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Just Found Out
User Topic: OW tried talking to my WH today
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Angry  Posted: 2:21 PM, September 27th (Friday)

WH works with the whore. They are now in the same dept. He was suspended with pay until today bc of the situation and today was his first day back. They go on lunch at 11 and at 1 he calls and tells me that she came to him and asked how we were and if he thought we were going to work out. This is after he sent another NC text to her telling her unless its work related she is not to speak with him. I find it a bit suspicious on her part to talk to him. I'm also very bothered by the fact that he waited 2hrs to tell me. First thing I did was text her not to talk to him bc she's nothing but a filthy stain in our lives. I then text her fiance to let him know his WGF was once again trying to talk with my WH. So today is not a good day and even though WH told me I'm still pissed off about it. I have extreme anger and axiety issues on the days he's at work and they've been amplified since they're downsizing and she was moved literally within 30ft of him. I really wish I could wake up from this nightmare


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
tushnurse
Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Gently, be happy that he did tell you. That is progress. That is a WS trying to do the right thing, and most of all let him know you appreciate him telling you. Don't break his balls or next time he won't tell you.

You did do the right thing letting her Fiance know that she intiated contact. Try to refrain from name calling, and all the mean stuff in response to her attempt to contact him. Next time, and there will be a next time, she isn't going to give up easily, she's shown you that, tell her that you are considering this harrassment, and if it continues a restraining order will be filed, your attorney will be contacted, and WS will file a harrassment complaint with HR. Be strong, be calm, and be believable.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 7815 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Thank you tushnurse, I needed that so much. I know I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut, one of my flaws but dammit she made me so mad!


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Tushnurse is exactly right. Be sure & thank him for his honesty. It's vital you make it safe for your WS to come to you. She will "fish" again, most of them do several times - sometimes for months, years, anniversaries....
Telling her BS is great. She'll hate that, don't be surprised if she runs to your H to tattle on you. In fact, plan for it. Sit down & make a game plan for any further encounters she'll attempt.
As mad as you get do NOT contact her under ANY circumstances NC is for both of you. Letting her BS know is fine just keep it factual, unemotional & maybe threaten a letter from HR or an attorney. It's not really his job to rein her in but it can help in his keeping an eye on things. At least it worked for me OW was furious when I tattled on her. She told Mr Lucky "how dare she (me) speak to her husband!!!"

[This message edited by Lucky at 3:36 PM, September 27th (Friday)]


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I let him know that I was very appreciative he told me, that I would like for him to let me know asap though when that happens and not wait awhile. I know hes afraid I will flip out but when I find things out in a timely manner its so much better than if I find out he waited. When he waits it makes me feel like hes hiding things. When he doesnt answer things in complete honesty or avoids questions it stops my rebuilding of trust. Hes agreed to answer all my questions but thinks that Im asking things that make it harder on me. Hes so afraid Im going to leave him. Hes been calling me at every break and talking to me so I know theres no contact.

As far as not contacting her, its very hard for me bc Im angry angry angry and I want her to know that Im still lurking in a pissed off shadow......Its something Im working on though, its just so hard

[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 9:45 PM, September 27th (Friday)]


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, September 27th (Friday)


Ahhh sweetie we get it. When you're a bit further out you'll understand the misplaced anger at the OW. It's your WS who deserves all of your anger. But that's too scary to accept right now. In the early days I was terrified of being angry at Mr Lucky so I bottled it up & lashed out at OW. It's normal.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
Razor
Member
Member # 16345
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, September 27th (Friday)

IMO words from YOU to the OW will do nothing to keep her away.

Whats needed are truthful words from your WH to her telling her he wants *nothing to do with her ever again and go away!*

Is that happening?

Red flag if he is not telling her this himself ON HIS OWN WITHOUT PROMPTING FROM YOU.


Forgive and forget = Relive and regret.


Posts: 3371 | Registered: Sep 2007
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I have so much anger that hes getting most of it. He told her the day after Dday that he wanted nothing to do with her and not to talk to him again. He asked what I wanted from him, I told him to break it off. He told me the night I found out that hes an idiot and doesnt know why he did what he did but wanted nothing from her.

Ill admit that I was very upset he wasnt a hateful ass to her. In his text to her yday he was very blunt and mean. As far as I know until today this is the first she has made contact with him. Im afraid of finding out otherwise.

Hes trying to do things right, but Im so mad at him that I have to pretty much force myself to acknowledge it.

He told me that he answered her that were doing great and I told him that talking to her about us is a complete disrespect to our marraiage so from now on he needs to ignore her or tell her if its not work related to not speak with him.

[This message edited by suposd2btheonly1 at 9:47 PM, September 27th (Friday)]


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Skan
Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, September 27th (Friday)

If she tries to contact him again, ask him to go to HR and report that she is harassing him. And I''d suggest that he do that BEFORE she decides to do the same.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4586 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
Safeguard
Member
Member # 38899
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, September 27th (Friday)

"suspended with pay"? Wow. I should have an affair, I could use a paid vacation! "she is nothing but a filthy stain in our lives." She's a human being, that your husband stained your life with. My God, I hope I don't become conditioned to think like you.


"since your actions don't match your words, excuse me while I stop believing you."

Posts: 143 | Registered: Apr 2013
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Safegaurd, I understand that she is a human being, I understand that it was his choice to do what he did. I also understand that I have the right to be as angry as I want and think as I please. I have never once been placed in a position to feel so many terrible emotions so strongly and I am dealing with this the best that I can.

This is recent and new to me. I have anger and resentment from this. I came here to seek comfort, support and wisdom not to be belittled by someone who I assume is here for those same reasons. If you dont have anything to comment that is enlightening then I suggest you stay off my threads bc you are not helping anyone by being so hateful.

