New Beginnings
User Topic: 10/02/01
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Twelve year ago, my rosey world (where I knew nothing of: being a single mother, of losing a partner, losing my "married with children status", sleeping alone, and the list can go on) came crashing down from one simple look at a phone bill.

Just one half a glance look at a phone bill after a nice day out with my mother and grandmother - and I sat on the toilet while my stomach fell to the floor in disbelief of what I suspected right then and there.

Who knew that the world as we know it can turn around in an instant and change FOREVER?

I sure didn't. I thought my past of being alone, scared and lost were behind me. Truly my ex-husband was my savior at the age of 19. He "saved" me from a life that I wont' get into, but nevertheless, it was not a happy one. I thought I had left all that behind.

We had 10 years of vacations, planning, wedding, kids, buying a home, laughing, building a foundation of our future....and BAM...he took all that and threw it in the trash for a woman who only knew for 2 months.

I cried like I had never cried before. I got skinny like I never had before. Went from 160lbs to 110lbs. People thought I was on drugs. My mom thought I was going to die of starvation. My poor kids - god only knows what emotional damage I did to them during those first two years. Good thing they had my mom here to help. I'm sure I did my best, but I know it was not good enough.

I literally thought I would die. I actually prayed for God to take me at that time because I could not take the pain.

Flash forward 12 years, and I'm a survivor. I have not only survived, but I've lived. I secured a great job, I raised two handsome young men and have been on top of their education as much as I could, I've traveled a bit, I've dated a bit. Now, more than anything I pray to God to not take me now or anytime soon. I pray to God to let me keep living the life I want live. I pray to be thankful for everything I DO have.

I have come to a point in my life where I finally don't "need" anyone anymore. I was constantly in search of a new partner because I thought I'd never be happy unless I had a partner. Granted I hope to have that again someday and I do get very lonely, but I am no longer broken. I am no longer in search of someone else to complete me. I am complete on my own. I am my own person and would only want to share my experiences with someone - not need to them to do an experience, if that makes sense.

I am just typing here, and have not re-read what I am going to post here. Its all from the heart.

I am glad to be ALIVE. I am glad to be FREE.

thank you SI for all your support over these years. I couldn't have done it without you.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Dear member number 209, thank you! Wow.

Thanks for letting us know about the light at the end of the tunnel.

BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Good for you, Click! I wish you every happiness.

Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 7829 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Yay Clicky!!!!!


Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Posts: 52770 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

#209! Wow.

Great post.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 7:50 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17592 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Member # 99
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

AWESOME, Click. I'm also about 12 years out, so congrats from #99!

"Anyone perfect must be lying; anything easy has its cost. Anyone plain can be lovely; anyone loved can be lost." Barenaked Ladies

Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: North Carolina
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Oh Click. this post makes me happy

But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler

Posts: 8462 | Registered: Apr 2008
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

You've done well, clicky.

I know your road hasn't been easy, but you're a testament to others here that life can be great after infidelity.



[This message edited by ajsmom at 8:35 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!

Posts: 21076 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15420 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Love ya, clicks.

Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17909 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Member # 29293
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Very powerful, thanks for posting!

BS (Me): 40 STBXWW (Her): 40
M: 15 Years, 2 Awesome Boys

Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Posts: 712 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Alberta
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Needed to see this today. Thank you for posting from your heart!

DDay 11/17/2010 BW:52

Posts: 3219 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Love this clicky.

You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana

Posts: 25850 | Registered: Aug 2011
Must Survive
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Thank you Click!

WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen

Posts: 799 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

thanks so much everyone. glad my post was helpful. I just typed it all out and didn't know it would have an impact. glad I shared my feelings today.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Thanks, click. I've hit DDay season (a couple of weeks after yours-- I'm two years out), and I've been very down. I needed a good dose of hope!

BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3623 | Registered: Oct 2011
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Need a clapping hand and some pom poms for this post. WTG!

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4792 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 30742
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Hugs, click4it. Hope we can have a drink/snack/dinner to 12 years soon!

Temporarily independent with the whole world at my feet.

Posts: 1260 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: California
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

thanks guys! Man I had such a shitty day!! My boss was a total B..told me she doesn't want to talk to me about an issue I wanted to bring up to her because she is cranky, but yet she was willing to talk with everyone else in the office and she gave me cold shoulder all day...and I had an argument with my son, which resulted in him pouting for 4 hours and had a lousy dinner out with my kids....

Ugh, let this day just be over.

Was trying my damnest to start this day out on a positive note, but it just didn't turn out that way.

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 13813
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Love you Click. You are great!

Married 18 yrs, together 25+.
D-day: 2/18/07.
1 child
The story doesn't really matter anymore. Time is a great healer. Life is good.

Posts: 2432 | Registered: Mar 2007
really trying
Member # 5311
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

glad to know ya clickity

Me: late 40's
XH: A parasite and that might be a compliment
My S-23, Our D-15
Married 5/93 D-Day: 11/18/03
Divorced 5/19/08

The future's so bright - I got to wear shades

Plant Seeds of Kindness

Posts: 10397 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: California
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Me: 42
Two boys: 17 and 14
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?

Posts: 25628 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 5:19 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Inspirational! thank you. So glad you're in a great place now

Me 46
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS11 & DD7)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 180 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:42 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I'm really happy to hear that you are in a good place (although sorry about your bad day! But hey, we all have those!!!)

You are a survivor and you have made tremendous growth since I first saw your posts on here years ago! Way to go!!!

Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15302 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Exit Wounds
Member # 32811
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Yay clickie!

Posts: 2486 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: With my dad...and my dog...
Member # 33539
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Thank You so much for this post!

For those now starting this journey it is so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's encouraging to know that the hell that is my current life will get better.

S, Filed 4/17/14--YAY, ME!!

Posts: 515 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: New York
Topic Posts: 26