User Topic: Befriended by OW
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, September 27th (Friday)

In my situation, the OW planned a "chance encounter" to pretend to meet WH and I. So we "met" and became friends, our two families. We got to know each other, exchanged numbers, social media, and kids birthday parties. I thought I had met a new friend. Our kids like each other. Why in the world would she want to become my friend? I just think this is so sick and cruel. I never believed there were people in the world this hurtful.

Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:00 PM, September 27th (Friday)

Disgusting. Check Out The Sociopath Thread In I Can Relate Forum.

I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I just looked, but I'm not seeing it. Is it under another title? Thanks for directing me to it. I'd love to read it!

Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, September 27th (Friday)

I can't find the Sociopath thread, either, Amber. However, it maybe on page 2 and for some reason I can't get to page 2.

But, many OW's do this. The OW called me (I didn't know it was an OW) years after my FWH ended the affair (didn't know he had an affair) and said it was a former employee of FWH and was just calling to catch up with him.

OW talked to me for about 45 minutes, telling me all kinds of personal shit about itself, and all its woe is me stories. OW invited me to meet it for coffee. I said maybe, but I had no intention of meeting up with this needy stranger that just dumped all its shit on me. I felt very sorry for it and thought it was pathetic, still didn't want to be friends with it. Could tell it was an emotional vampire.

From what I have found out about OW in my "research" and what FWH tells me and what OW told me itself, OW very much fits the sociopath profile.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 4:04 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

Yikes, Amber.

What an evil harpy. Was your WH in on this vile plan?

Screw that broad.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 5:25 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

Yes one of my exwh OW befriended me also, became one of my close confidants.

She used this to get inside info on our relationship and plot her strategy to 'get him'. It's disgusting.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1361 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 6:02 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

Yup. xOw1 met MrH when she stopped by the station to meet her BH. I later learned she was attracted to him immediately. So she had her BH invite us over. Their plan was to talk us into partner swap. He's only betrayed in that I didn't screw him.

She cultivated a friendship, then when MrH refused the bh's suggestion to swap, she began weaseling us into fights. Whatever we had begun fixing in our M, she helped dredge back up. We fell right for it. Once she divided, she set on the conquer aspect.

It is unfathomable to normal people how someone could do that.

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Member # 29130
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

FWH and ow2 arranged for our families to meet and become friends, although I was introduced to her about 6 weeks before we decided to do family stuff together. It certainly is twisted

Me: BW Him: WH
Married: 12 yrs
2 DDs and DSs all under 10
2 Affairs - 2010 year long PA/EA, 2008 2 month online EA
Multiple D-Days

I can only control myself, no one else. I do not have that kind of power.

Posts: 4509 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Back home again in Indiana
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

I'm not shocked about much anymore. My H met many of his OW on craigslist. After DDay, I started going through the ads that he would read to see what kind of people post hookups online like that. I came across one post from a woman that was married. She specifically asked the responder to become friends with her BH, come watch football at her house with her BH, then during the game she would go to the kitchen to make snacks and the responder should join her in the kitchen so she could sexually favor him while her BH was in the other room. She then wanted the responder to watch her kiss her BH after she got done blowing a stranger in the kitchen.... she gets off on that.

There's a LOT of really twisted people out there. And you know the saying "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer". She was keeping you close so she could know what was going on, and possibly to feed you information to talk you into a D when she wanted your WH to be hers. She also likely wanted the power of knowing how to get in touch with you so she could threaten WH to expose the whole thing if he didn't continue to see her. It's actually quite a common ploy.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this!

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 40150
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

The OW went out of her way to leave me a hand written note at my kids preschool. Normally she would have play date with my H and didn't contact me directly. At one point she left me this note about setting up a play date. I thought it was strange that she was trying to be friends. This was after a point in time when I was suspicious so I think she was reaching out to me in hopes of making her "friendship" with my H seems genuine. I will admit at the time I thought "she wouldn't want to be my friend if she was interested in my H". How stupid am I? Dday was a week before the scheduled play date.

Me BW 41
Him WH 35
2 kiddos elementary school age
Married 11 years
05/20/13 let the rugsweeping & TT begin
07/01/13 finally!! The whole truth. Admits to EA/PA

Posts: 79 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

Wow amber...that's just wrong on so many levels. I'm just thinking its a way to "safely" be around your ws, maybe get you to eventually confide in her about your M, and just getting to be an invited fly on the wall if you Kwim? Stupid bitch and yes sociopathic personality. Ppl like her are scary to me.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

My WH and OW were still "just" friends (actually, they were probably EA by that time) when we started doing things as couples. They went PA a few months later. OW and her BH were at our home; we were at theirs; we would go out for dinner together. When WH and I moved to a city 2.5 hours away, OW and her BH would come visit; we would visit them.

