User Topic: Old Cow New Cow Theory
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I get so many questions about my user name, or members refusing to call me by it because it's so horrible, which is very sweet But really it comes from the movie Someone Like You, I saw it and it stuck with me LONG before WH had an affair. I'm posting the Old Cow New Cow theory below for anyone who is interested.

And for the record, I am 44, but I don't feel old and I am not a cow! I am actually fairly easy on the eyes

"Have you ever wondered why so many men (and okay some women) cheat? I have never figured out why these men, who have the perfect wives at home, still feel the need for a mistress or two. And its not just married men, I know boys who have gone out with two girls simultaneously (of course the girls had no clue). And then there are men who have had a solid seven year relationship with the perfect girl who they love, adore and want to marry, but still cheat...WHY? Well Laura Zigman’s “Old Cow-New Cow Theory” theory may explain this bizarre phenomenon (also seen in the movie, Someone like you). The theory claims that the mating rituals of cows can be used to explain why men lose interest in their old girlfriends/wives and seek new partners.

According to Glenn Wilson, “The males of most mammalian species have a definite urge towards seeking variety in their sexual partners. If a male rat is introduced to a female rat in a cage, a remarkably high copulation rate will be observed at first. Then, progressively, the male will tire of that particular female and, even though there is no apparent change in her receptivity, he eventually reaches a point where he has little apparent libido. However, if the original female is then removed and a fresh one supplied, the male is immediately restored to his former vigor and enthusiasm.” interestingggggg

Also, “Rams and bulls are unmistakably resistant to repeating sex with the same female. A single bull can be relied upon to do the rounds of all the available cows, and a single ram will eventually service all the sheep in his domain. Male animals do not choose their mates randomly: they identify and reject those that they have already had sex with. In the case of rams and bulls it is notoriously difficult to fool them that a female is unfamiliar. Attempts to disguise an old partner by covering her face and body or masking her odors with other smells are usually unsuccessful. Somehow she is identified as "already serviced" and the male moves on to less familiar females.” Glenn Wilson, The Great Sex Divide

The thing is human beings do have animal instincts and so I think this theory sheds light on why so many men (not all) tire of their long-term partners and long for something/someone new. But even if we ignore this specific application of the theory( cheating or leaving your old girlfriend/boyfriend for a new one) we know that ANYTHING new seems more appealing, be it a new pair of shoes you just have to have or a new book you’ve just bought and cant wait to read. There is a degree of mystery, excitement and pleasure that is associated with anything new. Perhaps this is because once we’ve had something for too long we start to take it for granted; the old becomes the standard and boring and anything new is seen as fresh/different and therefore thrilling. Even if we have the perfect partner, after a while, we start to take them for granted and in the words of Carrie Bradshaw the relationship starts to lose the "tza tza tzoo".

Okay okayyy i know human beings are more complex and there are a thousand different factors that affect human emotions/relationships/decisions; and as tempting as it may be, no one single theory can be used to explain human behavior- fine. I realize this theory is one-dimensional and we happen to be a little more complicated than cows, but comon this theory, as simplistic as it may be, does bear some resemblance to the truth, doesn’t it?!?!"

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 12:45 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Hi again! LOL. Now I know my answer (why oldcow? on other Topic)

Just letting you know, not ALL men are cheating, lusting, pigs who can't wait for the opportunity to cheat. Whether man or woman, I think it is mainly a brain thing, rather than a gender thing.

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Jackfish, I totally agree. Both genders cheat. But there are good ones out there on both sides, sadly we don't have them or we wouldn't be here

I know this is a gender biased theory, just explaining my user name.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40257
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

No problem. You explained it well, and I know you're not a cow. :)

Posts: 88 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Very interesting.

I never understood humans having animal-like tendencies until I became a mother. My animal instincts are something fierce.

I also have never had an urge to cheat on WH. I am crazy in love with that man. I've often felt like a "fool" when it comes to him... Hmmm.

ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.

Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 19825
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I am so glad that you posted your "why" to picking that name. I had hoped that you didn't feel that way about yourself. Mine is 2old and losts of people don't really like calling me 2old either. I think of myself young for my age, however I was 2oldfor infidelity.

I was just in the west and watching some Elk. In the elk family there is 1 male and like 20 or so females. The male is the domaint of the herd, if there is another male it would be a junior male with little reign or the females.

Thank God humans are of higher intelligence or we would be all married to Tiger Woods.

