User Topic: Refusal to respond to money issues
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

My court case ended in 2010, with FT having NOT turned in his full financials. My attny busted him on the stand, and the judge gave him 90 days to get them all in so she could determine CS - which for us would include hefty medical, since the Bunt has Cystic Fibrosis.

FFWD - he has never turned in accurate financials, because he cheats in taxes and business, has several "side" businesses that he doesn't claim, and won't ever admit to his full income. In addition, to pay ANY medical for the Bunt since his diagnosis in 2008, he required detailed invoices of everything - even though I had full documentation of all expenses through online records and statements.

My attny never billed me a final bill - I know I got out of thousands upon thousands of dollars - but he also has all my medical records for 2008-2012.

The medical FT would owe for that 5 years would be around $5k. Not enough for me to pay the attorney for and fight with getting financials on FT - would cost me much more than that, which is FT's angle - has gotten him out of paying anything at all.

This year - I saved everything - every single receipt, invoice, etc... including invoices for extracurricular activities. My medical is now maxed out, so I sent an email (we communicate only through documented sources) saying I had everything, and that I am willing to split both 50/50 between us, without lawyers, and how did he want to handle it.

Crickets. It's been over two weeks, and I've gotten no response.

Meanwhile, they want me to switch days with them in November. I didn't respond to the email right away, and I just got another one asking that I please be considerate and let them know ASAP.

I guess he is thinking that if he ignores it, it will go away. We are talking around $1000 as his half of out of pocket expense for the year. Not a ton of money - but should be shared between us, and not all on me to be responsible for.

Grrrrrr - wondering how long to wait, and what to do if I get no response. It isn't worth involving a lawyer...

Just file a req for CS myself through the courts? My attny is still listed as my representation though - and our case is still listed as "active".

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
Member # 38405
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

File. Take it to court. And continue to ignore him on switching days like he is ignoring you.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 2:27 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)]

Once a cheater, always a cheater happens when your cheater doesn't have remorse.
Regret is not remorse- know the difference!

Posts: 640 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: DC
Member # 27071
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

So he sends you another request to change visitation dates and asks that you be considerate and respond to you asap.

I'd maybe copy whatever you sent him regarding splitting the out of pocket medical and copy his request 'that you be considerate and respond asap.'

Actually, not responding to him at all is best. I think that makes them more crazy than anything.

BW: 59
XH: 60
Married 34 yrs, LIBerated: 2/17/11
MOW: 50 (she said she wanted a sugar daddy; xh said, "I'M HIM!")
Actions ALWAYS have consequences. Too bad cheaters don't consider the consequences BEFORE they create so much damage.

Posts: 510 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Missouri & Massachusetts
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, October 2nd (Wednesday)

If you have a garnishment order the state might garnish the medical expenses since they are on going.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 8:00 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

We have nothing regarding money. He intentionally dragged it out so long, changed attorneys, until finally I just gave up on it, realizing that the back money wasn't worth the lawyer fees. However, our son has an ongoing, chronic disease, so yes - I do need to get something in place. Still haven't heard. I'm thinking I should have a time frame - like maybe Monday - send another email stating that he has... x amount of days to respond, or I will proceed.

I haven't responded at all about their request to switch days. Not planning to at this time. It isn't until November, so if I can wait - they can wait.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

At this point, it's not about the money. I would proceed through the courts. If he knows that you'll back down, he'll keep yanking you around.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7772 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 35288
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, October 3rd (Thursday)

I have a family member with CF and i know how difficult it can be for the family, emotionally, let alone financially. I'm sorry you're having to do this on your own. I hope your child is doing well.

So do you have any sort of custody agreement in place? What does it say about medical? Would your child qualify for state medical insurance, medicaid or disability? What about reaching out to a CF-focused non-profit for temporary help?

I agree with the others. You need to take this to court. You need to have CS and the other expenses go through child support enforcement and it needs to happen now. You can do this without an attorney.

This is not a standard case where you can just sit by and wait. Your child has a serious chronic condition that could require MAJOR medical interventions down the road that could even take you to the lifetime cap. What will you do then?

Remember, these services aren't in place to screw over the negligent party or make them look bad (those are just the fun side effects), they're in place to protect the children. You do not need to protect your X. You need to hold him accountable.

And fuck the noise about visitation.

Me- 32
Happily engaged and moving on

Posts: 382 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: New England
Member # 11888
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

I have private medical insurance through my employer - it's a good PPO. I am very lucky. However, that could all change at any time.

I have a very detailed agreement in place - I have sole legal custody and we share physical custody. The money issue was never addressed because he never provided accurate info. If my attorney had pulled him in to court back when he was just past the 90 days, we probably would have gotten the same judge. BUT - he played games and got a new attorney, and asked for tons of new stuff from me - all of which was already filed in court... and it all ended up never getting resolved.

My max out of pocket expenses right now - this year and the past several - are only $2,000. Next year it will be $3,000. Most of that is spent on the Bunt, but no matter the amount, I think FT should be responsible for half. 50/50 - cut and dry. Easy enough to settle on outside court, get it documented legally, then each year I provide him with receipts, and he reimburses me for half. Should be easy - but the NPD FT refuses to give me money - that's the game - he has tried to "take turns" paying the medical bills, but I have a deductible and a whole flex spending thing with three accounts set up - and then we'd be trading receipts, and it would get too complicated - so I said NO - I will pay all, then provide you with everything for reimbursement.

I get no response. Yet, they will bug me to give them an answer about switching days in November.

Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength
August Wilson

Posts: 19732 | Registered: Aug 2006
Topic Posts: 8