User Topic: Sex with ap
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, September 29th (Sunday)

My WS said that the only thing he enjoyed about sex was how it made his ego feel. He didn't really like looking at her naked because it was awful. But because she moaned and acted like a pornstsr he felt good. Ow told me sex with my wh was amazing and he lasted forever but WS says it was short and not that great.
I obviously don't believe him:( were any of your spouses honest about how the sex was?

Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, September 29th (Sunday)

I wish I knew. He says it was horrible and he didn't cum. I don't have a clue what to believe and just basically decided to not hold my breath in anything anymore.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 23769
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Sex can be great for one partner and not so great for the other but....

You can never really know (unless you found video or dated emails) how it really went down. For me just knowing my H had sex with someone else was enough detail.

Married 1998, 2 kids
D-day3/27/09,he left 5/23/09
WH wants to rebuild 3/21/10
He moved back in 9/25/10,
Dec, 2011-finally putting it all together, H had multiple affairs.
Possible porn addict for 15 yrs.
01/2014- in house separation

Posts: 3280 | Registered: Apr 2009
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, September 30th (Monday)

He won't tell me...I will never know the true story..I sometimes wonder if anyone gets it entirely. I would prob not believe a word the ow said though...
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5130 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 39858
Default  Posted: 2:20 AM, September 30th (Monday)

He won't share any of those details with me.

He says he can't remember, but it feels like he just wants to keep it all to himself instead. His own little fantasty -- lived out, and kept a secret forever inside his mind so he can revisit whenever he desires for the rest of our lives.

I want to know everything.

BW - 42 (Me)
WH - 39 (2 ONS, 6m EA)
Married 13 years, 3 children
DD: 7/13/13
Status: Rugsweeping, I guess.

Posts: 248 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Somewhere Out There
Member # 34689
Default  Posted: 4:07 AM, September 30th (Monday)

It's not about the sex.

It isn't.

Truly great sex is found in truly great committed relationships.

You don't get that in a cheating relationship.

You do get thrills mentally from the risky behavior and by violating boundaries though. That is why it is capricious, why condoms don't get used, why people do things that you or I just can't fathom.

BH - Me - Late 30's (now late 40's)
WW - Her - Late 30's (now late 40's)
4 Children
Her - Love of my life...still is.
Reconciled - Partly...she can't get over it.
Her - Thunderstruck by what she did.

Posts: 1012 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: USA
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, September 30th (Monday)

XH told me how sex w/main OW was way, way better than w/me. Mind you, he was drunk, high & screaming his face off. This was followed by how I was only good for sex & that I sucked in bed.

I know how lousy sex w/XH was the last year+. So ... his great sex w/cum burping whore was prolly ... boring as hell. Other than the delightful, forbidden, cheating on the wifey aspect.

Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 762 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 6:47 AM, September 30th (Monday)

My WH said it wasn't that good because he felt guilty while he was doing it.
On the other hand, I heard him say to the MC at another time that he continued contact with OW because the sex was so good.
It is a big issue for me now.
I feel very insecure in bed.
I have verbalized this to WH, & he says no, its great for him. But that doesn't help, when I am constantly comparing myself to a woman who is much prettier, younger, thinner, & has never had kids. Even last night, during an intimate time, I almost started crying , thinking, did you do this with her, & I'm sure it felt better with her.

together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1396 | Registered: Dec 2012
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 6:50 AM, September 30th (Monday)

were any of your spouses honest about how the sex was?

How would anybody really be able to answer that? It seems like you are saying you already know the answer (the sex was great) and if they don't answer that way, they are not being honest.

I don't even believe in lie detector tests for this stuff. You can't know if somebody is being honest about that. Just my two cents.

Posts: 5760 | Registered: Apr 2006
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Everything I know about the act itself,I was told by the AP. WH told me nothing. He confirmed what I was told to be the truth.

I know he has thoughts and feelings about what he did. But he will never share those with me.

FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 7677 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Both wxh and whore said that he couldn't get hard, and when he did it wouldn't stay hard.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 7:52 AM, September 30th (Monday)

You know if it wasnt good in one way or the other ( physically or mentally) they wouldnt of kept going back.
But what was keeping them going back is what they have to figure out themselves so they don't repeat the behavior. Just my opinion.
Now my FWS was so ashamed he said he didnt get off. I told his AP that too but she said he did. Haha. I dont care either way just knowing she knew he was so embarrassed of fn her he said that made me laugh.
FWIW if the waywards keep saying blag blah happened I believe sometimes to live with themselves they start to believe that is what happened.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, September 30th (Monday)

I did not ask and never will. I did not want the gory details of their sex life. I have never had a problem with a guy before, so if he wasn't happy with our sex life, then that is on him. Not Me. I have enough mind movies to last me a lifetime without it. If he thought it was so fantastic then he needed to go be with the OW and not stay with me as far as I am concerned. I can only pray that the OW is sitting around mourning the loss of her love to someone that really didn't care when all was said and done.

