SurvivingInfidelity.com Forums
General
User Topic: Do the AP think they're that much better than the BS?
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

I know our WS's are probably talking us down to the AP. The shiny new AP is now in the middle of "true love", and whatever WS and BS had is far inferior. Proof? Well, WS is having an affair on you, right? Do AP's think they're immune to being "cheated on" (chuckle, chuckle) because they feel that much more superior to the BS?

My WH says, "She was never better than you" and my response is always, "they why did you let her think she was everyday with your words and actions?"


Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
SerJR
Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Does the AP think they're that much better? Why do you think both affair partners work so hard to try to convince themselves that they are?

The answer is because no healthy, emotionally stable, functional human being would need to stroke their ego by making such selfish and destructive choices. When your actions tell the truth about who you are and it doesn't match up with what you want to believe... those that aren't emotionally healthy have to tell themselves lies about how they got there.

[This message edited by SerJR at 8:07 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17097 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Whalers11
Member
Member # 27544
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

My ex said the same thing - I am way better than her. Well, funny, it sure didn't seem that way.

AP thought she was better than EVERYONE. Delusional slut.


Me: BGF - 33
Together 11+ years - not married, no children.
D-Day: 2/9/2010
OC Born: 10/9/2010
Status: He chose OW/OC and left immediately.

Posts: 2231 | Registered: Feb 2010
momwith2boys
New Member
Member # 37459
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Ow tried to convince FWH that she was better than me. She put down my physical appearance and my parenting skills to make herself look better. FWH says that he never agreed with her. He told her I was beautiful and a great mom . She even told him that her bs thinks I am not skinny enough. Apparently she thought it would be great if I got together with her bs but then told FWH that he didn't find me attractive and that he would never be with me.

[This message edited by momwith2boys at 8:48 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)]


Me BW 34
husband 34
Married 9 years, together 12 years
OW-my so called "friend"
2 boys (6 & 2)
D-day 10/17/2012
D-day2-2/24/2013 told me it was her
D-day3-6/16/2013 found out affair never ended
Working on R

Posts: 34 | Registered: Nov 2012
ionlytalkedtoher
Member
Member # 39802
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

yes she thinks she is better than me.

Posts: 262 | Registered: Jul 2013
reclaimingmyself
Member
Member # 27011
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

The AP thinks she is better than me as well. To be honest, the opinion of someone who happily accepted the advances of a man she knew was married really does not matter to me.

Posts: 730 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Immersed in my happily ever after : )
lostworld
Member
Member # 19197
Default  Posted: 9:53 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

I think if she really believed she was better than me, she wouldn't have spent so much time trying to point out all my faults to my H. Of course the fault-finding only began once the constant complimenting me (prior to the A truly beginning) ceased.


Me: BS
Him: FWH
Married 30 yrs. w/ 2 grown kids
Dday 1: Very early 2007
Dday 2: Mid 2008 (same MOW, 14 month false R)
R'd
The affair was the aberration, not the marriage or the man.

Posts: 816 | Registered: Apr 2008
Sal1995
Member
Member # 39099
Default  Posted: 10:03 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

I think most APs feel like complete shitheels deep down, but like our WS they are in denial and caught up in fantasy love.

My wife's AP had a "romantic" Valentine's Day nooner with her...then never saw her again. At least he hasn't in 7.5 months. She called him 3 days later and told him that I found out, and that they had to go NC so she could try to save the marriage. He emailed her a couple of times and she responded, but not with lurrvve. He texted her. She deactivated her phone number and email accounts.

From what I gather he had it bad for her. I imagine he feels hurt and used. (He was). Better than me? I'd think he'd give his right arm to trade places with me. Just like I'd give mine to have a wife who honored our marriage vows. And my wife would give hers if she could turn back the clock and make better choices.

Life's a bitch for all of us sometimes, huh?


Me (BS)-45, WW-42
DDay 2/17/13, 9-10 month PA/EA
Final NC late Feb. '13
M - 18 years, 4 children
Reconciling

Posts: 1387 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Texas
sad34
Member
Member # 40358
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

Well first thing ap said to me was " you r not the bitch your husband made u out to b". She then inferred I was dumb for not knowing about the affair. I said " I'm suppose to trust my husband"
She absolutely thought she was better then me which is hilarious on so many lvls. She was dirt.


