SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Anxiety - My New Bedfellow
erzulie
Member
Member # 3293
Sad  Posted: 6:00 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I am struggling.

I think I may be past the shock, into the anger phase, but starting to process the anger and begin the sadness phase.

I am seeing him tomorrow for counseling - 26 hours from now. And I've already started throwing up. Massive headache. Just want to lay down and sleep. I have schoolwork due, an appointment for my dog in a few hours, and I can't stop sobbing. I can't do anything. I feel enveloped in agony.

Struggling today.


A saying for my SI Family: "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all".

Fooled twice - almost exactly 10 years apart.


Posts: 3377 | Registered: Jan 2004 | From: California
kg201
Member
Member # 40173
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

(((erzulie)))


Me: BH, 39
Her: WW, 40
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, ongoing
Dday: 7/28/13
Divorcing, 3 children
---------------------------------
"There can be no friendship without confidence, and no confidence without integrity." -S

Posts: 724 | Registered: Aug 2013
nowiknow23
Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

((((erzulie)))) Honey - did I miss something? Why on Earth are you going to counseling with him?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25744 | Registered: Aug 2011
aLadypilot
Member
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 8:56 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

I am so sorry! I have anxiety too and it manifests itself as chest pain and heart attack like symptoms. Have you been to the doctor to get something to take the edge off? I hope you find some peace and rest.


Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4083 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
sleepless34
Member
Member # 40274
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

if you try to remember that you being upset is going to FEED him, satisfy him...maybe it will help to keep you together. Try to stay in the moment.

When I have to go to these joint Divorce Therapy sessions I freak out too. I feel sick, shaky, everything.


Is there a goal for the therapy session? If so, bring notes about what you want to discuss and/or points you want to make sure you bring up. That helped me A LOT to focus and not get emotional.


I had to Xanax up the first time just to walk through the door. It gets easier. Keep your end game in mind.


Me BW- 40ish, awesome
Cheating scusband 40ish
2 kids, elementary school age
Bomb dropped Aug 4 out of nowhere...

Posts: 443 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Too_Trusting
Member
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

(((((Erzulie)))))

I remember those days. I called them being paralyzed by sadness. Like sleepless said - don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you upset. Put your best "F-U" face on, and show him that you are soooooo much better off without him.

And, I'm also confused as to why you are going to counseling with him?


"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2482 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Merlin
Member
Member # 30221
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

In the 'thick of it', I had significant anxiety both chronic and in waves.

I C helps with that. And for the big episodes, I had a prescription for Clonazipam. OC occasion, every 3 months or so, it's still good to know that anti-anxiety mess are there.

I hate meds! But sometimes they help.


"I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself." D. H. Lawrence

Her: WW/57 Me: BS/63 24yrs M
3 great kids, now 22, 20, 17 b,b,g
D-Day 8/14/08, D 1/13/11


Posts: 1164 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: East Coast
Ashland13
Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)

This happened for me for a long time and I couldn't have the pills.

It would affect me greatly to see him at places like mediation, or to see our names with a "v" when I first had to read the D papers. Hearing his voice used to do it, but doesn't now.

One of the first things that ever helped me through that time was appealing to my senses. Smell, sound or temperature oftentimes was able to break through the pain in my head and heart when nothing else would.

When the grief came for me I would do things like mix temperatures, like a hot bath or shower with a cold drink and then tell myself about it.

Or favorite soap or candles I would light a few at a time and tell myself about the smell, like describing it. Sometimes the thoughts or senses would break through the pain.

I also turned to puzzles on paper, crosswords, suduko and so on because I had a lot of rapid thought I couldn't control that brought the tears.

I've also gone to my car and done some things with the radio and vibrations that helped bring me into reality bits at a time.

There is some more of this type of strategy, and some easy meditation, if you feel like "hearing" more of it.

I remember that I had online classes and one started the very first morning I woke up and he was gone. It really helped give me an anchor and so did reading about personalities, for when I found some things that matched his, I could take some of the pressure off of me and realize less failures were mine.

ETA that breathing through your belly is not easy when the chest pain comes, but does get rid of it. I lived with chronic anxiety and this was an exercise told by several different types of doctors or counselors.

And yes, one strategy that helps me stand up now in the face of this is the thinking that his seeing me down would be like he "won" and I simply will not let that happen. Every time I come away from interaction without showing emotion is a victory for me and I hold that dearly, closely, so that when the next bouts come, I can remember...if I did it once, surely it can be done again.

Peace to you on this journey.

[This message edited by Ashland13 at 6:10 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)]


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2287 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 8