User Topic: I have to leave my house for my safety
New Member
Member # 39151
Helpless  Posted: 5:37 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Unfortunately, he found out I'm divorcing him before I could get my ducks in a row. I just started my job last week. My lawyer is hustling to file. Even though I kicked him out of the house in June, he has decided that he is moving back in, whether I like it or not. I told him if he did, that I'd leave. He's still forcing his way back. Legally I can't stop him. I'm scared of this angry, selfish, hostile man, so I'm leaving. He's already verbally and emotionally abusive. I'm not going to stick around for things to escalate. I will crash with friends (my family is 800 miles away) and take my son with me. He insists that our son stays at the house with him. No way is that gonna happen! He keeps telling me that I can't divorce him. It's like he wants to keep me as his prisoner! I have to be out by Wednesday. I'm hustling to get after care in place for my son while I'm at work, but I only have $250 to my name at the moment. Also, STBX is taking our son out of state to visit his family tomorrow. They are supposed to come back Wednesday, which is when he's moving back in. What options do I have if he doesn't bring my son back? There's no separation agreement yet.

BS (me) 29
WH 29
Married for 7 years
One son age 4
D-day 4-29-13
Multiple hookers on Craigslist!!!
Getting ready to file.

Posts: 33 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

I don't think it's a good idea to let him take your DS out of state.

Since there's no agreement in place yet,he isn't legally obligated to return your DS.

Considering he is unstable,selfish,forcing you to leave your home,and seems to think he can control you...what better leverage that your precious DS.

Don't let him take him.


FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7668 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

I would not let him take your son. If he doesn't bring him back there is nothing you can do since you don't have custody yet.

Can you get help paying for childcare from the state?

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4787 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 34477
Default  Posted: 5:58 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Just like there is no separation agreement there is also no visitation agreement. Don't let him take your son. He could hold your son prisoner until you give him EVERYTHING he wants without anything in writing.

Please please be careful and stay safe. If he moved out in June why can't you not let him back in...Lunt that be abandonment?

Me: BW (35)
Him: ExWH (31) EA/PA with MOW coworker
Married 9 years, 2 small kids
dday 3/12/2011 divorced fall 2012

My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.

Posts: 651 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 6330
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Your attorney needs to get emergency custody in place. NOW. He cannot be allowed to take your son out of state.

Posts: 5473 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Chicago
Member # 6010
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

Pull a Walter White. Lie to him and tell him you're rethinking the divorce and that you told your lawyer to put everything on hold for now. Tell him you will talk more about it when he returns from his trip with your son and he moves back in.

Makes him thing he's getting what he wants and gies him motivation to bring your son back.

While he's gone get your shit in line and be ready when he gets back. File a petition for full custody and for support, etc. Get everything in motion and when you have your son safely with you, tell him you're unsure and need some time to think. That should buy you enough time to get out of the house and have everything going forward.

My Blog:

Posts: 4228 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: eastern PA
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

If you are afraid of him, then why isn't your lawyer getting you a restraining order to keep him out of the house?

Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

If there are no orders in place I wouldn't let him take your son.

Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling

Posts: 4607 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Do exactly as Erranda states. Lie to him.

Also, your son will be traumetized in all this. Are you certain you can't stay. Change the locks while he is gone. Get your lawyer to get the order ASAP!

I moved out like you and SAWH has held that against me and my kids made me the bad guy as they see my moving as me being the one who broke up our family. Its 3 yrs later and many hours of therapy for them and they STILL blame me for moving out.

Do what you can to keep you and your son safe. Don't play this for that with your WH, he will only escalate things. Try to disengage him with your charm.

I know its hard, because your WH sounds like mine; a large child, a brat who, when he doesn't get what he wants throws a fit and puts the gloves on.

If possible, try not to move out. A respectable father would see that is the home your son knows and he should be #1. It didn't matter to my SAWH, he's living in the and the 3 kids are in an apartment!

Its really hard to live with no support in place. He will cut you off even further if you move out. Please see your lawyer!!!!

Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, September 27th (Friday)

File a restraining order against him for you and your son. Then pull the Walter White.
If you are truly scared, why in the world would you let him take your child. This is an emergent situation, get your Lawyer on the phone now. Give him specfic reasons why you are scared. Give him the info on the fear of kidnapping. Give examples of his aggressive behaviors, and intent to harm.

Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8680 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Another reason to not let him take your son out-of-state right now: If you do, you will NOT be able to say later that you are afraid of him. You won't be able to get a RO, you may have a hard time regarding custody percentage, because he'll just say that you let him take your son out of state, so you were just fine with him.

Everything you do now, everything, is going to impact your future custody & finances.

Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011

Posts: 9810 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Go talk this all over with a domestic violence shelter. I know it might feel strange or embarrassing but they are experts in advice on just this topic. If your gut tells you this is dangerous and that he may keep your son from you then it's probably right.

Take care.

Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

Also look into abandonment laws. Maybe, if enough time has passed since he left you can get a judgement in your favor.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11216 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Bumping. How are you doing?

Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Member # 14917
Default  Posted: 9:56 PM, October 23rd (Wednesday)

Bumping hoping all is well?

Now, faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see. Heb 11:1
I done been through the pain and the sorrow the struggle is nothing but love. Maino
Me: Divorced BS 49
DS22, DD19, DS17

Posts: 1298 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 15