Bs: me 32 WH: 36
Dday: July 2012
LTA: 4years (ea, pa)
Dd-4. Ds-2
My life is shattered unsure about R

Posts: 139 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: canada
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 11:39 PM, October 3rd (Thursday)

My WH says, "She was never better than you" and my response is always, "they why did you let her think she was everyday with your words and actions?"

This exactly. ^^^^^^^
OW thinks she's better in ways that I don't consider make her a better person. I have my perception based on convos with her and because I know the kind of person she is. I m assuming she thinks I'm boring in bed, that I don't appreciate my ws, that I'm a slacker because she works and I'm a sahm. She's a go getter and lives it up with various activities and of course she's such a hot little vixen that my ws can't stay away from her. I think she prob thinks I'm still M because I don't want to get a job...she's wrong on every thing.. she most likely feels that my ws works so
and I don't treat him like a king, that I'm too wrapped up in my kids. She also thinks I'm naive, insecure, and jealous.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5041 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Vulcanized
Member
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 2:25 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I can only assume that OW thinks it's "better" than me.

OW started it's campaign to get me D'd less than 3 months after DD.I assume b/c it couldn't wait to take my place; sort of be me, but "better".

The "better" in the sitch is better OW than me! I absolutely have no fucks to give regarding what that foul whore thinks about me.

XH was kind enough to tell me that OW was better than me in damn near every way.

eta: extra bit about XH

[This message edited by Vulcanized at 2:27 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 752 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
wifehad5
Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 4:32 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I know for sure the last OM did. I've read the e-mails and chat logs. He thought he knew me very well, and though he knew what was best for me and my kids. He was here to make all of us happy


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 37181 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
TheAmazingWondertwin
Member
Member # 40769
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, October 4th (Friday)

When I first found out, the friend that told me also shared that the girl was bad mouthing me an saying I was selfish and controlling. This friend shared that she defended me, actually using the term "salt of the earth" that made me feel good. When I confronted H what they talked about ( regarding me) he said OW was very insecure because people kept telling her what a great mom I was and how pretty I was. She got pissed when he told her that yes, I was beautiful and a great mother. They had an argument. So he says.
I say good- let her effing worry about it. I want her to know that I am better than her- because I am. I don't need to satisfy my ego by stroking the ego of a broken man.This was not her first time at the OW rodeo either, so I hope she realizes how worthless she really is. Hard to feel proud of yourself when you let people use you to escape from reality. I'd be exciting too if I wasn't picking up his boxers, running the kids all over town and cooking dinner every night. I'm awesome and she can kiss my ass.
Sorry- turned into a vent.
Bottom line- you are awesome and what they had was so false. If you read some of my posts about this, some great people have given me some great clarity on this situation.


Everyday is a new day, some good, some bad.
Me- BS 39
Him- FWS
14 years- 2 middle school children
DDay- 07-24-2013
NC broken from August 6- 24, 2013
Avalanche of Truth on November 14, 2013
Length of A: June 10th to Dday- with broken NC

Posts: 474 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: East Coast
overandone
Member
Member # 39162
Default  Posted: 6:00 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Don't think she thought she was better than me.
She was very jealous of me by all accounts, and thought her H wanted to be with me (I certainly didn't want to be with him).
She spent a lot of time worming her way into our lives, but I didn't do the same back - really wasn't interested in her life apart from how her kids were doing as I was very fond of them.
My husband also made it plain that I was his number 1 priority and that she was only there because we didn't have enough sex, but that's another story...
In terms of her work though, maybe she did. I once read one of her work reports in front of her, put it down as I felt it was such a load of claptrap but was too polite to say so. That was one of her smirking occasions, think she thought I couldn't understand it. I could,but didn't think it was worth the paper it was written on. But I know she heard a lot of people praising my work so maybe not. Don't know, don't care.


Me - BW (54)
Him - fWS (61)
kiddies - daughters 22 and 27,son 22,
d-day - April 18 2012
R - but lots of bumps in the long road

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2013 | From: uk
refuz2bavictim
Member
Member # 27176
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I caught her rolling her eyes at things I would say in social situations.
The degree to which she tried to manipulate me, also indicates that she thought she was much smarter. She was full of backhanded compliments.

While it was all coming from her over-inflated EGO, I certainly think it was her goal to "be better" than me.

I don't really care if she believes she "was or is" better than me. She isn't my measuring stick.



BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one


Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Blobette
Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I really don't know and I really don't give a shit.


