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User Topic: Depression mode. How to shake it off?
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

So I've hit every single emotion in the roller coaster ride, but now it's rock bottom. I'm so depressed. First thing when I open my eyes in the morning is this weight on my chest. It's also the last thing I feel before closing my eyes. The only thing that soothes me is sex, sleep & alcohol. I know, I sound pathetic. This was never me before. However, FWW and I are having less sex now and when we do, I don't even enjoy it like I used to. Sleep is always great though sometimes I wake up too many times and alcohol gets expensive after a while.

Any ideas of how to shake this off? I don't want to do meds. Seriously, I don't want to be a walking zombie (no offense to those that take it, but they do have an adverse effect on me).


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
cancuncrushed
Member
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I have depression issues. I didnt care for the meds. They made me a dangerous driver among other things. I am fortunate to have a passionate hobby. I had no interest in this hobby for years, Mostly because of depression and my marriage. I decided I had to end this cycle. I forced and I mean forced myself to do these things again. I forced myself to go to places I used to enjoy, and yes, I was depressed while doing it. I struggled with the idea I may be ruining my happy things, if I did it while so depressed. And I did it over and over. little by little, it changed. I had forgottten how much self esteem my hobby provides me. ANd as my self esteem starting coming back, the depression faded little by little. I still have bad days, but they are not so low. And now I have very exciting happy days sometimes, whats important is I have normal days too. Its not perfect. But it is better then always having bad days every day. What used to make you feel good, and good about yourself? Completely separate from your spouse? Go for it. Its hard to remember, in a depression, but something made your heart race. FOrce yourself. Getting new clothes, makeup, workouts didnt work for me. I was never into image. It did not feel authentic. I have to love it. And I still force myself on bad days to get up and get going. Its normal to want to brood. This doesnt go away. You have to find relief. my hobby is restoring antiques. I have done this for 27 years. Off and on. And as you see, I am still on SI. I still crave info and education about all this. It helps to understand and not feel alone in this mess. get busy. I may not can fix my marriage, but I can darn sure fix a cabinet.


a trigger yesterday

Posts: 939 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
sportsfan
Member
Member # 9918
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, September 25th (Wednesday)

If you don't already, why not start running? It's an excellent way to relieve stress. Yes, you'll prob still think about IT during runs but after a few of them you'll start looking around at the scenery and thinking about that.

Just a thought, hand in there.


Posts: 1967 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: PA
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

cancuncrushed - Thank you. Those are some really great ideas. I do have passions but being financially broke doesn't help. But there's always the things in life that are free to enjoy.

sportsfan - Definitely not a runner, but I do workout daily. It does help. There are days where I can't focus and do fail at the workout. But for the most part, it is good!!!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
seenow
Member
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Hey 2married2quit:

This is what helped me: Set a goal each day. Something little, something you've been putting off, just something. Then congratulate the heck out of yourself for completing it. Be kind to yourself. It is so hard to function after an affair. Any accomplishment should be a giant high five to yourself.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 296 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
2married2quit
Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

seenow - I think no one in the world really understands the depth of the emotional pain and how long it takes to get back on your feet like others that have suffered the same. This is why I come here. Because others sympathize, but don't quite get it.

I do need to treat myself lightly and congratulate myself for progress.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
katola1
Member
Member # 26544
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

A,keep busy. B,it will wear off over time but that's the problem. It will take time. My spouse has hurt me so much and I went through really bad depression that now, I'm better. She can't hurt me anymore. It wore off is what I'm trying to say. Hang in there.


D-Day Beginnig Dec 09
BH

Posts: 210 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
LosferWords
Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

I got a lot of useful tools for dealing with depression from a book called, "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns.

Physical activity is also an excellent natural antidepressant.

Good luck!


Posts: 7485 | Registered: Dec 2010
solus sto
Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 8:10 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

For me, exercise and really careful eating (making everything I eat contributes something important nutritionally---enough protein, and PARTICULARLY good-quality fats) were CRITICAL for coping with depression.

I did take antidepressants, but VERY short term (less than six months, with the last month or so slowly titrating dose down so that I had no symptoms of withdrawal).

I never felt like a zombie--my dose was not high (this was more easily achieved using LIQUID Celexa, because with a liquid, you can titrate doses more minutely)---and the meds really did help kick the depression's butt when exercise and diet alone did not quite do it.

For one thing, it made good sleep possible---and that was a critical part of the puzzle.

Once the sleep part of the equation was conquered (and sleep aids did not do this---I needed an antidepressant), I titrated off rapidly. Was the depression gone? No. But good nutrition (again, I emphasize the good-quality omega fatty acids and nutrient density) and LOTS of hard cardio kept it in check until...Bam! I noticed that I was all better.

(Lots of good, interesting work helped, too--especially when it involved helping others. At first, my concentration was poor enough that that work demoralized me. Once I was on the road to recovery, though, it really bolstered my self-esteem and recovery, though.)

I know you say you don't want to do meds, but I bring up the use of liquids because dose can be so much more tightly titrated---it's something to keep in mind if you find that time and doing all the other "right stuff" doesn't do the trick.

[This message edited by solus sto at 8:13 PM, September 26th (Thursday)]


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8830 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
Dreamland
Member
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

I have to say that this was tough.. So I think right after I was ANGRY LIVID... and prior to the A I had started to walk and diet and lost some weight.. I cut all processed foods and watched everything I ate.. I have to say that helped me so much.. And then I started going to the park and walking 3 miles.. Then one day I ran.. So I found running.. It is a great stress relief for me. Even though my WH is a marathon runner and I choose to run on my own. He doesn't get it.. He wanted to run with me.. First of all I am slow and I wanted my own time away from him. Post DDay he got overly clingy and I was suffocating. I did have some near suicide events so I think he finally realized I was going to do it at the park. So I try to run every couple of days. I noticed if I didn't run... Crying frustration and anger surged. My problem now is not sticking to the right foods.. I only took anxiety meds for a while it was overwhelming and I couldn't sleep. I had taken AD meds years back and I hated the way it made me feel or the lack of feeling.
Well wish you the best. Find something a hobby and exercise. It doesn't make it do away but I feel better.


Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 10