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User Topic: What would make a single OW pursue a married man?
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Just read Lucy17's post in R forum entitled "De-personifying the AP"---did not want to tangent on her thread so am starting a new one.
At the risk of receiving 2 X 4 's about giving the AP too much headspace, I still am trying to figure out what OW could have been thinking.
What would make a single OW pursue a married man?
Have not, & will never, have any contact with her. We all know she would not tell the truth anyway.
I have learned a lot from reading the Wayward forum. It is commonly said that the AP could have been anyone----& was just another broken person that was there at the right moment when broken WH was receptive.
In our case, OW knew WH was married, & I do believe that she pursued WH ( have had proof from reliable sources). Believe me, I realize that WH could have said no.
What made her think she was entitled to come into our lives & try to destroy our family? Does a person who would do this feel any guilt? WH said that when he told OW that I knew & that it was over, she started to cry. Was she crying because it was over or out of guilt/shame?
I am guessing that to a person like this, it is all a game & that they could not care less how much pain their actions cause to another woman & kids.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Most likely, she cried because you "won", in her eyes.

Posts: 11378 | Registered: Mar 2008
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I didn't even know I was in a competition.
Isn't it something that I won even tho I was portrayed to her in such a bad light (as being so angry all the time).


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Allgoodnamesgone
Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

My X had a 1 1/2 year affair with a single woman he worked with. This woman is very attractive, very sexy, has a good job & lots of friends.

Why she would put up with getting banged in a car before work & maybe going out on a date with my X 1/x mo at best, for over 1 1/2 years is beyond me.

And she loved my X.

And she was young - only 31 at the time & my X was 43 at the time!

Against all advise to the contrary, I did call the OW - when I was calm enough. While it was mostly self-serving bullshit & I just let her talk - she revealed that her husband had cheated on her many years ago and she "understood", etc.

What I came up with is that the OW just doesnt care about anyone other than herself. She's not thinking about the married man's family. And, I would imagine, she has self-esteem or other issues that she is willing to put up with the crumbs being thrown her.

Broken, broken people.

ETA: I forgot that she had told my X many times that she wasnt going to be able to do this forever & he said he understood, she's young & should be with someone else. They even joked about it at times - like "hey, why dont you go home with that guy tonight".
SMH.
So, I think she wanted the relationship.

When my X and I separated 1 1/2 years after their affair ended, they got back together, but other than banging her in his apt rather than his car - he still didnt give her much of his time or (obviously) his respect.

[This message edited by Allgoodnamesgone at 8:07 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2168 | Registered: Nov 2009
SeeThingsNow1
Member
Member # 38241
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

the OW in our sitch was married but was talking with H and my question was - why not go after a single guy ( she is married also ) instead of a man who has a woman. How does she , as a woman, do that to another woman? So I dont know what the deal is, why single goes after married when there are so many free and easy guys out there that dont care about relationship status- or why married OW dont just go after single guys and just eff up their own spouse instead of theirs and someone elses....there are some messed up folks out there.

Posts: 106 | Registered: Jan 2013
mixedintherut
Member
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

People are twisted, and I do believe that some view it as a game.

WH OW1, knew he had a family. She had been in our home a month before, screwing my youngest brother.

She never lead on to feeling any kind of guilt. In fact she did things to purposely spite me.

I am not 100% sure if OW2 knows that WH is married or not, I have reason to doubt it. However, she has been contacted and given information, but apparently choosing to ignore it.

The lack of morals in the world is disgusting!


DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I think for some - married means fun, but no real attachment. They get to be courted and have fun, but don't have any of the responsibilities of a relationship.

For some, it is the thrill of the chase. The conquest - let me see if I can 'win'.

I guess for some it's not anything they 'meant' to do - the old 'we can't help who we fall in love with' b.s.

I don't know if they feel guilt; when I read stuff early on after D-day, I got the impression a lot of single OP's felt like they weren't doing anything wrong; THEY didn't take the vow. Almost a real nonchalant opinion, well *I* am not the married one, maybe if the BH or BW was 'doing their job at home' I wouldn't be here. So - no, no real guilt at all.

I really don't understand it because it's not in me to be that way.

None of it ever really makes sense; you can't look at your situation and say, "Oh, this X + Y totally = Z (affair)"



Posts: 14320 | Registered: Jun 2008
miadianna
Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Every OW my XH has been involved with has been single or divorced. They did not care how much damage they were causing to our family because they never met us or knew us. The one he is living with now gave him an ultimatum. She said "leave your wife and kids or I won't take your phone calls anymore." So he messaged her and said "What would you say if I told you I am looking for apartments?" and she said "Show me the key and you can call me again." So he left his wife of 25 years and two children and now lives with her and her two kids in a huge house he bought in her town. Loser and coward.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7456 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Does a person who would do this feel any guilt?

Nope.

