Off Topic
User Topic: Damn!
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

It's a beautiful Saturday morning. A little over an hour ago, JM and ds14 left to go to get some parts to work on our vehicles. A couple of minutes later, ds14 called me. "Mom, somebody just wrecked on B... Street. Dad says you need to get here!" I could hear the panic in his voice.

I threw on some clothes, grabbed a box of gloves and whatever 1st aid stuff I could find. It was just a mile from our house. It was horrible. A car with 2 brothers was driving WAY too fast, almost clipped JM and lost control, hit a power pole and flipped a bunch of times. The driver was ejected. By the time I got there, some yahoo from the house where it happened had pulled the other guy out of the car.

EMS was getting there at the same time but they needed more hands. I held this young man's head in my hands and watched him gasp for breath. He never opened his eyes. He had head injuries, multiple traumas. After we got him on the board I went to his brother. He had multiple broken bones but was alert, talking. I held his head. He kept asking about his brother.

They were both airlifted. I'll be extremely shocked if the passenger makes it. They were bagging him as the ambulance left to meet the helicopter.

It's so damn stupid. Why were they driving so fast? This kid is going to have to live with the fact that he killed his brother. My kid is going to have to remember what he saw forever. He's only 14. He shouldn't have to see someone dying in front of him. He shouldn't have to see blood and God knows what all over the road.

I've been a nurse for 25 years and until April had never witnessed or assisted with something this traumatic. Now it's been twice in 6 months. I'm sad and angry and my head hurts. I want to comfort my son and shake him at the same time, and say "Do you understand that this could happen to you???"

One thing...I'm pretty sure it's cured his overwhelming desire to start driving as soon as he turns 15.

Y'all pray for these young men. Pray for their parents. Pray for my son and for me and JM.


Oh, and hug your babies if they're close to you.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2778 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

(((HFSSC, JM, son, and kids)))

Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11584 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, September 28th (Saturday)

Prayers said for all.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 69
DS - 13
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24591 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 2:01 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

God blessed (or cursed) me with a phenomenal memory. I remembered the phone # the driver gave to a bystander to call his dad. So I called him a little while ago.

Told him who I am and that we tried our best to help his sons. That I'm a nurse and held both of his sons' heads in my hands. Prayed over them. Talked to them and never left them alone.

The younger one died. His name was Krystofer. He was 21 years old. His brother was driving and will most likely be okay eventually (physically at least). He is 24.

The father told me he was grateful to hear from me and comforted to know we did everything we could.

My heart hurts so much. DS14 keeps alternating between crying on my shoulder and telling me he is numb and can't feel anything.

Thank you all for letting me process this here.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2778 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 21761
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

Thank you for being there for the two boys. RIP Krystofer.

"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." - Boris Becker

Posts: 6101 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: California
Member # 1822
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

Bless you for being able to give that message to their father. I'm so sorry your family had to witness this.

Divorced 9/2010
Just married 7/4/13

Posts: 4083 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Twin Cities
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

(((HFSSC, DS, driver, and driver's family)))

I am so sorry. Please give your son a hug for me. I'm sure those parents are thankful that someone as loving as you, was there for their boys. My heart goes out to all.

Posts: 35822 | Registered: Mar 2011
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

My sister died along the side of a road. This has triggered me. I am so sad and crying for everyone. For all the loved ones lost. My baby sister was only 29. No one was at her side to help her. Thanks, HFSSC. Thanks for being you. Thanks for calling the father, I am sure that will be a comfort for him to know in the future.

I am so sorry that you DS14 has been traumatized in such a way. My heart is breaking for him, too.

Hugs to all!

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9795 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

I am sorry this triggered you. It is just sad and heartbreaking all the way around.

I am sad that my son had to see this, but glad that he saw his parents willing to get on their knees, roll up their sleeves and help total strangers with compassion. That we're people who are willing to do the right thing. And that my son has parents who will help him grieve and process this in a healthy manner.

