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Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Holy Hell..Really
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

So as some may know there was broken contact... okay.. but this is what get's me..

Him: This isn't going to work because I don't trust you. You went in my phone. We will never get to a place of trust. I was really almost there in bringing you back home and getting so close to you and this just proves that you lie.

Me: Okay, well Im not taking the blame anymore for your shit. You were hiding from me that you were texting the OW again. But, I am the liar here and the one not to be trusted. Humm, okay. You know hon, its fine.

Him:How can we do this and still be the best of friends.
I don't want you to hate me.

Me: I don't hate you. I am not like you.

Him: Just so you know I cut all contact off. That was a test for you.

Me: Well fuck me. I have to be tested. So you set me up so we would fail. that is the stupidest thing I ever heard of. How old are you? I mean who does that?
Pretty sick.

Anyways, I left and I have to say this is sorta funny, I am made at myself for allowing myself to once again feel we were in R.

Just wanted to get that out. Pretty sick and funny to me.
I am just glad that I found out. Good Lord.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
ajsmom
Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

180 and hard.

No more conversations like this. They go NO WHERE.

He's still gaslighting, blameshifting and trying to get into the bakery.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
hexed
Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Can you say "BLAMESHIFT"!!!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8459 | Registered: Apr 2008
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Thanks AJ,
The bakery is CLOSED! The emotions are shutting down and I do know I am being gaslighted, blamed, disrepected.

Makes me sick that I believed him again. Its my own fault for trying to trust someone that cheated for years. Really thought we were taking the baby steps needed. Can we put a dunse cap on me and put me in the corner for being so foolish?


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

There was alot more that he said but I started to tune him out because it was such rubbish.

Before I would have been in a ball on the floor sobbing but now Im just like WTF? I guess after you put yourself in the cycle repeatedly it finally starts to get old and the light goes off that you don't have to put up with this shit!


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
suckstobeme
Member
Member # 30853
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

There is a point of no return and I'm glad your mind is seeing that you've hit it. Your emotions are a bit of a different story, but they will catch up. That takes more time.

In all seriousness, though, FTG! He's got a lot of nerve trying every which way to blame this all on you. A test? My ass. No one does that. No one. Especially not someone who is on the brink of losing his family in the first place. He got caught red handed and now just needs to blame someone else for the shit storm he's about to go through.

And, his idea of saying friends? That doesn't work and it will never work IMO with a marriage that ended because of infidelity. Maybe in a situation where the couple truly worked on it, both knew the issues, and just couldn't make it work. Maybe, in that situation once the dust settles, you can come to a place of friendship.

But not in our cases. Friends don't demolish your heart and soul and smile while they do it. With friends like that ...

Don't talk to him about relationship issues ever again. Stick to finances and kids if you have them. He doesn't deserve one more ounce of your emotions.


BW - me
ExWH - "that one"
D - 2011
You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.
Hard as it may be, try to never give the OP any of your power or head space.

Posts: 2840 | Registered: Jan 2011
Jrazz
Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 12:09 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

So proud of you, girl. You nailed the responses. I would have said the same things. Urgh.

(((Fw/L)))


Cherish those who seek the truth but beware of those who find it. - François-Marie Arouet

Posts: 17822 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
lieshurt
Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Him: Just so you know I cut all contact off. That was a test for you.

I would have said...And my looking at your phone was a test for YOU. Look who flunked again


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

What an absolute idiot. Good for you not falling for his sick bullshit. It's amazing to see how immature and idiotic a person can be.

Dealing with a person who talks in circles using lunatic arguments is crazy-making. I hope that conversation was the last of it's kind and from now on he only gets to tell himself (and any idiot willing to listen) all of the stupid shit he wishes you were willing to believe.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Thank you Jrazz.I love how you have supported me all these years.

Yeah it fucking PISSES me off that he feels he can blameshift it. Doesn't matter thru. He didn't love me or us enough to protect us from it again. Just shows the trype of man this A has made him.

But, don't you just feel stupid because I do. I mean here I was doing wifely things for him and thinking we were getting somewhere and then he has to set me up (which I know is not true)


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
LearningToRun
Member
Member # 31353
Default  Posted: 6:48 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Isn't it awesome when you finally see through the act? Now there will be moments of doub t, so hang onto this. This is true.

Be strong and move forward from this. He will never ever get it. Never.


Posts: 274 | Registered: Feb 2011
homewrecked2011
Member
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 7:08 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

I like how you were so strong and centered by calling him on his BS. He thought up this whole "excuse" before he ever texted her.

blameshifting chicken.


me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2206 | Registered: Jan 2012
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Thanks everyone.
I feel stronger then I have ever been. We do have to commuicate for our son everyday and for our grandson. But, that is fine. I don't have to feed into anything or deal with the crap anymore.
I feel a indifference now. It doesn't seem to bother me like it use to. He says something and it like uh huh, or okay and I just keep on moving.
Lastnight I had so much fun. The kids, myself and grandbaby played in they yard. DD and I were trying to tackle son playing a little football and grandson chasing us all around. I finally caught my son and got him to the ground. We all were laughing so hard. Wh just sat and watch because I had to meet dd with grandbaby at the house. Then we all talk (kids and I) and laughed. And then we left.
I need to get a house with a yard because I love being outside and enjoying the kids and grandbaby.

It's strange how ALL of a sudden, wh doesn't really mean anything except a father to the kids and grandad. This feels so good. I have no regrets for what happened. I see that it was suppose to happen to PROTECT me and make me see that he is a good father and grandad again but never a good husband.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Oh and I except that now. Damn took me years. lol. I have no hate in my heart. I love life and what God has blessed me with and lastnight I finally saw what matters again and fulfills me. My family kids and grandson.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 20 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"


Posts: 2791 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 14