Stbx told me that he met one of his OW's after literally bumping into her in the elevator as they were both going down for dinner. They ended up having dinner together.....and from what I've put together from his recounting, she *came on* to him (even though I'm sure that his *available* sign was lit up), he said "I'm married".....and (he said her response was) "does it matter that I don't care if you're married?" (apparently it didn't since he fucked her.....and no, he never got to the point in the story where he told me how he answered her question).

I think that a lot of the entitlement that OP's feel is due to the bullshit that the WS is feeding them. Another of stbx's OW's was told by him that he was certain that she was *the one* -- and then she totally freaked when the A blew up and she got tossed aside like yesterday's garbage.

I think that some OP's have the mindset that *they* weren't the ones that took the vows with the spouse and if the WS wants to *step out* on their marriage that it has nothing to do with the OP's willingness to *be* there --> which again goes back to the bullshit stories that the WS is telling........


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7680 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
scaredyKat
Member
Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

In the case of the OWs involved in my marriage the answer was simple. OW#1 saw an open wallet. She expressed as much on the net after the fact in the form of a tweeted question "when a married man gives you money is it always about the sex?"
OW#2 also saw his bank account, figuratively. He had a nice house, car, career. She is a menial laborer, nothing wrong with that unless your path to upward mobility is on your back.
The rest are strippers. He tight they were friends and sincerely interested in his opinions on things. He was a big tipper.


Me-BS-60-Can't tell you how painful it was to change this number!
HIM-SAFWH-63
Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3256 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
ThoughtIKnewYa
Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Our Ow was single. I think it was all a game for her. My H told her that he was married to an awesome, beautiful woman who was his best friend. If she could "take" that from me (and from HIM), then that would make her far more special. See? SHE was the one who started with the comments, "I would NEVER do that", etc. when I would come up. And, yes, I was fairly pissed during my H's A because he was treating me like crap and I had no idea why.

When I first found out, he tried to tell me it was EA only. She said I was over-reacting and he reminded her that they DID have an A and she said, "Yes, but she doesn't KNOW that."

I know it's tough to not spend too much time thinking about her, but know that you'd have to BECOME her to truly understand. You don't want to be like that, right??

Hugs to you.


Posts: 11378 | Registered: Mar 2008
Karmita
Member
Member # 40183
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)


A single woman has many other single women to compete with for an attractive and successful single man.

It's easier to compete with an unknowing betrayed spouse.

My soon to be ex got involved with a single colleague from work. She's average, nothing special and married men don't have a large pool of quality women to choose from. A quality woman won't go near a married man because she's got better options than that.

Desperate woman and married man are a match made in heaven.


Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2013
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Spot on, Karmita.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9403 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

In our case, the OW felt like she was helping the husband and well a married man (with 6 kids!!!) wasn't going to risk having people find out. If she cheated with a single guy people would know she cheated on her boyfriend.

skankface.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 359 | Registered: May 2013
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

they could not care less how much pain their actions cause to another woman & kids.

In our case, OW's pain is always paramount. Her emotions just drown out everyone else. Her fiancÚ left her and she could not bear to be alone. She really felt that she desperately needed a "boyfriend" to stop the pain. She focussed on a married man because:

1. She knew that if she could get him to do something compromising, she could then blackmail him to stay in the relationship. She has a huge fear of abandonment, so she uses sex to try to hold on to a man. But that alone was not working for her, so I think she sought out a married guy because she sensed that she could control him through fear of the A being revealed.

2. She is incapable of true intimacy or a real relationship--those things frighten and confuse her. A married man is less likely to want that. It's like one tenth of a relationship which was perfect because OW could create the other nine tenths in her head to be "beyond beyond amazing".

3. OW is immature, and she enjoyed the secret accounts, code names, and pulling one over on their coworkers. It made her feel like she and fWH had this extra special "bond". She thought a dirty secret was an actual way to connect deeply with another human being. It may be a bond, but it's a lot more like shackles than love.

What made her think she was entitled to come into our lives & try to destroy our family?

She was alone and hurting and she needed fWH much more than we did. She wasn't trying to destroy our family, obviously our marriage was already over if fWH would sleep with her. As for the kids, she was abandoned as a kid and her pain is so enormous that our kids just plain don't register.

Was she crying because it was over or out of guilt/shame?

OW cried a lot. Before the A, during the A, at work, on the phone, after sex. It was a great manipulation technique because fWH can not stand for "helpless" women to cry. (When I cry, he reacts normally, because I'm strong and capable.) OW learned that next to threatening to tell about the A, crying was the most effective control tool she had. Maybe your WH's OW cried to get him to stay. Or because she was sad for herself.

fWH's OW couldn't even have cared less about WH's emotions. At the end, he wanted out of the A so bad he was suicidal, but she would not "let" him go. Of course, fWH gave her that power. And she fought tooth and nail to keep it, without any regard for anyone but herself.

