User Topic: any opinions?
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

So ex ass cut his time short w dd on Saturday to go watch the whores son play football... which was fine w me and dd anyway BUT that night he was bitching at me because when he calls she is distracted or watching tv and isn't interested in talking to him..So he tells me I should turn off the tv because i need to help foster a relationship between the two of them. .wtf? Really? Is this my responsibility too???

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I would take away the distraction of the TV, but it is his responsibility of picking up the phone to call and being engaging.

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 637 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

This is a hard one. No it is not your job - that is his job and his only.

I do turn the TV off and pack away the toys during the goodnight phone call. I usually play quietly with one of my girls whilst the other is on the phone. I try to cut down the distractions.

I don't force them to stay on the phone any longer than they want to. Sometimes they just want to say Goodnight, ILY and hang up.

Unfortunately he does not reciprocate - he has the TV blaring in the background and plays noisy games. Or worse he makes them do the phone call alone in their room (like punishment - yes, he is a dickhead).

If my girls are really engrossed in something I don't pack it away. I do turn the TV off and I do ask the other child to be quiet whilst her sister is on the phone to be considerate.

I don't do any of this for the sad clown or to help their relationship with him. I do it to so they can choose to either talk to him at length or not. And also because they are so little. When they are older it will be up to them to find a quiet place just like they would for any phone call.

He doesn't get to bitch at you anymore and you don't have to listen to it. If he is bitching at you I would say you might need to ramp up the NC. Don't discuss this stuff with him.

I would consider turning the TV off but if your son is old enough to find a place for the phone call himself then I would ignore this issue completely. The kid is choosing to talk to his father whilst watching TV. Not.Your.Problem. If the roles were reversed and my girl were older I wouldn't take it up with the sad clown - I'd take it up with them.

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Posts: 5535 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 8354
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

IĎm going to offer an alternative suggestion:
Iím not too hot on the advantage or benefits of a daily good-night call. I think it is probably better for the child to have clear lines: Today/this week (or whatever arrangement you have) Iím with mom and she puts me to bed, tomorrow/next week Iím with dad. So the phone calls are kept to a minimum and preferably only initiated by the kid. It makes things clearer for the child and defuses a situation that can be tense.
Maybe even come to an arrangement where you both commit to offering the child a call but not forcing the issue. That way the call is made in the time space that fitís the childís needs and not when either of you think itís appropriate.

"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus

Posts: 5522 | Registered: Sep 2005
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

He just makes me crazy...ugh..He has left a total of 6 kids..his routine is the same..have an affair,leave for ow then drag his kids to counseling or guilt them into having a relationship with him. (examples why didnt you call me tonight? Dont you want to see me? For gods sake she is 7 asshole!! I do everything for my dd and im not complaining about that..BUT then he makes his one minute a night phone call and expects her to be jumping for joy to talk w him..ugh!

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

My EX said once that he finds DS has very little to say and his conversations are quick.

I informed him that DS is 12, you have to pry to get information. I could for work the CIA I am so skilled at getting information from a preteen/teen. If I just asked him how his day was I would get "fine" or what did you do in school "same as yesterday."

I have explained that it is up to him to engage DS in conversation and it is going to take more than asking one question.

However that being said I probably would tell DS that it is rude to watch tv while on the phone with someone and to leave the room or turn it off until they are off the phone. PRobably a good thing for them to practice anyway and then you Ex can't complain anymore.

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Member # 34517
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

He's a parent, he should be parenting. If I call my child at the mall or a friend's house and we can't hear each other due to background noise, *I* tell my child to move to a quieter environment.

I don't try to order other people to turn off their tv or music in their own home/place of business and I certainly don't expect them to do my parenting for me.

Me: BW (50)
ExWH: (51)
2 teen-age boys

Posts: 258 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: PA
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

He's a parent, he should be parenting. If I call my child at the mall or a friend's house and we can't hear each other due to background noise, *I* tell my child to move to a quieter environment.
I don't try to order other people to turn off their tv or music in their own home/place of business and I certainly don't expect them to do my parenting for me.
Personally, I find it "funny" that he's complaining that DD isn't paying attention to him when HE is the one who cut the day short to go watch OW's kid play football.
Really? He should be happy that DD even picked up the phone.

Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.

Posts: 6380 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Yes Gaby..I agree..

Posts: 153 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 4:39 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

The next time he bitches at you about how disrepectful your daughter is treating him over the phone, tell him:
"You teach others how to treat you. When you cut your time with her short so you can go watch your girlfriend's son's football game, you are telling her she is less of a priority to you than the strangers you're watching on that football field. When she cuts you short on the phone so she can watch television, she's telling you that you are less of a priority than the strangers she's watching on the television. It seems like an equal and fair give-and-take relationship to me - a relationship that I, furthermore, am not responsible for fostering."

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Topic Posts: 10