M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Member # 16305
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, September 30th (Monday)

Youre never going to know the truth unless you were there or saw a video. Then you still wont be sure one of them wasnt faking it.

People tell you exactly who they are...why expect them to be what they are not ....will be divorcing the selfish creep.

Posts: 8384 | Registered: Sep 2007
New Member
Member # 40800
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, September 30th (Monday)

I had to beg for sex yet my SO had no problem having sex with other woman.I did not ask the details.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Michigan
Member # 28156
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I have no information about anything. Its all denials. It hurts me to consider it. My H was the most amazing lover I could ever imagine. It kills me to think Ow may agree. This was special. Now, its very different. Insecurities for me, doubt, and premature EJ for him. I researched it. Its 99 percent physcological.???? The doubts grow. I dont miss it afterall.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 3:57 PM, September 30th (Monday)]

a trigger yesterday

Posts: 944 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 40624
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, September 30th (Monday)

OW hasn't told me about the sex . . . Because thankfully I don't know her.

DH told me that during the years I was frigid and repressed (I took lots of hurt and anger or on him by being sexually lazy and uninvolved) the A sex was rock star quality.

He also told me (when he was still in the thick of the Affair post DDay - false R) that he and I were far more sexually compatible and I was better in bed than OW.

I believe him on both accounts. What disgusts me the most about the A sex was that he was still having cold, boring sex (but sex, nonetheless) with me.

Posts: 190 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From:
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Gawd I'm at the point where it better have been amazing sex to have risked everything important in your life for.

I don't believe what my WH says, I chose to believe my own version, but I am getting to where it doesn't bother me anymore.

BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
Member # 39712
Default  Posted: 4:13 PM, September 30th (Monday)

My WH had multiple one night stands (no LTA to my knowledge) and actually said he enjoyed sex with me more because I was more "adventurous" than the others minus his last encounter. Better or worse doesn't make a difference to me; the thought of him having sex with another person sickens me. However, I hope it was worth it to him because he may never have me again...still undecided at this point.

Me: BW (32)
Him: WS (31)-Multiple ONS
Married: 1/3/05 Together since 5/2002
D-Day #1-3/2009 (4 years after the fact)
D-Day #2 3/2013(he confessed to 3 more ONS, 1 the month I found out I was pregnant)

Posts: 66 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, September 30th (Monday)

Most people like sex. So it's safe to say it was good when our W's had it with someone else. Add to it the thrill of being new and wrong, and they may think it's incredible.

BUT in the end it's still a P going into a V. Not exactly something new. So when it comes to how our W's saw it, I actually believe in the end, most of them realize after it's all done, out in the open, and the novilty has worn off, it was cheap and just what I wrote: a P going into a V.

When we throw love and commitement, history and family, marriage and real life into the mix, the sex we have with our W's tops anything they had with their cheap AP.

Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.

Posts: 455 | Registered: Jun 2013
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 4:38 PM, September 30th (Monday)

The X never had sex with the OW (which means he wasted a LOT of money on viagra ) but in your case, I wouldn't take what the OW said as gospel--of course she's going to tell you the most hurtful things she can think of. I'd guess the sex was somewhere in between their descriptions, but as the others said, it's more about the titillation of illicit sex than the quality of their techniques.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20278 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, September 30th (Monday)

I think this is the one true detail I got... WSO said the sex with OW was amazing.

Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2253 | Registered: Feb 2010
Member # 40753
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, September 30th (Monday)

He says that he didnt know if it was good or just different but he knows that he didnt like how she moved bc she doesnt move like me, that she made noise but nothing like me. He also said that she looked terrible naked but for him he liked the attention she gave him, that she made him feel special. He said he felt guilty the whole time, when I asked how that was even possible to get off while being so guilt ridden he said "You can still get off" WTF???

I know my H is great in bed, we have a wonderful sexual chemistry and I know that the first time we had sex he went all out and tried so hard to make me get mine before he got his, and he still did and does. I also know that he did the same thing with her bc he told me.

For him all he says was that she made him feel special when I wasnt giving him that. I called BS bc I was the one planning surprise date nights, filling his car up with gas and getting his morning usuals to make his work days easier EVERY EFFING WEEKEND when I got off work at midnight. I would rub his back, set his work clothes out for him, make sure he had dinners ready for when he got home so he didnt have to cook, leaving cards or special treats just for him in his lunches please enlighten me as to how that little 22yo girl made you feel more special than your wife? Im convinced it was the way they could just go about 'business' without the actual daily life burdens that we encounter as spouses with families.

Sometimes I wonder that if I had an affair just to show him how much it hurts how he would react, maybe then he will 'get it' but the sheer thought of putting another person in my place of pain makes me sick

Me: BW 31
Him: WH 30
OW: 22yo whore who is still planning her wedding
Married 3yrs, together 5
4 kids, all boys 14, 11, 4 and 8mos...I hope like hell they don't hurt someone the way he hurt their mama
Dday: August 9, 2013
S, until his head

Posts: 206 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Topic Posts: 23