He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Jun 2008
Member # 18814
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

It is interesting but I don't buy it. If men are "sluts", honestly so are women. We just hide it better or blame men for it. My FWS had multiple OW, most of them already married... So as I told my FWS they are both "sluts".

Hope that made sense.

Love is a choice.

True love is harder to come by than soul mates. True love requires work.

Ignorance can be cured with knowledge. There is no cure for being an idiot.

Posts: 927 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 1:55 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I don't buy it either, we are not animals. It just stuck with me for some reason and came to mind after finding out about the A.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 25895
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Ha! Very clever name. Thanks for explaining it.

Guess that makes me an Old Cow too.

"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

Posts: 467 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Southern Maryland
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I refuse to consider it as reasonable based on the first sentence alone.

Some women? Yeah okay.


And speaking as a man, women my own age are far sexier to me than barely legal girls. I love the laugh lines and crows feet that are starting to emerge in my wifes face.

Are young women sexy? Sure, in the same way young guys are. It's a lot easier for them to be in shape.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 2:12 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

"New" was about all OW had going for her, but I guess that was enough. I have told me FWH many times that I cannot compete with new and different. He tells me now that he doesn't want that--he wants me. I think he has also discovered that the price he had to pay for "new and different" was too high.

I totally understand why you feel this way OC18. We all seek some rational (or at least understandable) explanation for what our WS's did. I agree that there is no simple explanation in most cases. It is a mish-mash of things. Many describe the "perfect storm" of circumstances that overtook their WS and swamped their copping abilities. Maybe some had very bad coping abilities in the first place and it didn't take much.

I hope you have noticed, however, the part about "even if we have the perfect partner". It is not about you, it is about them. I was not the perfect partner, but I did my best and loved him and cared for him and my family to the best of my ability. I bet you did too. I hope your WH is working to figure out why he felt the need to search out new pastures--hopefully he has already figured out that the grass in not greener on the other side of the fence.

Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1334 | Registered: Aug 2010
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Love your response StillGoing. I didn't mean to bash all men, it's just that I happend to be married to one that needs bashing

And Hopingforhappy, the grass is greener where you water it. I love that saying, so true.

[This message edited by OldCow18 at 2:25 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 27650
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I have much more insight and control of my behavior than a rat or sheep.

I bristle at the frequent shots at men having this uncontrollable animal behavior, while apparently excusing the participating female (in most cases) AP. Or is the theory also saying that most women have an uncontrollable animal instinct to slut around?

The thing is human beings do have animal instincts and so I think this theory sheds light on why so many men (not all) tire of their long-term partners and long for something/someone new.

I believe that the reason men, and women, become involved in A's has more to do with the WS tiring of themselves and their role in the long-term relationship. They are not looking for new and shiny in the AP so much as looking for new and shiny them self.

Old Cow, New Cow, Bull


FBS 54
Separated and Divorcing

Posts: 4133 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: FL
Member # 36307
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I have heard this rationale before.
Since I lived on a farm for many years I observed many cows at the fence edge grazing for grass just out of their reach. Mind you there was ample hay and grass to graze upon in their own pasture. They often struggled to reach that elusive grass thus the statement " the grass is aways greener" at least in their make up. That is why they pursue what seems special.
However when compared to men and women seeking partners outside their marital bounds it is to me "
the cow theory"
So Old cow I get it. What the cheaters end up is usually no prize.
Exceptions always, of course but i am speaking in general terms

BS: Me (63yo)
FWH: HIM (65yo) serial infidelities over past 35 years
OW: Many, most recent 1/2 his age
DD: Multiple unconfirmed until 2012 when I presented evidence, plus LTA with his friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over past year
So done,

Posts: 618 | Registered: Jul 2012
Member # 19825
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

The problem for the cow when he sees the pasture is greener on the other side, he has to cross the road to get it.

I guess he is not thinking of the dangers in that

He did not see what he had in me, what I saw in him I did not have!

Love kills slowly.

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Jun 2008
want a new life
Member # 27286
Default  Posted: 2:45 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I just wanted to say I've seen that movie many times and when I saw your name I was wondering if it came from there.
It stuck with me also so I'm definitely a fan!!

