User Topic: Do a lot of BS's have the same personality type?
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I know we all don't but I was just wondering because of the few people I've spoken to that were betrayed are a lot like me.
Excellent work ethic, would do anything for their family, friends and spouse. Highly organized almost OCD. Driven. Puts themselves last. Love language is the act of doing things like I mowed the lawn because I new u were tired etc.
Instead of my husband being thankful he always criticized my smallest flaws to make himself feel better, put me down to other people, would never help me and procrastinate everything. His love language was physical affection which I lack mainly because of the way he treated me. At the beginning our relationship I was affectionate. He never felt he was good enough for me so he didn't even try.
Just curious on the personality type of the bs and ws.

Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Well, other than the work ethic, I am very unlike your profile. I am the procrastinator. Very un OCD, and my husband never really criticized me for anything. The personality type probably does determine how we handle this revelation though.

Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I feel that many BS's tend to be the co-dependent type personality. I know I am/was. Trying very hard to break and change those co-dependent habits.

BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I feel that many BS's tend to be the co-dependent type personality.

I think this is more accurate.

We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Sad - sounds just like me. But My H who isn't all that really thinks he is. His ego is astounding.

Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 40208
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I am a little bit of a procrastinator. But I'm loyal and fierce when it comes to my family. I'm jealous, have low self worth and insecure at times.

I'd say I can be a perfectionist but when I'm not succeeding at that I am a procrastinator. I put myself last usually. My kids come first.

BS (me) - 44
WH - 46
DD - July 1, 2013
2 daughters, 14 and 10

Posts: 102 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Southwest
Member # 36597
Default  Posted: 11:47 AM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I (BS) are similar to you. My WH is a procrastinator, complainer, critical, etc

Posts: 118 | Registered: Aug 2012
Member # 29358
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I would meet your criteria except for live languages. I am/was also codependent.

Me - BW 40
Him - FWH 39
Her - MOW 47 Fat Assed Toothless Man Faced Whore!!!

DD#1 July 28, 2010 Admitted to EA. A went underground.
DD#2 August 19,2010 Admitted PA

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Michigan
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Co-dependant, definitely. Can't say no to anyone which means I always bite off more than I can chew. I'm not OCD. I'm not organized, I get overwhelmed easily,. I'm fiercely loyal, I always keep my promises no matter what, except to myself. Ws gets upset because he doesn't keep his word if it causes an imposition to him, he says..f**k it and I'm like, no I said I would do it, even if it takes me til 3am. This causes problems between us. I'm scattered and misplace things. He's the organized one and a creature of habit. My car keys could be anywhere, his are in the same spot.. He is very critical of my disorganization but if I only had to worry about myself, I could prob keep better track of my things. Im always juggling with 15 balls in the air. I avoid conflict and am a huge procrastinator with my own stuff.
I've been told by 2 IC that I have A.D.D.
Not sure if I do, I think I just would rather take care of other ppls things so I don't have to deal with my own. When there's an event, ppl tell me a false time, like an hour before because I will prob be late.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 1:06 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)]
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5134 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 40141
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

You and I sound a lot alike. I am not super organized, but other than that, your description sounds a lot like me. Wh even told me that he never thought he was good enough for me. I still don't understand why he wanted to marry me if he thought that...

M 7 years, together for 12
2 kids- DD4 and a newborn
D-Day 7/2013 he didn't want R and moved in with OW
Filing for D

Posts: 155 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: California
Member # 40699
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I think maybe because a lot of Bs are co-dependent. I realized recently I am in every shape and form. I also think both Ws and I are "love addicts". He has abandonment issues and seeks validation from various women (most of which are older). Discovering all this has helped me accept his infidelty a little more. We are both working on our seperate issues and our dysfunctional relationship. I'm glad he is on board or at least appears to be that way for now.

Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Member # 25624
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I'm super organized with a great work ethic. But I am def not an enabler or co-dependent

Your ex wanting to be friends is like asking a kidnapper to stay in touch when they let you go.

The type of fierce loyalty that I possess made me incapable of comprehending the level of disloyalty that he possessed

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Charlotte, NC
Member # 40359
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

This is me to a T! Minus the H criticizing, he never did that.