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Aug 2012
pewpewpew
Member
Member # 38116
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, October 4th (Friday)

^^^ wss. Lol


ME: 30
WH: 35

Fool me once - Shame on you. Fool me twice - pack your shit and get out.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Jan 2013
shatteredheart7
Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 8:02 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I imagine she did, just because it was so easy for her to get him into her bed. However, since she tried for 2 years to get him to leave me and that didn't work. And I know he put me down to her. I was a horrible wife because I was "nagging" him to get help for his depression and I was a horrible mother because I let my kids have some freedom and trusted them to do the right thing in life. However, I have to say, I can honestly say that unlike her kids my kids are not strung out teenage mothers and have never spent time in juvenile lockup. Then when I left him, he dumped her and now he is back with me. I'm sure she knows better now! But honestly, I really don't care what she thinks. I know what he thinks of her and I also know that I would never stoop so low as to chase a married man.


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
TrulySad
Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I have to blame the WS with the AP thinking they are better. I don't care what my WBF tells me he led her to believe. If she's thinking she tops me, then it has to do with how he led her to believe it.

I realize AP's are crappy people. But when they are in an A, their ego is getting stroked also.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 452 | Registered: Jun 2013
ReunitePangea
Member
Member # 37529
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, October 4th (Friday)

OM clearly thought he was not better than me. I have an old letter he wrote many years ago saying just that. He at least knew he was a loser I guess.


BS - Me 38
WS - Wife 39
D-Day - Oct 12
Married 10 years
OM1 - 12-year LTA
OM2 - 9 month A turned into open relationship with couple for another 1 1/2 years

Posts: 484 | Registered: Nov 2012
dayatatime
Member
Member # 17090
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, October 4th (Friday)

In our case, she had to try to convince herself, WH and anyone else who would listen that she was better, to overcome the thundering silence of my WH not leaving me for her. I think there's a lot of crazy thinking that goes on to justify As.


BS 52
WH 55
son 13
ddays 9/27/07 and 9/1/10

Posts: 764 | Registered: Nov 2007
TrustGone
Member
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:26 AM, October 4th (Friday)

She did, because he made her feel that way. The conversations she had with me were all about comparing me to her. It was really sickening now I have had time to process it for what it was. She knew everything about me and I didn't even know she existed, so that in itself gave her broken ego a boost for sure. I no longer care what she thinks about me. My WH#2 is my concern now, but mainly I am concentrating on myself.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Your guess is as good as mine.

Posts: 2420 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
sailorgirl
Member
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, October 4th (Friday)

If AP's truly respected themselves, they would only date single people. They would certainly not settle for WS's.

If OW thought she were such a catch and worthy of a top-notch guy, why would she be sneaking around with my damaged, lying, cheating H?

There are 3 billion men in this world. If she had any self-esteem, she would have at least held out for an unmarried one.

As far as H showing her that she was better than me, why the hell would she give any weight to his judgement? Like he's the authority on who's a good person .

I'm sure H's compliments and even the fact that he was willing to cheat on his kind, smart, sexy wife with her didn't do that much for OW. It was like pouring water in a bucket full of holes.

What really makes you feel solid and proud and worthy is your own judgement of your own self. When OW looks honestly at herself, what does she see? A needy, unloved woman, desperate for crumbs from a broken married man. It's actually pitiful.


Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13
Reconcilling

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
womaninflux
Member
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I don't think they think at all (except themselves). And from what my SAWH said, the AP never wanted to hear anything about his home life or wife or kids. Obviously, she did not want anything to ruin the fantasy.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 895 | Registered: Jun 2013
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I'm a former OW. I know for sure that his wife is better than me. No contest, better wife, better mother, better person. AP and I even talked about this. He said how great she was. I agreed.
We both agreed that we were pathetic losers...


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4934 | Registered: Dec 2010
housenotahome
Member
Member # 32423
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, October 4th (Friday)

If AP's truly respected themselves, they would only date single people. They would certainly not settle for WS's.

Exactly. The fact that they would get involved with your spouse indicates that they know they're not better than you. They wouldn't spend so much time and energy lying to themselves and dragging others down with them if they thought they were better.


Me BS
Him WS
Married 10 years together 14
DDay Mar.2011
Mistake-Going through a stop sign because you didn't see it.
Poor choice-You saw the stop sign and went through it anyway.

