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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: stripper whore said I could
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Teslet got back from a weekend of funland and told me about this new game he got to play. Then he started talking about how he wanted me to come to dad's and play the game with him. And he wants to show me his bed over there and some poster up on the wall.

I told him that it wasn't my house and that I couldn't go inside but him telling me about it gave me a good picture.

Teslet says that it is ok because stripper whore said I could come inside and see the game and his room. He was very insistent that stripper whore said it was fine so the next time I come to pick him up then I can go inside.


WTF? I am not going into the bowels of chaos unless my dog is coming out with me. Somebody help me explain to Teslet how this works.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4552 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
PurpleRose
Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Well yikes.

I got nothin.


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
FirstLoveGone
Member
Member # 25957
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

DD7 has asked the same. I just tell her it is not something I feel comfortable doing. This is one of my boundaries and she needs to accept it. She doesn't have to understand it, but she does have to accept it.

For her, that was an honest and straightforward answer. She has accepted that it's just something I refuse to do.


Posts: 1260 | Registered: Oct 2009
gonnabe2016
Member
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

Huh. I don't have much for you either.

On the one hand, it is really sweet that Teslet wants to include you in his life that way and wants you to see *his* stuff. Like a play-date. He wants to *include* you, kwim?

On the other hand, I can totally see how you want to run the other direction, as far, and as fast, as you can. Stepping foot into THAT menagerie? No thanks. (btw...do they still have the rat?)

I guess if I have anything to offer at all, it's this. If you are adamantly opposed to this, how about if you suggest that Teslet tell you the name of the game and offer to buy one to keep at your house and ask him to take pictures of his bed and poster to share with you?

Now that I think about it, though....I agree with FLG. This is a situation that is just begging for a lesson in personal boundaries. "Teslet, just because <something> is okay with someone else, doesn't mean that it is okay with *me*. Stripper-whore may be okay with it, but I am not comfortable with that."

(edited to ask about the rat...)

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 9:44 PM, September 23rd (Monday)]


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 7695 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
JamieMc
Member
Member # 37776
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

So sorry you are dealing with this fucking nonsense ! My WH tried to convince me that because he had only BJ's from 2 strippers/ hookers, that he hadn't really cheated because there was no vaginal sex, it wasn't "really cheating. ! Don't know about you but when I said my vows 25 years ago, I meant them! It I can help in any way don't hesitate to PM our respond to your thread. I am so sorry,none of us deserve this shitstorm All the best Jamie


BS early 50's Wh also early 50's. I am Jamie, Mom to 3 great teens/young adults. My WH and I have been together more than half of our lives and married 25+. We are in MC & going to give R our best shot, hoping and praying for a better 2013!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: USA
newlysingle
Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, September 23rd (Monday)

My dd was hell bent on me and Hello Kitty being BFFs. She kept asking if Hello Kitty could come over and that I would like her so much, she's so nice, she's so pretty, ugh.

I finally told her that Hello Kitty would never be able to come to our house because she and daddy did some things to me that weren't very nice and really hurt my feelings. I said that I would never be friends with her, but that it was okay for dd to be her friend.

Maybe something along those lines. Just make it clear that you are not ever going to be friendly with ex-shat and stripper whore.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 809 | Registered: Mar 2013
Feeling Consumed
Member
Member # 30592
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Poor Tesla and all of you who have young kids who don't understand what is going on. That's got to be rough.


Spent half my life with an Ahole
D final!!! 11-11

"Obladi oblada life goes on...."


Posts: 344 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Wisconsin
AussieMum
Member
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 12:27 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

I have these issues too so I totally understand your discomfort at the thought of visiting their house.

DD (7) said yesterday 'isn't it funny mummy? You've never been to (OW3's)house and she's never been to ours!'

And it's going to stay that way! Hard to explain to the littlies why you can't be 'friends' and never want to be.


Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
SBB
Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Ugh - why put you in that position?

