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Just Found Out
User Topic: Looking for Revenge
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, September 26th (Thursday)

I so want to put posters in his new neighbourhood, neighbours mailboxes, etc. and highlight the fact that he has abandoned his two children and myself for this "fresh start" with her. I am consumed with thinking of ways to extract revenge. He has moved to a completely new area, dropped all our friends and adopted hers, nobody knows they were carrying on for 14+ months and that we are left devastated, traumatized and struggling to get through the day. Having done what he has done to us, why is it that he gets the happy ever after?

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
hardtotake
Member
Member # 38172
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, September 27th (Friday)

First of all, not knowing you story, I just want to say what a ASS your WH is! I certainly understand your desire for revenge but I don't think it will give you the satisfaction that you're looking for. If anything, it may help him rationalize his affair.

He's in the "fog" and his "happily ever after" is just a thin veneer - the cracks will start developing on its own. There's a lot of great people here that will help you through this. Take care of yourself, be there for the kids, and reach out to your friends and family for support. Read the Healing Library on this site. It will get better but your in for a rough ride. Hugs


Me: BS
Her: WS
Married 13 yrs., together 17.
D-Day #1: 1/2006 (EA)
D-Day #2: 1/2013 (PA/EA)

Posts: 94 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: DFW
MediumRare
Member
Member # 35128
Default  Posted: 12:41 AM, September 27th (Friday)

"why is it that he gets the happy ever after?"

hah. Hah! HAH! BHAHAAHAHA!

Trust me SurelyNOT, a year from now you'll be laughing with me on just how FAR from reality this "happy ever after" delusion truly is.

The fact is, morally bankrupt, weak spirited and loyalty deficient people (like your WS) bonding with low self-esteem, poaching, soulless shells of humans aren't capable of "happily ever after".. The whole affair is unicorns farting rainbows with NO amount of reality involved and 100% delusional, fantasy land that ignores the REAL WORLD (that you and I live in daily).

I'm so sorry for your pain.

It get's better, believe me.

You stood-by/loved your husband through his farting on the couch, stinking-up the bathroom, leaving the toilet seat up, skid-marked underwear and body order self vs. this slut that only had the fake, only-passionate, lovey-dovey delusional existence with no real-world experience in what a real relationship is like. It's only a matter of time before these affairs start to crinkle once reality sets in.

Your revenge will be the success you experience long after this fleeting nonsense cheating episode runs it's course. He cheated on you, yet this OW is ready to accept someone like that with that knowledge? Think about that a bit...

Good luck to you!


BS (ME): 44
WS(HER): 42
9 years
OM#1- 20-something loser, stole bunch of my things after she had sex with him in our bed (no condoms, STDs)
OM#2- 24 year old, unemployed loser, lives with mom & dad
DDay 1/2012
NC 3/20/2012
SGASDay 4/1/2012

Posts: 721 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: California
Hope2B
Member
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 2:57 AM, September 27th (Friday)

I soooo understand your desire for revenge. I've thought of renting out a billboard by the side of the freeway and posting her photo with a few well-chosen words about her proclivities with men, both married and single--as long as they had the money.

I also thought about posting flyers in the women's restroom of places she frequented for the billiards and bowling leagues, warning wives and women, until WH came clean and told me that was a lie and they met at a party...if that was the truth.

As for my WH--WH is getting my own brand of "revenge" by taking what I dish up to him as I experience very vulnerable and emotional levels where he has to face my grief, sorrow, etc because of his lies and betrayal, and he's going to MC and IC and we're trying to work on things.

Children are resilient and yours will be okay because you're there for them, showing them love beyond any boundaries, and how to lead a good honest life, and how an adult behaves in the face of adversity and betrayal. Stand strong, head up, you can do this, your kids are watching and taking a clue from you to help guide them as needed.

Living well is the best revenge. We have to go through the fire to get there, however, and it's a damned long journey.

[This message edited by Hope2B at 2:58 AM, September 27th (Friday)]


Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 5:18 AM, September 27th (Friday)

Thank you guys for your responses. I just needed to put my need for revenge out there. The rational side of my brain realizes that I would just be playing into their opinion that I am just one crazy nut job, and that he was right to leave me. I take comfort in your kind words and reassurances, it has helped me tremendously, AGAIN thank you.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
soconfusednow
Member
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 5:43 AM, September 27th (Friday)

I soooo understand your desire for revenge. I've thought of renting out a billboard by the side of the freeway and posting her photo with a few well-chosen words about her


I also have thought I'd like to do this. It's nice to have a safe place to talk about the things we'd like to do, even though we know we wouldn't. Sometimes just putting it out there feels good.