Me BS - 57
D 6/2010
It's been a long journey but I think I'm finally arriving at my happy place:)

Posts: 233 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: midwest
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I remember asking you back when you first joined, if your name came from the movie. I love that movie...and remember in the end, the theory was proven to not be the case with Eddie.
I have seen some females that seem to have that need to.have new bull after new bull. Lol. I think it has to do
with a person that constantly has to be stimulated and gets "bored" due to.issues within themselves..not.because their.partner can't keep them entertained. They like the adrenalin rush.of a new R and get antsy with true intimacy. Jmo which prob doesn't mean shit. Haha
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I love that movie...and remember in the end, the theory was proven to not be the case with Eddie.

I need Eddie in my life

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Im not buying into this. Why? I have seen many old couples together who are in love. Not just old couples, my age, too (Im 46). I can list at least two of my friends marriages.

Humans are not animals. We think. We know right from wrong. To say its animal instinct is just throwing out an excuse to brush off bad behavior.

I know a fws. Maybe fhis is tmi, but he told me his wife rocked his world. Firecrackers sti went off for him when his wife walked passed.

Heres something to ponder, my idiot wh's reason to stay with me (given to me 5 yrs ago). Im the old car. The new car looks pretty but you dont know how she runs. The old car, you know her quirks, how she runs etc. She is ole faithful. Im still trying to decided what old car I wanna be

Why do they cheat? It has nothing to do with us. Sometimes it doesnt bave anything to do with the ow. Its all about them. A "me. Me. Me." Situation.

Eta: just from comments here I might have to see the movie.

@ats, I like that view about a ws tiring of themselves and their roll in life.

[This message edited by sullymeishadomi at 4:21 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8394 | Registered: Sep 2007
Member # 30817
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

It's funny because I would much rather my spouse be my favorite pair of perfect 10 year old jeans than my last box from Zappos.

me likey old cow

Him WH
2 ddays in '07
"The cure for the pain, is the pain." -Rumi

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Jan 2011
Member # 27993
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

OC....I almost lost my dentures when I read that you are 44! I'm sure you're gorgeous!

If you're an old cow, I'm an old sow! Just turned 57, but I firmly believe(maybe because I'm not as firm as I used to be), its just about the "newness" or "strange" as my dear best friend puts it.

When that wears off, what is there really to talk about to someone 15+ years younger than you? You didn't even watch the same cartoons growing up. You can't talk about past presidents and all of that political crap, you can't talk about computers and everything else that is included in the generational skip. And there is a generational skip. I can talk to my kid's friends till the cows come home, but does it really interest me? I don't know, they think differently, they have different expectations.

I agree it's not a gender thing,some people just get off on getting over. I truly don't think my H's affair had anything to do with me. I eat right, I exercise daily, I try and do it all right. My friends all kid me that my picture comes up in the dictionary when you google "perfect wife." It was all about my FWH, his feeling bad about how wonderful he was! And how he felt entitlement to a piece on the side.

Oh, thank goodness, cows can't talk!

[This message edited by crestfallen at 5:50 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)]

Married 32 years
OW-Mr. Ed ish! Seriously!
DDAY- 2/21/09
TT until 1/10/10
Working on R and doing well!!

Posts: 179 | Registered: Mar 2010
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

]I don't subscribe to the 'male urges' one bit. Women, by design, can have 20 orgasms a day. Society has been trying to stamp out or harness this little quirk for hundreds of years.

What other species have sex for pleasure? Simians and dolphins. Neither gender is monogamous in those species so why is it assumed that women don't share those same urges?

Slut shaming probably has something to do with it. Its nurture, not nature.

Cheating is also not about sex. It is about self-esteem.

People don't cheat because they have urges or a need for someone new.

They cheat because they think it makes them new. Its their reflection in a new set of eyes they are after, not a new cow.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5609 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

I knew about the Old Cow New Cow Theory. I read the book (Animal Husbandry) before it was a movie. I was so excited when I started watching the movie, and realized it was based on that book!

Remember though that Greg Kinnears character returns to the "Old Cow" girlfriend much to Judd's dismay and confusion since she thought he was leaving her for a "new" cow!

Posts: 190 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
OK now
Member # 14459
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

Not sure women are much better with their search for newness and passion in relationships.

There has been a tremendous surge in female infidelity since the onset of computers and broadband. Might be that the issue is opportunity; certainly a lot of that around these days.

Posts: 1748 | Registered: May 2007 | From: NC
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, September 25th (Wednesday)

God did not put a man & a herd of women in the Garden of Eden.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Dec 2012
Topic Posts: 25