Just Found Out
User Topic: Letter to OW
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

Below is a letter I am thinking about sending to other OW,
Hello, OW,
This is WH wife. Less than two months ago I found out about the affair you had with my husband. I have read the above interaction. I wonder what your job would say to the immoral action you have taken with a married man. Many places of business frown on such action and have morality clauses especially when people work with children.
Although you are quick to point out he did not take care of his business; woman to woman you did not either. I am sure that he was not the only one having sex. While you did not owe me anything the only person you were thinking of was yourself as well. You and he did not have any regard for me or the two children who would be affected by your behavior. Mother to mother all children find out our mistakes and the bad choices we made. One day she will know exactly how she was conceived and who you are as a person. Daughters emulate what we as woman show them, hopefully you now a better person then you were that night.
Before you had sex with a married man you should have looked up your states laws on alienation of affection. I have all the text messages especially the one where you said you planned the entire thing. I also have the phone record where you called our home as far back as 8 years ago.
There is not any need for contact until he receives the results of DNA test.

Should I even send this.

Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 12:32 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

I don't know. . . but it's good you wrote it. It helps you to sort out your thoughts (((storm77))))

Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
Member # 39357
Default  Posted: 12:33 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

I wouldn't send it. Never let the enemy know the angle at which you may strike. Should you choose to file suit for alienation of affection, catch her off guard when she's served with the papers. If the OC turns out to be your husband's child, you NEED to file an AoA suit. I'd go for the amount your husband is ordered to pay her for child support.

Posts: 350 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 12:48 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

Thanks, I am happy SI is here so I have support and a sounding board. It did feel good to write. I suppose I should write one where I call her all the bad names that are running through my head!!!!

Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Member # 40474
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

Writing something like this to the OW is definitely cathartic. Sending it would be Not Good. "Accidentally" sending it would be Not Good.

Anewday78 is correct:

Never let the enemy know the angle at which you may strike.

Me: early 60s
Him: 65 yrs old, LTA w/a pro$titute
Married since 1980, no children
DDay: Feb. 25, 2013
Trickle Truth Days: Sept 10, 11, 13, 15 (2013)
His affair--says it was only 8 times 1x/mo, then found out it was 7 YEARS 2-3x/mo or maybe ever 4x/mo

Posts: 359 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: out west/west coast U.S.A.
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

Thanks again for your advice. I did not send it and will be writing another one as I have a lot to say to this person. I will not be sending that one either. Just helps to get all my feelings out. I know that the day will come where I will give her the level of attention she deserves and that is none.

Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

I wrote to OW also. It was very helpful! I never sent anything, but I got those issues off my chest.

I very much hope that the results of the DNA test mean NC forever for you and your H.

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
Member # 39532
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

I've written many angry emails to the OW, but only sent one (immediately after DDay) The rest have been cathartic exercises, giving a voice and direction to my anger and pain, with no intention of ever sending them. I find it helps to vent that way.

BS 35
WS 31
DD, only child
DDay: 06/09/13
End of TT/Full Disclosure 07/08/13

Reconciling. A stronger marriage now.

Psalm 37. It rocks my world. So does 140. Big guy upstairs has got it all figured out.

Posts: 230 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Here and there...
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

I have heard from someone that the OW was ready for a show down with me bc she was my friend. Guess what? She's not gonna get what she wants!!!!

Ask a question on here about contacting HR at her work, I think some people DO recommend it and they can tell you what they did. No heads up to her - she's the enemy!

I would def go for the a of a lawsuit. Go see an atty now for a free consult -- do not even tell your H in case he goes back to her one day-sorry to say that, but it would be a great surprise attack - one that would possibly catapult him back into reality if he strayed again. We are so used to telling our spouses everything, but for now you have to be shrewd.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 9:45 AM, September 29th (Sunday)]

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2202 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 40617
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

My 17 year old daughter, private messaged her on FaceBook and spewed forth all the pain, anguish and devastation that we were experiencing because of her adulterous affair with her father. It did NOT make one bit of difference. In fact my WS went berserk and yelled at us. Like the Posts here say, DON'T SEND IT, be content to vent and put all your anger down on paper. Take solace from the comments here, they are helpful.
Good luck on your journey, it is an uphill battle, but remember surviving is fuel for your self-esteem.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, September 29th (Sunday)

First of all, never write emails as such, even if you never intend to send them. Write your thoughts and letters on paper, in Word, or your Notes. Emails can be sent accidentally.

I think that other than NC letters, I would not send any tangible contact. Texts, calls with ID, emails, written letters etc can be used against you. My only contact, in which I let her have it, came face to face. With only my H as witness, it is her word against mine as to what was said. Sociopath OW does not need anything from me to obsess over or use against me. Really think about how she would use any contact. You might intend it to be informative, questioning, supportive of your M, or condemning. Possibly, maybe probaly, she will not perceive it as you intend and she will use it, even quietly, to further her delusion of relationship with your H and her "win" against you.

Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.

Posts: 1526 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Member # 40277
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Thanks for all the info. I spoke with a friend on the phone about sending anything and she basically said the person I would be writing to was irrational and a loser. They do not care about the pain the caused and would probably want to fight you after receiving such a letter. I find it funny that she would have a reason to be angry with
My husband sent her another no contact letter and so far she has not sent anything else. I saw the letter and have access to all phone, passwords, facebook, and email accounts. I feel like I am checking up on a child and at some point I will have to trust him or leave as I do not have the energy to do this the rest of my life. I wonder when I will reach that point.

Me BS:35
Him WS:36
Kids 10 and 3
Embracing the furture. I know that I will be great no matter what the future brings.

Posts: 128 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Chicago
Topic Posts: 12