Posts: 129 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 32211
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

Dear goodness Painfuljourney, you just wrote my biography! Lol!!

What PainfulJourney wrote to a T! That's me!

BS: 40
WS: 42
Two boys 13/11
Married 15 years
Dday: too Many to remember. 3 significant OW and many "less"'significant OW. Believe WS has bad boundaries and craves the attention.
In R.

Posts: 883 | Registered: May 2011
Member # 27105
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I agree with Sister Milkshake, I think many BS are or become codependent because of the pre dday A behavior of the WS.

Our specific personalities may differ, but many BS's who don't immediately kick the WS out do tend to become codependent in behaviors when they are desperately trying to save the M.

Posts: 1947 | Registered: Jan 2010
Sad in AZ
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I'm a slob; I take procrastination to an artform; I treat myself very well; I'm not co-dependent.

I sincerely doubt there is a 'type' of BS or WS.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Posts: 20287 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 6:36 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

You and I are twins! And yes my FWS was like your husband except her love language was quality time which mostly consisted of her bitching to me about her day, life, etc for hours.

Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2242 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

-Very neat, but not OCD.
-Do not put myself last.
-Have a huge allegiance to family and friends.
-Somewhat organized.
-Would never tolerate my WH criticizing my flaws or putting me down. He would receive a tongue lashing for sure.
-Am pretty self assured.
-Often outspoken.

Same personality type? No.

ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.

Posts: 2123 | Registered: Nov 2011
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 4:26 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Sad we are twins unfortunately.

"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1361 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 5:09 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

I'm very similar to you sad34.

And H also similar to yours,except the put downs weren't there until towards the end of the affair. Mostly I felt he just didn't notice me or my life or how I was feeling.And yes, the love language was physical affection - not completely, to be fair, but definitely skewed that way. Although when I asked him about this, how I could have been wearing sackcloth and ashes and he wouldn't notice, he replied that he wasn't a great one for saying things out loud, he had always admired me and the work I did, both inside and outside the family.

That's changed completely now, he always compliments me on whatever I do, and it actually feels like he wants to know all the detail of what I do, who I meet, where I've been. Not in an interfering way, just interested. And I make sure I do the same to him. all part of reconnecting after years of drifting apart, and it feels great.

Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Been thinking about this while at work today.
Yes I was always the one seemed too keep everything together, never said no to helping kids,friends,family,and had to be a temporary single parent to our 4 kids as H worked away a lot and worked long hours. But in all that, I realised even before d-day(he stopped the LTA several months prior to my asking for a D) that I had left very little time for us as a couple. Not realising what had been going on, but realising we were both unhappily married I said I wanted a D. While he was away for a break,I decided to write down what I thought the marital problems were-all 32 pages of it! And I tried to include where I knew I had gone wrong. When I handed it to him on his return and ask him to comment, I realised it was the first time in years we had really sat and talked. His replies weren't always what I wanted to hear, but what came out very strongly was my lack of time for my husband. We agreed to try one more time to make our marriage work,both got our heads out of our arses and had 7 months of bliss. Then d-day-BANG!But as our communication had improved,with the aid of a wonderful MC we have weathered the storm and are now doing pretty well most of the time.

[This message edited by overandone at 3:18 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)]

Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 230 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
Member # 40488
Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

I am definitely more like painful journey. I am not organized but I am more organized than WH. I kept everything together.
Kid.. Cooking ,home..bills plus professional work that requires me to work with high profile people and projects. But I have low self esteem issues. And after A they are in the gutter.. But with work and DD health issues I wasn't available. And he didn't really bother to help.

Me-BS 50 Him-WH 47, DD17
Together since 1993, Married 19 yrs
DDay 3/12,4/12,7/12 EA-PA OW - 25 single husband chasing bastard whore

Posts: 515 | Registered: Aug 2013
Member # 38805
Default  Posted: 5:01 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

I am not codependent. I am independent, I do my own thing and could financially and emotionally support myself, and possibly too much so for my WH. He feels I often left him behind and emotionally shut off when I was struggling with depression.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)


Does Awesome count as a personality type?

Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6750 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Haha wincing I would say yes

Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Topic Posts: 25