Off Topic
User Topic: Greeting Card Vent
Member # 17460
Shutup  Posted: 10:43 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I had to go shopping for some birthday cards the other day. One was for a friend turning 60. No problem - he's a great guy and it was actually fun shopping for his.

The other two were for my sister and sister-in-law. The sister that has been a major pain in my ass for decades. Hmmm…how to describe her…judgmental, arrogant, world’s greatest mother on the planet with the world’s greatest kids (just ask her)…narcissistic, zero empathy or emotional intelligence, a fight picker and a family separator.

Then there’s my only sister-in-law…nice to you one minute, cold and a bitch 60 seconds later…brags constantly about how much she makes at the job she hates and rubs it in incessantly about how well off she and my brother will be in retirement FULLY knowing my financial situation. Her kids are complete losers and every chance she gets, she’ll say something like “Well, at least you’ll never have to worry about your kid doing X,Y,Z” – to which I always respond – “Never say never.”

All I could find were these beauties: “So glad we’re sisters!” - NOT. “You can’t pick your relatives, but I’m so happy my brother picked you!” – Ummm…NOT again. “You’re always there for me”…”You bring such joy to our family”…”You’re a joy to be around.” Seriously? These are my choices?

After a good half hour, I ended up with a rather uni-sex 50th card for sis which has just the right spark of bitch to it (rubbing in the whole you're old and 50 theme) and a VERY generic one for SIL – something about having a margarita on the big day.

They suck, they’re not the cards I usually buy or like to buy, but they’ll have to do because I just wasn’t feeling the whole “fake it for their birthday” thing.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I stopped giving greeting cards (other than SI Christmas cards, naturally) about 15 years ago.

I'll take a blank note card and write my own message if the occasion warrants it.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25741 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

It sucks buying cards with warm wishes, when what you really want to say is, Happy Birthday, I hope you walk into a wall and break your nose.

I keep a stash of those generic, Happy Birthday cards from dollar general, when they clearance them you can get em for about 25 cents. LOL I think that sends just the right message.

Happy Birthday, now Fuck off.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8709 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 25001
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Simple solution...Maxine. You get the laugh, they get the sarcasm.

Me - BS, 39 (I'm not old...I'm vintage)
Two Wonderful children - DS10, DD7
Married, for now... (4+ D-Day - listed in profile.)

Posts: 5854 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: In the darkest depths of hell!
Member # 38337
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

Hi AJ's Mom!! I actually think there is an untapped market here, greeting cards for the personality disordered. I have the same problem.

They could be blank except for "Happy Birthday," maybe black on the front.

We get this thing off the ground, we could be RICH! Richer than your SIL, bwahahaha!!


Lies are manipulations. Always.

Posts: 387 | Registered: Feb 2013
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, September 23rd (Monday)

I am totally anti-sap and almost never buy person-specific cards (Mom, Son, etc.) I usually buy funny and write a personal note inside if the person warrants it.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20284 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I don't have to worry about the mushy "your the bestest ever" type of cards. When that situation pops up, I buy a humor card.

Posts: 35876 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 10506
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I buy cards with an animal picture on the front. It makes picking them so much easier.

And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off
-- Shake It Out, Florence And The Machine

Posts: 17687 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: A better place :)
Member # 36072
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

It sucks buying cards with warm wishes, when what you really want to say is, Happy Birthday, I hope you walk into a wall and break your nose.

There are a few people I would buy that card for!!

But I second the cards with animals on the front. Cute on the front and generic message inside. Perfect!

Me: BS
D-Day: 7/7/12

Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.

Posts: 1169 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 23375
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Years ago, I bought this card, I still have it as a matter of fact, a few people could have used it but I really can't part with it. It is so old, it doesn't have a UPC code on the back.

On the front:

For your birthday I wanted to get you something you needed


How do you wrap a brain?

There is an untapped market!

I am just your ordinary average everyday sane psycho supergoddess - Liz Phair

Don't keep dancing with the Devil and wonder why you are still in Hell.

It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

Posts: 5441 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Munchkinland
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Why bother even buying cards for these people? They sound toxic.

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17498 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Aj's mom...

You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

If you don't buy any cards at all, you're a bitch.

If you buy a card and it's not what the person expects, you're a bitch.

If you buy a card and it is what the person expects/wants, you're stuck with being nice to them for a bit of time.

I feel for you.

Since I stopped buying birthday cards for my toxic mother, my life had become quite simple and peaceful.

Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24595 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I swear one of my lottery goals is to open a Sarcastic Greeting Card shop. There is an unfulfilled niche which is highlighted here.

For you, I'd go with our "For the woman who has laws against assault to thank for another year of life - Happy Birthday!!"

(PS - I think we're married into the same family. )

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17840 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Thanks, everyone.

jrc nailed it.

Damned if I do; damned if I don't. Being a people pleaser in a toxic family is its own kind of crazy.

I adore my niece and nephews, therefore I put up with sis's crap.

I adore my bro so I put up with SIL's crap.

And that, my friends, is why I drink.

A lot.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Topic Posts: 14