D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50
WH 52
NC-several
last broken NC 7/2013 (hopefully)
Married 29 years
2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, September 27th (Friday)

(((SurelyNOT)))
I so understand. I was consumed too for a long time----it was the only way I got thru the first year, was fantasizing OW on the front page of the newspaper being led away in handcuffs, head hanging in shame.

Actually tho, you are getting the best revenge-----you are letting your WH & OW have each other.
Mediumrare nailed it, I loved his post:

The fact is, morally bankrupt, weak spirited and loyalty deficient people (like your WS) bonding with low self-esteem, poaching, soulless shells of humans aren't capable of "happily ever after"..


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, September 27th (Friday)

Thank you for your amazing support guys, it is appreciated.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, September 27th (Friday)

This time last year I felt EXACTLY as you do. ==especially the part about WH dropping our family, all of our friends, and he was lying to everyone that he was NOT sleeping with my friend. Every day I was consumed about telling EVERYONE what/who he was.

My best friend told me to work on being "classy". Every day, every situation.


Now, let's go to this year -- you'll like this!!! First off, one by one his friends have told me they see who he is now. My friends mom lives across street from them and she told her daughter she can't believe mr homewrecked threw me away for the slut! She said I am nicer and much prettier than slut. (and slut is 15 years younger than me!!!). See, beauty is as beauty does.

Someone I know recently found out that the OW is cheating on my XWH!!!! OW told a very reliable person that she can't believe how stupid my XWH is. She said she is miserable with him, and really wants to end it, but he contributes alot of money to the household. She is sleeping with another guy and really wants it to work with that guy!!!! So, she will wait until she is sure it's gonna work with the new guy and then dump my XWH. It's so unbelieveable some days that he threw us and his life away for a fantasy, a psycho, and a slut.


Also, it is true what everyone on here says, once they are together a couple years, and they have to be mature and work on a relationship, lots of times they break up.

Show your children how to be. Just now my children are beginning to calm down -- because I have a calm, supportive home here.

Also, what really helps us is getting out of town -- even a different city close by -- for a couple of days - or longer if u can afford it. It really helps my children get their minds on something else because this is so painful what he did to us!!! AND she was a family friend!


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2215 | Registered: Jan 2012
MJane
Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, September 27th (Friday)

I posted a similar message - I liked the idea of putting a profile up for OW on dubious online sex sites with her mobile and work numbers & her pouty photo. I'd so love people to know what a morally bankrupt person she is - what kind of an empty individual sleeps with a married man who has a heavily pregnant wife? Then I thought hard about the best revenge and it truly is getting on with your life like the OW hasn't got power over you - while part of me would love to tell her exactly what I think of her in a public place saying nothing to her is better for me. I am a better person and I am not stooping to her level...

Posts: 253 | Registered: Sep 2013
HeartStings
Member
Member # 38017
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, September 27th (Friday)

Please don't do this, SurelyNOT. You can talk about your revenge fantasies here, but don't do them in real life. A new family moved into our neighborhood, and letters starting showing up in everyone's mailbox about the guy and what a sleaze bag he was. We still don't know if they were from the ex-wife or the OW because everyone avoided them like the plague, which only hurt their CHILDREN.

Other posters are right -- living well is the best revenge.


Posts: 117 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: New England
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, September 27th (Friday)

I can understand your desire for revenge. It is something that I have to fight a lot. I have always had a strong sense of justice, even when I was a young child. I hate unfairness.

I have found putting my revenge fantasies here at SI are great. No, it isn't the same, but the support and laughs we get help so much.

I will share a true story. This may happen in your situation, it may not. But more often than not, this is how it goes.

