SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
Divorce/Separation
User Topic: Divorce, remarriage and the military
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

I have a question concerning a friend of ours. I will try to give as much info as i can. (Skip to the *** if you dont want back story)

about 18 months ago, our friend J and his wife A seperated and started to divorce. A wanted to go to Cali to a culinary school there, and at the time J was ok with that. He was willing to work with A because at the time he did not know that she was cheating on him.

Come to find out, A was talking to a military man and it was found later that they were involved in a EA for quite some times.

A tried to get full custody to take their DD to Cali to live with this man she had never physically met, and J fought it. It was stopped because she had no residence, no job, and no family there to provide help to her. They would not accept this man's residence because she has never physically met him before.

Then the courts required that they go through a process that would determine who would get primary custody since it was being contested.

As a witness to a statement she made, I wrote a statement that A would 'rip her shirt up and hit herself, and then call the cops and say that J did it so that she would get custody if she had to.'

Further reporting determined that she was mentally unstable and was required to go through IC and evaluation before she would be allowed unsupervised visitation.

Fast forward to now. With all that done, A has now gotten engaged to her AP. He's an officer in the military and has shuttled her back and forth from Indy to Cali quite a few times, and they have been on vacations together - whatever.

***She stated to J that she will now use the military courts to get her DD to be with her in Cali now that she has a residence and will be enrolled into a school.

Is it even possible that the military would get involved just because she will be getting married to a military man?

What does J need to do for the upcoming changes in custody that may happen?

His parents are going to file for grandparent rights to try and help keep DD here.

And I am all for a mother and child staying together, but A is not right in the head. One of the last times she came home from Cali she said that this guy was a drunk and was violent, just not to her. (i was a third party, so i couldnt report that). Why would you want to take your child into that?

anyway, if anyone has any thoughts or help, that would be great.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
sparkysable
Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

***She stated to J that she will now use the military courts to get her DD to be with her in Cali now that she has a residence and will be enrolled into a school.

Is it even possible that the military would get involved just because she will be getting married to a military man?


I HIGHLY HIGHLY doubt it. She's not military, AP is. They are not going to want to touch this one with a 10' pole!


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3314 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Faithful w/Love
Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

She can threaten that but they will not get involved. Just because her yucky om is in the military doesn't mean shit. Plus, he wouldn't look good to the military for having an affair with a married woman.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

I HIGHLY HIGHLY doubt it. She's not military, AP is. They are not going to want to touch this one with a 10' pole!

Which is what I think to, but crazier things have happened in this world.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Plus, he wouldn't look good to the military for having an affair with a married woman.

And that was another question that J had. Should he send copies of the emails that he found to anyone should this actually get to a military court?


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

***She stated to J that she will now use the military courts to get her DD to be with her in Cali now that she has a residence and will be enrolled into a school.

Is it even possible that the military would get involved just because she will be getting married to a military man?

Undefinab13,
A military court only has jurisdiction of criminal offenses committed by a military member. Criminal defenses defined by the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).
UCMJ does not handle civil matters such as child custody, and especially doesn't deal with civil matters between two civilians. For example, if your friend or his wife were military, it wouldn't matter, the military courts would not assist in anyway with a child custody matter, only in criminal activity of the military member.
Now an interesting point! Though adultery is not a criminal offense in the civilian world, it is an offense according the the UCMJ.
So, no, your friend's wife cannot use the military courts to do ANYTHING dealing with custody against him.
However, if she is still legally married to your friend, her AP can be charged with adultery and cohabitating with a married woman. All you husband would have to do is find out who the chain of command is and he can contact them with his complaint, or he can get with the CID at that installations office and complain about the "crime".
Another interesting note, a military member can be charged, tried, and convicted of a felony criminal offense in both the military world and later in the civilian world. Hence double jeopardy.
I hope this helps!


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

They are legally divorced NOW, but when the seperated he found tons of emails of highly explict nature in her email.

Also, she took vacations after they were seperated but not divorced.

I dont know if those would be considered or not.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
GabyBaby
Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

A military court only has jurisdiction of criminal offenses committed by a military member. Criminal defenses defined by the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).
UCMJ does not handle civil matters such as child custody, and especially doesn't deal with civil matters between two civilians. For example, if your friend or his wife were military, it wouldn't matter, the military courts would not assist in anyway with a child custody matter, only in criminal activity of the military member.
Now an interesting point! Though adultery is not a criminal offense in the civilian world, it is an offense according the the UCMJ.
As a former member of the military- THIS!
Obviously A doesn't have a clue or is trying to bluff J into handing over the kids.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - R looks possible..

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6369 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
StillLivin
Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Sorry to say it, but if they are D now, then the command won't punish after the fact.
But, if the AP is in ANY way harrassing your friend, he can use both the civil courts, and the soldier's chain of command.
The military does NOT look kindly on their members making the military look bad. The military is very big on soldiers being "ambassadors" of the military.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2213 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 12:31 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

Sorry to say it, but if they are D now, then the command won't punish after the fact.


Well Poop...

There's no harrassment, and J actually feels sorry for the guy for getting involved with A.

their DD is precious though, and I hate to see what this will do to her in the end.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
Housefulloflove
Member
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

She stated to J that she will now use the military courts to get her DD to be with her in Cali now that she has a residence and will be enrolled into a school.

She's full of shit.

Former military wife here and the military doen't give a flying F about the custody arrangements between 2 civilians. If it doesn't DIRECTLY relate to the military member they truly couldn't care less.

She sounds crazy and is either very delusional or she thinks that J will be intimidated by her lies.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
jagged
Member
Member # 32317
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

How ridiculous! I can absolutely confirm that "A" is either terribly misinformed, or a terrible bluffer.

As this is not a UCMJ issue, military courts have absolutely NO legal jurisdiction. Likewise in ANY child support/custody, divorce, or other civil matters.

As such, there's no legal recourse for "J" here via the military justice system. He may want to send the new guy a link to SI, however, as there's a high probability that this guy will join the BH club as soon as he deploys...

[This message edited by jagged at 1:53 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]


One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that
So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks
For never to return

Posts: 333 | Registered: May 2011 | From: TX
Undefinabl3
Member
Member # 36883
Default  Posted: 7:43 AM, October 4th (Friday)

How ridiculous! I can absolutely confirm that "A" is either terribly misinformed, or a terrible bluffer.

No, she just thinks she is hot shit now that she has a Military Officer for a fiance.

DH, J, and I already have bets on how long it will last.

The only one in this situation that will get screw is their daughter.


Me: 31 MH
Him: 37 MH
New online find 6/19/14 - shit

Posts: 1717 | Registered: Sep 2012
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Veteran here

I remember receiving classes from base legal (S1) on this very thing.

If memory serves me right they have zip zero zilch jurisdiction over civil domestic matters like what you are describing. The one and only thing they do is provide guidence to military personel only about what paperwork they need to fill out, and what the process is for filing for D. They do not get involved with representation.

A is ignorant, bluffing, and completely full of shit. Don't buy the bully tactic. She has no power there.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 14