I can see my WH accepting drinks from OW's BH. I was similarly extending warm hospitality to OW. She would ask me for advice on techie stuff, which I would share. She would bring her homemade strawberry jam, in exchange for a jar of my homemade blueberry jam. Stuff like that.

And all this time, through all the hospitality on both sides, WH and OW were screwing behind BH's and my backs.

This is one thing that makes me absolutely nauseous. How could OW and WH pretend to be friends with their each other's spouse while boinking each other at every opportunity? It blows my mind.

Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA

Posts: 408 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Member # 40778
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

So many things bother me about this, but one thing that sticks out in my mind is the warmth and friendship I showed her. It would one thing if he told her how terrible I was and then she met me and I really was terrible, but I showed her warmth, smiles, prayers, and friendship. So it is beyond me how someone could continue that behavior to someone who has only been gracious to them. It just sickens me and ruins my view of anyone else I'll ever meet. I'll always wonder what their motives are.

Dday June 2013

"What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 6:38 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

I had this experience also. OW is not married but has adult children. We used to go to her house and she would come to mine. I honestly thought thy were just friends. She even told him how happy he was that our families were friends.
All along they were having an EA. When I discovered it the 3 of us got together and she agreed that she called him too much and would back off. She even mentioned the EA!! It never stopped....instead it intensified.
They still work together in the same office.
I suspect she's BPD or histrionic and he's been diagnosed as NPD.
Why would she want to be my friend? She actually told me he was a lousy father, etc. Why would she tell me that?
They are all nuts.....

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 3:21 PM, September 29th (Sunday)

Mine WH and OW did this also. I think they both got a high out of all of us being in the same place, and me not suspecting anything.

Plus, XWH used to go on and on about how he thought OW was a lesbian. I agreed, yes, she must be, clearly. I think that was also part of the game.

D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.

Posts: 3415 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:28 PM, September 29th (Sunday)

OM did this, though it was online. Pretended to be someone else when he did it, since I had asked my wife to stop talking with the guy because I was uncomfortable with it. Pretended to be a friend for a good long time.

Why did he do it? I guess so he could intrude on another part of my life and be able to see inside my head. Dunno. Got enough crazy, I don't want to make myself some more working out those machinations.

"You have insulted my footwear."

Posts: 7488 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:49 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Wow, that is just pure evil.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 1:55 AM, September 30th (Monday)

What an effing psychotic, self-righteous biatch.

When I called OW to confirm some details, she tried to be friendly...I destroyed the expensive gift she sent to my husband and hung up on her.

There's not a friend-worthy hair on her cheating head.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, September 30th (Monday)

but one thing that sticks out in my mind is the warmth and friendship I showed her.

I think when the OW is someone close-by, this is a pretty common tactic. Sad to think these trojan horse friendships are nothing more than a means to an end and have such destructive consequences for us....far beyond the decimation of our marital relationships.

I think it says a great deal about you...that you took the time to extend warmth and friendship...and that it was authentic. I'm sorry it was wasted on someone with bad intentions.

Trust is pretty hard to come by, and I hate to think that these people who can not be trusted, could ruin it for those who are trustworthy.

I am planning to order a new book as I often have to remind myself about things I have learned, or learn something I missed. I need to reinforce the kind of thinking that maintains my sense of hope and keeps me from shutting people out entirely.

It may or may not be of use to you at this time. But I'll share anyway so you can check it out and see if it might be helpful to you.

Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud & John Townsend

BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one

Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
New Member
Member # 40533
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Yes. I can relate. We are living overseas with a small US community...and we all became friends. I think the A would be a hellavu lot easier for me to deal with if I didn't know the bitch. I think back to parties, events, etc, where we were all together and it makes me sick to my stomach. I never really felt a strong connection to her (gee, I wonder why?) but I really got along well with her husband. So f'ed up.

Me: 38 yo BW
Him: 40 yo WH
2 daughters (8, 5); married 15 yrs
DD: 6/2/13 (5 mo EA/PA with coworker)

Posts: 49 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 17090
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, September 30th (Monday)

What Kickboxer said happened to me too. I called OW to find out whose number was all over my phone bill. I got details on the A that WH would not tell. Then OW told me she hoped the two of us could be friends! I hung up on her.

She had some twisted desire to destroy me and my family and would stop at nothing to make it happen.

[This message edited by dayatatime at 8:04 AM, September 30th (Monday)]

BS 52
WH 55
son 13
ddays 9/27/07 and 9/1/10

Posts: 764 | Registered: Nov 2007
Topic Posts: 21