Posts: 772 | Registered: Jun 2011
neverdidithink
Member
Member # 40568
Default  Posted: 10:11 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Not in my case. I saw multiple emails where AP tried to bait H into trash-talking me and he wouldn't go there.


Me: BW 52
Him: WH 55
Married 8 years
4 20-something his and hers kids

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9


Posts: 337 | Registered: Sep 2013
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, October 4th (Friday)

We both agreed that we were pathetic losers.

That makes me really sad and I hope you don't still feel that way about yourself.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6736 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I find that when someone has to talk down another person's value it has much more to do with the person doing the attacking than the person in question.

In other words, people put down others because of how inadequate they feel about themselves. It's a prop to make themselves feel better about whats wrong with them. Cutting someone down to build yourself up is classic poor self-esteem/ self-image deflection.


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
JanaGreen
Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I find that when someone has to talk down another person's value it has much more to do with the person doing the attacking than the person in question.
In other words, people put down others because of how inadequate they feel about themselves. It's a prop to make themselves feel better about whats wrong with them. Cutting someone down to build yourself up is classic poor self-esteem/ self-image deflection.

Yep. Been guilty of this many times myself - and it was always due to my own insecurity!


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6736 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
StillStanding1
Member
Member # 40144
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Rachelc-- I agree with Jana. I can find compassion for all.

I know it's not a popular thought here, but if I look at myself honestly, I was in a place where I was also accepting crumbs from a broken man. We talk of the WS and the AP not being emotionally healthy, bu I can honestly look inward and see that I wasn't emotionally healthy either. Easy to analyze their issues -- tougher to look at my own.

I still have better judgment and moral integrity and would never have chosen this destructive path, but my bucket still has some holes that I need to patch up on my own. WH ( or anyone else) cant fill my bucket.

This isn't to say I don't despise her!!!!

Edited for typos.

[This message edited by StillStanding1 at 10:27 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...

Posts: 680 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest
SisterMilkshake
Member
Member # 30024
Revenge  Posted: 10:32 AM, October 4th (Friday)

IDK, and I really don't care anymore what OW "thinks".

OW called me "The Love of Your Life" to FWH as opposed to calling me by name. Which it could have meant ironically except it is just so fucking stupid I am confident it doesn't understand the concept.

In reality, a lot of OW's are full of bravado, but deep inside they are a mass of insecurity and low self esteem. They need to bolster themselves by getting married men to fuck them because if they can lure a MOM away from the wives that they love they really must be something special, mustn't they.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9657 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
RyeBread
Member
Member # 37437
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, October 4th (Friday)

Disclaimer to my previous post:

A lying cheating scumbag is a lying cheating scumbag. Facts are facts. Its when over inflating someones faults or perceived weaknesses are used against them. Especially those concocted from someone trying to justify their own destructive behaviors.

[This message edited by RyeBread at 10:36 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Midwest
cuppacoffee
Member
Member # 39313
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, October 4th (Friday)

I think she does. I'm sure she thought she treated my husband better than I did. She told him what he wanted to hear and only saw the 'pretty parts' of him. I'm sure her tune would change when she saw how he was in real life not fake A life.


I'm like a vacuum bag
That holds all that old dirt
Remember that time we said we'd be together forever?
Don't hate me, don't regret me, don't ever forget me
Wherever you go, whatever you do, don't say I never loved you

Posts: 361 | Registered: May 2013
NeverAgain2013
Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, October 4th (Friday)

My WH says, "She was never better than you" and my response is always, "they why did you let her think she was everyday with your words and actions?"

Because THAT, my darling, is what keeps the ego strokes coming, the look of puppydog adoration for him in her eyes, her continued opinion that he's some kind of demi-god, and the assurance that she'll eagerly and happily continue to bend over backwards, forwards, sideways and inside out in order to please him every single way possible.

An OW is kind of like having a dog, if you think about it. Dogs will love you unconditionally, even if you don't deserve it. They're also very anxious to please their masters, much like an OW. The exception between the two is that dogs don't lower themselves to rutting in backseats of cars, staircases, elevators, public parks and the like. Ok..I take back the public parks thing.

But you get my meaning.



