SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Phone records
Ambergray
Member
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)

After I found out about husbsnd's A, I started looking through everything, including phone records. I am shocked at how many calls there were from his cell phone to her cell phone or home. I pay the bills as they come in and I had this information at my fingertips any given month for 18 months. I never looked through the detailed calls because I never had any reason to. I can't believe how brazen he was that he could have been found out at any time. Is this really stupid or what? Do you think he wanted to be found out? Why not get a secret phone?


Me-38
WH-38
Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson


Posts: 90 | Registered: Sep 2013
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, September 24th (Tuesday)

Yep right there with you... Did he never think I would look at the call. His were mainly text. Some calls but since they saw each other at before and lunch and after work. It makes me sick there were over hundred thousand text. And some were all night. And he had the gaull to tell me he was tired from working and all those late nights working.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I can relate. I never looked at phone records either. I didn't even look at his phone so he didn't feel the need to hide it. Changing her contact name to security was enough to fool me. I can't tell you how many times I handed him his phone because "security" was texting/calling. That's so dirty and something I really struggle forgiving him for.

The only reason I looked was because the credit card on his account expired and I logged in to update it. What I saw made the room spin and I could hardly breathe. I'll never forget that day.


Posts: 655 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:35 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I didn't look at the phone records either. I didn't even think to look at them until a few months after dday.

What I found was shocking. he was spending HOURS of his work day on craigslist and answering and receiving emails from people on CL. I mean,out of a 9 hour day,he was on his phone for an average of 7 hours. A few minutes here..a few more there..constantly throughout the day.

There were also a handful of phone calls..all made within minutes of him leaving the house for work. He swears he has "no idea" who these calls were to..or from. Ive not had any success in finding out who they were either.

Yes....they REALLy are *that* stupid.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7380 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
mixedintherut
Member
Member # 40330
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Cell phone records were my only "proof". WH spent 4,000+ minutes talking to OW2 last month alone, plus 1,000+ text messages.

Checking his online account is a huge trigger for me, I feel like I am going to throw up every time I hit the end button after entering the password.

Too bad the text message records, don't show the physical text. I understand why they don't, but it would be nice if they did!

Edit to add, I was able to tell via cell phone records when they first started talking, and get an idea of when things became more serious. I am also able to use it to get a general idea of when he is with her.

[This message edited by mixedintherut at 12:00 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


DD 1: PA 12/4/09 He spent 2.5 years with OW1
R: 8/31/2012
DD 2: EA 8/16/13
BS: 26
WH: 25
1 young daughter.
Terribly disgusted. He refuses to give up his "friend". Headed towards D.

Posts: 136 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: kentucky
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I hear ya! It was all right in front of me and I didn't think to look. I feel like I could have stopped the affair if I had just looked but I wanted to believe she was just his friend. Then he got an iphone so I have no idea how many hundreds of texts he sent her.

When I finally was fed up with this friend is when I started looking at the phone records and seeing the EA. Then a few weeks later I learned it was a PA. He never thought I would look at the phone records.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
brokendancer7
Member
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

When I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, I checked the phone and text records, and texted to ask him whose number xxx was. He immediately called and said that his friend, who had a number from another area code, had finally gotten a local phone! I didn't question it further. I recently asked H if he had a password on his phone during that time, and he said he didn't. I could have looked at any time, but didn't. I feel like such a sucker now.


Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA


Posts: 190 | Registered: Jul 2013
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Weird thing is, I WAS scanning through the phone records. However, until I told a little lie and made a comment about the phone company no longer itemizing records to save paper, did he feel comfortable to text. Even then it took me over a month because ow ph# was so close to a co workers number who was a man. Couldn't figure out why he was texting a man at work that he was working next too. Finally I looked closer and realized it was a diff number, then I got him. I WAS shocked at how he would come home and say he was exhausted from work, REALLY??? maybe his hands were exhausted from texting 50 gazillion times in an 8 hr period. What was really shocking was seeing my few texts sandwiched in between hers. Damn couldnt he have just one time sent me one of hers by mistake?


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5020 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Same thing here.....10 months of repeated texting back and forth and hour long phone calls, etc. Oh yes...I felt like a moron and now I pour over our bills even though he has blocked her numbers from his phone.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I am still paranoid...I even wonder sometimes if he has another phone I don't know about...or if she is contacting him at work or through his work email. :(


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:32 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I never bothered to check but something was wrong. One day I discovered the texts on her phone (figured out how to log in). She said it was this guy at work and it was just a game. Next day I went through phone records to pin the guy down. When I dialed the number it was a best friend of mine. BAM!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1333 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
kickboxer
Member
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I relate to this as well.

When I saw the blatant cheating in black and white, it made things more real to me.

I was able to put their relationship into perspective, and realized how much time he robbed from me to give to her.

It was devastating.


BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

God how I wish my WH did not have a company Blackberry to conduct his disgusting A. No records available for me to check.

Maybe your WH knew that you, like many of us, just paid the bill without checking through it. Did he even realize that each and every number dialed on his cell phone was listed on the bill/online account?

