Yes, I was the person who did this to my BH.

Yakashima's WW isn't suffering from the I don't know's and I don't remember's, she's suffering from the I don't want to accept's. Until she reaches acceptance, she'll view the OM as "sweet" to some extent.

The waywards that get it know they were as bad as (if not worse) than the AP. They defaced that image of themselves to find what's *really* underneath it. And mostly (IMO) it's a pretty (if not beautiful) image that just needs restored to its former glory.


BH Cee64D - 48
WW (me) - 49


All affairs are variations on a theme. No one has 'Beethoven's 5th' to everyone else's 'Chopsticks'.


Posts: 5891 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: A better place
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Well said, Clarrissa.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
joeboo
Member
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

My fww mentioned something about all the OM and what attracted her to them. Sometimes we humans tend to exponentially romanticize attractiveness in those we do not really know. I think that happens because we do not have as much knowledge of their unattractiveness to blur their attractiveness. I suppose all WS's have to be attracted to something in order to move forward with an A.

Deep deep down, I believe there is one of my fww's OM that she would have ran off with into the sunset if he would have taken her. She has never said anything bad about him and I found out latter she bragged about him to her friends long after he was gone.

Because of my schedule, I will not be able to get to MC for a couple of months, but I would suggest the same for you. In MC I intend to dissect why I feel like she is settling for me instead of choosing me above all others.

Good luck and peace.


Posts: 1212 | Registered: Feb 2011
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

Maybe my take is different, but what about him rang "sweet" in her observation ?
It could be that he was listening to her, responding compassionate etc.
That said he crossed the line for sure. But something sweet touched her.
Now my Wh serial cheater, justifies everything and blame shifts. I have met respectful kind men that first and foremost displayed kindness towards me. That didn't give me the right to break marriage vows, but saw something I liked and valued in another man. Something I longed for in my man.
I don't know your back story, but she didn't say he was a hot man, he was sweet. That would make me wonder how you could put the " sweet" in your description. Just sayin... No accusations, it is perception.
What is "her" description of sweet?


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
StillGoing
Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

If he, as the OM, isn't allowed to be "sweet" because he's an adulterer, then she also is not allowed to be "sweet" or "pretty" or "generous" because she was unfaithful, too. She can't desecrate his character without destroying her own. There was a demon inside her that has to be exorcised, but if she herself is the demon, then why try?

At one point early on my wife actually said "If he's such a bad person what does that say about me then?"

I agree with Clarissa this is very much about a reflection of the WS in most cases.


"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

I feel that often the broken parts of people attract each other in these situations. Not that they don't have good traits, but that their issues are what allow them to behave together in an unhealthy way.

So after the "fog" lifts people are able to see the brokenness in themselves and their AP. Sure, there are still good traits, but what matters is fixing themselves now, and recognizing that a whole, healthy person would not have gotten involved in an A.

In my H's case, he kept going long enough that he had already recognized just how unhealthy the OW was; that was part of what "trapped" him--her threats, etc. He was already way past regretting getting involved with her and had never thought she was much to begin with. It was, however, only after the lies ended that he was able to face how damaged HE was.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1763 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
Yakamishi
Member
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

@Gr8

See that's just it, when I pressed her I got the ever popular, "l don't know. I don't remember."

And I would agree with the others here, this is all about her inability to see his downside as well as recognize her own issues. Her "hatred" of him, is her feeling abandoned by him.

After a whole year of this bull shit, I would have hoped wed be further along. And it only fuels my fear that we are unfixable.


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 7:23 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

I wish I could get my WH to say he hates her.. Not long ago I asked the same as you.
Ugh he said she was sweet and he felt sorry for her .. I was agast. You felt sorry for someone you barely knew but you had no feelings for someone you " loved" for 20 yrs.. I left the room to get a drink came back to our bedroom and he is snoring..for goodness sake do they have no moral fiber. How can they sleep after what they have done..
I haven't had a decent sleep since 2011...
Oh and I also get the " I don't remember".. I tend to snap back with well you remembered to fuck her in the car.., ;p
And I proceeded to pop open my favorite libation prosecco... :).. And slept in the TV room.

[This message edited by Dreamland at 7:26 PM, September 21st (Saturday)]


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Heath
Member
Member # 28992
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, September 21st (Saturday)

Clarissa nailed it. Very true.

I myself once being involved with a BPD compulsive liar, the 'I don't knows' and 'I don't remembers' become a very obvious cover for the reality that there are thoughts, feelings and actions that they feel guilty about, and rather than confront the situation with some serious introspection, it is quickly swept under the rug with a couple of cheap slogans often championed by the incredibly deceitful. She clearly does not want to take full responsibility for her part to play in this, for if she was to truly acknowledge that OM was a loser, she would also need to confront her own corruption in the situation. She'd much rather paint the situation with sparkles and honey and make it out like it was just a case of really good people getting caught up in a terrible mistake.
I am way too cynical to see things in this light. People who sink so low to have an affair have made a conscious decision to sell their morals down the river. Doesn't mean they can't get those morals back, but for that particular moment in time, in my opinion, they become selfish toxic people.

To me, it is obvious that she still sees OM as a really nice guy. Whatever her reason for R, it would not be good enough for me knowing that her feelings are still so positive towards OM. You have every right to feel upset by this.

If I was in your situation, I would set some clear boundaries with WW, letting her know that I would not tolerate her 'warm and gooey' feelings toward OM. That I am not 'chop liver' and am worthy of being viewed in a far better light than a someone who enters into a relationship knowing full that they are destroying another one. That there is no comparison between you and OM, because in all the years you could have been like him and strayed, you remained faithful.

Wishing you all the best in your part to play in 'operation foglift'.

[This message edited by Heath at 9:00 PM, September 21st (Saturday)]


"It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything'.

Posts: 123 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Gr8Lady
Member
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I don't in any way sympathize with the OM, what drives us ( the betrayed) crazy is the unanswered. Now my personality is one That doesnt lie or embellish. A white lie makes me feel as if the person can see right inside my soul and know it it is a stretch. Therefore lying isn't an option for me. The problem I have with lyiars is EVEN if they somehow get by with it, don't they know in their heart they did it and lied. That in itself is mind boggling. I have more respect for my own personal integrity and value as a person, wife, mother and friend. So why lie, why risk everything?
I hope you find peace and resolution in your relationship. It is an honor to have a man that respects and strives to create a better relationship. Peace my friend, you sound awesome!


BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

If he's such a bad person what does that say about me then

a few weeks after Dday I asked my husband if he hated OW#1. He said he didn't hate her, but he hated what she did... he has never said a disparaging word about either OW, and I suppose he can't because the same adjectives would apply to him.

you know, I am a former wayward and I deserved some of the things people call the OW that I can't say on this forum, I really did. it doesnt' bother me. I'm not that person anymore... but hell, recognize that you (waywards) were, indeed, that person. And you were stuck in the exact same mud as the AP. So what. just admit it. A year later with growth, health and clarity this shouldnt' be a problem.
JMHO...

[This message edited by rachelc at 2:53 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5286 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 30