It's pitiful, really. I don't think she did it because she had such a high opinion of herself but because she valued herself so little. Not a Narcissist, but definitely some Borderline Personality Disorder traits.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
naivewife
Member
Member # 38375
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Ummmm... Sailorgirl, you just summed up the OW perfectly, right down to her fiance left her and all. Hmmm, makes me wonder!
Anyway, OW came into our home as a medical professional. WH was going through a mental health crisis and I had just had our second son 5 weeks earlier. There we were, 2 year old, newborn, overwhelmed new mom, husband going through mental health crisis. We welcomed her with open arms, relieved to have someone to help us, someone who cared. She held our newborn, my 2 year old brought her books to read. I cooked meals for her at a time when I wasn't even on my feet much cooking for my family. Within weeks she was fucking WH and would brag afterwards to him "I feel no guilt whatsoever!" A few weeks later she was trying to get an appointment for WH to see a divorce lawyer and telling him how she wanted him to walk out on us. I don't know what the fuck makes these women tick. Have a hard time believing they're not just plain evil.

[This message edited by naivewife at 9:06 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


D-day #1 - 1/23/13
false R, then...
D-day #2 - 3/26/13
I will come for the benefit of the sick, remaining free of all intentional injustice, of all mischief and in particular of sexual relations with both female and male persons. - Hippocratic Oath

Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2013
emotionalgirl
Member
Member # 40184
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I was once out with WH when i was visiting him in the city he was working in and when I returned to our table a woman was hitting on him. I was coming up behind him and heard him say no thanks I'm married. She persisted I made my presense known and asked her why she would want a married man as she was young and attractive. Her response...all the better, he has a job because he is here working, he's goota be clean with no diseases and he must be a decent guy if he's married. I told her what she was doing was despicable. She just shrugged and said don't judge, there aren't many good guys out there and walked away. We were both stunned!


1st D day: Saturday July 20,2013
2nd D day....when the s**t really hit the fan and the truth came out.Saturday August 3,2013
3rd D day: Friday August 16, 2013...NC sent Friday Aug 30 4th D day NOV 11
Me: BS
Him: WH
Married 25 years....finally in R

Posts: 368 | Registered: Aug 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

For some, it is the thrill of the chase. The conquest - let me see if I can 'win'.

My gut tells me this ^^^is it.

It's easier to compete with an unknowing betrayed spouse.

Of course, when someone takes a vow to be faithful to you, forsaking all others, you think you don't have to worry about this, even when you are going thru rocky times in the marriage, that you will ride it out together as a team

married men don't have a large pool of quality women to choose from. A quality woman won't go near a married man because she's got better options than that.

Desperate woman and married man are a match made in heaven.

The perfect storm


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

The assumption by an OP that a married person, who is willing to cheat on their spouse, is *clean* and disease-free, is just ludicrous to me.
Oh, but wait....I forgot. The AP is *so* special that *s/he* is the ONLY person that the married spouse would ever cheat with.....


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7680 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
damncutekitty
Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

It depends on the OW. My XH cheated with a serial predator who gets off on breaking up relationships. It feeds her ego to get men to choose her over their wives/girlfriends.

But I don't think it's always like that.

Some single women date married men to avoid commitment. Some date married men because they at least know a married guy is capable of comitting. Some just think that the A makes them special. Some are bored. Some get caught up the drama.

There really are lots of reasons.

[This message edited by damncutekitty at 10:20 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49444 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

What little I know of the OW in our case, she came from a "low life" background ( her father was a criminal & it was in the papers) which probably made her feel a lot of shame about herself. She probably saw WH as a very successful family man at the top of his field. Hooking up with him would have greatly raised her social status.

but also, I think you are right about this:

she got off on breaking up a relationship. It fed her ego to get a man to choose her over his wife.

Some just think that the A makes them special.

It is difficult to believe that there are such evil people in the world. I would love to think that most people have good hearts.

[This message edited by mchercheur at 10:34 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Butterfly7904
New Member
Member # 38988
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

The OW in my case met my husband when they were both drunk in a lounge in vegas. Her and her married friend hit on my husband and his friend and they walked the girls up to their room (had sex) and both couples continued on a two month long distance affair (5000 miles. I asked the OW in a text, what she had hope to gain out of all this and she said that they would end up together of course. She asked him once where this was going and he said he shrugged his shoulders and she got upset. He NEVER made any promises of a future, he NEVER said he would leave me, but yet she still wanted him. When he ended it she said I never get what I want I know when they first met he talked about our vacation home, our trucking company and paid for all her drinks. He then sent pictures of everything we own... trucks, atvs, boat, home, camper, work trucks, he even told her when he bought me a new escalade. I believe she is 40, single, working two jobs, paying rent with a roommate, and she saw a easy way out with nothing to lose. Why she thought he would ever bring her up to Canada, to a small town where we both grew up and both our families live, leave me and introduce his new homewrecking whore is beyond me. She is disgusting and allowed a man she had only known two hours, drunk in vegas to fuck her with NO CONDOMS. She obviously has major issues. Oh and she also told my husband she loved him. She had only met him twice and talked on the phone with him for a couple months,knew he was a cheater and liar but she LOVED him.

