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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: When does it get easier?
Eyeofthetiger
Member
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

He had the kids this weekend. He stays at his parents. Yesterday the kids each had a sport and I went obv and he was there too. Very awkward. We barely talked but he spent the better half of the time looking over at me. Then when it was time to leave they all went their way and I had to go mine. Sooo hard. I want to be with the 3 of them!

Friday when he picked them up he was trying to be my friend again. This time I shut him down. But those eyes. He kept looking into my eyes.

I want this limbo to go away but I do not want to be the one to make any sort of move. I still want my M. If he is so dead set on D why isn't he moving forward with anything?

Urgh. When does the desire and hope for your M go away?


S

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

(((Eyeofthetiger)))

I wish I had an answer myself. I was about to post about the fact that I am missing my WW today and then saw your post. I wanted to text my WW to say I missed her, but, like you, don't want to put myself out there any more than we already have.

I think Sundays are triggering me and I don't know whether it is because that is when we spent the most time together. Or whether it is because my dday was a Sunday night.

Hang in there Eye. We'll get through this.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 666 | Registered: Aug 2013
Eyeofthetiger
Member
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Sunday was family day with us. The 4 of us were always together on Sunday. So it is def a trigger for me.

Luckily Sunday is almost over!


S

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Very true. Sunday is almost over. I even spent the day rock climbing with my father to get moving and not think about things, but it only got me so far.

Last week it took me until Monday evening to finally feel ok again.

Maybe the only time in our lives when we look forward to seeing Monday come.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 666 | Registered: Aug 2013
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I don't know if it will help anyone, but one anti-trigger mechanism that I use for Sundays is to make them about me now and about the things I don't have to do, or like to do.

Plans with friends or family who are around or do errands/shopping -keeping busy on trigger days helps. Making new memories on trigger days helps. Then, I have the memory of the present-day Sundays or trigger days to carry with me rather than the past.

This type of day is about "living in the now", as Wayne and Garth say and making new patterns or routines eventually wears on the triggers.

ETA that if it were me and X made cow eyes at me I would be very, very leery, because it could also be an act, I'm sorry to say. But if you still want your M, it seems like you're going to have to find a way to put yourself on the line-again-or determine your threshold for your deal breakers.

What I was always told was, "it's the actions". If he's just making cow eyes at you, it could be curiosity or some other thing, but please be careful of your heart.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 5:49 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2204 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Ash, that's a good point. I have to think about how to do this, as I am with my kids every other Sunday, so each week has to be thought of differently.

I have also agreed to let my WW take my kids to church on my Sundays with them, because it is an important community for them. My eldest said to me last week that church is one of his two happy places. So having 2 hours taken away from my time with them on Sundays requires that I think of the rest of the day differently. But starting some regular routines may be the way to go.

Thanks.


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 666 | Registered: Aug 2013
Gr8Panoz
New Member
Member # 40746
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

After learning that I would be looking at a foreclosure and bankruptcy I text her in a rather pitiful manner to come back and avoid this further hardship. Her lack of response was all the confirmation I needed to realize that even financial ruin won't bring her back. I can't tell if she's in denial or really hates me that much. I realize this wasn't helpful or motivating, but I guess I'm saying I'm stuck in the same situation and this may have finally pushed me past it.
How can someone hurt us so bad and we still want them back? We haven't seen each other for a month now. She's proved herself to be a horrible person and has handled every aspect of this poorly.
Be strong and don't play his games. Smile back and think hard about whether you could really have your M back. I've tried to romanticize the idea but it would not be a good thing.


Me: 31 BS
Her: 28 STBXW
Kids: 5 & 7
DDay 8-24-13
Divorce started: 9-5-13
Divorce Final: ?

Posts: 26 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Idaho
Eyeofthetiger
Member
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

It true. Why do we want those who could hurt us and not think twice about it?

For me, he is all I have ever known. We have two beautiful kids together and have had each other's backs since we were 16.

Maybe I am just scared to move on. Scared to be alone. Scared to never have the love I had with him again. Scared no one will ever love or want me.

We deserve better that's for shit sure!


S

Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
ruinedandbroken
Member
Member # 29250
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

(((EyeoftheTiger))) My ex is all I've ever known too. I think that makes it 10X harder.


“People who cheat feel that life is for the taking, and that everyone deserves happiness no matter what the cost. I must remember these tricks if I ever have my soul surgically removed."
Me: BS 42. Him: WH 41 2 Kids 6&9
Married 14 yrs Together 21

Posts: 1572 | Registered: Aug 2010
Topic Posts: 9