[This message edited by NeverAgain2013 at 11:14 AM, October 4th (Friday)]


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1753 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
rachelc
Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 11:27 AM, October 4th (Friday)

We both agreed that we were pathetic losers.
That makes me really sad and I hope you don't still feel that way about yourself.

oh, I don't now. But I did then... it irritates me when APs say they lost their mind, or didn't know what they were doing. I knew right from wrong all the time, i still chose wrong.


his Dday: 2/10
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4934 | Registered: Dec 2010
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Yeah, I guess I get it. Thanks RachelC for the insight, but of course that was just the you THEN.

I know that my WH got into his LTA mainly to have his ego stroked. He was being such a horrible father and husband that he couldn't have felt good about his normal life.

Yeah, OW wouldn't have wanted the REAL WH if she knew what daily life with him (at that time) was really like. Likewise my WH wouldn't have been able to function with the REAL OW, someone had to be selfishly doing all the WORK of raising kids, cooking, cleaning and working, that's assuming you want to have a spouse, kids, and a home to come back to.

I agree with the above comments, that really we shouldn't care about what OW thinks but it's one of those bothersome thoughts that wells up late in the night. Somewhere unaccomplished, unfaithful wife and neglectful mother that the OW was gets to think that my sad sack of a WH put her ahead of me for those years. I hate that.


Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
crazyblindsided
Member
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Yes the MOW thinks she is much better than me, she even told me that all I do is obsess about her all day long

Ah the delusions run wild!


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
tryin2havefaith
Member
Member # 37165
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, October 4th (Friday)

Truthfully...I don't give a rat's butt what the psychopathic POS thinks or thought at the time. POS is irrelevant to me now.

I know what I am...one hell of an awesome woman!!! FWH is a damn lucky SOB to still be a part of my life.


ME- BS
HIM- WS
DDay 1/2011
4 - 6 months of TT'ing
Fully R'd
"Just as ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water, the actions of individuals can have far-reaching effects. " -Dalai Lama

Posts: 265 | Registered: Oct 2012
RightTrack
Member
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, October 7th (Monday)

That's the spirit. You are 100% correct!

Posts: 621 | Registered: Sep 2012
RidingHealingRd
Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Does the AP think they're that much better?

I doubt it, MOW would need to have a brain to do that. Her BH referred to her as a "moron" for a reason.


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 3.5 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2109 | Registered: Nov 2011
catlover50
Member
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 5:13 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

After the initial rush of the "new and different" I think my H's LTA made them both feel like crap most of the time. She would cry when he would rush off and whine about being "lonely" and being "treated like a whore". He called it toxic. No words of love were shared and I was never discussed.

I think she knew all along that she was nothing, but was so desperate she accepted it. He knew all along that she would accept anything he gave and was so damaged that he continued.

Yeah, she never thought she was better. And she never was, in any way, at any time.



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1731 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
daisychains
Member
Member # 37997
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Interesting question - but in all honesty why would I care what either ow thought of me - the only way they could have formed an opinion is from a man that was (in his own words) looking for an affair and had two.

What I do think though is that they thought they were better for my fwh than me - that he was a decent guy who deserved to be happy and they were the gals to do it.



LTA 3.5 years

Posts: 83 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: uk
StrongerOne
Member
Member # 36915
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

My H's MCOW did think she was better than me in some ways, but she didn't get to express it to my H much. He apparently had lots of really nice things to say about me -- I know, because she complained about it!-- and he shut her down when she badmouthed me. She actually had to apologize to him for it.

His A wasn't about me -- and he couldn't pretend they were just friends if she was talking me down.

In fact, she was full of self-loathing for pursuing him and the A, but she kept doing it anyway. She recognized just how weak and pathetic she was. Too bad it took my H so long to recognize it as well


DDay Feb 2011.
In R.

Posts: 863 | Registered: Sep 2012
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I really don't know and I really don't give a shit.

Best quote ever.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
topperoff22
Member
Member # 40762
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Another great one because it soo relates to my situation!
I doubt it, MOW would need to have a brain to do that. Her BH referred to her as a "moron" for a reason.


BS - Me 36
WS - Him 35 (almost 36)
Child: son, 6; just learned one on way
DDAY - July 24, 2013 (thousands spent on ex girlfriend)
DDAY2 -Aug. 3, 2013 (proof he slept with her)
R is slow going after TT for 1 month

Posts: 316 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: US
heartache101
Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 8:18 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

Both my Fws OW were after my life. I can only assume they prayed they would be good enough to win my spouse over. I told my spouse you want to live like dirt go live with it.
Even now to look at them is pathetic!
Nasty nasty if I was FWS IDK how they live with touching something so nasty ugly! Just EWWW!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3187 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
hopingforhappy
Member
Member # 29288
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

I don't really know what she thought about herself, although I have to assume not much, given what she was willing to do and how little she was willing to settle for by taking up with MM. But, I do know that she tried very hard to convince my FWH that she was much better than me. FAIL.