[This message edited by Butterfly7904 at 11:25 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Me: BS 33
Him: WS 36
OW: 40 from Texas
Married 10yrs
3 DD's ages 4, 7, 9
D-day new years eve 2013
2 month PA and EA with OW from Texas

Reconciling


Posts: 40 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Canada
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:36 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Ok yep another single Whore..
She likes married men.. Told me H her sob story and the idiot fell for it.. when she asked where oits going he said" no where.. I love my wife and family" really could have fooled me.. Then she tells him sob story 2.."I am so tired of being the OW" ... Really my H is so fucking stupid..
He asked her why are you with an old guy anyway... Find someone single someone your age...she's like" I like more mature men, guys my age are so unreliable" Well..Why cuz she's squatty, fugly and chubby and stubby.. No single man would touch with a ten foot pole.. Plus a fucking mental bipolar bitch... she gets her kicks at ruining good people's lives..
Here's the good part. She tells him.. "Well you are like my dad... And my mom says that was the love of her life". So my H why is your name different than your moms..she says" oh well they had a really difficult romantic relationship. She has her previous husbands name.. and I now have my fathers name since when he died all these people kept contesting his children. They got married a year before he died when I was 23." So turns out she is the OC.. And my H reminded her of her father".. I don't know what kind of A fog existed but honestly I don't respect my H for believing or falling for that Whores stories running my daughter and my life.
Fuck them both.. I can't wait for karma to burn her ass down.. I just hope I am near by to see it..


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
TattoodChinaDoll
Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

I think when they are so self absorbed and messed up, they see a married man as instant gratification. They know they have a job, they will get an instant family, that if they got married once they'd probably do it again...especially since they are soooooooo special and deserve all the happiness in the world. They think they are too good to have to go through what make a real relationship and can just step right in and replace the wife.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

I'm getting out of here.


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
brokendancer7
Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

Desperate woman and married man are a match made in heaven

Actually, they're a match made in Hell.

[This message edited by brokendancer7 at 11:49 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)]


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 179 | Registered: Jul 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, September 22nd (Sunday)

TCD,
I think you're on to something


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 3:54 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Some single women date married men to avoid commitment. Some date married men because they at least know a married guy is capable of comitting. Some just think that the A makes them special. Some are bored. Some get caught up the drama.

There really are lots of reasons.


I will add to DCK's assessment and say some absolutely have no morals and would do anybody any time, regardless of whether they are married.

There's all kinds of reasons, but if they cry when they get dumped, more often than not, I believe it is because they are hurting. (Not that I care!)

One thing I truly have come to believe about a lot of people is that they often lack empathy, especially in situations where they are attempting to take something they want from someone else. They feel entitled to that something, and when they don't get it, or lose it their feelings are real, and they don't even consider the person whom they were "taking something" from. Their own feelings count, but nobody else's do.

The whore from my situation was actually married herself, but I believe she thought my H would be a step up for her, from her own spouse. She had an A with him when she was much younger, and he was married to his first wife. She was married that time also, to someone else, not that my H ever bothered to tell me that. I found out through my own investigations when I became more curious about what their history was. To this day, my H can't tell me where this supposed H was. I'm guessing he was in the military and she was staying with her parents. He did tell me her parents encouraged the A!

If I make guesses he will just say, "yes, I think that is right." He claims not to remember. It was 25 years prior to the A that happened in our M, and he does not have a good memory but you would think he would remember THAT.

But knowing how my H is, and with what I have figured out about the Whore, I think she likely highly romanticized him based partly on the fact he had an A with her when she was young. She probably thought he was "noble" for dumping her and going back to his wife.

During our M, she went after him after the deaths of his mother and DD, when he was out of his mind with grief. This is not to let my H off the hook for his part, but it was 7 years ago and to this day, I feel it was at least as much, if not more her fault this happened. I do not believe she could have been "just anyone." She was a very specific person who decided to use a very specific set of events to better her chances, and it worked, up to a point. Of course she got dumped. Again. And of course she cried. In fact I got to hear her blubbering and bawling on the phone when she attempted to leave voicemails for my H after she'd been dumped.

I'll bet she thought he was "noble" during our M too because he would not allow himself to be alone with her for long enough for her to try to get him involved in sex. Even though they said ILY to each other and verbalized plans to run off together, I'm fairly certain in her mind this reinforced in her what a good guy he was, and her life would be so wonderful if she won him (she most definitely planned to dump her H if mine would be her new meal ticket).

She also saw him as a very successful business man and "admired" him. I'm sure she was able to tell herself that I didn't appreciate him and didn't deserve him.