Did he want to get caught? Somehow I doubt it.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Hand raised here. What I saw when I finally got smart enough to check was anywhere from 10 to 20 calls per day to the whore. And that was just from his cell phone, not including the calls he made from the office phone.

It was interesting to see the daily pattern. Ow would call him every day when he was at work. She would call, hang up, then within one minute he would call her back and talk. This would go on all day long. Then at night when she was working she would call, hang up, and he would go out of the room to call her back. And this just cell phone calls.

What a dumb mother fucker I was for being so blind. I could have caught them dead in their tracks had I just not been so trusting. Funny thing is, as the years go by I could care less to check the phone bills because I could care less who the hell he calls now.


Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Waving hand wildly!!

I suspected, but never thought to check the phone bill because he kept telling me he was NOT having an affair and he loved me sooooooo much. Rolling eyes now!

Credit card bills with airlines tickets with her name on them sent to our home....never opened. Although, once I was tempted. How brazen, or stupid to have them sent home?

Never checked the phone bill or picked up his cell phone, until DDay. The GUT feeling, I had had enough. After seeing them, I actually was so angry at myself for believing him. Trust doesn't come as easily anymore.

[This message edited by crestfallen at 5:59 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

"Crestfallen"....like I said, all this is so very sad. We trusted them and they threw us to the wolves in the most brazen way. My h (as well as others) never ever gave it a second thought that they would be caught. So who is the real asshole here. My vote is them.

Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Double post

[This message edited by TICKED OFF at 6:02 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
crestfallen
Member
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Ticked off

You nailed it....my husband said the same thing. WTF, I was asking him if he had a GF for about 8 months....talk about major gas lighting. So sorry didn't mean to T/J the thread.


BS-me-57
WH-57
Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Scubachick
Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Some days the texting was so bad that it's impossible that either one of them could have gotten anything else done all day. It was literally every two minutes for hours. He tried to say it was business but there's no way because she wouldn't have been able to walk across the room, let alone actually work before the next text came through.

Posts: 655 | Registered: Jul 2013
TICKED OFF
Member
Member # 8291
Default  Posted: 7:49 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Maybe they should have spent all that energy in US and their marriages. That would have been different.

"crestfallen" I am going to pm you later


Posts: 2423 | Registered: Sep 2005
NoMorDeceit
Member
Member # 23547
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

5+ years here...he had them in his phone address book under their real names too. I never ever ever looked at the bill or his phone. Never had an inkling to do so. Found out by sheer dumb luck when he left his email open and told me to use his computer to print something while he walked the dog...he just forgot to close the window on his email. Caught.


FBS, been through the D marathon too.
Many D Days in April 2009
Multiple affairs, LTAs, and many OWs
Reconciled... There is hope! :)


Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2009
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 3:43 AM, September 26th (Thursday)

Some days the texting was so bad that it's impossible that either one of them could have gotten anything else done all day. It was literally every two minutes for hours.
. ^^^^ this
Every.minute and some must have been 3 pages long because they were all received or sent at the exact same time. I have to wonder, just what the fuck they were talking about. All I know is the more he talked to her, the
less he did to me.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5020 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
LivingALie
Member
Member # 17217
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, September 26th (Thursday)

Add me to the growing list. My H had NOTHING password protected. His phone, yahoo email and his work email were never password protected. It was all sitting in front of me every single day! It never occurred to me to look. It wasn’t until things were really bad between us that for some weird reason I looked at his yahoo email and saw an exchange between him and a co-worker. It wasn’t anything really telling – but just kind of raised a red flag. Actually, I felt really guilty – I thought to myself “No….I’m missing something here – he just wouldn’t be doing anything”

WOW – Was I ever wrong! The thing that makes me crazy now is that for 18 months all the information was there in front of me – I never looked. Even after DDay – I wasn’t savvy enough to really use it to my advantage – until it was too late – and he deleted everything.

A long time later – he told me that when OW asked how I found out – he told her that he hadn’t been password protecting anything – and she was shocked that he was so stupid. Not defending my H’s actions here – but the affair wasn’t her first rodeo and I suppose she just didn’t teach him the ropes.


Me: BS
H had LTA with co-worker
Both mid-50s
Two sons - grown and on their own
DD - April 2010
Please note registration date is not correct. See my profile for details
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Nov 2007
SadFlower
Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, September 26th (Thursday)

I never once thought to check phone records until near the end of the A. I felt uneasy about the closeness of his friendship with OW, but never checked because I couldn''t imagine that they would take it as far as an A. WH had the bills set up not to show specific calls. But I rarely even looked at those, either. Do I ever feel stupid.

When my suspicions deepened, I started counting his Viagra. When two pills disappeared the day he left for a conference that OW would also be attending, I started checking phone and text records. Then, I learned to track his Skype sessions, too. It was clear that on Saturdays when he went in to "work", he was really Skyping her, in addition to spending at least 1.5 hours each week on the phone.

Then I broke into his e-mail and found the indisputable, gaslight-proof evidence that I needed for the big D-Day confrontation.

I think the time spent on the A partially explains some of the trouble he was having at work.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 394 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 24