Me--BW (56)
Him--FWH (53)--5yr. LTA--OW probably BPD
Married 20 years
DS-18, DD-15
Reconciling--but boy is it hard!

Posts: 1299 | Registered: Aug 2010
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, October 8th (Tuesday)

What I do think though is that they thought they were better for my fwh than me - that he was a decent guy who deserved to be happy and they were the gals to do it.

Me too Daisy...I think ow thought /thinks, that she is better for him than I. I think she's on to something but more like they are more alike because I'm nothing like that skank.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5041 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
LivinginLimbo
Member
Member # 35004
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, October 10th (Thursday)

I'm sure she does. After all, it must be extremely difficult to find random men on the internet to have sex with.

Sadly, I just don't have that skill set.


BS - 62
FWH - 60
Married 34 years
D-Day 2/12/12
Doing well with R

Posts: 1033 | Registered: Mar 2012
wannabenormal
Member
Member # 19772
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, October 11th (Friday)

For the OP's that even care - I think they totally believe they're better than the BS...the WS is WITH (OP) them, right? They must pretty damned special.



Posts: 14350 | Registered: Jun 2008
kansas1968
Member
Member # 32214
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, October 11th (Friday)

Affairs are fantasies. They are not conducted as a real life situation. They are shrouded in the fog of teen-age lust and fun, but rarely stand up to real-life scrutiny. I think that is a big part of the shame that busted WS's have to confront when the party is over.

I know that my husbands affair partner thought she was the end-all love of my husbands life. She needed the validation that he was feeding her. She was not what he needed and that culminated on him cheating on her. My husband had been faithful for thirty years of our marriage. But with her, he cheated on her in a few years. The funny thing is that she was devastated and told him she never thought he would do that. What an idiot.

It was very hard for my husband to tell me that there had been a couple of other women involved during his affair, but truthfully, it was the best news that I had. I was thrilled. It hurt her and made me know that she wasn't what he was looking for. So, if she thought she was so much better than me, she got a rude awakening.

The AP is NEVER better than us. They are whores and exist in a fantasy world and they always lose.


Me - BS
Him - FWS
DD - December 14, 2010
Married 43 years 1/14/2011
Affair lasted 7+ years
Affair had been over for 2 years before I found out. OW sent me a letter.

Posts: 1311 | Registered: May 2011 | From: Kansas
Laura28
Member
Member # 28997
Default  Posted: 4:39 AM, October 11th (Friday)

An OW is kind of like having a dog, if you think about it. Dogs will love you unconditionally, even if you don't deserve it. They're also very anxious to please their masters, much like an OW. The exception between the two is that dogs don't lower themselves to rutting in backseats of cars, staircases, elevators, public parks and the like. Ok..I take back the public parks thing.

Love it!!!

Sorry. But in response to the question - clearly they don't think at all. If they did they would see clearly that they are not. If they were they wouldn't be an AP.

HUGS

Laura


Married 32yrs Me BW 57Yrs Him FWH 60yrs
OWzero 1988 EA?/PA? Gaslighted.
Dday May 28 2010.
OW1 1994(6mths PA, EA 16+ years).
OW2 2002(8yrs PA).
OW3 2009(1Yr PA).
Others???? Status: Not Divorcing..but.."You can't unfuck the goat"

Posts: 2748 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Australia
Marathonwaseasy
Member
Member # 40674
Default  Posted: 5:10 AM, October 11th (Friday)

My FWH OW really is the stupidest ever
After a few months she started criticising him, what he wore, how he has his hair, constantly
Like she had him and then wanted to change him
Of course I'm better than her
I spoke to her after dday. Her view on the relationship was exactly like a teenage crush. Laughable. Seriously my 12 year old has more idea about real life


Me BS, 41
Him WS, 45
EA and PA (PA for 11 months)
DDay 13/9/13
3 children - 15,12,3
WS has bipolar, no excuse...

"We're not broken, just bent. We can learn to love again."


Posts: 421 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Ireland
Topic Posts: 54