Even though she was (is still) married, I mostly put her with the group of usually single OWs who actually go after what they believe is a committed family man, because they think that is what they are going to get, if they get him away from his wife. My H would talk about the trips we take, the things we do together and certain women seem to really show signs they would go after that because they are jealous of the life we live. It starts seemingly innocent with them just comparing their own man unfavorably, and saying "how lucky your wife is" that you do this and that and the other thing. I hope she appreciates that! And then they would cleverly look for the bad days the man might have had at home, or any sign they might have an inroad to pursue...and they do it!


Posts: 5676 | Registered: Apr 2006
cantaccept
Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 4:38 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

ow was divorce mother of 3. I think she may be trying to boost her ego or is seeking revenge.

Her husband cheated on her with prostitutes.

She has had at least one other a with a married man.

Comment to h, "I can get any man I want"

Comment to me via text on dday, "you and I both know I am not the problem"

She confessed her sin to h, telling him she had been speaking to her priest about her sin.

I think she has never recovered from her husbands betrayal. She is so broken from it. She has never done the work to heal herself and she is trying to build her self esteem in unhealthy ways.

She did pursue h. Of course he opened the door to her.

She had no responsibility to me as an individual but for the life of me I just cannot understand how you go through that pain and then knowingly inflict on others.

Her subject of interest, her hook for h, was constantly texting about the "perfect" life, the "perfect" relationship. Something she will never attain as long as she continues this path.

Karma's gonna get you...

How can you not learn from this experience? How can you not gain compassion for others after going through it? To me, after going through this, I could never, never, never inflict this pain, be a party to this pain. How do you live with yourself? Narcissistic???


Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

divorcing


Posts: 1235 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
summerain
Member
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

really interesting

I was speaking to WH mentor (so not too close) who is also a BW

she said that it is always one of two things

the thrill of taking someone 'that someone else owns'

or it's because they don't want an entirely committed relationship. But a lot of the perks

Both shows that they don't have respect for other people.

She seems to think it's different for men though.

Huge generalisation but it rang true to me


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
dindy
Member
Member # 38424
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

In my case OW was a lesbian. Ex claimed they never slept together but only he knows the truth.

I posted a thread a few weeks ago and got some interesting responses regarding homosexual women having 40% more male sexual partners than heterosexual women as they are not emotionally attached. Certainly very fitting in my case as she went complete NC with ex when I told her GF about the A. Proves how much they really loved each other!

In any case, I think women who meddle with attached men are just broken. Just as much as the attached men who have A's are.

I'm just glad I escaped from having to be in a relationship with such a lame effort of a human being.


Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
noprincess
Member
Member # 38660
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Of course every OW has her own messed up reasons for destroying a marriage For mine:

1) she's entitled, this girl was never told "no" in her entire life
2) major daddy issues. The A started when she was 20 and my H was 45 - her dad died when she was 10
3) she loved the DRAMA of being the OW. She fed on it. It made her feel like a grown up...the intrigue, the danger, etc...

[This message edited by noprincess at 7:23 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]


"Never, never, never give up." - Winston Churchill

Posts: 138 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Pennsylvania
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 7:25 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Wh's ow falls under the desperate catagory.

She was divorced for the second time by age 36. Supposedly, her xh cheated on her. There is more to the story like her broken promise to him

She wanted the white picket fence sans kids. She couldnt find anyone except a married sa who at the time had a pregnant wife and toddler at home.

Small town. We know a lot of the same people. She knew he was married but chose to believe his lies. Hell, this past february she said to me, "I believe everything (wh name) tells me". What a shame.

She promised to share her inheritance (so far not a penny), promised he could live with her for free (he said free would last a month or 2), she funded both our moves (2007 and 2012) and probably his lawn mower ($3000) and who knows what else.

Ive read a fow who wrote here that she didnt think about the bs until the bs made waves. Then the ow demonized the bs so she could make what she was doing right in her head.

There could be many reasons why a female goes for a mm. The challenge. The thrill of winning. Desperation of not having a man and a mm being easy pickings (not much competition bc most women wouldnt go for a mm).

Truth is both the mm and ow have severe issues.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 7:25 AM, September 23rd (Monday)]


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Beats me??? I know in my case the OW was single but she also was an old fuck buddy of WH#2 before we married. She called him one day at work and he took her up on her offer. From what I could conclude from my investigation she was married and divorced twice (don't know why). She was looking for someone to take care of her and WH#2 did it for sex. She of course fell in Luuuvvve with WH#2 and thought she could just take over my life and home and he lead her to believe it. She thought I would just leave him after she outed the A and they would carry on as usual. She is a minimum wage worker, with grown kids that live with her. It is sickening that he would risk our marriage and everything we worked for, for someone that he just wanted to screw because she would. It shows me that they are both fucked up in the head and that I probably should see someone for trying to R with an idiot.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Lalagirl
Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

OW came into our home as a medical professional. WH was going through a mental health crisis and I had just had our second son 5 weeks earlier. There we were, 2 year old, newborn, overwhelmed new mom, husband going through mental health crisis. We welcomed her with open arms, relieved to have someone to help us, someone who cared. She held our newborn, my 2 year old brought her books to read. I cooked meals for her at a time when I wasn't even on my feet much cooking for my family. Within weeks she was fucking WH and would brag afterwards to him "I feel no guilt whatsoever!" A few weeks later she was trying to get an appointment for WH to see a divorce lawyer and telling him how she wanted him to walk out on us. I don't know what the fuck makes these women tick. Have a hard time believing they're not just plain evil.

