He will not go to IC. He is not the kind of person that would go for any reason
You're so busy blaming yourself for HIS behavior that you're allowing him to just slide on by without doing any hard WORK at all.
You say he's "great about talking about it when I want to" which is the very LEAST he can do. If he's not even willing to make an effort by considering some kind of individual or marriage therapy to try to fix what's broken, then he's clearly not willing to do any of the heavy lifting in this reconciliation. Buying roses and holding your hand are hardly huge efforts on his behalf, heartbrokeninaz.
You need to stop blaming yourself for his bad decisions because it sends a message to him that he can pretty much go and do this again because he won't be held accountable for his actions.
There has to be TRUE consequences for him for this type of behavior. To just smoothe it over for him because he bought you roses and holds your hand just tells him how easy it is to be forgiven by you. Alot of these guys don't truly understand the SCOPE of the devastation they've caused until they actually get to personally experience what it feels like to possibly lose their wife, their family, their home, and everything in their lives as they've known it. Sometimes only THEN are they able to understand the depth of the devastation they've caused.
I hate to say it, but with you so busy blaming yourself for the poor state of your marriage, in essence, you're telling him it was understandable why he did what he did. Now all he has to do is buy you flowers and hold your hand and everything he's done has been erased - except you're left feeling completely insecure now, which is totally understandable.
Unfortunately, you never get the real story when D-Day comes. I've lost count of how many other cheating husbands have claimed they only had sex 'once' with the other woman, or that they 'couldn't finish' with the other woman, or that they 'threw up' when it was all over.
That's the only one your husband didn't claim - the throwing up part. But everything else about his story is as typical as it gets for a man caught cheating. I'd guard my heart because it's more than likely you'll find out down the road that his story wasn't quite the whole truth.
Your suddenly passionate sex life is known as 'hysterical bonding.' That's when a couple going through the devastation of betrayal will sometimes renew their sex lives with a passion and vigor they never thought possible - and part of it can be attributed to the betrayed spouse wanting desperately to reconnect with their wandering spouse and/or a desire to 'reclaim' their spouse once more. It usually is only temporary and things start to cool down after a while.
Please know that there probably isn't a betrayed spouse on this EARTH who was able to trust their spouse right after D-Day. This type of thing erodes ANY trust you had in your spouse up to that point, and shakes the very foundation of your being. You'd be very smart NOT to trust your spouse as he has to spend a long time EARNING it back.
Regardless of your role in the degradation of your marriage prior to his affair, rebuilding trust in him all over again is on HIS shoulders to make happen, NOT yours.
Good luck to you.