User Topic: the 'cost' of his A (vent)
Member # 34974
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I'm struggling, knowing that I have to live with the consequences of his cheating. As if the emotional fallout isn't enough, I have to live with the financial consequences too. I hate it. even moreso I detest knowing that DS is having to do without, even in some small way, as a consequence of fWH and his time with his whore

whilst in his A, fWH got fired from his job - 'cause he was taking so much time off to be with OW. We were apart at that time, and it's clear from the money he (and OW) spent, the spare time, energy, and more importantly space he had only served to fuel the A.

He had no debt prior to his A.

He is now, or rather, WE are now having to pay off his debt.
BTW ow didn't shell out much, it was fWH who was paying. He bought her a new mobile...her H had gps set up on her mobile, and was on her tracks it seems.

I hate that we're now having to cut back because of his A. It makes me so

me BW 46 WH 43
DS 7
DS's 21 & 19 (my boys - from my previous marriage)
Ddays 3&17/3/2011

Posts: 186 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: UK
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 6:39 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I have no advice but I wanted you to know you've been heard.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2242 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Member # 35862
Default  Posted: 8:08 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I know what you mean. I've never sat down and figured out the cost, but I'm sure if eveything was all rolled together it'd be in the thousands. That's not including the new ring I got

It's four years since the affair ended and and I feel like we're just now standing on solid ground again financially.

Hugs to you!

Me: BS 43
H : WS 46
DD #1 7-11-08
DD#2 8-21-09 same OW, A never ended.
Started R in 12-09
"If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, I should be able to bench press a Buick."

Posts: 677 | Registered: Jun 2012
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:32 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17846 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 39911
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this garbage! That truly adds insult to injury.

Me: BS - 58
Him: WS - 56
Married 34 yrs

Latest DD - April 2013, PA

Posts: 197 | Registered: Jul 2013
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, October 1st (Tuesday)

I totally hear you. It's just so unfair. I also think the cost of my WH's A was in the thousands. Many thousands. And his business was thriving. Now it's in the dumps and we have debt and a DD going to college next year. Sad that now we don't have reserves set aside to help her. Disgusting, in fact.

Add in all the costs since then -- the apartment, the counseling for us and for our kids, on and on and on...

It really gets me fried too!

So selfish... So totally self-serving. But, hey, he deserved it! If only I had been giving him what he needed, he wouldn't have "needed" to do this. Yep. That's right. Selfish much?

And that's my vent... (you got me going, sorry!) No advice to give, just empathy to offer.

Infidelity sucks.

Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 715 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
Topic Posts: 6