My god - that is a whole new level of sick and twisted.

xOW (#2) was a divorced mother of 2 small children. She was D because she had a A because she was "bored" FWH knew her from HS and we ran into her at a bar in 2006 and in hindsight...now I know...she pretended to befriend me to get closer to him...

To her, trying (I say trying because she did not succeed) to take my H from me, IMO, stems from her alcoholism, childhood FOO issues and mental illness. He was a KISA to her..(fixing things at her house, we would both babysit her kids), and she is the "all about me" personality type.

Her mother is the same way - she had several As and felt entitled to what made her "happy"

Like I said above, it takes a special kind of evil for an OP to purposely sabotage a marriage for their happiness.

Side note - FWH was NOT blameless in this...he had very poor boundaries, was emotionally immature, which was a huge part of sending him to EA land. He didn't get off easy by any means. Lots of IC/MC and lots of work to earn back my trust. I took my vows with him, not OW; therefore, I owe her jack shit.


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 30 years 9/2/13
2 grown daughters-30 & 26
5yo GS & 18 mo. GD & GB #4 due 8/14(DD30) and 2yo GD(DD26). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 4950 | Registered: May 2007
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I agree with Butterfly. Our OW seem to be similar.

She is a twice divorced mother of 4. She pays rent to her mother. Drives a beat up car. Works from home making just slightly more than minimum wage. Is on welfare.

She was after my DH before he and I were married. She pursued him relentlessly. I even warned him about her the first time I met her. He laughed and said, yeah like I would have have anything to do with that skank (oh how things change).
She was looking for someone to take care of her. My DH has a great job. We have a nice home, I have a new car. I don't have to work. She wanted my life. And no matter how many times he told her that he would never leave me. That he loved me (I guess he did at the time, as well as his broken self could love anyone). That she was just a fuck buddy, yes he flat out told her that was all she was to him. She still thought he would one day leave me to be with her full time and she was willing to carry on the A as long as it took for him to decide to leave me so she could have him full time. Funny thing is, I left him without knowing about the A. The first thing he did was dump her and he hasn't talked to her since, other than once, April of last year, to tell her that we were back together and he never wanted to see her talk to her again. She had been stalking him and emailing him constantly since I had left and he had dumped her begging him to come see her which is why he established NC.

I can't imagine having that low of a self image that you would think that being nothing but a cum dumpster was good enough.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

My OW wanted stuff! Plain and simple....a very shallow woman who told my H.... Everyone does this, let's just have some fun? After the fun, a trip to the designer mall because, "this is how it works."

She constantly asked for a car, credit cards and more vacations, dinners and meetings in 5 star hotels.

She is just a big wanna be.


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Mar 2010
september rain
Member
Member # 18855
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I certainly cannot speak for all OW, of course, but I can give my own former reasoning and perspective, if no one minds. I don't want to step on any toes or upset anyone.


Remorseful, ashamed and "recovered" FOW and FWSO
Newly married and afraid of the Karma bus

Posts: 490 | Registered: Mar 2008
Allgoodnamesgone
Member
Member # 26157
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Septemberrain: I would be interested in hearing your perspective.


Me- BS
DDay- 8/26/09
Separated after failed R effort.

Posts: 2168 | Registered: Nov 2009
heforgotme
Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

The AP in our case was married and I think chose a married man on purpose. She married her H for money and wanted to keep her comfy life. This way she could be sure of no entanglements.

The thing that gets me is that in spite of this I think she was still determined to break up our marriage. I don't know if it was so WH would be more available when she wanted to see him or if it was just about "winning".

Their thought patterns don't make any sense and I don't think are anything we can ever understand.

Thank heaven.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 9:39 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Septemberrain, I am also interested in your reasoning.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Ditto for September Rain.


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Mar 2010
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

What Sailorgirl said resonated for me in my infidelity situation: " OW is immature, and she enjoyed the secret accounts, code names, and pulling one over on their coworkers. It made her feel like she and fWH had this extra special "bond". She thought a dirty secret was an actual way to connect deeply with another human being. It may be a bond, but it's a lot more like shackles than love."

SAWH was involved with someone through work. Part of the thrill was pulling one over on everyone else she was working with who also knew him. I can tell this was a big part of it...I saw texts that said something to the effect of "Whoops someone spotted us at X last night." I know that by the time I caught on, she was wanting their relationship to be more out in the open but of course maintained that she did not want to be a home wrecker. HUH? They were going as a couple to all sorts of fundraisers and events. She had just turned 30 so I'm sure that was a factor, too. She is starting to look...what is the saying? Ridden hard and put away wet. I can tell by the tone of some of the texts I saw that she was getting desperate to pin my H down (probably because he was there and available and she perceived him as being wealthy...she obviously was not thinking things through...I would be the wealthy one if he left me for her.)