OW in our situation was married. Its first ex-husband caught OW in bed with a friend of his, a MOM. OW moved in with MOM. OW started fucking my fWH. OW married MOM. OW fucked my fWH 3 weeks before its wedding and 3 weeks after the wedding. OW continued to fuck my FWH for a year or two after said wedding. FWH ended affair. OW got divorced from its MOM a year or two later. Yeah, it was karma for the 1st BH and BW. Too bad for me my FWH was part of the delivery of the karma bus, but I am sure the BH and BW were real happy about that karma bus.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, September 27th (Friday)

Thank you GUYS sincerely, I was having a particularly tough day yesterday. I really just needed to put it out there, I do realize that doing what I had envisioned was absolute madness and really not beneficial to the girls or myself. AND do I really want to give them ammunition to bolster themselves even more and as hardtotake says "help him rationalize his affair". I must admit I laughed at some of the comments, it has been a tonic. THANK YOU ALL sincerely, today looks like it's gonna be a good day.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, September 27th (Friday)

I also thought about posting flyers in the women's restroom of places she frequented for the billiards and bowling leagues, warning wives and women

I liked the idea of putting a profile up for OW on dubious online sex sites with her mobile and work numbers & her pouty photo. I'd so love people to know what a morally bankrupt person she is - what kind of an empty individual sleeps with a married man who has a heavily pregnant wife?

^^^^2 of my favorite revenge fantasies.

Or, read Chicky's post on this thread:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=509032&HL=18622

Fantasizing does temporarily help us to get thru this, but we have to keep it in our minds.

the best revenge ... is getting on with your life like the OW hasn't got power over you - while part of me would love to tell her exactly what I think of her in a public place saying nothing to her is better for me. I am a better person and I am not stooping to her level...

[This message edited by mchercheur at 9:04 AM, September 27th (Friday)]


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, September 27th (Friday)

Wow! Way too go Chicky. If only our situation was like that I would be driving that damn karma bus myself, too.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Something written about another person ONLY qualifies as libel if it's NOT true.

He DID desert his family.

She DID take an active part in that action.

He DID leave his family to set up house with his OW.

Nothing I stated above is untrue.

I personally would see NOTHING wrong with sharing that information with virtually anyone who has a pair of eyes and can read.

But I'm funny that way.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1819 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
prissyprisi
New Member
Member # 40721
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, September 27th (Friday)

NeverAgain2013 - you are hilarious and i love you!

In my case, I do not know and have not spoken to OW. Because I live in a small city where everyone knows each other, I could very well know who she is, or know of her, if WS would just let me know her name and/or who she is (we havent gotten that far in any of our talk sessions, but its a question I will not let go unanswered.)
Anyway, right now, as far as I'm concerned, my WS is the dirtbag. He's the one who should be put to shame for what he did to me. Because it was he who promised me he would be faithful and loyal. So if anyone should get some embarrassment out of this whole ordeal, it should be him. If anyone should have their eyes ripped out of their sockets, it should be him.

NOW...

If this OW turns out to be someone I do know, then I would most definitely let anyone and everyone who knows her, know what she did to my relationship. (At least I would REALLY REALLY want to) She, THEY rather, ruined what we once had. It will never be the same again, should we stay together after all is said and done. I do not think that this would apply if the OW isn't someone you know personally. Yes, that person is wrong if they are aware that the cheating spouse is married. But as far as they are concerned, they arent hurting anyone they care about. It's wrong, I am not saying doing that is ok, but they probably would see no reason not to do what is going to make them happy in that moment. However, for your spouse to go ahead and take that step and cheat...with someone you know personally and who KNOWS this is so & so's husband...they deserve nothing but shit.

I hope and pray to god, for your personal satisfaction, that they live miserably ever after...with more misery sprinkled on top Sounds like youre taking the high road, so GOOD FOR YOU!!!


BROtip #1293: You dont have to have sex to cheat. If you find yourself deleting texts, youre probably almost there.

Cheating is easy! Why dont you try something more challenging - like being faithful.


Posts: 5 | Registered: Sep 2013
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I have fantasies of making flyers with her face and phone number detailing what a peice of human waste she is and put them all over town, in the gas stations, at her work. I would love to make a huge poster saying the same and stake it up in her front yard while shes at work so everyone who drives by can see. Putting directions signs with things like "this bitch will f*ck your husband", "dirty whore this way" etc and have them lead to her house. I aso fantasize about tagging up her car while shes at work with things like "homewrecking whore", "i f*ck married men" etc so its there all day and then she has to drive the disatnce thru town to the nearest carwash while everyone stares at her.

Ive even had dark wishes that me and WH were infested with STDs before this and sh got them all....too bad that didnt happen lol

I understand, I completely get it and it sucks that we are all here in this messed up situation with nothing but the rubble of our marriages around us hoping to be rebuilt


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
mchercheur
Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2010/05/heres_why_you_shouldnt_have_ma_1.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%253A+nymag%252Fintel+%2528Daily+Intelligencer+-+New+York+Magazine%2529


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

That article is hilarious!


