SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Reconciliation
User Topic: Heal ourselves while we heal marriage
morethantrying
Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Hi. First, give yourself a break...you are doing a great job and a wonderful loving things to commit to R.

Two: for an emotional break I found that funny cats/dogs with babies search on YTube really helped.

We Deserve to feel good sometimes!

Here is what I am committing to this week...7-8 month mark from DD and Hubby is doing all right and I want to give in to R and start living and feeling better...

Got this from various places and put in my own words:

TRY FOR ONE WEEK
MINDFULNESS TO NEW HABIT: don’t think too much just try these and see
1. AWARENESS: Be aware of the thought: say “oh , look I am thinking this thought”
2. PATTERNS: Recognize when I do it (pattern) – usually when mind is NOT occupied with other mind taking things.
3. IMPARTIAL OBSERVER: Watch the thought and emotions as outsider/observer – do not deny the emotions; instead have a sense of simply allowing them exist and acceptingthem. Don't believe all thoughts or feelings...but acknowledge them. I will also question them: are they really 100% true? No? Then focus on the TRUTH!!!
4.STAY IN PRESENT: Give the present moment your absolute undivided attention. At your home, or office, or where ever you are (for me waiting at grocery store in line!!!)notice everything around you.
•FULL SENSES: Use your senses to their fullest. Don’t make a conversation in your head about them just see them, be aware of what is gong on around you only: sounds, smells, sight, taste....
•SHARP FOCUS: If you’re engaged in doing a task then give in your full focus. Do just one thing at a time and be there fully to experience it. When you walk, notice the floor or ground againss your feet the sound of them on the pavement etc.
5.TAKE SOME ACTION: this will help break the pattern of thinking. You had a cue, now make a new routine to create a new thinking habit. Decide on it in advance so that you can call upon it quickly and every time.

House Work
• Full Focus on it: During the task think about it and do it the absolutely best you can! When you engage in doing a task, give in your full focus
• Song: Music with singing
Waiting:
• People Watching: Be in present by observing people around your carefully and put Full Focus on it: notice all your senses to be in the present – seeing hearing, smell
Walking:
• Full Focus on it: notice all your senses to be in the present and this is good for walking (go for the nature! Go for how your body is feeling!) and doing mundane jobs where the mind is not so occupies
• People Watching: Be in present by observing people around your carefully

Home Alone/Alone in Office
• Work on XXX
• Read Bryson or other enjoyable book


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 282 | Registered: Sep 2013
blakesteele
Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 4:21 AM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Well compiled....I, too, have subscribed to that which you post....just never took the time to list it out so neatly.


Thank you.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3609 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
morethantrying
Member
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I would also like to mention the power of smile (even fake smiles when by yourself). We have a RIGHT to be happy and recover even as we struggle with marriage recovery...the better shape we are in the better we can work towards positive recovery. If you search around internet you can come across the smile research. I use self-hypnosis to reinforce this -- I got some great reputable ones I downloaded online ...never really went for this before, but it seems to help me anyway!


Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 55
Him: WS 62
Married 32 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 282 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 3