Also want to add that a friend of mine who was involved with her MM boss for a year said that the secretive nature was the exciting part at first but it wears off quickly. In hindsight she admits they were just two damaged, very selfish people who get into an unhealthy habit and neither one has the guts to break away. My friend finally broke it off because she knew she wanted something more and he would never be able to give it. I love my friend - have known her since college - but she always made really bad choices when it comes to romantic partners. She must have some insecurity underneath her confident exterior.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 855 | Registered: Jun 2013
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Womaninflux

Actually my FWH said the same thing right after DDay about the secret being the connection. It was also the draw.

My H made it clear to OW that he was not leaving me and it was just the sneaking that at first was exciting, but then made him physically sick. He lost a lot of weight and had very high blood pressure.

He told her on numerous occasions that he couldn't do this anymore and how it was making him sick...they both clearly were into the addiction of the sneak


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 177 | Registered: Mar 2010
notquiteoverit
Member
Member # 32919
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

The OW in my case was lonely, desparate and lacking boundaries and self-esteem. She knew within 5 minutes of meeting him that he was taken. She was willing to take any crumbs that he would throw her way. A truly pathetic creature.


Me - BS 50
Him - WS 49
SOW - 52 destitute loser
D-day 1/28/11

Posts: 569 | Registered: Jul 2011
hopefullromantic
Member
Member # 16652
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I think the bottom line is low self esteem.

Consciously, she thinks she is special because she can lure a man away from his wife, even if for only a few hours at a time. It is a power trip. Especially since the secrecy creates this "special bond" in her head, when really she just holds power over the man because she can, at any time, reveal the A to the W, and this keeps him under her control.

Subconsciously tho, she knows that when her AP leaves her she can convince herself that it isn't because of any of her flaws, but only because he's that "decent guy" who wouldn't leave his wife, even tho he would rather be with her. This enables her to continue to feel good about herself. She can continue the fantasy of star crossed lovers torn apart by circumstance.


It's not really a fairy tale 'till the witch is deposed and a few dragons are slain

Posts: 1736 | Registered: Oct 2007
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

hopefullromantic

I think you nailed it.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

My WH's OW is married, her husband is in prison. When I found out about them, he told me that "She has a lot of problems and I have a woman now who wants to travel with me. She gave up a lot to be with me."

Such fucking nerve!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I have been posting a lot at an OW "support" forum, and I can tell you, those single OW are all kinds of fucked up. I'm not being biased they are FUUUCCCKKKED UPPP. They have some serious issues, for reals.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 3:38 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1172 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Lovedyoumore
Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, September 23rd (Monday)


This topic has perplexed and driven me nuts. Why would a single, unattached person go after a married man, when it rarely turns out well and is usually as messy as hell? My H is the only man I have given myself to and I was his first. It kills me inside that we are no longer exclusive lovers and he has had a woman nearly 20 years younger than we are.

In our case, she is a never married, horny desperate 36 year old whore whose biological clock is ticking away. I think she wanted the stability of older man. She has major daddy issues, proudly proclaiming she is still daddy's little princess and he would approve of anything she wanted. She is very opinionated, always needs to be right, needs constant approval, and collects people rather than making friends. She wanted a sperm donor who was decent enough not to leave her. Thank God for the vasectomy that he never told her about. Who screws like dogs with no protection?

She had to go after a married man with issues of depression, middle age funk, and his own FOO issues because she cannot get anything else to share her life except a cat. Single men would not stay around her and put up with the inflated ego that compensates for the giant void in her soul.

I hope she has early onset menopause.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1382 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, y'all.
traditoperanni
Member
Member # 32660
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

How about one that pursues off and on
for 37 years? One of the ow in my fwh life has been around for 37 years. You tell me what kind of fucked up bitch do you have to be? How desperate do you have to be. What is your legacy in life? That you f***ed a married man for 37 years and he wouldn't leave his wife?
And, this stupid bitch isn't even the only one? He's cheated on her!! She did not like it when I informed her that she was one of many. She was freaking out.
And when my fwh gave her the NC she cried that she gave him the best years of her life. She's sick.
I seem to be able to come to grips with all the other skanks but this one just
baffles me. What a loser. For the life of me I don't get this.


Me- BS (63)
Him-WS (63)
M- 42 yrs
dday#1 11/09, Dday #2 10/11 and many since
P.A.'s - too many to count
LTA's too many to count (one for 37 yrs)
escorts etc- way too many to count.
Broken heart- too many times to count.
R- Getting bet

Posts: 427 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
tryin2havefaith
Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Answer in my case ... OW was, and will always be, a sociopath.