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

Thank you "mchercheur" for bringing that very apt article to our attention.
What an absolute loser this guy turned out to be. I hope the girl in question basked in her revenge. I would so love to do something like this, BUT when all is said and done, I gotta be a good role model for my two daughters (heaven forbid they ever encounter a loser like their dad). We are slowly putting the shattered pieces of our lives together.
This article did make me laugh - gotta admit, it is so comforting to read of others' plights and know that unfortunately we are not alone in our mire.
Thank you, once again for posting this article, it was so worthwhile

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

What you are experiencing is completely natural and expected. However, I caution you against doing anything rash when you are not in the right frame of mind.

You don't want to stoop to their level. You don't want them to think they've gotten to you/devastated you (especially you don't want the OW to think this) and it's not like they are going to learn an important lesson from some sort of revenge.

So be wise about anything you decide to do. I had a lot of big plans for getting revenge on my WH's AP...but in the end I abandoned the plans because I want to direct my energy to MY healing.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Gajit
Member
Member # 40665
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 30th (Monday)

I am thinking that when my divorce is final, I will put BOTH of them on cheaterville! LOL


Lord, with Your help I will focus on each small step of the climb, instead of the mountain that stands before me.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
avicarswife
Member
Member # 35799
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I think the injustice of it all is one of my biggest areas of struggle.

I think if we weren't trying to make our marriage work I would be driving the karma bus.

Certainly I regularly think about putting her cell number and an advert for free BJs on the back of the men's loo doors at her local park and mall. In fact it is mostly the likelihood of me being caught heading into the male toilets that stops me.

I think revenge is a very normal emotion to feel.


BS: 47 (me)
WH: 51
Married 26 yrs, 3 kids (16-24)
D-Days 2012: 23 - 24 May + TT
D-Day 2013: 12 Apr OW#3
mOW #1 EA yrs PA Feb 2009-end 2011
mOW #2 EA months PA 4 months 2010
OW #3 PA single time 2010
Status: Maybe 'R'

Posts: 728 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: "down-under"
headdesk
Member
Member # 40787
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I generally give stuff that is mean spirited a wide berth...but man I have been getting a perverse joy out of reading about revenges.

One particularly memorable one was a BW found out the OW was getting a tattoo. OW wanted narnia on her back. BW made a deal with artist. Artist got OW to sign a consent form to allow the artist to put whatever on her back 'artistic license' sort of thing. OW got a huge tattoo on her back alright - but of a pile of poo surrounded by flies. I totally cackled.

I'm sure I'll be able to let this go, but for now, it'll be my guilty pleasure...like chocolate, but less fattening. :)


Me: 39
WH: 42
DDay:Sep 19 2013 (only TT of EA)
Oct 4th 2013 revealed PA through snooping.
Marred 16 years, together for 20. Looking to R at this time. We have awesome kids (12/14).

Posts: 273 | Registered: Sep 2013
SurelyNOT
Member
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

headdesk - that is hilarious, you made me smile.
Thank you for taking the time out to post.
Good luck to you on your journey, I hope today is a good day for you.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

SurelyNOT - I think we all have had similar fantasies along the way. Just know that you are always welcome to come here and vent away. It is usually enough to burn off the steam, and if not a little time on a treadmill helps too.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8716 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Broken6
Member
Member # 40347
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

This post and all the comments make me feel so much better. I too fantasize about exacting revenge on the whore who inserted herself into our marriage. A billboard for sure, and my husband drove her around in his sports car (which I have dubbed the whoremobile) and have asked him to sell. I wanted to spray paint in red on the passenger side -'her name' is a WHORE. I also wanted to carve WHORE into the passenger seat. My daughter had me listen to Carrie Underwood's song "Before He Cheats" and it was so perfect I made it my ringtone specifically for when he calls. Only snafu was one day I was at school signing my youngest child out and he called. "Before He Cheats" played loud and proud and the ladies at the desk just smiled. I now silence my phone if I am going to be in meeting or school. I am not changing the ringtone though because it is too perfect. I am so happy to have this forum to post things we would like to do, but never would because revenge just lowers us to their level. But it does give us a creative outlet, so thank you.


The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 28