Im sorry that you are here for the same reasons as everyone else, we are all hurting and trying to heal. We are all dealing with these things in our own way, please respect that.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:27 PM, September 27th (Friday)

(((suposd))) You have a right to your feelings. Sorry someone doesn't understand.
Im sorry that you are here for the same reasons as everyone else, we are all hurting and trying to heal
You have a lot of grace and class, sweetie.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9408 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Blameitontherain
Member
Member # 37476
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Let it out Sup! It is normal to feel anger and resentment at AP in general but especially after they try fishing and baiting the wayward. Your WH did great.

Please know that you are welcome here, no one is judging- everyone here is going through a lot and sometimes stuff gets unintentionally misdirected to another member.


Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2012
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 9:31 PM, September 27th (Friday)

My God, I hope I don't become conditioned to think like you.

This is JFO. Compassion & respect go a long way, attacking a new and hurting BS isn't cool, not at all.
((( suposd2b )))


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Thank you all for the spport and understanding


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Just Found Out can be full of raw emotions. You might find yourself & your R happier in the reconciliation forum.


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, September 27th (Friday)

She's a human being, that your husband stained your life with.

Fuck. That. She's a subhuman piece of entitled shit who thinks it's perfectly OK to fuck around with somebody who is married. She deserves no more sympathy than a bank robber or a crack dealer. Maybe someday she'll develop self-awareness, fix herself and stop being a shit stain in society's underpants but for the time being, she barely meets the basic criteria for sentience.


Posts: 1580 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I will look into that forum, thank you Lucky.


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, September 27th (Friday)

The problem with the R forum is you can't call the whore a whore. I use to get in trouble all the time there for either venting or calling names. I had to wait until my emotions weren't so raw before I could post within the guidelines of Reconciliation.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9408 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Lucky
Member
Member # 6864
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, September 27th (Friday)

True sister!

But ... She can always pop into general to vent if need be gawd knows its full of spewing & venom tonight


♥ WINE - the other fruit juice! ♥


Posts: 36162 | Registered: Apr 2005
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, September 27th (Friday)

You are right Lucky!


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9408 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
jo2love
Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 10:30 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Safeguard-

If you are unable to give support, please stay off the thread.


Posts: 33938 | Registered: Mar 2011
Bobbi_sue
Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

T/J
The problem with the R forum is you can't call the whore a whore

I try to be careful to never do that in the R forum...but yes it has been 7 years for me and I suspect wherever I am allowed, I will call that whore a whore. She doesn't even have a name as far as I'm concerned. Her given name starts with T so if I have to distinguish her from other whores, I will call her T-whore.


Posts: 5684 | Registered: Apr 2006
h0peless
Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

T/J

Her given name starts with T so if I have to distinguish her from other whores, I will call her T-whore.

I'm imagining REALLY short arms with claws on the end...


Posts: 1580 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Arizona
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

T-whore!


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 6:16 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

t/j

I want to join in the fun!

W___ with an "i" whore!

end t/j

Did OW also get suspended? Can your H tell HR that OW is stalking him, or something or other?


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

I don't think she got suspended, lovely how the man always gets the shitty end of the stick huh? Especially since she was the one who started the no boundary flirting and asked him for his number....this she admitted to her BBF so I know that much is true.

But his EAP program is going to start paying for our MC so thats a plus


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
sullymeishadomi
Member
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

Im not sure I would wait to report her to HR. What is the reasoning for waiting (just asking because there might be something I dont know)?

It sounds like she will fish. Even just to be an annoying, immature beyotch.

If you dont go to HR now, definitely go the next time. Dont text or respond to her. Go crickets. Go to HR and if you can, have a lawyer write a cease and desist letter.

It is horribly unfair only one of the two paid for the crime. She must have been the first in the office, and thus cut the deal. Who knows. Life isnt fair.

((Hugs))


People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not

Posts: 8210 | Registered: Sep 2007
aesir
Member
Member # 17210
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

..."i" whore!

Is that the kind that does lots of sexting on Apple products?


Your mileage may vary... in accordance with the prophecy.

Do not back up. Severe tire damage.


Posts: 14924 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Winnipeg
Want To Wake Up
Member
Member # 31583
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

..."i" whore!


Is that the kind that does lots of sexting on Apple products?

[This message edited by Want To Wake Up at 9:09 AM, September 29th (Sunday)]


Me 50+
WH 50+ (SlowUptake)
DDay '09
Latest TT... Nov '13 (not a typo!)


One man’s “fruitless conflict” is another man’s “meaningful discussion”


Posts: 470 | Registered: Mar 2011
HurtButHopeful?
Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, September 30th (Monday)

t/j
..."i" whore!

Is that the kind that does lots of sexting on Apple products?

Your idea is much more funny than what I meant!

It means that she spells her name with an "i" instead of with a "y" I guess her parents thought that would be cute, but to me it just looks like they don't know how to spell.
end t/j

Has your H told OW if she talks to him again he is going to report her for sexual harassment?


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
suposd2btheonly1
Member
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I asked him if there was any way that he could request he not train her. Up until this point, after the last layoff, it was just him and his supervisor. His supervisor is badly disfigured due to a car fire when he was a child. So his supervisor is training her on some things but when it comes to the things that require more arm mobility my H has to help her bc his supervisor lacks that physical aspect of the job.

Still why put her in that dept after all this? Idk but it pisses me off.

H said that there is very little talking and she hasnt tried fishing since his first day back. When they do have to interact its business only. I really do believe that hes not talking to her other than work stuff. But I am still really irritated that shes working in his area now. I hope he can get a transfer soon


Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 32