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Just Found Out
User Topic: I don't know if I can R again...
Fianna
New Member
Member # 40816
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

How do you deal with the confusion of the times you want to cheer him on for positive behavior, vs the times you lay awake on your bed Angry, feeling invisible and unimportant?
How do you deal with being starved for a pair of arms to hold you, make you feel safe, stroking your hair and whispering in your ear you are loved?

I feel so empty, and yet have to put the happy face for the kids, I am so angry at him and yet have to make an international trip for two weeks and play the happy couple to the world that is expecting us?

I feel so lost and lonely...


Fianna
"Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives."
Thomas S. Monson

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: SouthCali
Take2
Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 7:21 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

This is the emotional rollercoaster from hell - no doubt about it. Certainly don't envy you the upcoming trip - stay focused on the kids, the place, the company...?

And for R (again)... one day at a time, the answer will present itself in time.

((Fianna))


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4097 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Lolati11
Member
Member # 34915
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

It's ok to be angry ! take deep breath the trip will do you good trust me I was going completely crazy when I knew I ws going to be out of the country in a different time zone as well .I thought I wouldn't enjoy my time because I will be thinking about what WH is doing or who that trip was the best thing that happened to me .R is a hard thing ..just take it easy .Enjoy your trip you desreve it .Talk to him when you're down you need his support .


Me:33
Him: 50
OW: a monster that I called friend before
D-Day:June 20,2011


You made a fool out of me and she made a fool out of you


Posts: 141 | Registered: Feb 2012
self-rescuer
Member
Member # 35059
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

(((Fianna)))

Empty - such a sorrowful word.

Know that the days will get better. I am sorry that the process is so slow and takes so much effort.

You are strong. So strong. So very, very strong. Release your strength and let your inner power show.

Remember to post. Remember that we care.

Hugs to you


BW 52
WXH 55
married 26 yrs
D-Day 9-15-11

Divorce final 3-13-13

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
~ Goethe


Posts: 480 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: the south
Fianna
New Member
Member # 40816
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Thanks everyone! You made me feel loved a little! :)


Fianna
"Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives."
Thomas S. Monson

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: SouthCali
Fianna
New Member
Member # 40816
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Thanks everyone! You made me feel loved a little! :)


Fianna
"Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives."
Thomas S. Monson

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: SouthCali
lostcovenants
Member
Member # 40637
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

(((Fianna)))

Know that you are not alone. There is some peace to be found through prayer. I believe I can get through today. Tomorrow? I can't think about that yet...

Good luck on your trip.


BS - 59; fWH - 58 (yes, I believe he is a fWH now!)
2 grown children, 1 grandchild; Married 36 years, he is my only
D-day 7/8/13; Married OW, PA 2009-2011(updated tt) sexting with same OW 2012-2013. Broke it off about a week before I found out. Ina

Posts: 84 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: USA
Whatdoido333
Member
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Enjoy your trip. Know that you are not alone. There's so many people out here going through this. You will get through this and come out stronger in the end.

Posts: 114 | Registered: Aug 2012
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 2:46 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

(((Fianna)))

So sorry you are back and that you are hurting. I am. I wish you weren't here.

It is okay if you don't know if you can R again...

It is.

Don't put that pressure on yourself right now. You gave your WH the gift of a 2nd chance and he chose to disregard it.

Does he say why? What is different this time vs. last? Patterns of behavior are hard to break.

For some reason he felt more compelled to cheat than to honor you and his marriage. Until he figures that out and wants to change, he won't change.

Gently, you owe your children an example of a true marriage not one based on lies and infidelity. What lessons do they learn from that? Be strong for them if nothing else.

You don't have to play happy couple. Play, I will tolerate your ass wife and he better be damn thankful you are willing to do that.

Stand strong and demand more for yourself, your family and your sanity.

Hugs and prayers


If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

Posts: 835 | Registered: Apr 2013
Fianna
New Member
Member # 40816
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

You know, reading from all of you that is ok to not know or put pressure on myself...

I have been seeing a therapist and he is seeing the same one, and once he feels we are ready we will start going together. ifaith, therapist says his inability to believe in himself vs the man he compares his own self to causes him to make this poor choices going after something he refuses to believe is in our relationship. His broken self is sooooo hurried deep inside that he cannot see last his nose of what is good around him, and has treated our relationship as such.

I have been working for the first time on this 180 and I realize for how long I did not protected myself or stood up for me. That is one of the things that makes the whole R thing so confusing.

But you are all right and I accept your counsel... I will go and have an amazing trip, recharge and regroup, and then come back face therapy and the scary prospect of truth... And after that I will make a decision on my future and that of my children... I will post if I feel in crisis! Lol no access to my therapist in South America!!!


Fianna
"Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives."
Thomas S. Monson

Posts: 7 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: SouthCali
1Faith
Member
Member # 38975
Content  Posted: 2:21 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Fianna

Good for you. Sounds as if you have a good course to travel (no pun intended).

One day at a time. Your truth will reveal itself to you. It will.

I am glad you are both seeing a therapist, however, IMO, the therapist's job is not to explain your WH's actions.
If it gets too one sided for you (all about the WH and not about your healing) then you may want to find your own IC. Just a thought.

Have a blast on your trip. You can't change the past but you can define your future.

(((hugs)))

[This message edited by 1Faith at 2:35 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]


If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill

Posts: 835 | Registered: Apr 2013
Getting to Happy
Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Travel safe dear Fianna.

(((((Fianna and kids)))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1138 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Topic Posts: 12