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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Karma bus approaching
chikastuff
Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, September 20th (Friday)

I received a call today from a creditor looking for my X. I cooperated and provided them with the contact information I had for him. So tonight I get a call from a blocked number. It's a process server looking for him. He was very nice on the phone and it turns out he's working for the same creditor who called me. I'm assuming they're suing him? Anyway he said he's been trying to get ahold of him and X is dodging him. I gave him the same info as before and we hung up.

I feel like I should be happy that karma is coming to visit him, but I'm so anxious about what will happen. know I don't owe him any loyalty, but I seriously feel guilty, like I threw him under the bus. Is there any chance that my name will get back to him? What if the confrontation gets heated? What if DS is there when it happens? I'm so freaked out I've checked all of the locks and windows and I want to set the alarm.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Gemini71
Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, September 20th (Friday)

My understanding is that creditors and process servers don't like to give out their sources. While it may not be the same as a journalist protecting their source, they have no reason to rat out someone who was polite and helpful. In this Internet Age, you can find just about anyone with a 5 minute web-search. Besides, hopefully your X will have too much to handle to worry about how they found him.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1861 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, September 20th (Friday)

Calm down, Chik. You did nothing wrong here. Nothing.

If your X texts/emails you about the info that you gave to the creditors....ignore it.

If the situation is one in which you cannot ignore....tell him that he shouldn't buy shit that he can't pay for.

It is NOT your job to protect the guy. It isn't as if you are calling his creditors and telling them where to find him or posting your X's contact information on a public forum...as in "HEY. If X owes you money, you can find him at XXX", right?

It is an accountability and entitlement issue. *His*, not yours. I doubt that the creditors would reveal *how* they got the info on your x's whereabouts....but even if they do and your ex tries to make it about *you* and your loose tongue, please understand that is just blame-shifting on his part.

If your ex is served and is upset with you then you need to have a plan. If he calls/texts/emails you about it, tell him that you have nothing to say and that he needs to deal with his shit and stop contacting you about it. If he is relentless, then look into a restraining order. If he is in your physical presence and starts being belligerent or threatening....call the cops.

Actions. meet. Consequences......


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8085 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
dmari
Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, September 20th (Friday)

You did nothing wrong. What were you going to do? Lie on his behalf? Why?

Let him deal with the consequences to his actions.

(((((chikastuff)))))


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2271 | Registered: Oct 2012
wontdefineme
Member
Member # 31421
Default  Posted: 12:07 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

I give the karma bus instructions on how to find the bus stop every time. I feel as bad as he did when he destroyed my family, my credit and my life.

Posts: 2175 | Registered: Mar 2011
Catwoman
Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:31 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

I highly doubt they will reveal their sources. And it isn't like you did anything wrong--you just gave them forwarding information.

I was in the same boat, although I did take it one step further and gave them not only his information but the OW's as well.

Karma is a bitch.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29663 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
chikastuff
Member
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, September 21st (Saturday)

I did let him know what her car looks like.

Thanks guys. I know I'm being paranoid, but it's hard not to trigger over something that could send him into a spin. I keep having flashbacks to the night we were at the ED and I told the doctor about his suicide attempts. The doctor told him that I told him he was suicidal, right in front of me. I've never seen so much anger in a person then when he looked at me after.

I know I'm in a better place now with more support but its still scary to know there's a loose cannon out there.


Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

FWIW, I think you did the right thing, Chika. And your conscience can be clear eventually because you did. But I relate to your worry at facing the anger and am sorry you have that besides the other problems.

That's happened here with various things and the advice is good that's on your thread. I had to tell X and his L that I would give their phone numbers for some pending things that they weren't very willing to deal with, and I won't allow myself to be stuck with, relative to house or finances that are messes he left.

When all else fails, I say to X, "I didn't know what else to do" or "I was caught off guard" and it buys some time or shuts him up.


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 8