I give 'it' no headspace as those of us with conscience can never understand the sociopath. Best to just avoid, maintain MC, and focus on present and future. Focus on the two of us and our family. Because that is what really matters.


ME- BS 46
HIM- WS 47
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 252 | Registered: Oct 2012
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

The one interaction I had with X's OW is that it was/is a big contest for her. It's about ego and winning even though she is a mother, I have to wonder what kind. She thinks she can "save" a man who won't help himself and who will accept lies, manipulation and deceit on his part.

A few other local people who are BS's have a going theory that the ego feed the OW in their situations get from "stealing" a man away from his wife and family is a thrill or a rush.

ETA that yes, what I've gathered is that this OW is also rather immature and that she enjoyed the cat and mouse chase.

During false R, he did divulge that he stomped out routinely and she "always takes me back". So there is also the drama that some personalities thrive on, I think?

And there isn't guilt in that situation because it's about her. I imagine her to "compartmentalize" as much as X does and join the pity part he enjoys hosting.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:42 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
prowoman
Member
Member # 40761
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

The OW in my case was a 21 yo girl that i had met and trusted with my family and children- our babysitter. Once after she flipped a shit on my WH he shit talked her to me. Said she came on to him through games, she was insecure, she would bitch and fight at him at the drop of a hat, she was all drama and back and forth. She's a girl with severe daddy issues looking for something to play. She feeds on the drama to keep her life interesting and his attention and infatuation with her as an older man (probably her father's age). She doesn't give a shit about me or my children... just fulfilling her own selfish desires on a whim! Bottom line is there are tons of shitty and "broken" people. She shoved herself in his face- but he continued that crap for over a year. Can't put your trust in the world not to be a scummy place, you have to put your trust in your spouse to not pick up the crap and embrace it!


me: BS 39 | stbxWH: 46
DD14, DS2
DDAY: Aug12... A continued "underground"
Separated Nov13- OC due June14

Posts: 118 | Registered: Sep 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

She shoved herself in his face- but he continued that crap for over a year. Can't put your trust in the world not to be a scummy place, you have to put your trust in your spouse to not pick up the crap and embrace it!

Isn't it the job of our spouse to protect us & our families from the low life elements in society?


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Tired05
Member
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 4:05 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)

I think Ow's reasoning evolved greatly. But the main thing was probably because she was fucked up.

My WH got to play the KISA. She was all messed up over her EX breaking up with her, drinking so much and cutting. Getting fed drinks in bars by guys who are trying to take advantage of her and my WH was her "protector". They were military so they had to be inconsicuous, but even with that said, he risked getting kicked out to visit her while she was in the mental hospital...

My WH says that he told her they we were separating at first. I think she may have believed that in the beginning....but...he was showing her pictures of me during my pregnancy. He had a secret FB that was plainly obvious it wasn't his real one and so on.

I believe that at first she believed him with the whole divorce thing, but as time went on, she had a harder time making herself believe him. All the while he is telling her that she is his soul mate and so on. I think she clung to him because he gave her attention. When she started to realize he was lying about being married, she tried to get pregnant and started talking about them getting married and ended up getting him to buy her a ring. This was all BEFORE dday.

WH boosted her up when she was wanting to kill herself...then when she realized I was there (unknowingly) on the other end of this tug of war rope, she started trying to chain him to her in as many ways as possible. Then, when she convinced herself that she had him right where she wanted him...she sat back with some popcorn and watched. I believe that she was the one pushing him to tell me so that we would separate. She was probably the reason dday happened...or atleast happened as early as it did considering they were in another country. By that time, it was just feeding her ego. "There was no way he would choose the "wife" even if she is pregnant. He's got me. I give him sex whenever he asks for it. He bought me a ring and now i'm pregnant too, so there." From the moment she found out she was pregnant, she was convinced it was a boy (probably because I was having a girl and she wanted to give him a boy). She started calling the kid by the first name my WH picked for it...then gave it my WH's middle name as his middle name. (More chains)

Then the whole taboo with it being Military and "we can't get caught" excitment.

Fucked up, childish, selfabsorbed, and lacking in self respect...and respect for everyone else. Oh, and let's not forget hurting two innocent (unborn) babies in the process.

This is the woman who, on DDay updated her FB status to "homewrecking is fun". Who, a month before dday, updated her twitter with "how can I love you so much when you aren't even mine to begin with". After the fall out on dday, she posted rants on FB about my sister and mom who were angry at her (and her skanky self) and her family (who saw nothing wrong with the situation and were happy that they found 'lurve').

Like I said, in the beginning, I do believe that she may have taken his words at face value when he said "me and my wife are going through a civil divorce...even though she got pregnant 2 months before I got stationed overseas." (Which would also mean she is stupid if she didn't give that a little thought) If she had dropped him when she learned he was lying about the divorce...then I would not have so much hate for her...but she did the opposite. She started tugging with all she had on that rope.


Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 55