Maybe your act is so good she believes it?

Perhaps he has assumed you don't go in there because they don't let you? Has it ever come up?

My girls have said similar things about dads house and I tend to "that's nice" it but when pushed I have said "no that's daddy's house sweetie - I only like going to my house and <list of all of the other houses we go to together>" and leave it at that.

They know we are not friends. When asked why I've used the analogy of same reason I like strawberry icecream but not chocolate. Nothing wrong with chocolate icecream, I like strawberry just because. They seem
to understand there is no particular reason.

This works for now. This feels age appropriate. It sucks that they have parallel lives they can't share with both parents but it just is what it is. I'm sure it gets harder as they get older a d the questions get curlier.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5413 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 1:47 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Just this (((Tesla))). I got nothing, being childless and all.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 730 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
tesla
Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

The "I'm not friends with dad or stripper-whore" talk is coming and I'm just not looking forward to it at all.
Mainly because he won't be satisfied with it. And Teslet will ask his dad the same questions. I would love to be a fly on the wall when that happens.

Oh well. Going to pull on my big girl panties and deal with it. But any more age appropriate suggestions as to how to proceed would be welcome.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4552 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Well, look at it this way, he probably thinks in his head that he wishes he could share *insert whatever* with you.... if he said "can my mom come over and see my stuff?" what's she gonna say? "NO WAY!"??? She'd look like more of a jerk than she is. So she probably mumbled "sure, that's be great" knowing full well you never would.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3169 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
self-rescuer
Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Ah Tesla - I'll say it again, you are an extraordinary mother! The amount of crap you have and continue to put up with from your ex and his stripper is astronomical.

But in every case you put the needs of your sweet boy first.

Go ahead and have the challenging talk. We all know you and know you'll say just what needs to be said in the perfect way for Teslet to hear it.

Don't forget for a minute that you ROCK!


BW 53
WXH 55
married 26 yrs
D-Day 9-15-11

Divorce final 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 490 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
7yrsflushed
Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Can your little one use a camera?

Any way to have him take a picture or pictures of the room with a digital camera and show you that way. I plan on doing that when my STBXW finishes building her home. I have NO desire to even set foot on the porch but the kids WILL want me to see their rooms so I will give them a digital camera and tell them to take all the pictures they want and I can see them that way.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:22 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)]


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
D hopefully official in 7/2014

Posts: 1821 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Nomorethankyou
Member
Member # 37591
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

I went through this s well with my youngest boy -- now age 9. He was desperate for me to see his new room (his dad has kept ugly girl a secret from them all still -- how good that must make her feel... But I digress...).

I got great advice here. I said please take a picture and show me your new room. And he loved that. But he has older siblings who could lend him a phone. Might be a bit trickier. Even without her obvious presence in the house, there was no way I was going in there Luckily the picture trick ended the conversation.

Oh good luck.


Me BW, 48
Him WH, 48
5 children. Girl (17), Boys (15,14,12,9)
Married 20 years, LTA 3.5-4 years
DD1 3/19/11
DD2. 10/02/11
DD3. 7/03/12 separated that night.
OW. Ugly girl.

There are no shortcuts.


Posts: 107 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: North Carolina
thebighurt
Member
Member # 34722
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Sparkysable and I were thinking alike on this. Either what she said or stripper whore really is stupid enough or naive enough to believe what Teslet relayed could happen.

(((((Tesla))))) I'm sorry you keep getting these situations, but the ultimate solution to these hits would be to have your dear little boy old enough, mature enough, that he understands all this and I'm sure you don't want him to grow up that fast. That happens anyway and you love him so much and are enjoying him so much that you wouldn't want to miss a thing. He asked this because you're such a great Mom. He loves you and wants to include you in every part of his life. (((Hugs))).

You'll do the right thing. Maybe it IS time for a boundary lesson.


Finding what life could have been....... Why didn't I see it?

Posts: 2186 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: the Other Side
Topic Posts: 16