Just Found Out
User Topic: Daughters first love is her daddy
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Member # 40772
Frustrated  Posted: 8:41 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

We saw this on a car on the way to school this morning. My DD (15) became very quiet. I felt so sorry that because she heard us arguing knows pretty much what her dad did, and that he has let her down so much.
I wanted to wish this all away because it is so painful. She doesn't want to see him or even be under the same roof. WH has been away for a month now, but I can't let him back until she is comfortable really. I'm thankful that she keeps reminding me (not outwardly) not to sweep this under the carpet...
I need to make sure mine and my children's emotions and feelings are validated for sure.
Anyone else have any advice for children. Ok mine are not that small....20, 17, 15 +12. But they have been let down too.
I don't know what I feel anymore...

Posts: 3 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 11176
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Kat....totally "get" you wanting to fix the relationship between your daughter/kids and their dad.

But you can't. It's THEIR relationship and the kids and their Dad have to work it out for themselves. Like you said....your kids are older and pretty much adults. YOU can't try and make their relationship....all it will get you is resentment from both sides for trying to be meddlesome and controlling.

All you can do is be there for them.

{{{hugs 'cause I know it's hard. Been there}}}}


BS: 56
WS: 53
Betrayed: 23 years
Affairs: 14 (2 lasted 3 months. Rest were ONS)
WS died: 16 May 2011
Do not stay in your hurt forever. Choose to move out of it.

Posts: 6581 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: Wisconsin
OK now
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Agree with K94, its the kids decision; just make sure you are fully supportive.

Isn't the WH concerned that his children don't want to see him? That would break my heart; i wouldn't be able to accept not seeing my child for a month, knowing she was unhappy at my behavior. I would want to beg her forgiveness. Goes for your other kids too.

Posts: 1748 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Member # 40538
Frustrated  Posted: 10:53 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)


I have older kids as well and they are ALL hurting. What I tell them is you have the right to feel the way you do. I know how hurtful this is and I know how confusing it is to watch me at my lowest. But your dad loves you and will do anything it takes to repair our relationships. This is NOT your burden to carry, I'm a big girl and I can get through this, so be open to what he says to you. He loves you and doesn't want you to hurt.

Sad that our WH don't think about the impact their selfishness makes on the WHOLE family :-(

WH 57
BS 55 -- Me!
LTA EA/PA 1-1/2 years.
D-Day 8-12, 2nd D-Day 9-13, 3rd D-Day 10-13 (stopped counting tt still coming in)
Married 17 yrs, together 20.
MC & IC has been a JOKE.

Status: In careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels and starti

Posts: 166 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oceanside
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

My heart breaks for your DD. I understand to some extent as well.

My stepdaughter also 15 (who I raised pretty much single-handedly since she was 4) is so upset with WH right now. She's hurting for herself, her siblings, and me. She's angry that the unfairness of it all.

Her parents marriage ended because of her mother's infidelity and now she's faced with her father's as well. I wish I could take away her pain, but it's impossible to do.

WH feels that it's not fair that she's sided with me when she's not my biological daughter. He had convinced himself that he could just sweep another woman through her life and she'd forget all about the woman/mother who raised her.

So very sad.

Posts: 190 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
Topic Posts: 5