Just.... for you, for the boys, for their family, for your sister, for my family. All of it.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2778 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 6:47 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

I'm a nurse too......worked in the ER for a long time. Seeing this stuff -- witnessing this profound grief -- you never get used to it.

Krystofer's family will take comfort knowing you were there...that you thought to pray over their son, hold him, and do your best to comfort him. Even if they don't believe in prayer -- just knowing he wasn't alone will go a long way in helping them cope with the pain.

I witnessed the traumatic death of my brother when I was 5 years old -- he was 9. To this day, my parents grieve his death. I don't think it matters how old your child is or how long they've been gone, the hole left behind in a parent's heart can't ever be filled.

Hearing about tragedies puts much of the pain of my husband's infidelity into a different perspective for me. I pray we are able to overcome the betrayal, and never have to face this horrible heartache.

Prayers to your family.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, September 28th (Saturday)

Wow. Sending prayers for the family.

(((HFSSC))) I'm so glad you were there for them.

Posts: 11742 | Registered: Mar 2008
Member # 10798
Default  Posted: 11:16 PM, September 29th (Sunday)

HFSSC--your post gave me the chills. Makes one realize how fragile life can be. I'm so sorry that your son had to see what happened and so terribly sorry for the family of those boys.

But even more--it makes me so very thankful that there are people like you, kickboxer and the zillions of other nurses, doctors, police officers, firemen and women, EMS/EMT, first responders, last responders and every other kind of responder to people in trouble, in accidents,--in NEED. I could never, ever be one--I'm not brave enough, tough enough nor smart enough. I am in awe of you and people like you that take care of the rest of us.

Act as if what you do matters. It does. William James

Posts: 2125 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Midwest
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, September 30th (Monday)

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7675 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Sad. I'm so sorry.

D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
Member # 33338
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Just following up.

Yesterday, we all just hibernated. Didn't go to church (which is extremely unusual for us.) We just could not face the conversation over and over.

DS14 asked me to watch Finding Nemo with him. So I did. He told me about 15 times how much it meant to him. I thought about how many times he and his brother have asked me to play a game or watch a movie, and I've been "too busy." God help me, I hope I am never too busy again. Because you just never know when it will be the last chance you get.

He asked me last night, "Mama, did I watch someone die yesterday?" I said that while Krys had technically still been "alive" at the scene, he did not survive and was likely brain dead at the scene. He looked at me and said, "How am I going to get through school tomorrow when this is all I can think about?" Today is their ROTC uniform day, and all I could think to tell him was that when he puts the uniform on, he can remember what it stands for, and that he is a part of something big, bigger than him. And that he can draw his strength from that.

I emailed his teachers and they were wonderful today... just giving him some space and a chance to get himself together when he needed. And his ROTC Colonel took him aside and shared some personal stuff that really made an impact on him.

Turns out that these boys were fairly well known to law enforcement as meth users. They were most likely high or coming down off a high. It makes me sad that such a young life was snuffed out for something so stupid. It makes me angry that for a few seconds difference in the timing, they could have taken my husband and child with them.

As it is, there are about 10 people who witnessed or were directly involved in trying to save these guys. And we will never be the same.

I sure hope I can sleep tonight. Every time I close my eyes, it's an endless reel of the wreck in April that I witnessed, and the scene from Saturday. Holding that boy's head, wiping blood from his face and telling him to hang on.

Dear Lord, this sucks so bad.

Thank you to all who have commented and/or read and prayed or lifted us up in your thoughts. It's greatly appreciated.

Me, 47
Him, 40 (JMSSC)
married 17 years. In R. We are making it. The past does not define who we are today.

Posts: 2778 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: South Carolina
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I just want to hug you, JM and DS and make it all go away. I am so sorry.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9795 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
tired girl
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, September 30th (Monday)


This post has had me crying since this minute you mentioned two brothers.

I am so sorry you and your family had to witness this and were involved. OTOH, I am glad those boys had someone like you that was there.

It made me cry because it is the very thing that scares me so badly with my youngest. It is the world he is involved in and the call that our whole family is scared of getting.

Thank you for being there for those young boys.

Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5060 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
Topic Posts: 17